When I wake up again, I lay in bed, in my white sheets, wearing the same clothes as last night. Even though I drank a lot, I can remember everything. Every step I took, every drink I had, every word I said to Adam, every word I said to Korra. Every little thing. To my surprise, my head doesn't hurt but my body feels numb. It's Saturday and few months ago, today would be the day I would have to work at the library. But I quit the first on Monday of this year. To be honest, I didn't have a particular reason and just wanted to sleep in on Saturdays. Now I don't have anything planned, except for maybe going swimming, but I'm not in the mood for that.

Yet, I sit up and get out of bed. I go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. My face looks surprisingly normal, like I didn't have too many drinks last night, like I don't have the worst days of my life behind me. Suddenly I get the strong urge to throw up. As quickly as possible, I run to the toilet and everything comes out.

The following days are kinda like that. I throw up in the mornings, get ready for the day and head out to class. After classes, I get food and go home. At home, I either cook if needed or just eat. And after eating I study, read a book and go to sleep. That repeats over and over again. I've already goggled why I'm throwing up every morning after the third morning in three days and apparently it's either food poisoning or high stress levels or (worst case scenario for me) pregnancy. I instantly ruled out the last thing. I can't be pregnant, right? Niall and I only had sex two times and I can't be pregnant. I just can't. So I thought that it's because of stress and accepted it. It has been two weeks since I was out with Adam and four weeks since Niall and I broke up. Since then, I learned to accept things. Kinda. I accept everything that I can accept. I try to not think about stuff too much and that's probably the best or else, I wouldn't know how to live my life.

It's Saturday and on Monday it will be officially one month since Niall and I broke up. Something about today is weird. I've managed to not think about Niall and what happened since I had that complete break down at the club a couple of weeks ago, but now everything comes up in me again. And the weird part is that I don't start to cry. I don't even feel tears building up in me or anything like that. I just lay in bed and look up at the ceiling as everything plays in front of my eyes. It's like I'm watching my life as a movie. I try to direct it, tell myself what I should have done instead that would maybe not bring me to where I am now. I tell myself things that I should have said instead of the things that I actually said. And then it comes up: You said you could never cope with up and downs. It's distracting, you said, a waist of time. But instead of asking myself if this is still accurate of what I feel, I ask myself if that was ever true. I shouldn't have said it because it wasn't true. The months before just showed that I was actually able to cope with up and downs. I was strong enough, but I guess that it got too much, too much to deal with, too much to handle.

It knocks on my door and I push my bed sheet to the side. I get up and open the door, after looking through the peephole. "You again?" I laugh and open my arms.

"Funny again?" Ally asks and hugs me. When we pull apart, she follows me into the room after closing the door. "So can you come with me today?" She wants to know and sits down on my bed.

"To--" I cut myself off when I put my hand in front of my mouth. With the other hand I hold my stomach and then I run off again to throw up in the toilet.

"You should seriously get yourself checked." Ally says and follows me to the bathroom. She holds my hair back and rubs my back. "You could be pregnant, you know." She says and I'm afraid that she might be right. Food poisoning doesn't last that long and my life isn't that stressed anymore. I've got a routine now and everyday is pretty much the same. But I don't want to be pregnant. And don't get me wrong, I'd love to have kids one day but not today or anytime this year or next year. After all, I don't have a job, I still go to uni, I don't have the money to raise a child, I don't even have a father for a child. I have a small apartment in London, I get money from my parents and I'm the most single person ever right now. I just can't be pregnant.

"No." I say and wipe my mouth with toilet paper. I then flush the toilet and wash my hands, my face and lastly brush my teeth.

"Oh come on, don't tell me that you and Niall never ever had sex." Ally says and I hold two fingers up. "See two times are enough to implant some semen in you and get you pregnant, Olivia."

I don't answer and just scratch my forehead. It's quiet for few seconds and then Ally takes a deep breath. She rubs my back and leads me out of the bathroom again. Only when we both sit on my bed, she says something again.

"So are you coming to, or what?"

"To your aunt's baby party? Yeah, right, because I know her so well." I roll my eyes at her and lay down.

"She won't even notice you and the food is for free." She says, making me laugh and remember the times we used to go to events with her mum just because the food was free.

"Can we sneak out with the food like we always do?" I ask, making her laugh as well.

"Of course we can." Ally says and I can't help it but smirk instantly.

"And the food is for free?" I ask again and sit up.

"Food is for free." She says and we shake hands, both of us smirking from ear to ear.

After I change into jeans, a top and a blazer over it, Ally helps me make my bed and then we head out. We first go into the supermarket and buy presents: diapers, clothes and socks. When we get to the cash register, Ally and I both notice something we would have never expected.

"Baby stuff is expensive." Ally whisper as shocked as I am.

"It fucking is." I whisper back. The cashier looks at us and we both quickly smile at her before we pay and go over to the free packing station that they have build up for Valentines Day. They only have wrapping paper with a ton of hearts on it, but it's free so we don't mind. Ally just has to tell her aunt that it's bought with a lot of love. Afterwards we leave the supermarket and once we're back in Ally's car again, we both take deep breaths.

"You are screwed it you're pregnant." Ally says and I nod agreeing.

"I guess that's why people throw baby parties, don't they? So others buy the things for them." I say and sharp pain rushes through my head.

"That's horrible." Ally points out what has been obvious to me ever since I first thought that I might be pregnant. It would seriously be horrible. "I mean, not that I don't like kids, I love them, but if you're pregnant--"

"Don't say it." I interrupt her, already knowing what she's going to say next.

"I'm not. I think you know anyway." She says and drives off. All the way to her aunt's house, it's quiet. Neither of us wants to talk about we are both thinking.

When we arrive there, we get out of the car and go over to the front door. Ally rings the bell and seconds later her mum opens of us and lets us in. "Olivia!" She exclaims surprised and happy to see me.

"Hello." I smile and we quickly hug before she gets called and leaves me and Ally alone in the hallways again.

"See, no one cares that you're here." Ally laughs and I punch her in the arm laughing. Then I follow her into the living room and we both get Babies handed over from other people. Ally got a girl who she is already familiar with, while I got a little boy, probably one year old, who I never saw before. Not even in the pictures on Facebook that Ally's mum always shows us.

"Hello, little one." I smile at the cute boy with blue eyes. "Are you alright?" I ask him even though he can't answer. I stroke his little cheek with my thumb softly and give him a little poke in his tummy, making him giggle.

"Natural." Ally laughs and winks at me. I shake my head at her and then follow her through the house. When we get to the kitchen, we see a whole table filled with food and another table filled with snacks. Ally and I look at each other and burst out laughing. Just when I take one step forward, someone taps on my shoulder. I turn around and see an elderly woman smiling at me.

"Aww look how big he got." She says and I just shrug before handing him over to her. "Aww baby." She smiles and leaves the kitchen with him. Few kids run from the dining room in and run pass me out of the same door the older woman just left through. I turn around again and see Ally giving the girl to her mother.

"Don't eat all the snacks, you two." Her mother says, looking at both of us before she leaves again. Ally and I burst out laughing again and I go over to her. We sit down on the chairs behind the table and start to eat.

"Do you think your aunt planned to get pregnant?" I ask Ally as I take a little pretzel into my mouth. She swallows down her chip and shrugs.

"40% of pregnancies are unplanned worldwide. 50% are unplanned in America, which is like every second child." Ally says and I remember how much she knows about stuff like that because she studies medicine.

"That's a lot." I mumble and take a cupcake.

"They are cute though." She adds and I nod agreeing. "They are probably annoying as heck but they are cute... but that only lasts until they become teenagers with acne and mood swings. Or if they go through phases and change everything about themselves. Or if they just don't do anything at all and just stay at home and watch Catfish or whatever. They aren't cure anymore then." She says and I just nod.

"What do you do with bad raised children?" I ask the soon be to doctor.

She shrugs. "Send them to my parents and let them fix the child. At least that's what my family always does." Ally explains and sounds so casually about it, it's like she's talking about a dog who always pees in the house.

"Your family is weird." I tell her and she nods agreeing. It's quiet for a couple of minutes and then I stand up. "Where's the toilet?" I ask Ally.

"I'm coming with you." She says and stands up. "There's one down here but I don't like that one."

I burst out laughing and then follow her upstairs. We go down the corridor and then to the right. Ally lets me go in first and closes the door behind me. I pee and then wash my hands. When I open the door, Ally takes my hand and pulls me back inside.

"My aunt is pregnant right?" Ally asks and I look at her confused. Judging from her facial expression, she has an idea.

"Well, we are at her baby party, so yes." I say and she leads me over to a cabinet.

"That means she had to test that and maybe..." She says and opens the cabinet. "Aha!" She exclaims and gives me a pregnancy test.

"Are you serious?" I ask her and she nods.

"Just test it. It won't kill you." She says and leaves again. She closes the door and then I'm alone with the test. It won't kill me, I think and sit down on the toilet again.

"I can't pee." I yell when nothing comes out.

"Just do it! Believe in yourself!" She exclaims, making me burst out laughing. Minutes later, I pee and then it's done. I open the door and let Ally in.

"How long do we have to wait?" She asks and I shrug. Ally takes the box and reads the description. "Three minutes." She says and then we wait.