I've never been that kind of girl, who went out a lot and dated. As long as I can remember, all I've been interested in books and my grades. I don't know if it has always been like that, because I can't remember majority of my life from the age of zero to 13. The very first memory I have is from a Christmas eve. My parents were still together and we just moved to Dublin. The house we lived in was brand new and all the furniture was freshly built up. I can't remember were we lived before, as well as I can't remember how my family was before that day. This christmas Ethan and I got big presents. "It's a part of your gift for your 14th birthday." Mum smiled at us twins and gave us two suitcases. She, dad and Ethan were aware of the fact that I can't remember things that happened before that day. They never talk about it and when I would ask how I was, they would always say the same thing. "You were a nice, smart and cheerful girl. Always reading and listening to music. Never got in trouble for anything and always kind to others." I never questioned if that might be wrong. I just lived by it. Fast forward to Ethan and mine 14th birthday, we got airplane tickets to New York. As soon as the summer holidays started, we were on a airplane flying across to ocean. That holiday, my parents told us twins that they would divorce. It came out of nowhere. Never had I heard them fight of saw them fight. I haver saw them upset because of the other. Honestly, it wasn't a big deal for me. I was like "if they don't love each other, it's better that way." As least I told myself that it isn't a big deal.

The next few years were filled with trying every instrument you can think of, actually being good in a few, and studying and reading. School was my main priority except family. Even though school was very important, I still managed to squeeze in a few crushes on a few boys and one relationship. Aaron was his name, six months we lasted. I had a crush on a him and on my 16th birthday he asked me to his girlfriend after we had a few dates. I said yes but broke up when school started. Only now that I think about my past, I notice how I actually know nothing about love. The feeling love and what do to when you're in love. I never really need to know it anyway.

Now I am in my bed, rethinking my whole life whilst starring at the ceiling. Was I ever really happy? I ask myself and can't seem to find an answer. I want to go to sleep and wake up on a fresh new day but it's too early. Why can't I just skip to the part of my life where I am married to the man I truly love, living in a gorgeous house in London and having my three kids - Girl, and twins a girl and boy. I want to have a good job and have a happy life and maybe a dog. Why can't I just skip forward to that?, I ask myself and groan into my pillow. I grab my phone and turn my head to the side so that I can actually look at it. After turning airplane mode off, which I turned on because I really can't be bothered to talk to anyone now, I see ten missed calls from Niall, one from Ally plus 100 messages from her. I deleted all the missed calls and all the messages. Knowing that Niall will see it, I tweet:

I put my phone away and my flat door opens. "Hey!" Alison's voice fills my flat. The door falls into the lock as she throws a bag of crisps at me.

"What are you...?" I can't finish my sentence because of the ice cream box that she's throwing at me. I catch it and then Ally sits down on my bed across from me.

"Niall called. He was pretty worried about you because you ran away." She explains and gives me a spoon.

"What did you tell him?" I ask as I open the box.

"That you probably ran home since you don't really know a lot of places in London. Either that or you took a train to Brighton to see your dad." She tells me as I eat the chocolate cookie dough ice cream.

"So how do you know that I am here?" I ask, already knowing what her answer will be.

"Intuition." Knew it!, I think and smile to myself. Alison really knows me well. "So tell me what happened."

I do as told and tell her everything. About the dance, that he broke up with Valerie, that he said he loves me and the kiss and lastly that I ran away.

"I just can't." I say and look at the finished ice cream box. I demolished it on my own whilst telling Alison what happened.

"Should I talk to him?" My best friend asks and I shake my head.

"I hate him." I breathe out and cover my face with my hands.

"What?" Ally look at me shocked. "Why?"

"Because..." I can already feel the tears building up. "I hate the way he makes me feel or made me feel even though he had a girlfriend. I hate... The way how fast I fell for him. The way he already had my heart from the beginning. The way how much my life turned around. I mean, I broke up with Aaron because of school and now I am willing to break up with uni because of Niall. I fucking hate the fact that he's the missing part of me, I never knew was missing." I admit as tears roll down my cheeks. I hate him but silently I'm hoping he'll end up with me.

"God, I'm soo cheesy." I cover my face with my hands and we giggle short.

"Do you want me to drive you around so you can clear your head as always? Or do you just want my car?" Ally asks as I wipe my tears away.

"No, I'll just read and listen to music. Probably study too." I weakly smile at her. She rubs my back and stands up.

"I'll call you tomorrow morning, okay?" She asks and I nod. She leaves my flat and closes the door behind her. I put the empty ice cream container on my nightstand and open the crisps bag. I eat a handful and get my laptop. When I scroll through my Twitter, I see my whole timeline having a mental breakdown. It has something to do with Niall and at first, I don't want to see what it's about but my curiosity takes over. I click at a tweet that has a link which leads to a article.

As I click on the link, I start to fee anxious about what it might be. Turns out it's a interview that Niall gave a magazine. I just scroll down until I see the word "single." Instantly I start to read what the article is really about.

Niall confirmed in an interview that he's single and that Valerie is just a friend. Also in the article it says what kind of girl he likes. Smart, genuine, kind, carefree, cheerful, humble and cute. I send the words that Niall described a girl for him with to my brother and ask him who he thinks of reading these words. Seconds later he answers with Followed by

I text back. Right now, I am actually fine. Except for the fact that Niall told me that Valerie was his girlfriend and the press he told the same as Toby told me, that they are just friends. What is the truth?

Because I really don't want to think about Niall for the rest of the night, I close my laptop, turn my phone on airplane mode and listen to Ed Sheeran songs whilst reading a book.

Before I go to sleep I put "talk to Valerie" on my to-do list. I turn off all the lights and open the curtains. It's raining outside and the moon lights up my flat. Time passes by and I can't fall asleep. I already know why. I get up and take my Niall pillow that I put away. Back in bed, I sake my head at the pictures of Niall and then lay down. Eventually I actually fall asleep.

The next day, Valerie doesn't show up in class. When I sit down next to Toby, he brightly smiles at me. I smile back and take out my notebook. I start doodling and read the notes from last time. "Is everything alright?" Toby asks and I nod.

"Why are asking?" I want to know and put my pen down.

"You seem kinda oblivious. Are you sure?" He raises his eyebrows smiling.

"Yeah, I'm sure and by the way... Where's Valerie?" I ask.

"At a meeting." Toby tells me. Mr. McAllister enters the room and instantly every conversation ends. He starts his class and I try to focus as much as possible but one question always pops up in my head, what meeting? I wish I could have asked Toby before the class started, but maybe he doesn't know either.

After class, I grab Toby's wrist when he is about to leave. "Hey." I call him back. He turns around and of course smiles.

"What meeting is she going to?" I really want to know.

"I don't know. She didn't tell me and I didn't ask." He smiles and I let his wrist go. He goes ahead, out of the class.

The rest of the day, all I can think of is Niall. What is his secret? I ask myself over and over again. And where in the world is Valerie? Why does she have a meeting?

Luckily when I get home, Ethan Shawn and Ally are already there and they have dinner. I'm for some reason not hungry and just tell them about my day even though nothing special happened. "How's Niall?" Shawn asks. He doesn't know that I ran away from Niall just after he told me that he loved and after we kissed.

"I don't know." I look down to my feet, avoiding everyone's eyes. Thanks god, Alison changes the subject to the next Sunday plans. We'll have the teens again and this time, everyone will be there. We girls plan a bit, how they have to stand, what they have to do at what point of a song and other stuff. Shawn and Ethan talk about their project for one class, in the meanwhile.

When they all leave, I study and plan for the next couple of days like I always do, every night. Afterwards, I take a shower. Usually showers relax my body and mind, but tonight, it doesn't. All I can think of is Niall and that I have to talk to Valerie as soon as possible. I have to know what was up between them two. I have to know that I don't have to feel bad for... I don't even know why I feel bad. I just do. Maybe because Niall told me that he loves me just after he broke up with Valerie. I feel bad for falling for Niall and letting him fall for me while he had a girlfriend. I should have remind him more, I shouldn't have skyped with him so much, I shouldn't have let this happen. Maybe Valerie saw that Niall was falling for me, I mean, Ethan and Shawn did just by the fact that Niall always called on time. Maybe she cheated on him, because he was, in a way, already cheating on her. I never questioned why Niall always called me and not Valerie instead. I told myself that he already did call her. I told myself that he isn't falling for me, even though he clearly was. I told myself that I'm not falling for him, even though it was obvious.

After washing my hair and body, I get out of the shower and get dressed. A long shirt and shorts will do. As my hair air drys, I read a book on my desk chair. I try to focus on the words but everything remind me of Niall. Oh Niall would do that. Niall would never do that, would he? Niall. Niall. Niall.

Shortly before 9 pm, I put my book away sit down in the middle of my bed. Legs crossed and me phone right in front of me. When the clock hits nine, my phone doesn't ring. Instantly I feel disappointed and sad and a little but hurt. Why doesn't he call me?! Oh yeah right, because I ran away from him.

I was a fool thinking that he would call me now. I ran away from him after he said that he loves me. I lay down in bed and get a groan out, annoyed by myself. "I was so st--" Before I can finish my sentence, my phone rings and Niall calls. I sit up and my heart skips a beat.

Should I pick up?, I ask myself as I look at the screen.