I don't feel like myself. My foster parents know it and Jax knows it too. Ashlyn's words and music are the only things that make me feel like I can be myself.

Like I'm having nightmares and I keep waking up in the middle of the night.

Nightmares about my parents' deaths. Nightmares about the future. Nightmares about people not excepting me for who I am. For who I want to be.

When I'm lying awake in my bed, I always know I can't go back to sleep. So I go to the beach to clear my head.

I miss my parents. Dad died when I was around two years old, it's now nearly fourteen years ago, he was coming back from a work trip but his plane crashed. I don't really remember him, only from the photos that are made.

My mother died almost a year ago. There was a fire in our house, my mom told me and my brother to run, but she was too late. Now I'm in a foster home. We are waiting for adoption.

Every day I miss my parents. Even my father. What if they had lived? Where would we live now? Are Jax and I ever going to get adopted? There are too many questions popping in my head.

It's around 6.00 A.M. I decide what I'm going to the beach. It's a short walk, about a mile. I change in my shorts and a soccer shirt. It's my Krieger one. I love her and Ashlyn the most. They are one of the best players, even when Jill Ellis thinks not the same, I adore them.

They are the one who stimulates me, even though I didn't ever get to meet them. I hope I can meet them one day. After I have changed in my other clothes I get my phone from the charger put in my earbuds. I open Spotify and go to the playlist with my favorite music.

It's a lot of rock music. I love the Dutch band Kensington, but also Alter Bridge and Editors. Other people at my school think they are bad, but their music gives me chills. Kinda weird when there a lot of guitar sounds and some people singing. But when there are guitars I like it.

I walk to the beach. I live in Satellite Beach. It is a city in Florida. It's kind of funny that Ashlyn Harris is born and raised around here. I never saw her, but maybe I will meet her once.

The weather is nice. In shorts an a tee shirts it's nice. There is a little bit of wind and there aren't any clouds. I'm in deep thoughts when I arrive at the beach. I'm thinking about my future. Will I get a new loving family? Will I get a partner and kids? Will I play for the USWNT? Will I do what I want to do?

There are a few people surfing. The waves are high and the water is clear. I love watching them, I don't have the money to buy a surfboard, so I just watch them. I love to see people having fun, loving the weather and enjoying their free time. I concentrate so much on my music and the surfing kids and parents, I don't even realize that someone is sitting next to me.

It's a woman. She has short hair and a lot of tattoos. Next to her is her surfboard. It's a blue one, a light blue. I don't pay attention to her. I'm in my own little world. A world where people are loved, women's soccer is a world sport and there are peace and LGBT acceptance.

When my favorite song comes on, my eyes begin watering. Storms is a song by Kensington. I let the tears fall in silence and just look at the ocean. I begin crying even harder when the unknown woman next to me begins to rub my back. She says a few things I can't hear because she is whispering.

"Hi, kid. It's okay. Let it all go. It's okay", the unknown woman says.

I look up in her eyes and I'm shocked. "Never thought I would my idol here," I say while crying and put a little smile on my face.

It's Ashlyn. My idol. My everything. I get to finally meet her in such a nice state of well-being. Not. She pulls out my earbuds and she just hugs me. I feel home for the first time my mom died. And I can say that was a long, long time ago.

I just cry in Ashlyn's strong and tattooed arms.