November ended unexpectedly and December began, as if knowing its rules and obligations, covering the whole Arcadian Empire with a thick blanket of blindingly white snow. The weather was cold enough to make crunching noises while walking on the snow; sometimes it would take mere minutes for my hair, lashes and eyebrows to turn white, and my nose turn painfully red. Sometimes that sun would reflect on the snow, making it sparkle with billions of snowflakes and hurting your eyes. December in Arcadia was so magical that it made me feel a little sad that people back in Korea could hardly experience that weather at all.

"I wish they celebrated Christmas here, it would have been a perfect White Christmas for sure."

Although the weather was indeed much colder and was not a stranger even to occasional snow storms, the Order of Knights insisted on training outside with just a slight adjustment to their schedule. I decided to follow them in their resolve and continued my swordsmanship training both with Raphael and lady Lilith. The atmosphere within the palace was much more open-minded, probably due to Dorian's authority, but no one ever opposed to Lilith's visits to the training grounds. On the contrary, it looked like the knights enjoyed having a beautiful woman training along with them - they tried really hard to impress her with their strength, and truth be told, it only benefited them in the future.

Since December marked 6 months of our training, it was time to update the measurements and assess the progress. Raphael was eager to see the results himself, so he volunteered to do that job for the knights, and I was left to do the same for prince Dorian.

"I haven't properly talked to him in weeks... I hope it won't be that awkward."

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door of his study and heard a distant "Come in". I was nervous, it often happened when I had to meet someone I hadn't seen in a while or felt awkward around. My heart was beating like crazy but when I finally looked at the prince, it almost dropped down to my feet.

- Uhm... Prince Dorian, were you perhaps waiting for me?

The question was provoked by his appearance - he was standing half-naked, only tight pants and boots were still on. But I guess even that was not as shocking as his body itself - he was a lot bigger, and the amount of muscle he was able to gain during the past six months was so impressive that I even started feeling a little jealous. The tall skinny prince, flinching at any touch, blushing at any attempt of intimacy, was no longer there - he was now strong, confident, and even slightly indifferent as if those six months were enough to significantly rebuild his personality as well. I was admiring his body a bit longer than I expected and Dorian noticed it.

- Miss Yoona, is something wrong?

I felt embarrassed again.

"How can anything be wrong, you are my masterpiece, my first sculpture so to say... God, I need someone to pour cold water over my head."

- No, it's nothing like that... You just look... great! I think great is the right word for it.

I could not understand why I was so flustered; perhaps I became conscious of Dorian after that evening with the horse, or maybe it was because I hadn't seen him in a while and now I was seeing so much of him; whatever the reason, I tried to make an effort to pull myself together at any cost.

I took out the measuring tape from my bag and came closer to the prince. Our roles were now reversed. Every time I touched his naked skin, I felt tiny lightning striking my hands right to the bones, like static electricity in a room full of computers. But Dorian was calm, he was just standing there like a statue, looking down at my every move, breathing loudly, making my head feel hot and dizzy.

The silence between us felt suffocating, I decided to be the first one to break it.

- Well, Prince Dorian, you've gained quite a lot of muscle mass. I'm very proud of you!

I could not bring myself to lift my head and look at him, I was ashamed of how disturbed I was to the point that even my hands started to shake so much, that I could not write down his measurements without almost breaking the pencil. All of a sudden, Dorian grabbed my hands with his left hand and lifted my chin with the index finger of the other. Our eyes did not meet, he was examining my whole body with his look instead.

- Miss Yoona... You, on the other hand, seem to have lost a lot of weight. Look, I can hold both of your hands in one hand. Your face looks pale too.

He slowly pulled up my hands in front of my face and I took a better look at them. He was right - my hands seemed thinner, my fingers were as bony as they were during my half-hungry days in the orphanage. I turned my face around to look in the mirror - even my face was thinner, I looked sick.

"I did not really notice it since my winter clothes were tailored to fit my body and I did not wear any of the old clothes I still had."

- Are you not eating well? You never complained about the food so I assumed you were getting enough nutrition --

- No. I'm eating enough. I always lose weight during winter and I am training more than before, so that's probably it.

I pulled my hands away and lowered my head. None of what I said was true - I do not lose weight so easily and I started to find it harder for me to exercise as hard as I did before. I suddenly realized that my appetite decreased significantly in the past couple of months and I even skipped meals oftentimes.

"My cancer has finally started eating me alive. This soon."

It was not fair. It was not fair that my illness was progressing faster than I expected. It was not fair that I had to distance myself from people I liked because of that. It was not fair that I could not enjoy that bizarre chance to the fullest. And I had to push Dorian away once again. Nothing was fair.

I wanted to talk to somebody, and the first person that came to my mind was Luther. When I arrived at his palace, he was just about to leave so I felt relieved that I managed to catch him.

- Miss Yoona, are you here to see me? I'm honored!

His face lightened up as he uttered those words. That warm greeting, although half sarcastic, lifted my mood a little.

- Hi, prince Luther. Are you going somewhere?

- I was about to visit my father, the Empress gave me quite an earful for not visiting him often enough.

- Oh... Alright, I guess I'll visit you some other time.

Luther tilted his head and examined me with a gaze both curious and worried.

- You should go with me, it won't take long anyway. You've been here for quite a while, I think it's time for you to meet our mysterious Emperor. And we shall walk, the weather is good today and I hate using the carriage for such short journeys.

I wanted to object but deep inside I was happy that Luther had read through my mood and offered his company anyway. He stretched out his arm, offering me to take his big gloved hand and smiled warmly.

"Whenever I meet him, he seems to always be in a good mood. Perhaps he is just bored being all locked up in the library by himself that even my company is delightful... Ugh, whenever I'm with him, I feel like the most depressing person in the world."

- So, why did you come to see me today? Just to hang out?

Now that he asked me that, I had no idea why I sought his company so desperately. Maybe I merely wanted to see his handsome smiling face?

- Just... I wanted to be around someone cheerful.

Luther widened his eyes for a moment, then closed them and pulled up a blinding smile.

- So, how is it? Cheerful enough?

I had no other choice but to laugh.

- Gosh, prince Luther, your teeth are so white, they reflect the sun just like the snow below our feet!

- Wow, what a great compliment! You know how to give a man the butterflies!

We both giggled like flirty teenagers but the strange tension still hadn't left the air between us. I wanted to stop right there and confess to Luther about everything that I've been harboring in my heart for a while - about my cancer, about my fears, about my complicated feelings towards Dorian... And because I trusted Luther and considered him my friend, I could not find any courage to do so. I wanted to see that cheerful face for as long as possible, I did not want anything to change between us.

I was so concentrated on my conflicting thoughts, that I did not notice how fast we managed to arrive at the main palace. Prince Luther stopped abruptly and stood in front of me, his face growing all serious.

- Miss Yoona... The person you will see now is my father, the Emperor, Benjamin Dio. He is very sick to the point that he is barely conscious. My rare visits are simply a necessity to keep up appearances, but if you feel uncomfortable looking at a sick person, no one will be offended if you leave.

I nodded and tried to silently swallow a rock stuck in my throat.

"I might as well be looking at the future me..."

The Emperor's bedroom was surprisingly dark and fragrant, a couple of oil lamps next to his bed were the only source of light aside from the candle that Luther was carrying in his hand. I was reluctant to approach the bed, the prince came closer first, examined his father's condition, and sat on the chair next to the bedside table. I finally mastered my courage and came closer as well.

"This is probably what I will look like in the future."

What I saw was not as scary as I imagined it to be - the Emperor still looked big and powerful, his handsome and calm face preserved a somewhat dignified expression on it; the only two indicators that suggested his illness were his thin figure and weird spots all over his skin.

"The resemblance with his sons is uncanny, he looks exactly like Dorian."

- Prince Luther... If you don't mind me asking, what happened to the Emperor?

- Who knows? His health started to deteriorate more than ten years ago, but he really fell ill just a couple of years ago. And only last year he became the complete vegetable you are witnessing now. Numerous doctors were summoned, so many poison tests were done, but all in vain...

"So he's been sick for more than ten years already... It doesn't sound like cancer, as far as I know, people with cancer do not live this long when not treated. But again, what do I know?.. I bet it's been torturing the Dio family, I can only imagine what it feels like to see a family member just wither away like this."

Luther got up, took a big metal jug, and started pouring water into a metal goblet next to it. Something heavy fell into the goblet making a clanking noise, attracting my attention.

- What is it?

The prince took out something that looked like a silver necklace and offered it to me.

- It's a talisman my mother gifted the Emperor when they got married. She ordered for it to be in his drinking water at all times, she believes it will protect him, I suppose. What can a piece of silver do anyway...

I took a better look at the necklace and almost gasped in sudden realization.

- Uhm, prince Luther? It's not silver, it's lead.

I was familiar with the poisoning effect of lead, in fact, there was a time when I became so paranoid that I learned how to differentiate lead from other similar-looking metals. The reason was simple - I once read an article in a sports magazine about an Olympic swimmer who had a spoon made from lead that was a symbol of luck in her family through generations, so she always ate everything with that spoon once she became an athlete. That resulted in severe lead poisoning which eventually caused several kinds of cancer and made her completely bedridden in the end.

- It's lead? Perhaps my mother did not know.

I looked at him with my eyebrows almost raising above my head.

- Don't you know that lead is poisonous?

Luther finally showed some distinct signs of concern on his face.

- Poisonous? How do you know?

- Well, where I'm from, it's been well confirmed that lead is a poisonous metal and long-term contact with it can cause all kinds of health issues and even death, in severe cases. Seeing how the Emperor has been drinking poisoned water for more than twenty years, it is only natural that it came down to this.

He snatched the necklace out of my hands and looked at it again under the candlelight. He then clenched it tightly in his hand and pushed the jug off the table so hard, that it made it all the way to the opposite wall with a loud sound. It was obvious that he was furious.

- Miss Yoona, we should go now. I need to talk to my mother.

Luther stormed out of the room so quickly, leaving me no time to reply. My intention was to follow him but I had no idea where to go, in the end, it was my first time visiting the palace and walking openly through the main halls. I wandered around for quite some time when I heard Luther's voice coming out of one of the open doors.

- How will you explain this?

- What is there to explain?

The other voice belonged to the Empress. At first, I wanted to leave but my curiosity made me stay and eavesdrop some more.

- Did you know it was poisonous?

- ... How did you find out?

- It does not matter. Why did you do that?

The Empress was silent for a while, I then heard a loud sigh and a subtle laugh.

- Why do you think I did it? The women in Yaron call this metal "The Black Widow" - they have been using it like this since a long time ago to get rid of unwanted marriages quietly. It's quite easy to mistake it for silver, I'm surprised you managed to notice it, even though it was already far too late. I guess all that time spent in the library finally paid off.

- Mother, please... I've been trying so hard to turn a blind eye --

- Luther. When you were born, people said I fell in love with you because you had my eyes. But I resented you. I hated you so much, that during the first years of your life I had to make an enormous effort to suppress my desire to smash your little head with the metal jug. But then it hit me - why should I kill you, when I can use you instead? I decided to use you to replace the Emperor and take my revenge. I was so delighted when I learned that you were growing up passive and apathetic, a perfect puppet for my plan. But you still manage to disappoint me... First, the arrest order, now this... Do you think you can change anything? As long as I'm alive, you have no choice but to comply. You can go ahead and arrest or execute every noble house that supports me, but I will still find a way to destroy your perfect dream to put Dorian on the throne. You are nothing without me. Now leave, go and close yourself up in your palace again. I don't want to kill you just yet.

The silence that followed her confession was deafening. My heart was broken for Luther now, it was all too much. I could only imagine what it felt like to hear that your parent resented you so much, that they were ready to kill you.

The Crown Prince walked out like a lightning bolt. He did not stop, he was almost running, and it seemed like he was running away - away from the Empress, away from her palace, away from all of it.

"I was obviously wrong this whole time. I thought he was bright, cheerful, without a care in the world... How could I be this stupid? How could I be so wrong? He is still young, he is just like me... I thought I had it hard, but now I see that it is easier not knowing your parents at all than knowing them and watching them ruin everything around them. Including your own life."

There was a parent in one of the books I've read, who said to his son "I gave you life, I can easily take it back." I had no one to possess such power over me. I guess I was lucky like that.

When I got back to Luther's palace, it was dark, and it began to snow. Little sparkles were slowly falling down, drowning in the dark blue blanket of already days-old snow. The servants had already turned on the outside lamps, their orange light was giving false hope of warmth. Luther was standing in the middle of the road that lead to the front entrance of his palace, his face was facing the black sky, snowflakes melting on his white skin, some desperately clinging to the long lashes of his closed eyes. He looked like a painting - an old picture of someone overwhelmingly beautiful, but entirely lonely.

I stood next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He did not move, only his big cold hand covered mine, gently squeezing it.

- Prince Luther, you should go inside, you will freeze and catch a cold.

- ... I'm so tired, miss Yoona. I'm so incredibly tired.