for kayla, because her stories make me question myself and her tumblr is my entire life

"Wait, what?!" Landon screeches.

Kendra's mouth drops open, Brady runs an angry hand through his hair and leans back into his seat, Landon slams his fists onto the table, and I let out a tired sigh as I finish telling my friends the final details of what went down between Ford and I yesterday. I knew that they would all freak out, considering how much they hate Ford for no reason, but I didn't expect Landon to become violent or for Kendra to be so surprised. After all, it's no secret that I'm incredibly good at making a fool of myself around Ford.

"Where the hell is he?" Landon stretches his neck, actually attempting to look for Ford when he knows just as well as I do that Ford switched lunches at the beginning of the second semester—which was a month ago. "I swear to God when I find him—"

"What, Landon?" Kendra groans. "What could you possibly do to Ford Turner?"

"I could shove his balls up his ass," Landon bluntly replies, causing me to giggle softly.

Landon has never been, and still isn't, the violent type. He's usually our leader because of his headstrong and sometimes bossy personality, but it's completely contradicted by his big heart and impeccable loyalty. But when he's upset, like right now, he can take on this facade of a tough guy who will punch anyone that so much as breathes on him. In reality though, he wouldn't hurt a fly.

"You're the only human in the world who's been graced with that pitiful mutation." Kendra comments teasingly. "And besides, if you so much as touched Ford your ass would be grass."

Kendra Gilmore is probably the friend that I'm the closest with, besides Ford. She's sarcastic and incredibly pessimistic, which only ends up becoming humorous when people don't understand her or peg her as a bitch. What others outside of our friend circle don't know is that she's actually a really down to earth person. A few years ago, Kendra and her family were homeless thanks to her fathers job loss and her mothers bout with cancer. Sadly, she died, but left behind a good chunk of money that she had been saving up for Kendra and her little sisters so that they were able to get back on their feet. Now Kendra does all sorts of things for breast cancer awareness like triathlons and fundraisers, and also volunteers at a homeless shelter every weekend.

"You think I care what Ford thinks? After what he did to Lea?" Landon screeches once more, this time making me jump in my leggings. "Hell no, not this time. He's gone too far."

"He didn't do anything." I pipe from my seat between Brady and Kendra as I cross my arms over my chest. "We just ... talked." I can't help but smile slightly at the memory, before its all washed away by the reminder that he'll never be mine. "It was more of a positive than a negative."

"Since when did manipulation and creepiness become a positive thing?" Landon wonders with a bitter laugh. "Jeez, what in the hell has this world come to."

"I'll tell you what." Brady sits up from his chair. "All I know, is Ford better grow a pair of eyes behind his head because like Lan said, he went too far."

Brady, as well as Landon, is never really one to pick fights. He's sweet and funny, with soft dimples and a chiseled face to go along with his attractive personality. If it weren't for Ford, than I'm almost positive that Brady would be the guy that i would fawn and loose my dignity over.

"You're being ridiculous." I groan.

"We're being your friends." Brady places his hand on my knee with upmost care and compassion. "Sorry to have to say this, but no one messes with my friends without getting their asses kicked."

I bite my lip, internally conflicted. I'm angry at myself for telling my friends, but that would've been inevitable because if i hadn't than it would've eaten away at me until I blurted it out at the wrong place and the wrong time. But now I know that Brady and Landon might just kick Ford's ass and although he probably deserves it, I can't have anything or anyone ruining my chances with Ford—if I even have any.

"I say we ambush him after school today." Landon begins to formulate his plan with Brady, who nods along with everything that he says. "You hold him down and I'll punch him repeatedly, and then I'll grab his balls and shove it where it hurts."

"Kinky." Kendra smirks, popping a french fry into her mouth as Brady laughs. "Take the guy out on a date first, would you?"

"Ha, ha." Landon rolls his eyes.

"Can you guys please stop talking about this like it's actually going to happen?" I sigh, eyeing both Brady and Landon. "It already sucks that I messed this up, and you guys planning to mutate him isn't going to help me at all."

"Help you?" Landon scrunches his eyes together in confusion.

Brady eyes me for a second before sighing audibly and running a hand through his wavy chestnut hair. "You don't still have feelings for him, do you?"

"What do you think?" Kendra sarcastically wonders.

The boys groan loudly, both leaning back in their chairs and throwing their hands up into the air. It's embarrassing that they're so spiteful of my feelings for Ford, especially since the both of them dislike it about ten times more than Kendra does. Granted Brady and Landon were both extremely close to Ford before things got weird, so it could be hurt that is blinding them from understanding. None the less, it's completely unfair that I'm not allowed to just be content with how i feel. After all, I've been nothing but supportive of Landon's one night stands and Brady's long standing girlfriends—though he's now single.

"Leah, you don't have to like him anymore." Brady speaks to me softly and patronizingly, as if I'm a little kid who's still obsessed with Barnie and not a seventeen year old girl in love with an actual boy.

"And why not?" I blurt irritably, looking Brady straight in the eye as my heart begins to pound in my chest due to the sudden anger that I'm experiencing.

"B-Because," Brady looks to Landon for help, and fortunately for him Landon seems to be prepared as he calmly leans forward on the table and looks me in the eye.

"Because Ford is a complete asshole, Leah." Landon calmly informs me with the slightest twitch of anger in his brown eyes as his jaw clenches—probably due to thinking about Ford. "You shouldn't waste your time on him."

"I didn't think that having feelings for him was equivalent to wasting my time." I retort, embracing my inner Kendra as the rebuttals come bursting out of me. Whenever someone speaks negatively about Ford I always find myself defending him, even when I know he's in the wrong.

When we were still friends the two of us always had each others backs. We expanded this to our friend group, so they all know how I feel when it comes to talking crap about him. Even though Ford is no longer as close to me as I want him to be, I know that he'd defend me no matter what. So now that my friends seem to find every possible way to insult Ford, it just makes me so much more on edge and hurt to here it and be around them.

"It is when you 'have feelings' for a guy like Ford Turner." Landon rebuttals with anger laced in his tone and seeping through his eyes. "You're too good for someone like him, Leah."

"Yeah, you're actually a good person." Brady chuckles, reaching for my hand. Before he does, I snatch it away and glare at both him and Landon.

My body acts on its own as I abruptly scoot my chair back from the table and stand up, before gathering my things and yanking my backpack up my shoulders. "Where are you going?" Landon wonders, scrunching his eyes brows and glancing at Kendra for information—too bad she's just as clueless.

"Somewhere you're not." I state, before turning on my heel and marching away from my friends and out of the cafeteria completely, just as the tears build up and rapidly fall down my face.

I find a nearby bathroom and enter it before finding a stall and locking the door behind me. From there, I chuck my back pack onto the ground and plop my butt onto the mysteriously wet tile floor before dropping my head into my hands and just letting out all of the tears that I've been holding in for the last few hours.

Ever since Ford left I've just been such a disgusting mess and emotional wreck. I can't pin point what day it happened or where I was when I realized that the world was over but all I know is that it's happening because Ford is gone and it's all my fault. If I weren't such a stupid person than maybe he'd still be with me, or still even be friends with me, but since I am he was smart enough to hightail it out of my life.

But I can't say that it doesn't hurt, because it does. It hurts like hell.

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My eyes suddenly snap open to the sound of something hard slapping against my window. I sit up from my bed, pushing off my light blue comforter, and slide down from my mattress until my bare foot hit the carpeted floor. From there, I slowly make my way over to my window and pull open my curtains.

A smile graces my face as Ford chucks a pebble at my window before he notices me standing there and smiles back up at me. He waves his hand for me to come, and it's then that I see his fathers black truck parked in my driveway with the lights on. I put my finger up, telling him one moment, and let out a giggle as he teasingly stomps his foot like a kid. Nevertheless, he drops his pebbles and walks back over to his car to wait for me—hopefully.

I quickly shut my drapes and dash over to my dresser where my mirror awaits me. I flicker on my lap for a few seconds, to see that my messy ponytail is even messier and more disgusting than I had made it to be, my over sized American Eagle "soft and sexy" tee is lopsided, and my leggings are pulled way too high. With an annoyed sigh, I fix my clothes and redo my hair so that the ponytail is sloppy but not too sloppy. When I'm pleased with how I look, I slip on a pair of fuzzy socks and my beige Ugg moccasins before grabbing my phone and quietly leaving my room and tip toeing down my steps.

The autumn air is crisp at my bare face and I'm thankful for grabbing my black NorthFace before exiting my house. Before I can open my door, Ford quickly hops out of the car and beats me to it while smiling broadly at me and making my heart jostle and my cheeks flame "Such a gentleman." I gush, only half teasing him as I hop into his car.

"You know how I am." Ford replies once he makes it back into the drivers seat. "Gentle man is basically my middle name."

"That and arrogant psychopath." I retort jokingly, laughing when he gasps and pulls out of my driveway.

"And they say you're the sweet one." Ford shakes his head, eyes glistening with the sense of adventure as he takes the freeway that leads out of town.

"Can I ask where we're going?" I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my head on top of them. I honestly could care less where we're going, especially since it's just the two of us. Usually Ford goes on adventures when the five of us are together, but I feel extremely special to be here in his truck with him. He could've chosen any of his booty calls, but he chose me.

"You can, but I won't answer." Ford smiles at me, relishing in my confusion as I furrow my brows—a trait I picked up from Landon. "I honestly have no idea."

"So we're just gonna drive all night?"

Ford shrugs. "Yeah, pretty much."

Despite the fact that I'm slightly worried we won't make it back home before my parents wake up, it's currently 3:22 AM, I can't help but smile at the unruly haired boy beside me. He's also in his pajamas, giving me the inference that he probably woke up randomly in his sleep and couldn't fall back into it so he just decided that visiting me would be a fun idea. Not that I mind, but we do have school tomorrow and I don't exactly like to be late or play hookie—unlike Ford. I like to think that I'm a good student, even though I'm not necessarily the smartest student ever. I like to think that I try hard enough to be considered above average, but I'm no genius. I only take a few honors classes and don't do any big extracurriculars—unless you count hardcore crushes.

"Okay," I reach for the aux chord and plug my phone in. "But we're gonna have to listen to my music."

"Oh no," Ford shakes his head. "I won't torture my ears by listening to Coldplay and Echosmith and whatever other indie garbage you've got."

"You poor, ignorant baby." I teasingly ruffle his hair as March Into The Sun by Echosmith begins to softly play through his car speakers. "We've been friends for three years and you've learned absolutely nothing about good music—it's such a shame."

"Maybe I just don't have a good teacher." Ford challenges, causing my jaw to drop in faux hurt—which makes him laugh loudly.

"I've done nothing but shower you with albums and constantly throw factoids about bands at you, and this is what I receive in return?"

Ford shrugs, before flashing me a smile that's so warm and beautiful that I want to jump on top of him and collaborate my lips with his while simultaneously melting into his lean biceps. "The truth hurts, my dear."

I roll my eyes before reaching over and turning the volume up on the radio so that it blasts through out the car. Then, just to annoy him, I roll down my window and put my feet up on top of his dash before belting out the lyrics to the chorus:

"With hands in our pockets this doesn't have to be our last dance / With hands in our pockets this doesn't have to end / No grand finale / With hands in our pockets we'll march into the sun"

I didn't realize that Ford was singing with me until I spot his slightly overgrown hair shaking as he rocks his head back and forth and laughs, his fingers keeping beat in the steering wheel. The sheer sight of him so happy and carefree makes me laugh, which only adds to the positive atmosphere. This is why I love being around Ford. No matter what we're doing, where we are—or in this case—where we're going, he's always able to make me feel like I'm on top of the world. That's the kind of gift you're born with, the kind of gift that makes you so special that everyone constantly wants to be around you.

Or in my case, with you.

Soon, Ford pulls over on the side of the road and keeps driving through an open field before he stops and puts the car in park. "We have arrived at our destination." He announces, before reaching back in his car and pulling forward a grocery bag. From that he pulls out two Saran-wrapped ham sandwiches, two juice boxes, and a bag of cereal before handing me one of each.

"I don't really know what to say." I laugh, deciding to eat the sandwich and juice box and save the cereal for later. "Should I thank you or question you?"

"Technically that was a question, so now you have to thank me." Ford replies. Before I can, he hops out of the car and makes his way over to the passenger side and opens my door for me. Slightly confused and slightly excited, I slide out and follow him until he hops into the pick up part of his truck.

"Thank you." I grunt, climbing in behind him and zipping my jacket all the way up as a particularly cool wind slices at my face and hair.

Ford does the opposite of me, opening his bag of Cheerios first and dumping handfuls into his mouth before speak with chunks flying, "So what's going on with you?"

"Nothing." I quickly reply, too quick.

Ford shakes his finger at me as I bite into the ham sandwich. "Uh uh, I know you too well Leanne Michelle Oberlin."

"Please don't call me that." I groan.

"I will until you tell me what's wrong, Leanne Michelle Oberlin." I can already see Ford realizing how much fun it is to torture me. "How do the stars look tonight, Leanne Michelle Oberlin? I think they look pretty awesome Leanne Michelle Oberlin, what about you Leanne Michelle Oberlin? Do you like the stars Leanne Michelle—"

"Okay!" I exclaim with a laugh as Ford shoots his fists into the air with triumph. "There is something bothering me, if you must know."

Ford lays down and props his head up onto his hands. "I must."

I exhale softly, knowing that there's really no way out of this. "I like someone." I admit, my voice soft and quiet because of how vulnerable I feel at this moment. "I like them a lot."

"Woah." Ford breathes, sitting up suddenly and looking at me with wonder. "Really?"

"Yeah." I nod. "But I'm almost positive that they don't like me back, and they have every reason to. I'm cow turd compared to them."

"Hey," Ford grips my small hands in his leans ones, causing my eyes to drift up until they've connected with his tentative and honest ones. "Whoever this guy is, he's lucky as hell for you to like him. You're the best person I know Leanne Michelle Oberlin—"

"Stop," I laugh, attempting to pull my hands away but he only holds on tighter.

"I'm serious, Leah." He continues. "You're really special, I don't care who tries to tell you otherwise. Whoever this guy is don't let him stress you out too much because you don't deserve a second of his shit if he does. You deserve the world."

It takes all of my effort not to cry as I wrap my arms around Ford, but I manage as I choose to bury my head into his shoulder instead. It's nights like these and moments like these that really make my heart yearn for Ford, the boy I'll never have and I'll never deserve. If only he knew that he was the guy that I was stressing over, what would he do? He'd probably tell me that I'm too good for him and that there's other guys who could do so much better. And I'd tell him that he is better, and that no matter what I'd always love him.

If only.

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a u t h o r s n o t e:

ugh just got out of school, thank god )-: honestly updating makes my week.

sadly we weren't able to make it to 100 reads but since we were so close I'll be able to post a teaser later this week! i didn't read this for errors so feel free to call me out on grammar or spelling. anyway, hope you guys have a good one and enjoy this nice weather (shoutout to my ohioans)!