《Hiraeth | Regulus Black》Chapter One Hundred and Eight
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There's always the fear as you get to know people more and more that perhaps, no matter how much you hope to avoid it, eventually you'll find out something about them - not just something, but the one thing that permanently changes your perception of them. Once that happens, the person before you becomes completely different. They're not a stranger, because you now know more about them, but they're not someone you want to know anymore. Your whole perception of who they are has been altered.
There's always the chance, as you learn more about someone, that eventually you'll discover something that makes you not like them anymore. Perhaps to know people more is to love them less. That is, you hope, until you find the one person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you believe in that.
Regulus Black used to feel hesitant about the fact that something would come between him and Esmerelda. He had used to fear that she would suddenly decide she didn't like him anymore - that there was something about him that she secretly hated. He had feared that one day she would realise he wasn't brave or strong enough for her. Perhaps she'd realised she hated how much tea he drank or that he didn't like spicy food.
But that had never happened, and as time had progressed, Regulus didn't fear that anymore.
Esme loved him, and he trusted her wholeheartedly so there was no need for concern. If she told him she loved him, then he knew that was the truth.
"Are you ready?"
Snapping out of his thoughts, Regulus lifted his gaze to look over at Esmerelda.
Over the years of war, she hadn't changed all that much. Esme was emerging on the other side, emotionally hurt having been through so much, but she didn't look wounded.
Her dark hair had grown much longer, and her green eyes much lighter. She smiled slightly at him, the corners of her mouth turning upwards and revealing a small dimple by the left corner of her lips.
Most days, she still wore her all-too-familiar lopsided smirk and a shine in her eyes.
She was beautiful.
"What is it?" She asked, raising a hand to her pale face as if she suspected there was a mark on her skin.
Regulus shook his head, "Oh, nothing. I was just thinking."
She hummed, then inquired, "About what?"
"About you."
Esme didn't reply straight away.
She narrowed her eyes and stared at him for a while before finally asking, "Well, what about me?"
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"Nothing."
"Oh, come on!" She laughed, "You can't say that and then expect me to not want answers."
He chuckled slightly, "It was nothing, really."
"Listen, if you've got reservations about doing this, I get it. But you better tell me now, rather than when we get there." Esme said.
"What? No." Regulus shook his head quickly, "I don't have any reservations about this. Even if we didn't need to flee the country, I'd still want to do this with you. Do you have reservations?"
She sighed, "No. I just feel like we've left things at a bit of a loose end."
He smiled, wandered over to her and settled his hands on her waist, "We're meant to be dead. I don't think we can do anything now. There's nothing for us here. We've done everything that needed seeing to."
"You're right." She nodded.
Esme was twenty-one and Regulus twenty. If they had lived anywhere close to normal lives, they'd still be young souls ready to explore the world and find their purpose in life.
But the two of them had battled through a wizarding war, defied everything thrust upon them since birth, and emerged with a lot of loss hanging onto them.
They'd been hardened by the war, wisened by the schemes, and made much less trusting as a result of betrayal.
But there they were, their belongings packed and ready to move away and start a life together.
Their old selves being left behind - missing, presumed dead in the eyes of the Ministry of Magic, who believed them to be ruthless Death Eaters. Guilty, in the eyes of the public, of the brutal murders of Gideon and Fabian Prewett.
"It's still so early." Regulus rubbed his eyes tiredly and sat down on the bed, careful not to knock any of their packed bags onto the floor.
"And Merry Christmas to you too." Esme replied with a cheeky smile as she sat down beside him. Regulus automatically stretched his arm out around her shoulders so she could lean into his side.
He chuckled slightly, "Perhaps not the most orthodox day for moving."
"Less people around to see us, though." She pointed out.
"Plus we'll be in Paris for the New Year." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
Esme laughed, "It's a good thing you emptied your Gringotts vault before all of this happened. I'm essentially broke because I can't get to my money."
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"You're just a gold digger now, aren't you?" He smirked.
"Oh yeah, did you not know?" She replied, "I'm only going out with you for your money."
"No!" Regulus gasped and feigned shock, "How did I not see this coming?"
Esme sat up now and playfully pushed him away, whilst laughing, "You're an idiot, you do know that, right?"
"Yeah, you're stuck with this rich idiot forever now." He caught ahold of her hands between them.
"Ha. Ha." She replied, "Aren't you just a regular old comedian?"
Regulus grinned, "I am, in fact. Did you not know that about me?"
"Alright, you can shut up now." Esme shook her head, wearing a broad smile as she leant in to kiss him.
"I'll strike you a deal," He mumbled against her mouth, "I'll stay shut up if you keep making out with me?"
She scoffed, "You're the worst!"
"Yup." They both leant in to kiss again.
For just a short while, they could ignore everything they'd been through. They could forget the troubles haunting them, if only for a little bit.
They were still so young, after all, and all they wanted was to escape for a moment. Just the briefest of moments.
Paris would be their escape. It would be a chance for them to put their troubles behind them in order to stand any chance of finding some peace for themselves.
There was nothing left for them in England anymore. All they had wanted had been torn from them during the wizarding war, and a fresh start was desperately needed.
They belonged with each other.
In the world of darkness and despair, that was all they knew for certain. This unreserved trust and adoration for the other was the only thing they never needed to question again.
"I do love you, you know." Esme knocked Regulus out of his thoughts again.
Then she added, "Even when you ignore me."
"Ignore you?" He asked, "When have I ignored you?"
She almost laughed, "Just now. I've been talking to you for a couple of minutes and you were just blankly staring past me."
"Sorry." He replied as he combed his fingers through some of her hair, "What were you saying?"
Esme scoffed, "Well I'm not telling you now."
Before he could argue further, she'd swiftly changed the conversation topic. "Do you remember... Maybe you don't... I think it was maybe four years ago. Five, perhaps? I don't know." She slowly trailed off.
Regulus frowned slightly, waiting for her to further elaborate but she didn't, so he asked, "Remember what? A lot of things happened four or five years ago."
She rolled her eyes, "It was after we became Death Eaters. You spent most of the summer reading books to me and then we went out into the valley beside my house, do you remember?"
A large smile grew across his face, "Yeah, I remember that. It's a real paradox of being the best and worst time of my life."
Esme continued, "We sat and watched the sunrise, and had breakfast together. Then you flew about on your broom for a bit. That was nice."
"It was great." He agreed, "Maybe we'll find somewhere with a garden in Paris and we can do that again in the summers."
"Do you miss flying on your broom?" She then asked.
Regulus paused for a moment because, really, he hadn't given it much thought. They'd been so busy trying to stay alive during the war that had hadn't had a chance to think about everything he had been missing out on. Keeping Esme safe and alive had outweighed any possible hobbies of his.
"I suppose so, yes." He eventually admitted, "I hadn't really thought about it, to be honest."
Esme hummed, "I miss watching you play quidditch - even if the game is quite ridiculous and barbaric. The Seekers were probably the easiest bit of the game to understand."
"Well it'll probably be a while before I fly again." He mumbled.
She scoffed, "We can just get you a new broom; you don't need to be so dramatic."
"I can get myself a new broom. You're still broke, remember?" Regulus quipped with a cheeky grin.
"Oh, sometimes you really test my love, do you know that?" Esme twirled a strand of his hair around her finger and allowed it to fall in front of his face.
He smiled, "As long as you still love me, I can live with that. Love you too, by the way."
She smiled at him, "You know that one weird strand of hair that sometimes falls down in front of your forehead? I like it."
Regulus cupped his hand against one side of her face, grazing his thumb over her chin as he connected their lips in a sweet, lingering kiss.
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