to aurora for always making me laugh ❤️❤️ also please make sure to check out the authors note at the end—it clarifies what's been going on (with me)

Awakening groggily, and taking maximum effort to open my crusty eyelids, I sit up slowly and run a hand over my face. My eyes are slightly puffy from last nights cry with Ford and my heart feels heavier than it has in a solid week, which initially shocks me. I've been working my butt off to change myself and now I feel just like that pathetic girl who would've given anything up just for a boy. No, that's not okay with me.

I turn to my left to slide off of my bed, and it's then that I realize that I'm not on the far right of my bed. I'm on the far left now and blocking my way to my door is a body—a lean one—curled delicately into a ball. Ford snores as light as a feather before clutching my pillow tighter to his handsome face. This is the first time in a while that he's spent the night, which is such a surprise to me that I don't really know how to react. Old me would be ecstatic, but new me has mixed feelings—I'm glad that he stayed because at least now he'll be safe but I'm nervous to see how the morning/day will turn out if he decides to stay any longer.

Taking one last glance at Ford I decide to grow up and slide off of my bed the other way, the right side of it. I make my way over to my dresser, looking lazily at my reflection. My hair is tangled, my eyelids puffy and my lips chapped. Sighing, I run a brush through my hair so that it looks half decent for the morning, and then apply some Vaseline to my lips since lip gloss is completely unnecessary for a morning that'll probably be filled with awkward chatter and my fathers good cooking.

"Hey,"

Ford's morning voice was always able to make my heart flutter, and now is no different. I smile politely in the mirror, trying not to be fazed by his messy hair or the way his body flexes gently when he stretches. Ford smiles back and adds a long yawn to prove how tired he still must be.

"Hey," I breath, giving up on my stupid hair and throwing it into the sloppiest ponytail ever. I turn around and face Ford while leaning onto my dresser to seem slightly more confident than I feel. "You sleep okay?"

"Yeah, thanks." He smiles.

"No problem." I exhale. Moving to a pile of clothes in my room, I dig through them and find the same pair of pajamas that Ford wore the last time he was over, "You're gonna wanna put on some clothes if you want some breakfast."

I toss the clothes to Ford and he catches them with ease but doesn't move to put them on. "I should be heading home, actually." He mutters softly. "Sam and Macy are probably worried and dad's ..." He doesn't finish his lasts sentence.

"You don't want to miss out on pancakes though." I sit on the edge of my bed before connecting my eyes with Ford's. "And doesn't your dad have to work today? You can bring Macy and Sam over and we can all hang out."

"Leah—"

Jumping off of the bed, I make my way to my bedroom door. "I'll take that as a yes." I beam, holding the door open for Ford as he complies, all while chuckling and pulling on my dads pajamas.

"Bringing the food over there would work better." He comments, all the while walking out of my bedroom.

I take Fords comment to use and decide to take the breakfast that my father prepared for me over to Fords. Omelets for Ford, oatmeal with Craisins and berries for me, and pancakes for the twins are stacked high on our arms as we race to Ford's house in my car. Somehow Ford was able to walk all the way to my house completely drunk and in the middle of the night which is a complete and utter mystery to me. He's lucky that's for sure, and I guess God decided to look out for him that night to make sure that nothing else horrible happened to him. Still, though, I'm a little upset that I wasn't able to go through with my original Friday night plans,l—which were to chill by myself at home.

When we reach Ford's house and open his front door, the sound of small footsteps is immediately heard. Sam's blonde head peaks from around the corner of the kitchen before his mouth turns into an "O" and he sprints towards Ford and I. Macy comes right after, screaming the entire way before gripping onto Ford's left leg as Sam grips onto his right. "Ford!" They simultaneously squeal in adorably prepubescent voices.

Ford beams down at them, lighting up the entire house with his white teeth. "Hey nuggets!"

"That's new." I comment, following a struggling Ford into the kitchen where we set down the plates of food. As soon as Ford sets down the plates, he reaches down and scoops up the giggling twins into his arms.

The twins are so insanely adorable that it's almost impossible not to smile and laugh along with them or want to squeeze their chubby cheeks. Both having identical blonde hair, they're very ditzy and silly which results in them constantly getting lost among themselves. Macy looks just like her mom with her long and curly blonde hair, and Conor is beginning to look like Ford as his hair darkens and his face begins to become used to his constant smiles—just like Ford's. "Where's daddy huh?" Ford asks them. "He left you guys here with no food?"

"He said you'd be coming." Conor replies softly, resting his little head on Fords shoulder.

"Yeah? Well, thanks to Leah—" Ford turns the twins toward me, who glance at me in wonder and then recognition. "You guys remember Leah? Well she made me some food to give to you."

"Hi." Macy giggles softly.

"Hi guys." I smile politely at the adorable twins. Conor is wearing little plaid pajama pants and a long sleeve grey pajama tee while Macy has in an adorable floral night gown.

Conor, being the shy twin, buries his head deeper into Fords shoulder instead of greeting me like his female counterpart.

"Let's have some eats, kiddos." Ford gently sets the two down before I join him at the counter as we take the Saran Wrap off of the food.

Following Ford, I take the food into the living room and sit with in between Ford and Macy with my legs crossed. Ford puts the plate of pancakes in between the twins and he hands me my bowl of oatmeal before dashing back into the kitchen to grab some silverware and orange juice.

"Conor, stop!" Macy suddenly squeals. Quickly turning to face them, I see Conor ripping a pancake out of his sisters hands and goofily shoving it into his mouth. Macy's bottom lip trembles before a few tears fall, and she turns her back to her twin brother.

"Hey, wait." I reach onto the plate and grab a golden pancake before handing it to Macy. "There's more where that one came from."

"That's not Golapaga." Macy sniffles, eyeing the pancake in my hand with disgust. "Conor killed Golapaga."

Having to think quickly because I have no idea what or who Golapaga is, I scoot closer to Macy and set the pancake in her tiny lap. "That wasn't Golapaga, Macy, that was a fraud." I babble. "Conor was just ... protecting you from him. But this, this is the real Golapaga."

Macy wipes her nose and eyes with her hands. "What's a fraud?"

"Something like, fake." I explain. "Conor ate the fake Golapaga."

"No I didn't." Conor pipes up, eyeing me with skepticism.

"Yeah you did, that's why he tastes so good."

Macy giggles before taking the pancake from her lap and rubbing it against her face. "Yeah. This is Golapaga."

Satisfied with myself, I sit back from the twins. Ford nudges me and it's then that I realize that he probably saw everything that just went down which is proven by his warm smile. "Nice one." He commends me, handing me a spoon for my oatmeal. "I don't that I could've even pulled it off."

"I think you've got a little competition now," I jokingly reply.

After we've eaten and cleaned up behind ourselves, the four of us recline on the Turner's couch as Ford pulls up Netflix on his XBox One. Macy climbs up on my lap, catching me by surprise at she glances up at me in wonder. Really she has every right to, because I'm sure she hasn't seen an older girl in a while—or at least one that looks like me. I don't know what kind of girls Ford brings home anymore—old Leah probably would—but I can take a guess that they don't spend too much time trying to meet the family.

Macy reaching up and clutches some of my hair in her little fingers. "God gave you pretty hair." She says in awe.

"He gave you pretty hair too." I tell her, flicking some of her curls out of her face.

"Really?" She smiles, reaching back and touching her crazy curls. It's evident that none of the boys know that much about girls hair because Macy's hair is tangled and matted in many places. The poor girl probably has no idea that she looks slightly crazy.

"Absolutely. Would you like me to braid it for you?"

Macy's entire face lights up. "Sure!" Macy leaps up off of my lap and dashes somewhere upstairs before coming back with a brush and a comb. She plops up onto my lap again, her back to me, and giddily begins to jump up and down.

First I brush through her tangles and attempt to make it as nice as possible before braiding. In order to hold her braid I take my rubber band out of my hair and use it to tie up her best French braid. When I'm done I give her my phone to use the camera as a mirror, and as Macy glances at herself in the camera you can practically hear heaven singing as her lips form the biggest smile I've ever seen. "Yay!" She squeals, sliding off of my lap and scooting towards Ford, who's busy scanning through Netflix. "Ford!" She yanks his arm, immediately getting his attention. "Conor, Ford, look!"

Conor, who's sitting on Fords lap comfortably, glances lazily at his sister without saying a word. Ford on the other hand beams down at her, reaching out and stroking her hair. "You look gorgeous Mac," He comments, and then look up and me in appreciation.

From an unfamiliar eye, the Turner's seem nothing short of a perfect family. Macy's adorable and sweet, always welcoming people with open arms and a warm heart. Conor is quiet and shy, really only opening up to Ford and Macy yet carries an aura with him that attracts you to him. Then of course there's Ford, the handsome and like able guy that you can't help but fall for. They complete each other perfectly.

But I am not an unfamiliar eye. I can see how through the pride and the love how much sadness and worry is hidden behind Ford's glossy orbs. I can see how desperately clingy Conor is to Ford, never really leaving his side and relying on him to hide behind. And Macy, who wears her heart on her sleeve, is destined to get it shattered.

She reminds me so much of myself.

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"And ... down." Ford whispers as I gently set Conor down in his bed beside Macy's. "You're practically a pro."

"I didn't know putting toddlers into beds was a profession." I laugh softly, following Ford out of the twins' room.

Ford spins around on his heel, now walking backwards in order to talk to me. "Oh it is." He smiles teasingly. "And it's very respected in the older sibling league."

I shrug cooly. "Guess I'm just a prodigy."

Ford chuckles lightly while leading me across the hall and into his bedroom. Old Leah would've had a heart attack just from breathing the same air as him but new Leah is surprisingly calm while sitting on his soft bed. The room is just as I'd dreamed about: neatly made bed, book shelf stocked with novels he'd never read, weird rock posters plastered across the walls, and a few clothes scattered along the grey carpet. The scent of pizza and fresh cotton wraps around me like a blanket, but isn't overwhelming enough to suffocate me.

Ford lays down on the bed on his back, grabbing a rubber mini football from his somewhere near his bed and beginning to toss it in the air. "So how have you been?" He wonders curiously. "How is everyone? The guys, I mean."

"I've, um, I've actually been pretty okay." I reply honestly, pushing a few strands of hair behind my ears. "And they're pretty good as well."

Ford nods approvingly. "How's Landon?"

I know that Landon and him were really close before Ford left, so hearing about him must hurt. But surprisingly Ford doesn't seem too fazed but more curious, "He's good—still annoying and stupid."

Ford laughs. "Typical Lanny. How about Kendra and Brady?"

"Kendra's been doing a lot of triathlons and stuff and Brady is still just really sweet and adorable. Also—fun fact—I ran a triathlon with her the other day." I inform Ford proudly. "And it was great."

"I bet you died."

I roll my eyes as Ford laughs. "I'll have you know that I actually did pretty darn good for not running one before."

"Sorry," Ford sits up and crossing his legs across from me. "I could never run those types of things, especially not with football."

"How is that by the way?" Ford and football have always gone together. When we were kids he'd constantly be trying to get us all to play a game of two hand touch just for fun but we of course were never really into it—mostly me and Landon. Brady played with him sometimes but when it became evident just how much better Ford was than him, it was tiresome and obnoxious for Brady. Now that Ford has made varsity for three years strait he can hang out with those stupid jocks that think football is the only thing in the world, which is just fine and dandy for Ford. To be honest, football is the only thing that I don't miss about Ford.

"It's great." Fords eyes light up as he speaks, inevitably drawing me in. "The guys have really gotten a lot closer over the years which has made us so much better on the field. We run drills like a machine and get done so fast that coach let's us do scrimmages for half of the game. I've been starting for the games and now that OSU recruits have started to come it's really starting to feel like a reality, like football could possibly be my mark in this world, you know?"

I can't help but grin at the news, and simply from how happy it all seems to make him. Most of his flow is back from our last encounter which adds to the aura he has around him, like an angel. "I miss hearing you talk about things like this." I openly admit, looking Ford straight in his eyes. "Things that make you so happy."

"Being around you makes me happy." Ford admits shyly. "I really ... I really miss you Leah."

As much as I want to fall weak at the knees from Ford, I know that I can't. The new me is all about being a strong and independent person, so how can I do that if every little word that comes out of Ford's lips makes me want to fall on my knees and sell myself? That would ruin everything that I've been working for and not to mention make all of the money spent on a new wardrobe and a new hairstyle go to waste.

"Well," I slide off of Ford's bed before shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly. "That's nobody's fault but your own."

Ford blinks for a moment, perhaps just as stunned as I am by my comment, but who's to say it isn't true? If Ford really cared than he would've apologized and made up with all of us a while ago, in fact, none of this probably would've happened. He's expressed his reasons to me too many times to count and each time makes me angrier than the last. We must not even mean that much to him if those jocks and cheerleaders hold him by such a tight leash.

"Well, yeah." Ford mutters. "But—"

"I'll see you around, Ford." I blurt out, with a hint of arrogance, as I turn on my heel and walk out of Ford's room. As I do, a part of me feels guilty and stupid for being so rude and brutal. Then there's the polar side of me that thinks Ford deserved it completely and probably could've taken more.

I don't who's right, but what I do know is that it's over now and there's nothing that I can do to change that.

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a u t h o r s n o t e:

ugh this chapter was so bad but i had to get something out for you guys.

so quick thing: i sincerely apologize for me being a little wacko lately. I've been pretty stressed and anxious a lot and along with that is just slight jealousy for a few authors on this cite—which explains the message that I'll be taking down soon. i sincerely appreciate the love and support that you've all been giving to me in barrel loads but i just need to finish out this week without wattpad and then I'll be back at it again.

other than that, i hope you enjoyed this chapter and i wish all of you luck that are back in school (me). literally i can't wait for summer again because school is just so repulsive and horrible ugh. hopefully you're all doing better than me but if you aren't, your girl can relate. this chapter was pretty bad and uneventful but maybe it brought some hopes up, so don't forget to comment and tell me what you think ❤️.

much love, ami.