*Lilah POV*

I sat on the quilt of my bed, refusing to make eye contact with a certain redhead.

It wasn't that I was angry with her for kissing, well more like eating, my Dad but more that I was in shock.

Lily Evans is my mother.

Lily Evans is Harry's grandmother.

Lily Evans is James' future mother in law – which I think is kind of the weirdest of all considering that he used to have a crush on her.

"The ball is winter themed! Aren't you excited?" Marlene exclaimed, bouncing on her bed sheets excitedly, her pale pink socks slipping down her foot.

"There's another one?" I mumbled out, picking at a loose thread in the quilt.

"Sure am," Lily murmured, not picking her head up from her latest book.

Alice in Wonderland.

No surprises there.

"You're not still going with Nicholas, right Li?" Alice questioned, taking a moment to look up from painting her toenails.

"That was the last dance and I didn't even go with him," I grumbled, slouching back into the headboard.

"Is he still even a thing?" Marlene giggled, moving to sit at the end of my bed.

"I'm not too sure what happened to him," I shrugged, leaning back against my headboard. "But no, I'm not."

"James then?" Marlene wiggled her eyebrows up and down suggestively, packed full of energy after the Christmas break.

"You do know that they've been dating for however long now, right?" Alice laughed, wiping stray black curls out of her face with the back of her hand.

"Doesn't mean that I can't get excited," Mar pouted, stubbornly crossing her arms in front of her like a child.

"Who are you going with Lils?" Alice questioned, capping the lid of the bright red polish.

I caught Lily look up briefly from her book in the corner of my eye, shooting a wary glance at me before answering, "I'm not too sure yet."

"And you all preach about me keeping secrets," I scoffed, raising from my bed and awkwardly retrieving the converse by my bedside. "I'm going to find the boys."

The dormitory door closes with a thud, the sound echoing in the dimly lit hallway.

The slow and agonising walk down the stairs gave me time to reflect on my dramatic exit – why was I making such a big deal about this?

She's my mother! I should be rejoicing the fact that I've actually gotten the chance to meet her, to have her in my life.

So why was I so angry?

I sat down on the plush red couch in front of the fire, drawing my knees to my chest as I stared into the bright flames, having only used the boys as an excuse to escape the tense atmosphere.

A lone tear fell down my cheek, the sudden feeling of homesickness washing over me. Despite having made great friends here, there was no doubt that I was missing home and all that came with it.

All those that had died in the battle.

I missed little Teddy Lupin, my only brother who I may never get to see again.

I won't get to help him learn how to control his metamorphagus powers, be with him for his first birthday. I won't know if I won the bet that he'll be sorted into Hufflepuff.

I won't be able to be with my dad – my true dad that has watched me grow up, that tied my shoelaces and learnt how to braid hair so that I could throw it in Marsha Merete's face that my dad was better than her mum.

But most of all I wouldn't be able to see my best friends again, not where they're truly my best friends that I went to Hogwarts with. That I grew up with. That I loved.

Because I – this me, would be dead before they even learnt how to talk properly.

I would have one beautiful year with my son before James and I would be killed.

Only one.

And my knowledge of this was only killing me more.

I let out a pained laugh into the empty common room, no longer able to keep the tears at bay.

I didn't want to die.

"Lilah?" A voice called out hesitantly, a voice I've known all my life.

But it wasn't truly his.

"Yeah?" I murmured, not taking my eyes off of the dancing flames.

Remus sat next to me, his weight ever so slightly shifting the cushion.

"Want to talk about it?"

That line right there I had grown up hearing, a little spark of hope igniting in me, maybe he's still the same person after all.

I glace up at him between wet eyelashes, noticing the lack of a chocolate bar and hot chocolate smothered in marshmallows that he always brought to me as a child when I was upset.

A sad smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, knowing that I had only let myself down once more.

"No thank you, Remus, I'm quite happy just sitting here," I twiddle my fingers, clenching them tighter together in an attempt to control the beginning of the emotional breakdown.

"I never really thought about how hard this must be for you. I mean you've still got some of the most important people in your life here but that's not really the same, is it? We don't know you like you know us. We don't share the same memories, experiences, love. I mean we're here but are we really?"

I take a moment to digest his words, knowing all too well that his words hit deep, and the truth was almost unbearable, something I had not wanted to accept for a long time.

"I miss my dad," I breathed out, leaning my head on my knees. "I miss him so much Remus and I thought that since you're him that it'd be fine, y'know, that I had gotten my dad back. But the thing is Remus is that you're right, you're not him. And it hurts so much. I just want my dad." I bit my lip, another tear trailing down my cheek.

"I'm so sorry that I can't be that for you, Lilah. I'm trying but I-I just don't know how," He sniffled, tugging me into his chest. "I'm so so sorry," he mumbled once more, resting his forehead on my shoulder as I cried openly into his shirt.

"I don't want to die," I hiccupped, the sobs refusing to subside. "I don't want to die."

Remus sniffles once more, his tears falling pooling into the nape of my neck.

"Then don't, there's no point coming from the future if you can't change anything."

And in that moment then, unbeknownst to us, a pair of feet had paused on the stairs, the truth behind my arrival finally coming to light.