for Alena who is so sweet and adorable and has been here for me for the longest time.

"Hey."

My eyes cast over to Kendra, clad in light wash overalls that hang over a pastel purple crop top. Her hair is thrown up in a bun and she looks relaxed, content even, as if life has been doing good by here recently. I sigh in envy.

"Hi." I attempt to smile while shrugging my backpack higher up my shoulder and shutting my locker. "I don't know about you, but I am so ready for a two hour nap."

"Two hours?" Kendra repeats, sounding shocked. "How will you get any sleep at night?"

I shrug. "I'll stay up late and watch some Netflix I guess."

It's then that Kendra stops me by halting directly in front of my walkway and gripping my shoulders with her thin hands. She looks me up and down—glancing distastefully at my lazy outfit of leggings and a plain tee shirt and grimacing when she eyes my greasy hair. "Leah, what the fuck is going on with you?" Kendra demands with eyes like steel.

I blink, slightly dumbfounded. Kendra has always been the blunt one in our relationship but never has she caught me this off guard. "I guess I'm just tired." I reply, but as soon as the words leave my mouth I know they aren't enough for her.

"Don't lie to me." She sternly scolds. "I know you too damn well Leah, and this—" Kendra gestures to my outfit with her head. "Isn't you."

"Excuse me for wanting to just be comfortable." I shake my body so that I'm free from Kendra's grasp, and attempt to walk away but am stopped once again.

"You smell and look like shit."

"Wow thanks, you look great as well." I roll my eyes.

Kendra sighs, gripping onto the shoulder of her backpack and giving me a sympathetic look. "You haven't been sleeping at night, you're messy and unorganized, and you spend way more time alone than I know you're letting on. Somethings going on Leah, and it most likely has to do with Ford. I don't know, but I need you to just be okay for me."

"That would be possible if there were actually something wrong with me." I groan. I'm beginning I get annoyed with Landon and now Kendra always bugging me about being better. If they knew what I was going through mentally than they'd probably back off, or at least be a little more considerate. "But in reality, you're just freaking out for no apparent reason."

"Then prove me wrong." We begin to walk at a normal pace towards the main doors of the school. "Come bowling with us tonight."

"Bowling?" I distastefully scoff—it's a known fact between the group that I hate bowling.

Kendra nods with a bright beam on her pretty face. "It'll be so much fun! None of the popular kids will be there and it'll give you a chance to forget about Ford for the night."

I tuck a few strands of dirty hair behind my ear. If I don't go, that'll just give my friends more of a reason to think that there's something wrong me when they're actually isn't. Plus I'll be doing something that I don't enjoy—bowling. But if I do go, than there's a good chance that I'll have a lot of fun because that's just one of the things that happens when the four of us are together. Also, it'll give me an excuse out of the many chores that my parents most likely have planned for me.

"Okay," I agree, much to Kendra's excitement as she squeals and claps her hands. "I'll go."

Kendra hooks her arm through mine with a wide grin on her face as she leads me to her car. She's usually the sarcastic, brooding type but right now I'm seeing a completely different side of her. It's crazy to think that simply agreeing to go out bowling with the guys could make her so happy, but it's better that she's oblivious to how I really feel and just happy with herself than if she knew everything that was going on and was upset. So I think I'll be keeping it this way for a while.

---------

The smell of greasy hotdogs and the sound of effervescent pop music cloud my mind as I chuck the neon colored bowling ball down the lane and watch as it lands directly into the gutter and heads for its doom.

"Thanks a lot, Leah." Brady groans, all in jest, as he stands and prepares our second bowl. "You always have to make it hard for me."

"Sorry." I giggle light heartedly before taking my seat in between Landon and Kendra—who are on a team together.

For the night we decided that we'd split into teams and the loser would have to buy the winners chips at Chiptole, which is where we're going for dinner. Kendra and Ford have been obsessed with the Mexican grill since the seventh grade so it's been our go to spot for a while—even though Ford is no longer with us.

Brady gears up to bowl and with the least amount of effort possible, he lands a strike down the middle. Ford was always the best athlete, and Brady was left under his shadows as Ford seemed to attract the most praise and respect. Now that Ford is gone we can really appreciate Brady's athletic abilities in golf, soccer, football, basketball and now bowling. The last one comes in handy because I seem to be the only one we can't hit a pin.

"That was luck." Kendra snorts as she gets up and prepares to bowl for her team. "Watch and learn from a true master."

Landon cheers for her, as I divert my attention towards my partner. Brady was always adorable in my eyes with his slight curly brown hair and eyes that always seemed to promise tomorrow. He's sweet and charismatic, with a smile that reminds me so much of Ford's that I almost couldn't handle it at times. Now, though, I try to appreciate as many things that give me some connection to Ford as I can.

"Brady." I call to him, a smile on my lips.

He turns at the sound of his name and smiles back. "Leah,"

"Hi." I giggle, scooting closer to him.

Without warning, and a squeal of surprise from me, Brady lifts me up and seats me right on his lap so that my legs are dangling off of his thighs and my arms have to grasp his neck for safety. "Hey," He laughs. "What's up?"

"Besides you scaring the shit out of me, nothing much." I laugh, tucking a strand of hair that escaped my French braid behind my ear. "You?"

Brady shrugs, "Everything, to be honest." He replies meekly.

Honestly, Brady isn't one of the friends that I pay all that much attention to. There's Kendra, who's always into everyone's business and always making people laugh with her jokes, Landon who annoys the crap out of me at times with his overprotective personality, and of course Ford who I would give myself up to if I possibly could. Brady's always been the mellow one with not much to complain about and not much to share because his life was and isn't very interesting. But now, as I'm studying his chiseled jaw line and his green eyes I can't help but think that something's wrong.

"Really?" I wonder curiously, much to Brady's surprise as his eyes glance over my make-up free face. "Like what?"

Brady prepares to say something, before he stops and changes his mind. Then, with a sigh, he tells me, "I just worry about you a lot, Leah. I mean we all do but I just feel the worst."

"Why would you?" I almost laugh at his response because it seems so generic and redundant, like everybody's been saying it and I hear it over and over again. The idea of something being wrong with me seems to be trending within our friend group, each of them retweeting something that I haven't yet noticed. "You haven't exactly done anything wrong, at least that I know of."

"Well that's just it. You don't know."

Brady gently grips my hands in his, a gesture that I recognize so well. Whenever Brady felt emotional about something—exciting, good, sad, bad—he'd always grip my hands before telling me. From the look in his eyes I could always try to guess what he was saying as like a game. Right now, I can tell that the news won't be exciting or good because of how his green eyes are that of a dewy forest, and how his eyebrows are scrunched together like what he's going to share pains him. Mentally, I prepare for the worst.

"Leah," Brady exhales. "I know about your thing."

Confused, I cock my head to the side. "My thing?"

"Your bathroom thing." Brady whispers, even though Kendra and Landon are at the lanes arguing about God knows what. "I know about it."

My blood seems to run cold as my entire body becomes a block of ice—stiff and lifeless. The one thing that I'd been trying to keep to myself this entire time has been shared with someone else, someone who I know cares too much about me to keep it secret. The fact that it isn't something simple like cheating on a boyfriend, but it's an actual disorder that can be diagnosed. Not to mention it's disgusting and can lead to all kinds of health problems.

"How?" I whisper to him shakily, my body slowly regaining feeling as I'm able to speak.

Brady intertwines our fingers. "I was walking by the 1st floor and heard someone in the bathroom so I went in ... I was just so scared that I didn't do anything. I couldn't do anything, not when you looked so lifeless and weak and—"

I don't give Brady the chance to finish as I briskly hop up from his lap and make a mad dash to the bathroom as a bout of barf quickly makes its way up my stomach. Sometimes when I'm caught in emotional or stressful situations like this, I just barf for the heck of it because I can't find a way to get my words out. It's uncontrollable, and kind of a huge problem but I can't shake it, and after what Brady just said there's no way I'm telling anyone.

He makes me seem even more pathetic than I feel, and that's the exact reason why I didn't want anyone finding out. I already feel like crap for making myself do it, but the fact that Brady thinks of me as just another piece of crap can only mean that I actually am crap. I knew this all along but to hear it in words just makes the situation a million times worse, and I'm trying my very hardest to keep my tears from spilling out and ruining the night that I tried so hard to stay normal for.

"Leah!" A voice calls, and I immediately tag it as Brady.

I shake my head with a voice like shattered glass, "I don't feel like speaking to you right now—" When I quickly turn around, I realize that my hearing must need to be checked.

Ford, with his beautifully messy hair and sympathetic brown eyes, is jogging over to me. From behind him I can see a group of boys clad in Varsity jackets making their way to the farthest lane in the bowling alley. When Ford reaches me, I try not to focus on how his tee shirt allows for a view of his tight abdomen and lean biceps.

"F-Ford," I breathe.

"Hey," He breathes as well, but with about ten pounds less of the drama and effort it takes me because of the anchor on my heart that seems to appear whenever he does. "I need to talk to you for a sec," He tells me softly, looking directly into my eyes with the control of a dog trainer.

"What's up?" My voice quakes and I cringe, for once wanting to be able to control myself around Ford.

"I want to apologize." He murmurs softly. "About what went down between us the other day. I shouldn't have ... " Ford chuckles softly, "Attacked you like that."

"Oh," The words from his lips seem to liberate me. I haven't heard a positive word come out of his mouth in so long, nor have I been able to hear him chuckle so freely and beautifully without wanting to cry or break down. I feel ... free, even if for just a moment. "That's okay."

Fords lips form a smile, and as they do my heart seems to warm up like it's being cooked in an oven. Just as I'm about to start a conversation or something of that optimistic magnitude, an arm wraps around my waist and lifts me up while Ford is forcefully shoved backward until he slams against the ground.

I let out a scream as Landon pounces on top of him, landing punch after punch onto Ford's face while Kendra leaps out of no where and begins to scream, "Keep your fucking hands away from her, you little bitch!" Brady's arm wraps around my torso and holds me tight to his chest, so tight that I can't fight back and I can't even scream but I can cry—boy can I cry—and I do as I watch helplessly while the people who I thought were my friends act more like rabid animals than people. Landon continues to pulverize Ford as he does nothing to fight back but lay there innocently. Kendra hops up and down and hollers at the both of them. Brady whispers sweet nothings into my hair as I continue to cry, and somehow find the strength to fight him off of me, but he manages to hold me once more.

One of the stronger female employees dashes over and throws Landon off of Ford before pulling Ford up onto his feet and gripping his shirt in her hands. "All of you, out!" She screeches, pointing her finger at the door of the bowling alley.

"Really, Turner?" One of the varsity boys hollers in laughter as he stumbles out of the bowling alley. Landon follows, rolling up his sleeves and breathing way too heavily to be considered sane. Kendra is hot behind him, and Brady doesn't even release me—instead lifting me up and carrying me out like a baby.

And while I want to fight him and scream, I can't help but feel like something might go wrong and that I'm going to wish that I could stay in his arms.

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a u t h o r s n o t e:

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