warning: emotional abuse in this chapter

Marissa stood in front of her dad's restaurant, wishing she had Nikki, Mitchell, James, or even Cleo by her side. Instead, she had her hands balled into tight fists, her nails digging into her palm to try and get her to stop from having a panic attack. She always felt this way going to see her dad after everything that happened in her childhood, the years of emotional abuse she had to endure from him. That she didn't know she was enduring until she was fifteen and the curtain had been removed from in front of her eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Marissa walked forward and entered the building, giving a smile to the hostess, Julian, who immediately recognized her. Leading her to the usual table that Marissa, her dad, and her family ate at when they were bothered enough to come see the older man.

When she sat in front of him, he was doing paper work. Even then, it was awkward and she had to sit in silence as she waited for her father to be done with whatever he was doing. And Vincent took awhile, squinting at the papers when he couldn't exactly read what they said and complaining under his breath about some stupid code the restaurant had to abide by.

When he was finally done, Marissa had the server refilling the Coke that she had ordered. He motioned for the waiter to come back, ordered their usual as Marissa smiled awkwardly around the straw she was drinking from. As they waited, they filled the silence with small talk, mostly about the restaurant and how he was doing. Vincent also hitched about how the hospital wasn't giving Marissa's grandmother the best care, though the young woman knows that's not true. She had talked to her grandmother just the other day on the phone and she had said everything was fine.

When their food arrived, Marissa picked at it as Vincent asked her basic life questions. How are you doing financially? Fine, hairdressing keeps me afloat. Your landlord kick you out for screaming so much? Fortunately no. And I don't scream that much. Thinking about opening up your own salon with Cleo? I could help manage for a bit. We're happy where we are right now. Mitchell and Nikki doing okay? I think so. So is James, thanks for asking. Your mom still with her new husband? They're still happy after ten years, you can stop asking just because it's her third marriage.

She picked at the jalapeno mac and cheese noodle with her fork, shifting it around before finally stabbing it. Marissa chewed, realizing that her father had stopped talking, and looked at him. He had set his cutlery down on either side of his plate and had his hands folded under his chin, regarding her. There was a pregnant pause as Marissa finished chewing, swallowing her food. "What?"

"Harriet - you know Harriet, that girl from that one site - she's a huge fan of that show you like so much," he took a minute to think of the show. Marissa probably would have offered up suggestions if she hadn't frozen in her chair. She didn't like the way this conversation was going, but knew that if her dad had anything bad to say, she would take the hits. Probably cry about it later, but she would try to mask her feelings in front of her father. Vincent snapped his fingers as the word came to him, "Supernatural. Anyway, she was scrolling through news pertaining the actors of the show, before she saw something interesting."

Marissa gulped as her father took out his phone, pulling something up, before showing her. It was a picture of her and Jensen after one of their later dates, looking cozy together. Jensen was smiling widely at her, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. She was looking up at him, her hand intertwined with his on her shoulder, smiling even wider than Jensen's dazzling smile.

She looked at her dad, to see him frowning at her. Marissa stabbed a piece of macaroni, her hands trembling slightly. After she brought the food to her mouth, she wrapped her hands around her glass, bring it forward to try and get her hands to stop shaking.

"See, I thought he was married, googled it, even," Vincent told her, Marissa focusing on the dark, bubbling liquid of her drink. "What are you thinking, Marissa?"

She shrugged in response, playing with her straw now. Images of her father yelling about her mother, calling her names, flashed behind her eyes, telling her that she was never going to see her again if he had anything to do with it after Mitchell, James, and Nikki had gotten away, each at different times. Still, the hit had accumulated in her father until he was taking it put on Maryann by using her. It still hurt to think about, and she felt like that teenager sitting on the couch in the living room, wishing that she could go and see her other family but trapped.

Whenever he got like this, it always reminded her of that summer and how her heart still hurt from it.

"Not only is he too old for you," Marissa wanted to remind her father that he was trying to date a woman with around the same age gap as her and Jensen but didn't. "He was happily married for a long time. You think that just goes away over the year they were separated. Especially when they have to see each other with because of the kids I know he has."

She knew it didn't. Marissa watched her father's face, knew he was talking from personal experience. He was still in love with Maryann (or the idea of her) and was dealing with the after effects of the relationship even now. And seeing her happy with every one of her more recent boyfriends always sent him into a spiral of bitterness and anger. He didn't show it as much now. When Marissa was younger, he used to spread lies about her mom's partners to get her to hate them.

The boyfriend she had after she divorced Vincent would always be the dad that Marissa longed for, until eventually he left them too, cracking Marissa's heart more. After that, the distrust Marissa had for her mother's significant other's was noticable. She barely talked to them, only observed, watching each one walk in, stick around for a couple months, then walk back out again. Until Chad.

"I don't want to talk about this with you," Marissa told him, trembling. She was thinking about Jensen and how much she missed him. In the back, more dark part of her mind she was wondering if him and Danneel were getting cozy in their once shared living room, but pushed the thought away. She trusted Jensen. And God, could she have gone for one of his hugs right now. To feel warm and safe, instead of feeling the icy stare her father was giving her from across the table.

"He's also one of the most attractive guys I've ever seen," Vincent told her, reaching out to console her before he delivered the blow. Marissa moved her hands away, the voices of her siblings screaming at her to shove away from the table and walk away. Get out of there and not listen to his crap anymore. But, she stayed planted, trying to will the tears stay from her eyes. Somehow, she would never not stay and listen to her father putting her down to make himself feel superior. "Why do you think he's going to stay with someone like you?"

Marissa shrugged again, lamely picking at her macaroni. She swallowed, trying to get the cotton out of her mouth. With a sigh, she decided that he was done talking now, and wiped her hands on her napkin, checking her phone. There were several messages from her siblings telling her not to listen to Vincent's shit, her mom telling her she loved him, the groupchat with the Supernatural cast discussing something about an egg, Cleo telling her she had Disney movies and comfort food ready back at her apartment, and Jensen with a simple hey.

They had talked every day almost every chance they could through texting. The man sent her reaction gifs of himself like he said Jared and him did, making her laugh each time. They talked about their lives, interests, everything and anything and Marissa really felt like she was getting to know him. Her heart clenched and she missed him more than ever now.

"I have to go, Cleo has an emergency with her fridge again," Marissa lied, standing up and pocketing her phone. The dress she was wearing swayed around her legs before settling, Marissa glad it was long enough to hide her most recent tattoo. Her dad would hound her about that, too. "I'll see you."

Marissa walked out of the restaurant trying not to cry. Pulling up the text from Jensen, she asked if she could call him. The response was she could do so later, but he was at the park with his dogs, JJ, and Jared's family and couldn't escape to talk to her privately. Marissa asked for a text when she could, and quickly made it into her car, which was sitting on the other side of the parking lot outside of the restaurant.

In the cover of her car, Marissa started to cry.