I tell myself to dare not run back to him, he does not deserve the woman I have created through time. But I miss him, I miss him like crazy. His look alone could make me feel an adrenaline rush, as if i was high on him. I consumed him like a drug , inhaling and exhaling, feeling a warmth whenever he was around. Feeling like I was secure and safe. He did this, he made me feel whole. . . He's Autumn, my god he really is, and yes I shall see him as a season.

I mean, he's beautiful. Sometimes he's warm, bright and glowing, but other times he's the coldest person I've ever met and I swear to god you could see the ice in his heart through his eyes. Autumn is beautiful, but what people seem to forget about this season is that it's when everything is dying. It's actually kinda morbid when you think about it. That's why he reminded me of Autumn because he was so beautiful but he was dead inside, no emotion, no feeling, no nothing.

I wanted answers after so long; We lay under the stars, which were like a beautiful, surreal blanket above our heads. I could feel his heartbeat against the back of my head, and could hear the soft breaths of him by my side. The moon under siege by stars seemed to lighten the night bringing forth light that shone and hung in the blackness. The never ending blackness consumed everything. Except the stars which stood out like pebbles in front of a storm. . .

I looked up and saw the stars. They illuminated the darkness and my fears crumbled to dust beneath my feet. The words, the lies, the hatred, the failures--they now lingered at a distance. The white crescent shaped scar flickered on my heart. I was reminded that wounds would eventually heal into scars, some of them permanent, some of them not. No longer did I stand in the shadow of the past. Instead, I marched forward in hope of reaching the stars one day. . . "Why did you do it? I mean, like, why did you cheat?"

The glitter in the sky looks as if I could scoop it all up in my hands and let the stars swirl and touch one another but they are so distant, so far apart that they cannot feel the warmth of each other even though they are made of burning. I glanced at him as he gazed up at the night sky, and I suddenly felt bad for him, the pain was eminent on his face. "Why cheat? You said you loved me, f*ck man, I took you at your word. You said I was your soul mate and over the years you became part of the bedrock of my personality. . ."

"How could you just up and go like that? Just suddenly one sunny day, under a cloudless sky, you announce you're in love with someone else. Why didn't you just kill me. I had to be this girl filled with a bitterness she couldn't control. She is the mother of your child, you wanted me to be "mommy." If it wouldn't wound me so bad I'd see you six feet under and walk away without shedding a God damn tear, not one."

The girl you met years ago in the living room floor, the one with the big eyes and the bigger heart is now consumed by a hatred she never knew could take root. But here it is. Here we are. I am yesterday's news and she is the new bell of the ball. You hold her around her waist all the while I am force to smile and make small talk. And I am suppose to live like this?"

Regret washed over his face like the illuminating stars in the nights sky, his emerald eyes shone icy and cold like the nights day. "How I long to go back and take a different path, but now that is impossible. There is no way back. There is no way to make things right. But. . ."