It was that sudden anger, that built up over the days where I had Olivia and Aaron kissing in my head. It came up in me all at once. I couldn't control myself and I couldn't care less if that piece of shit lands in a hospital or not. Just attending that party was already a reason for me to punch him. If Olivia hadn't distract me, I would have done it long before. I saw that he was staring at her and I saw that she felt uncomfortable because of him. She tried to play it cool and the others didn't notice anything, but I did. I wanted to punch that son of a bitch long before today. When he called her Olive it pushed me over the edge and I couldn't control myself anymore. I couldn't just stand there and listen to the shit that leaves his mouth. I had to say something. Then he took it even further and had to provoke me. What was he thinking? That just because we're not alone that I wouldn't beat the shit out of him?That just because Olivia was there, I wouldn't do it? He was dumb to think like that. Admittedly, I would have preferred if she didn't have to see it but to be honest I would have done it even if paparazzi where around us. I didn't care. He's an ass and he deserved it. If I would do boxing like Harry or Liam, he wouldn't have been able to even crumble up like he did when Ethan and Sam pulled me away. Aaron got a bit lucky in that way, I guess. And even though I would have done it no matter who or how many people are watching, I still feel bad that Olivia had to see it. She cried and even though her tears stopped once we were in the car, I knew that she's holding back. She tried to hide it when I drove off, tried to not look back at him when we drove past them.

Aaron was already sitting on the bench, with the others around him when we drove past them. Ethan was yelling at him, clearly, his arms were in the air, his mouth wide open. The others didn't try to stop him.

I don't know if Olivia is angry at me for punching Aaron or not, because she has not spoken a word since she told me to take her home, but I guess that just shows that she is. She looks out of the window, seems to be fine but I know she isn't. I wonder what's going in her mind right now.

Everything that happened during the last few months plays in front of my eyes as Niall drives me home. Everything happens speeded up. Every moment, every up, every down. Every tear, laugh and broken feeling. Nothing is left out and it feels like my chest is tightening up. Breathing becomes difficult. I have to take deep and long breaths. Anna's words play in my head over and over again. You said you could never cope with up and downs. It's distracting, you said, a waist of time...

"Olivia..." Niall breaks the silent and places his hand on my thigh when we arrive in front of the house. His hands are both swollen and a bit bleeding. Is it Niall's blood? Or Aaron's?

"I'm sorry." He mumbles and places his other hand under my chin. I turn my head around to face him as he puts his hand on my cheek. His hand is warm, warmer than any body part of mine.

"So am I." I say quietly. My voice is week and shaky.

"Are you mad at me?" Niall wants to know. He looks at me with big eyes, the colour is not the usual blue, but darker. I wonder where the time went when we used to be just happy, not sad or angry or worried or just lost in thoughts. I wonder when and if we are ever going to be just happy and fine, wonder if it was really meant to be. I wonder if it was really fate.

"I don't know." I say, because I really don't know.

Am I mad at him for starting a fight with Aaron? For defending me? For not finding a better way to do such so? Am I mad at Niall for standing up for me, when I couldn't? For not being able to control himself? Am I mad at Niall for doing something that I would have love to do on my own, to punch Aaron? I guess I'm not, or else I would know exactly. But on the other hand, there would have been better ways, maybe not a lot but at least a few better ways. Niall didn't had to punch Aaron, yet I understand why he did.

Aaron provoked him, said things that Directioners all over the world would kill him for. Aaron didn't stop when he should have. He didn't know his boundaries. But at the end of the day though, as much as I dislike just breathing the same air as Aaron, he still is the guy who I first became friends with. He still was one of the closest friends to me. He still was my first crush and he still was my first ever boyfriend...

Niall is quiet, doesn't know what to say, what would be appropriate to say in the situation that we find ourselves now. You said you could never cope with up and downs. It's distracting, you said, a waist oftime...

"You-you hit him." I say quietly.

"I did." Niall says and rubs up and down my thigh. I look down, not being able to look him into the eyes.

"Princess, please look at me." Niall says and puts his finger under my chin, lifting it up a second later.

"What do you expect me to say, Niall?" I ask as I feel tears building up again. It's a surprise, a wonder, a horrible fact, that I still have tears in me. I didn't think that I had so much space for tears in me, but apparently I do. My hands are shaking and my throat is dry.

"I-I don't expect anything." Niall says and takes both my hands in his. I look down at our intertwined fingers, at the ring that he gave me, remembering all the times we held hands, all the times we cuddled, all the times where I just didn't want to leave his side.

"Please look at me." Niall says, but I can't lift up my head. "I don't know what you're feeling when I can't look you in the eyes." He says and I take another deep breath.

"You-you beat him up." I mumble and look up into his face, seeing the scene of the fight right in front of my eyes. "You beat him up."

"I know." Niall exhales and squeezes my hands softly.

"You shouldn't have done that, Niall." I say without thinking.

"I wanted to defend you, Olivia!" He raises his voice a bit. "I wanted to defend you." He repeats in his normal volume again.

"I know, but there could have been other ways." I say even though I can't think of one.

"For example?" Niall asks and lets one of my hands go to run his fingers through his hair.

Silence.

Niall takes a deep breath. "Look, I know that beating him up may have not been the right thing to do--"

"I wasn't." I clarify.

"but, Olivia, I just couldn't do nothing. I couldn't control myself." He says and I remember all the things that happened because of exactly that – because he couldn't control himself.

"You never can." I say, my voice sounding harsher and I expected it to sound.

"What do you want to say with that?" Niall raises his voice and lets go of my other hand.

This night is already not going well and it's about to get even worst, that's for sure.

"I'm just saying, that you can never control your jealousy." I say and move a bit away from him.

"Of course I can't when it's because of you. And how could I, Olivia? How?" He throws his arms into the air and I flinch back.

Silence again for the, probably but not really, millionth time today.

"How should I control myself when boys are all over you? When your ex is a complete dick to you?" He asks and my heart skips a beat. "Honestly, I can't understand why you're defending him."

"I'm not defending him!"... right?

"Yes! Yes you are! You tell that it was wrong to beat him up but then don't tell me what I should have done instead. You tell me I can't control myself but then don't say how I should be able to." He says and it's quiet again.

I don't make any sense. My life doesn't make any sense. The things I feel don't make any sense either. Nothing makes sense anymore and I feel like I'm breaking into pieces.

"It's not fair." I whisper.

"It really isn't." Niall says and again, quietness comes upon us. I don't know how long we've been here, in his car, in front of the house. It could have been minutes, but for me it feels like hours.

For the first time ever, I want a moment between me and Niall to end.

I lift my head up and see how broken I am in the reflection of his eyes. I see all the broken pieces that swim around in the single tear that rolls down my cheek.

But I also see him, Niall.

Niall, who's always there for me. Niall, who loves me. Niall, who I love more than anyone else in the world. Niall, who would do everything just to make me happy. Niall, who is the love of my life.

But I also see the look on his face. The worried expression in his eyes, the red eyes that hold back the tears, the faded smile. The look on his face that should be happy all the time has changed to being worried and that all because of me.

It's not fair. Not to him, not to me, just not to us.

"Are we working?" Before I can think any further, the words just leave my mouth and break the silent. Niall's mouth opens to a small O, but he doesn't say a word. "As a couple, I mean. Are we working as a couple?" I make my question clearer.

"Yes." Niall says after a moment of silence. He had to think about it.

"Are you sure?" I ask and he doesn't answer.

Silence.

I lean back in my seat, looking down at the silver ring and with word 'Fate' engraved. I wonder if it really was fate like we both believe it to be. Niall doesn't move, his eyes are still on me and I think he's only now slowly realizing what's about to come.

"When I was younger, I used to say... that..." I take a deep breath. "I could never cope with up and downs and that relationships are only distracting... and a waist of time." I mumble and look back at Niall.

"Niall... I-I can't cope anymore." I admit to him and for the first time ever to myself. I didn't want to say it to myself before, I didn't want it to be true. I didn't want to realize it, I simple didn't want to lose him but now I'm about to.

"What do you mean?" Niall asks and takes my hands in his. I look down to our hands as tears start to stream down my face.

"I can't deal with so many up and downs anymore, Niall. I just can't." I feel my heart slowly being teared apart by my own words. "It's just not fair to either of us."

"We-we can work it out, Olivia. Please..." He puts his finger under my chin and lifts it up for the, what feels like, millionth time today. "Please..." He begs and I look him into the eyes. He's crying, I'm crying. He's breaking, I'm already broken.

"I just can't, Niall." I take a beep breath, attempting to swallow down my tears, but failing. "I just can't." I repeat, as tears roll down my cheeks and breathing becomes difficult to me. I want to tell him all that is in my mind, so he can understand and it won't be as hard for him, but I can't find words.

It's quiet again and Niall lets go my hands. He leans back in his seat, looking out. I lean back in my seat, looking out as well. The only sound that's hearable is my silent cry that I can't hold back no matter how hard I try to.

"I just can't." I whisper and look down to the ring on my finger.

"I will always love you." Niall whispers and my heart skips a beat.

I don't answer and he knows that I won't.

"So it's over..." He whispers and my heart gets teared into pieces completely until there's nothing left.

"I'm sorry." I whisper quickly and push the car door open. Niall doesn't move, doesn't turn around to hold me back, doesn't say a word that could make me come back. I get out of his car as fast as possible and close the door. Niall doesn't react, looks straight out of his car as tears stream down his cheeks. I take another last look at him before I turn around and run to the door, opening it with the key in my jeans pocket as quick as possible. I don't want to and can't look back at him, I think as I push the door open. Without turning back and risking looking back and regretting everything that I just said, I go inside and slam it close behind me. I lean against the door, slide down as tears stream down my face. Every inch of my body his hurting as I try to catch my breath.

When I hear the engine of his car starting and driving away, I know that it's over.