《Only You Always》Chapter Twenty-One
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Lucas put the meeting with the runner behind him as he prepared to meet with Edwina. There was nothing he could do now but wait to hear word from Ahmed once the runner arrived in America. The last note that Lucas received from McDonald stated that the man intended to follow his quarry to the northern woods of the Dakota territory, which was known to be populated by the Sioux tribe. Lucas knew the area was overrun with French trappers, trapping wild beasts for their fur was a dangerous though enterprising trade–an activity that Lucas knew he would thrive on.
Weston’s sent over several sets of jackets, linen shirts, waistcoats, and trousers that he ordered the day before with Edwina. He chose a dark blue superfine coat with buff-colored trousers and a simple waistcoat just a shade lighter than the jacket. He took his time tying the cravat into a mathematical knot at his throat, relishing the feeling of soft, silky linen against his skin.
The suit fit perfectly.
Lucas observed the man in the mirror before him. He looked austere, wealthy, with a hint of the debonair–a true English earl.
Lucas shook his head ruefully and called out to Simmons. “Send for the curricle.”
***
Edwina glanced impatiently at the clock on the mantle. It was nearly four and Lucas was set to arrive at any moment. To her dismay, the family had retired to the family parlor for the afternoon instead of breaking apart to their usual separate activities. On most days, Anthony and Kate would be ensconced away in the study doing God knows what behind locked doors, Benedict would be off at his studio or meeting with fellow artists despite not picking up a paintbrush in months, Colin, recently, in the company of Penelope around Town, and Eloise up to any mischief she could get into.
Even their mothers, the dowager viscountess and Lady Mary, would settle down for an afternoon nap or be serving tea in the formal drawing room as they awaited visitors.
But, for reasons unknown and unspoken, the entire family gathered together in the family parlor as if awaiting something, though they did not behave in any other manner other than the ordinary.
Benedict sketched in a notebook, Colin chatted with Gregory about his younger brother’s studies while Anthony listened on attentively. Hyacinth practiced a new piece at the pianoforte, while Violet and Edwina’s mother nodded their heads to the music and placed another stitch through their individual embroidery hoops. Eloise was reading a book, of all things, on cat behavior. A book laid unopened on Edwina’s lap. She was too restless to read.
And she dared not study one of the medical texts in the presence of her family. That, she had to do alone in her room with the door locked.
Francesca gazed wistfully out of the window. The girl was clearly in love with her earl. John Sterling, the Earl of Kilmartin, wooed Francesca relentlessly all Season in his quiet manner. He was a frequent guest at Bridgerton House and Anthony approved of the match. Francesca shared with Edwina that she hoped for an engagement before the end of the Season.
Kate helped herself to her third slice of raspberry cake, finishing off the tray before them. It had become obvious that her appetite had returned with full force after a few mornings of queasiness. Well, Edwina thought, only when it came to cakes. Kate still wouldn’t touch any fish, claiming that the smell alone made her want to vomit.
“Shall I ring for more tea?” said Kate as she stood to walk towards the bellpull.
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At the same moment, a footman opened the door and handed Kate a card. She looked down at it before meeting Edwina’s eyes with a knowing smile. She nodded at the footman and yanked the bellpull to alert the kitchen staff of their guest.
He was here, Edwina thought, suppressing the urge to fluff her hair. Instead, she smoothed out the wrinkles in her gown.
The door opened and in stepped Lord Lumley with a bright smile on his face. He wore a lilac colored jacket with a light gold waistcoat embroidered with lavender flowers. The look should have appeared effeminate on a man, but it seemed to suit Lord Lumley’s nature perfectly–calm and soothing.
Conversation paused for a moment, before continuing. Lord Lumley was a common enough sight at the Bridgerton House that the family no longer stood in ceremony with the gentleman.
“My lord, I was not expecting you,” Edwina said after Lord Lumley paid his respects to Violet, Edwina’s mother, and Kate before settling himself in the open seat beside her. And, she truly had not been expecting Lord Lumley. He usually made it a point to inform her whenever he would be visiting so that she could set her schedule accordingly. Ever the gracious gentleman, he never wished to impose on her time and would defer to her availability and arrange his daily schedule to suit hers.
Edwina was not expecting to see him again until the two nights hence to take in the current, popular run of Macbeth at the Orpheum theater.
Lord Lumley grinned at her. “I was shopping at the Strand, at Brookes, and was suddenly possessed with the desire to see you as soon as possible.” Lord Lumley fidgeted with something in his pocket. Mr. Brookes, Edwina realized suddenly, was a jeweler, the very same who came to resize the engagement ring Anthony had meant for Edwina, which now sat in Kate’s jewelry box.
Kate, who was pouring out a cup of tea for Lord Lumley, froze, her eyes widening as she met Edwina’s.
“I could not help but wonder as I stood there admiring the trays of rings what a lady of your stature would prefer? Rubies? Sapphires? A diamond for a Diamond?” Lord Lumley chuckled and stood briefly, before dropping down to one knee.
The room fell silent as Lord Lumley continued, “And I could not think of a more fortuitous time than that amongst one's own family.” He reached into his pocket just as the door swung open and Lucas stepped through the doorway, his eyes sharpening on the scene before them.
He was dressed impeccably in one of the suits that he ordered from Weston's the day before. The tailor and his assistants must have burned the midnight oil to get Lucas dressed in style. He chose the dark blue superfine jacket with a white linen shirt and light blue waistcoat. A black cravat was knotted simply at his neck. His long back hair was swept back into a queue. As usual, he neglected to wear gloves.
Edwina’s mouth dried as she perused him in his new splendor. He looked remarkable and every inch the lord he resented being.
“Lord Greymoor!” Kate exclaimed, as she rushed to her feet. Edwina nearly dropped her head into her hands in embarrassment. Every person in the room looked between Edwina, Lord Lumley, and Lucas. Hyacinth’s jaw had dropped unbecomingly at the drama before them.
Kate cleared her throat and looked anxiously at Lord Lumley who had the right of mind to stand. “How nice of you to stop by.”
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“I have a prior appointment with Miss Sharma,” said Lucas, his hand outstretched towards Edwina. “A promenade through the park.”
Edwina looked between Lord Lumley and Lucas, her heart racing. They all waited quietly for her decision. Would she stay? Or, would she go?
The decision was made for her when Lord Lumley took Edwina’s hand into his own and bowed over it. “It is my own fault for arriving unexpectedly. I will not keep you from your day, Miss Sharma.” He hesitated for a moment. “Perhaps, we may speak again soon.”
Lord Lumley passed Lucas a benign smile as he left the room.
The silence lengthened as Lucas stood at the threshold, his dark eyes watching her, his hand still outstretched. “Shall we?”
Edwina stood. “May I, Kate?”
Her sister looked bewildered. “Yes, of course. Make sure you take your bonnet.”
Edwina passed by Lucas, refusing to take his arm, as she ran up the flight of stairs to her room. What a mess, she thought as she grabbed the nearest bonnet and slapped it onto her head. She also grabbed her parasol, constructed from a lovely white lace and would do nothing to shield her from the sun or any rain. She clutched onto it only to hold something to ease her agitation.
Why did she feel so bothered that Lucas had caught her with Lord Lumley?
***
“A moment, Greymoor.” Anthony Bridgerton followed Lucas out of the parlor and both men walked towards the front of the house.
Lucas inclined his head, waiting for Lord Bridgerton to speak. The viscount looked up the staircase as if to ensure that Edwina was not present before continuing.
“What are your intentions with Miss Sharma?”
Lucas frowned. He did not wish to lie outright to the older man, but the truth was damning. He promised Edwina he wouldn’t say a word about their arrangement unless he was forced to for her own safety and that was presently not the case.
It was obvious that he had disrupted an intimate scene within the family, one that Lord Bridgerton was clearly disappointed to have been interrupted as indicated by the deep frown on his face. Lucas knew from that night at Mondrich’s with Benedict and Dorset that Lord Lumley was courting Edwina in earnest. It appeared that Lord Lumley intended to end the courtship and elevate his and Edwina’s relationship to the next, expected status–affianced.
The sight of Lord Lumley kneeling before Edwina had sent a bolt of jealous rage through him, though Lucas had the wherewithal to remember that Edwina did not belong with him, that his and Edwina’s courtship was all a farce.
Edwina was her own woman. If she chose to marry Lumley, then Lucas would happily congratulate her.
Happily , he mentally reassured himself.
Before he could reply, Lord Bridgerton continued, “I am only asking if your intentions are serious.”
“My intentions are pure,” Lucas finally replied. It was a partial lie. His intentions with Edwina were never pure.
“Do you wish to marry her?”
Lucas hesitated.
Lord Bridgerton leapt on the pause of uncertainty. “Because, if you are not and are toying with her affections, then there will be trouble between you and I. Miss Sharma is much like a sister to me and I take that responsibility gravely. Do you understand?”
“You have nothing to concern yourself with,” Lucas said, feeling a little annoyed at being subjected to a lecture that did not pertain to him. He was not truly courting Edwina, but could not admit that outloud to the man. It would only raise further questions.
“Make certain I do not.” The viscount turned as Edwina made her way down the staircase, her eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Ah, Edwina, have a pleasant outing,” Lord Bridgerton said as he left the two alone in the foyer and returned to the parlor.
***
“I hope I did not arrive at an inopportune time,” said Lucas, as held out his arm for Edwina. She slipped her hand through his elbow as he escorted her out of Bridgerton House. She peered down the street and saw that Lord Lumley had already left.
Edwina changed the topic. Lucas didn’t need to know the wave of relief that washed over her when Lucas appeared in the doorway. She didn’t quite understand it herself. Edwina had been waiting all Season for Lord Lumley to propose, which seemed to be what the gentleman’s actions were about to convey. Why wasn’t she jumping for joy? Why, instead, did it feel as if she had dodged a bullet?
"You own a curricle?" Edwina asked, astonished, as she took in the black lacquered carriage parked on the street before Bridgerton House. A street urchin stood to the side holding the reins as two matching pairs of black mares stamped their hooves with impatience.
Curricles were the favored mode of transportation of the young gentlemen of the ton . The carriage balanced precariously on two wheels and was light, making it easy to navigate the congested streets of London. They were fast, dangerous, and needlessly expensive.
"William owned a curricle," Lucas corrected, though he shot a knowing glance at Edwina expressing that he knew she had changed the topic on purpose. He held out his hand to assist Edwina into the vehicle. The seat wobbled slightly as she sat and she clutched onto it lest she fell off her narrow perch. She looked nervously over the edge. It seemed like a far fall.
Lucas hoisted himself into the seat next to her and tossed the boy a coin before taking up the ribbons. One of the black mares tossed its head ready to be off.
The seat was small and they pressed up tightly against one another. Lucas's body felt deliciously warm down her left side. His thigh rested against hers and she wondered if it was intentional.
"A ride in the curricle will give us privacy to speak," Lucas said. His hands were competent as they held onto the reins and maneuvered them into the traffic effortlessly in the direction of Hyde Park.
"Ah, no chaperone." The curricle was designed to seat only two people. There was no room for a maid or a footman.
"Precisely."
“How do you know how to drive?”
Lucas looked slightly offended. “It is mandatory education for all gentlemen. Truth be told, this is the first I’ve driven a curricle or any vehicle in nearly ten years.” He laughed at the look of alarm on Edwina’s face. “Trust me, one doesn’t forget. Especially not under my father’s tutelage.”
Edwina froze. Lucas mentioned his father and the last time he had things became tense. As if sensing her thoughts, Lucas cleared his throat. “How are your studies coming along?”
“Well, I believe, though it is difficult to measure. I comprehend what is written in the text and the images illustrating examples of whatever is being discussed, but I cannot say if what I am studying is correct or not.”
Lucas nodded. “Quite right. The Fabrica, for example, contains many errors as one would expect from a text composed in the sixteenth century. Medicine is an evolving field. What we know today may be incorrect in the future. It is our task to always be working towards the pursuit of the truth. Science, true science, allows no flexibility. You are wrong until proven right."
"How many errors are located in the Fabrica?"
"Many. Particularly about the female reproductive system. One of your tasks is to identify the errors." Edwina blanched and Lucas grinned at her dismay. “One of the best methods of becoming proficient in any subject is to question the information presented instead of going into the matter on blind faith. Your task as a surgeon, a scientist , is to provide proof of what is accurate and what is not.”
Edwina tilted her chin down as if considering Lucas’s words. "Then, there is only so much I can learn through text without practical application. I need to attend one of your lectures. I need to witness a dissection and conduct one myself."
Edwina was right. With surgery, Edwina's studies were severely limited. All surgeons, all physicians, needed to witness the inner workings of a human body to fully grasp the true nature of the mechanics within. Much of it was a mystery, but far more cloaked in shadows without firsthand experience.
Lucas was stunned by Edwina's request. Most women, and men in truth, found the practice of human dissection to be an act against God. That mere humans were not meant to know how God's greatest creation operated.
"Unfortunately, as I stated previously, women are not permitted at the College."
"Then I cannot become a surgeon in truth," Edwina said with a defeated sigh.
"Keep on with your studies,” Lucas said. “I cannot and will not make any promises, but who knows what the future will hold? Perhaps, you will be proven right and women will be allowed to attend university and study medicine one day. You will want to be prepared for when that day comes.”
The despair on Edwina’s face fled. “You are right,” she said, before adding cheekily, “for once.”
They shared a smile.
Lucas turned the curricle and drove through the front gates of Hyde Park. It was the height of the afternoon and the entire park buzzed with activity. Lucas stiffened at the mass of ladies and gentleman enjoying all that the park offered–slow strolls, arm in arm, down established paths, lazing about in boats on the Serpentine, driving down Rotten Row and stopping to greet one another on top of curricles as fine as the one he currently drove.
“Gird your loins, Lucas. We enter the breach.”
***
"Why are we here?" Lucas said as he assisted Edwina down from the curricle. He grasped her around her narrow waist and she sucked in a breath of surprise as he easily lifted her out and placed her on the ground. His hands lingered for a moment before he pulled away.
"Didn't you ask me to find you a wife?" Edwina looked about her at the gentlemen and ladies walking along the manicured paths, drifting along in boats across the Serpentine, or sitting in the shade of a tree sharing a picnic repast. She knew he was being purposely difficult. She felt him tense the moment they came into view of the park. "Outside the ballroom, this is the best strategy. Look about you and tell me who you wish to be introduced to."
Lucas cast an irritated glance at his surroundings. His eyes landed on Edwina.
"No one?"
His eyes stayed on her face, causing her cheeks to warm from the intense scrutiny.
“What do people speak of after an introduction?” Lucas asked.
"The usual. How the Season compares to the last. The weather."
“The weather.” Lucas repeated slowly. "I am to speak about...the weather. How is that going to win me a wife?"
“My what a fine day it is for a walk,” Edwina said, ignoring him.
Lucas stared at her with disbelief before letting out an aggrieved sigh. Edwina watched as Lucas peered up at the sky, his eyes narrowing in thought.
“It will not last. The air is beginning to thicken with humidity, a reliable sign that thunderstorms will be upon us within two hours. Pickford’s Almanack will also prove my point that at this time of the year, sudden rainfall can be expected in late afternoons until suppertime. On average, London receives about two inches of rain in July.”
Edwina blinked. “Try ‘Yes, it is a fine day for a walk.’”
“Yes, Miss Sharma, it is a fine day for a walk,” he parroted.
“Now, that wasn’t so difficult, was it?”
“I can feel my brain liquifying in my skull.”
Edwina gave him a flat stare. "Now, it is your turn to think of a topic."
Lucas fell silent, turning to face Edwina. "That is a beautiful dress." Edwina had worn a light green walking dress that was embellished with gold ribbons at the edges. It was one of her favorites and she wore it specially for Lucas.
"Very good," she praised.
"And a fine bonnet. Tell me, how many birds had to be plucked bald to provide the feathers?”
Edwina laughed. "Sarcasm will not win you a bride, my lord."
Lucas smiled down at her. "You did not answer my question."
Edwina untied her hat and held it in front of her. It would have been a simple straw bonnet if not for the plethora of multicolored feathers. When she saw it at the milliner shop the week before, it immediately caught her eye. It was too atrocious to pass up. "Far too many, it seems."
Lucas took the bonnet from her and examined it closely. "At least a family of macaws."
They laughed together. Lucas placed the bonnet back on her head gently and pulled the ribbons forward. Edwina's breath caught as he tilted his head down towards her, his fingers lightly brushing against her cheeks as he slowly retied the knot at her chin. They stood so close that if she pushed upwards on her tiptoes, her lips would brush his.
Lucas's eyes darkened as if reading her thoughts.
She turned away abruptly. Across the green, a young woman was surrounded by gentlemen of the ton. She was holding court and doing it admirably.
"That is Miss Ursula Silva." Edwina tilted her chin towards the group. Lucas followed her gaze. A young woman with light brown hair that seemed to be threaded with copper was smiling up at Lord Fife. She wore a pretty green muslin dress that flattered the curves of her figure. "The newly appointed Diamond."
"The...what?"
"Diamond. The young lady that the queen selects every Season as being the most eligible debutante–the cream of the crop as it were. The Diamond is young, beautiful, poised, and the perfect lady through and through."
"That is ridiculous. So, the queen simply handpicks the most eligible lady of the Season and presents her to the masses? And, the girl, I suspect, is naive to the point of being brainless."
Edwina cleared her throat. "I was named the Diamond last Season."
Lucas swung his gaze towards her in disbelief. "Truly?"
Edwina did not know whether to be complimented or insulted. It was clear he did not see her as a perfect lady. "Yes."
"And, you were swarmed with suitors? Why do you remain unmarried?"
She looked up at him in surprise. "You truly do not know?"
"No, I do not read the Society papers, despite being told numerous times that I need to familiarize myself with this Whistledown person. Tell me."
"I nearly did marry. It was the event of last Season. The queen, herself, hosted my wedding at the palace."
"And, who was the lucky gentleman? Lumley?"
Edwina shook her head. "No, Anthony."
" Anthony Bridgerton? " Lucas's voice rose in surprise. Several people turned in their direction. Lucas caught their stares before lowering his voice back to normal levels. "You are telling me that you were meant to marry Viscount Bridgerton, the same man who is currently married to your sister."
Edwina felt uncomfortable under Lucas's unrelenting gaze. "Yes, it is difficult to explain–"
"Did he hurt you?"
Edwina swallowed, her throat clogging with emotion that she thought were long forgotten. Not regret, never regret, but embarrassment and shame.
Lucas's eyes hardened. "The bastard."
"He did not mean to–" Edwina waved her hand, trying to dismiss the topic.
Lucas took her hand into his own. "Do not make excuses for him. He is a grown man and is accountable for his own actions. Do you wish for me to thrash him? I could do serious damage to that pretty face of his. Break his nose so that it will never set right."
Edwina knew Lucas abhorred violence, as a man of medicine he could not countenance harm on a fellow man, but there was a look on Lucas's face as if he was affronted on Edwina's behalf and it felt...nice. It felt that for once someone stood by her side in the fiasco that occurred when she called off the wedding. She heard the slander that was thrown around in the ballrooms, how she was spoiled, that she asked too much, that she drove Anthony into Kate's arms.
That something was wrong with her.
The whispers so loud that Edwina wondered, in her darkest moments, if some of the words were true. Why couldn't Anthony love her as he loved Kate? Could any man?
Edwina's eyes fell to where Lucas clutched her hand. Their fingers were interlaced tightly. She could feel his strength pouring into her.
When she raised her eyes, she saw that he was staring intently at her. She felt her blood warm. She wanted to kiss him. No, she wanted him to kiss her , now, in front everyone at Hyde Park. She wanted him to claim her as his own, to show everyone that she was desirable, that she could be loved.
As if reading her thoughts, Lucas's eyes dropped to her lips.
Edwina mentally shook herself, pulled free from Lucas's grasp, and began walking down the path towards the young woman that would become the next Countess of Greymoor if she had anything to say about it. A deal was a deal and she will not renege on her half of it.
"It is what I like about you best," Edwina said, filling in the silence between them. "Your honesty. Last Season, Anthony and I were to marry, but the whole while, from the very beginning of my Season in London, Kate and Anthony had secretly loved one another. True, they may not have realized it at the time, but they felt something for one another and...they did not tell me. You were right before. I was hurt. Not so much that they loved one another, but that they kept it secret from me. Kate is my sister, my only sibling. I would have rejoiced in their love if they'd only let me."
Edwina glanced up at Lucas, who still seemed perturbed by the revelation that she nearly married Anthony. "So, yes, I like it that you do not disassemble, that when you speak to me, you are honest to the point of rudeness. I do not need to second guess your intentions." She smiled. "And, though, I do not like all that you say, I know you respect me enough to say them. No secrets, Lucas. Not between us. Let me introduce you to Miss Ursula."
Lucas hesitated with what appeared to be uncertainty for a moment before falling in step beside her. Edwina kept both of her hands clutched on her parasol and she noticed that Lucas kept his hands close to himself.
Do not forget why you are doing this, Edwina admonished herself. You only need him for his knowledge of medicine, nothing more.
Don't let him into your heart. Don't let him hurt you.
***
Lucas debated whether or not to offer Edwina his arm again, but she clutched onto her parasol so tightly that he could see her skin whiten. She was distressed.
He could gladly kill Anthony Bridgerton at that moment. And, to think, the man had the gall to lecture Lucas about toying with Edwina’s feelings. The hypocrite.
And when Edwina spoke of secrets, Lucas felt the weight of guilt settle on his mind. There was much that Edwina did not know, that if she were to discover the truth, she would turn away from him in disgust. He should confess all now, while she still held him in such high regard.
Instead, Lucas plastered a bland smile on his face as they approached the crowd of men surrounding Miss Ursula. Edwina moved forward, the gentlemen side-stepping out of the way for her and casting curious looks at Lucas. Outside his one brief appearance at Lady Danbury's ball, he had yet to make his official entrance amongst the ton . He supposed this outing to Hyde Park was how Edwina intended to resolve the issue.
The young lady's green eyes lit up with surprise and pleasure when she spotted Edwina. "Miss Sharma! I was just informing my brother that I needed to return the novel you lent me and discuss, in depth, the value of rogues. This is Mr. Wesley Silva, my elder brother."
The young man standing over Miss Ursula's shoulder sported an impressive mustache and bowed correctly over Edwina's hand.
"Miss Silva's twin?" Edwina asked.
"One and the same," Mr. Silva said with a bright, confident smile. He was a handsome man, Lucas thought, though there was something not quite right about him. Seeming to hear Lucas's thoughts, Mr. Silva looked over Lucas boldly.
"And, how is your sister?"
"Took a nasty chill from the dump in the lake last week, unfortunately. She decided it was best to return to our family home in Cornwall. Wesley is here to escort me the rest of the Season as my aunt has deserted me as well and returned to her chateau in Spain,” Miss Ursula said, looking curiously at Lucas.
Edwina's face fell. "She will be missed. I rather liked your sister. She brought a certain excitement to what is otherwise a dull Season."
Mr. Silva's mustache twitched with amusement, but said nothing.
"It was fortunate that Lord Lumley was on the scene," Edwina added. “Miss Silva could have met with a very bad end if he hadn’t jumped into the lake and saved her.”
Lucas resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Lumley . Apparently, besides being a poet, the man was a paragon.
Mr. Silva looked pained for a moment, before nodding in agreement. "A true gentleman. Though Vivian was always a sound swimmer. I am sure she could have extricated herself if given the opportunity."
Miss Ursula frowned at her brother. A silent message seemed to pass between the two siblings.
"Where are my manners?" Edwina said. "May I present to you the Earl of Greymoor." Both of the Silva siblings turned their attention to him. He gave Miss Silva a slight bow, but withheld from bowing over her hand as Mr. Silva had done with Edwina. "My lord, Miss Ursula Silva."
The young lady looked up at him with awe. Her eyes were a deep, emerald green with flecks of gold. Her skin the color of a sun kissed peach, dusky and golden. She was petite, the same height as Edwina, and shared the same curves. Though, strangely, Lucas did not feel any attraction to the young woman as he had the first moment he met Edwina.
"How are you enjoying the Season?" He heard himself ask and mentally winced at the inanity of the question.
From the corner of his eye, Lucas saw Edwina hide a smile and move off to the side to give them privacy. She looped her arm through Mr. Silva's and they headed to the lake's edge. The group of gentlemen that swarmed Miss Ursula dispersed having recognized that a lord, and true competition for Miss Ursula’s hand, was present amongst them.
Despite engaging Miss Ursula in conversation for a full ten minutes, Lucas heard not a word she said.
He found himself stealing glances at Edwina the entire while.
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