--------------------------------------

ChasingSomeone for the awesome cover!

I decided, I'm not going to tell Carter I'm leaving. I'm going to write him a detailed letter, pouring out my heart to him. I will slide it under his door and then be gone. I will do the same for Aiden. The letter's, are going to be entirely different. I don't really know where to start with either of them.

"That's a good idea," Anna said, bringing me back to reality. "I think a letter is definitely the way to go. That way you won't get dragged into any, like, passionate kisses or, like, hot break up sex..."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm done with that."

"Sure you are."

"Seriously." I said firmly, shutting my laptop lid. "I'm so done with both of them. I don't want that negativity controlling my life anymore."

"That's the smartest thing I've ever heard you say."

I smiled up at her.

I'm finally ready to move on with my life.

-------------------------

I could not begin to express the relief I felt when I heard that final tick on the clock, indicating the three painful hours I just endured, was over. I was free. All I wanted to do was leap from the table, kick it over and spit on the hand written essay that will barely pass. I hadn't studied, so sitting here for three hours and knowing I was going to fail, made me feel worthless and pathetic. But thankfully, my exams were over and I was officially finished high.

Thank goodness.

I cannot wait to step outside this school and never return. It will be one of the best days of my life. The sooner I leave this hell hole, this sooner I can leave the horrible, toxic drama that has plagued my life for so long.

Aka, leave Carter and Aiden.

After having to wait, what I feel to be quite an unnecessary amount of time, we were relieved from the gym. The sunshine, although the air was cool, hit my face and I inhaled a lungful of the fresh air. My neck was stiff, my back rigid and my hands had cramped within the first ten minutes. My legs felt wobbly from sitting uncomfortably for three hours straight.

"How'd you go?" Anna asked, her flaming red hair vivid in the afternoon sun.

I responded with a deadpan stare.

"That good?" she laughed, slipping her bag over her shoulder, glancing down at her watch. "Why don't we go for a drink?"

"It's like, two o'clock," I cocked an eyebrow.

"So? We just finished high school, Lace. Let's go celebrate!"

She had a point. I shrugged, a small smile making its way onto my face. "Why not?"

"Yay!" She squealed, clapping her hands together. "How about we swing around to yours and we can walk down town from there?"

"Sure," I said with a nod, falling in step beside her as we made our way out of the school. I had to come back to officially sign out of my classes, but other than that, I was definitely finished with this place. "You don't need clothes from your house? Would look weird walking around with alcohol in our school clothes."

"I have everything I need in my car."

Right. I forgot Anna practically lived in her car. It definitely looked like it. I rummaged through all her stuff, attempting to find the front seat. She began throwing clothes towards the back seat, seeming unfazed about the clutter spread around us. I guess she would be used to it. To me, it made my OCD go into overload, but I stared determinedly out the window.

As we were underage, I'm not sure how we planned to get this alcohol, but knowing Anna, she already had a plan, so I didn't bother to question it. We pulled up at mine, at the same time Carter's car pulled smoothly into his driveway.

He waved at us. He looked like he was about to come over, but Anna firmly turned her back to him and grabbed my hand, pulling me inside. She obviously has not forgiven him about what happened at the last party we went to. I hadn't really either. I don't know what I would have said, or done, if he had come over. Knowing Carter, he would just start casually, asking me about exams and then I would get wrapped up in him and totally forget all the stuff that has happened recently.

That's how much of a pull he has over me.

My house was quiet as we entered the front door. Both my parents were at work. I face planted onto my bed, feeling like that was appropriate. I felt mentally drained and was ready to lay like this for the rest of the night.

"I'm going to text Jerry and see if he's working at Celebrations today," Anna said, more to herself than me, I think. I slowly moved my head, so that I could peer up at her. Celebrations was our local liquor shop. I quirked an eyebrow, waiting for her to elaborate. She rolled her eyes. "I hooked up with him a few times, he usually gives me free alcohol. If he's on, I'm going to order us some champagne."

"You never seize to amaze me." I muttered, once again, burying my face.

It didn't take Jerry long to reply and apparently he was doing a home delivery. I took that as an opportunity to take a long walk. One, I knew Anna was really excited right now and wanted to start celebrating immediately - whether it be with Jerry or any one of her guys, probably. I didn't care if she started her party without me, I just wanted to clear my head a little. And that way she can repay Jerry for the favour. Gross.

I felt my muscles relax and unwind as I began walking. Not sprinting and pushing myself this time was actually nice.

I took the time to look around me. I lived in a beautiful place. It's hard to believe that I felt so complete living here once. The last twelve months, however, have been dark and toxic for me. I honestly believe the only way I can ever connect with this place again, would be to leave. Not forever, but definitely leave for a while.

A shiver ran down my spine as the cool wind slapped my exposed skin. I forced myself to walk a little further, before turning around and heading home. I thought I hadn't gone long, but the walk had been about forty minutes. It was nice to just hear my own thoughts for a while and not be so distracted with reality.

It began to sink in that this was it. This is the time where my life is going to take off. I have finished school - I no longer have any commitments to this place, bar my family. I think the idea of leaving was a distant concept to me but now is a pure possibility. And I cannot wait.

I lingered in my driveway momentarily, staring at the almost-mansion beside my own house. So many memories. So much love had been in that house. I could never have imagined how everything would turn out. With a sigh, I walked back to my house, finding Anna, thankfully, alone. She looked bored and had her bottom lip puckered.

"I missed you."

And, she was almost drunk already. I shook my head at her.

"Sorry, just needed to get some air."

"You were gone forever!" She whined, sounding childish.

"So, what happened with Jerry, hmm?" I asked suggestively.

A grin spread across her face. "It was very good, thanks."

She reached behind her and grabbed a glass, which was almost overflowing with champagne. I rolled my eyes. You were meant to have less then half of what she had put in there. Typical Anna.

"A toast," she declared, holding the wine glass up in triumph. "To us and the future."

"Yes," I agreed with a laugh, clinking my glass to hers.

Finally, there was something I could look forward to.

***

Considering I feel like I don't have that many, the amount of clothes stuffed into my giant-size suitcase was actually ridiculous. I found some tops I bought like five years ago, that still had the tags on them. Luckily, I have never grown and still remain the same size since I was like twelve. Pretty sad, when you think about it.

After a long, kind-of-exciting, kind-of-dragged-out process, we had managed to knuckle down and sort out our travel plans. And I was planning to leave tomorrow. The amount of organisation that had gone into this was mentally draining. We were so lucky to have Anna's connections because it was short notice to organise flights - but somehow everything has worked out.

The last three months, I have been doing relief work at the new display home in town - dad set me up with it. I've been working about three days a week, which was been awesome experience. And, it forced me to leave the house and actually do something. A lot of my organising had actually been done there, in between walking people through the model home and whatnot. I definitely took advantage of the free wifi.

In between then, I have been spending time with Anna and my family. I've seen Carter around, but he's studying or partying with his friends usually. A few times we've passed by each other and he has tried to contact me, but I don't have the energy to be around him anymore. I've decided that I'm going to write three letters.

One to Carter.

One to Aiden.

One to Mercedes.

I was going to do a drive by to their houses on the way to the airport, drop them off in their letter boxes and then be on my way. I've already discussed my plan with mum and she thinks that it's a good idea. I hope it is.

Nerves had been bubbling in my stomach for the past week. Tomorrow was the day I was going to leave this place behind. I was going to begin my new life and I was beyond excited for it. Also, nervous as hell.

Anna acted like she did this all the time and wasn't fazed at all. I was almost having a panic attack. There is so much that could go wrong. What if I don't like it? What if we get mugged? What if Anna and I get in a huge fight over there and she leaves me?

So many thoughts and scenarios were whirling my mind, making me feel nauseous. But it was going to be okay. Because anywhere would be better than being here right now. I was ready to take on this new adventure, with my eyes open and my head held high. Everything was going to be great.

A sigh was heard behind me and I glanced over my shoulder, seeing mum leaning against my door frame. She actually looked a little teary.

"You're really going, huh?" she said, a faint smile on her face.

I nodded, sitting down beside my too-stuffed suitcase. "I need to go."

"I know," she murmured, coming to sit beside me. "God, I hope Hawaii is going to be better for you than this place has."

"It will be." I whispered, casting my eyes down. "It has to be."

"I'm going to miss you like crazy."

"I'm going to miss you too." I leaned my head on her shoulder, fighting back my own tears. My mouth felt hot and sticky.

"You're going to have to go through this 'skype' thing with me again."

I laughed, wrapping an arm lazily around her shoulders. "You bet, mum."

If only I could pack my family up with me, too.

"You started?" I looked up at mum, to see her staring at the three pieces of paper, neatly spread across my desk.

"I've tried."

"I'm sure the words will come to you. You just need to write what you feel." With that, she slowly stood. I think she wanted to leave before we both burst into tears.

I watched her walk from my room. Slowly, I maneuvered myself to my desk. With a sigh, I picked up the cold pen.

Dear Carter...

--------------------------

Thank you to WawaChibi who shared the with me to post.

There's this girl

She was always smiling

She looked as if she was the happiest person in the world

But who knew inside she was crying

She couldn't stop herself from cutting

There were many scars on her arms

She would always put herself through harm

There's this girl

She was always smiling

She looked as if she was the happiest person in the world

But who knew inside she was crying

She was suffering

She couldn't find anyone for comfort

She would always wonder

Why do people treat me so bad?

Why am I always alone?

Why am I not good enough for them?

Do I look so bad?

Why am I unknown?

Am I a one, out of ten?

She is insecure

There's this girl

She was always smiling

She looked as if she was the happiest person in the world

But who knew inside she was crying

She was lying

As soon as she woke up in the morning

She wears a mask of a face that is smiling

Telling everyone that she is happy

But the truth was she felt depressed

She wants to tell someone about this so badly

But sadly

She couldn't tell nor confess

She was afraid if others would be unimpressed

There's this girl

She was always smiling

She looked as if she was the happiest person in the world

But who knew inside she was crying

A phone call was heard this morning

Telling that she passed away by suicide

Who knew little by little things have gotten worse

That something like this would ever occur

People knew what was happening

But they only put a blind eye to it

And now it hits them

That it's too late to help her to survive

Cause now, she's not even alive