[unedited]

"annalise!" mr. clarkson screeches. "for the last time, stop staring out the window and pay attention!" his voice is high pitched and squeaky, almost as if he's intimidated by a bunch of high schoolers. snickers erupt, and i wince as i hear a girl to my left cough out 'attention seeker'. "sorry." i say to the teacher blandly. "it won't happen again."

we both know that's not true, but he simply sighs and carries on with the lesson.

this is how the rest of the day goes until the bell finally rings and i find myself walking home. as my feet drag along the pavement, the feel of the sole of my shoe scuffing against the cement silences my distress momentarily.

when i arrive, my mother opens the door before i have the chance to do it myself, a wide smile etched on her face. "anna darling, you have a visitor!"

what was this? a nursing home? it felt pathetic to be such a loner that i didn't have anyone who would come to see me on a daily basis. they had to be visitors.

"is it that weird reporter lady again asking about ori-his father?" i ask, yawning. lately, talking to my mother was exhausting. she'd always be smiling and jumping around like an adolescent child in hopes that her enthusiasm would rub off on me.

she shakes her head, opening the door wider. my mouth drops open without permission.

"hey anna." he says casually, giving me a small smile. this is all it takes for me to break.

it took him three months, three months to decide that i was worth seeing again, and that hurt more than anything.

they are both smiling at me, waiting for a reaction. "anna, it's orion." my mother says, as if i'm stupid. i'm livid. she knows what he's put me through, but here she is, welcoming him into our home. without any question. as if a boy can fix all my problems.

a tear runs down my cheek and i let out a small cry as i feel my heart-the one i had spent months taping back together-get animalistically torn apart again. as my knees meet the plush carpet of the apartment hallway, tears begin to spill, staining my sweater as i try to wipe them away.

his touch seers into my skin unpleasantly as he wraps his arms around me. but they're no longer comforting, they're suffocating. i can't breathe, i'm being caged in. i try to push him away, but he won't budge.

"anna!" my mom is screaming like i'm deaf as she kneels before us. "i'm fine." i grit out, prying his arms off of me. i need to get away from him. from both of them.

"i-i need to go. right now. sorry. bye." my words come out as a jumbled mess, but my tone is clipped, effectively getting the point across. i don't want to be around any of you.

when i turn, i realize orion has slunk into a corner, watching as i walk away. i don't make eye contact with him, the embarrassment is already too much.

i know if i do, i won't leave.

i'm oddly hungry, something that i haven't felt in a while. but as soon as i walk into the nearest cafe with my wallet in hand, the smell hits me.

it smells like food.

yes dimwit, food! my subconscious mocks, but i feel the sudden need to vomit. i can't remember the last time i ate a proper meal, and now my body has become so accustomed to the occasional bite and then it reappearing later on that i can't even smell food.

i rush out of the cafe as quick as i can. "anna!" a voice calls out.

you have to be kidding me. turning around i look down at my feet. "what do you want?" i ask. i don't dare say his name in hopes of keeping myself from falling apart.

why was i acting like this? because of a boy?

"y-you, i-i..." he starts, scanning me head to toe, searching for something.

"stop looking at me like i'm going to break." i snarl at him angrily. "cut to the crap, i don't have time to listen to you try to explain yourself."

he looks shellshocked, as if he can't believe sweet little annalise could curse.

well guess what asshole? i can.

even my thoughts make me flinch. a few months previously, if someone told me that i'd be acting so cold and distant, i'd laugh at them. now i'd probably tell them to shut up.

i'm not the same person anymore. maybe i never will be.

a/n

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