Fuck my life.

Everything is going so wrong. Everything is just so fucked. I didn't mean to lash out at Natalia like that but there was just too much on my mind.

I'm sitting in my car parked outside my house and I'm afraid to go into my own home.

Why someone might ask

Trisha has lost her fucking mind. Ever since my talk with her after that drunken evening with Natalia she just won't let me out of her sight. It all started the morning after that conversation I went down to the kitchen to tell her to cancel the wedding cancel everything and she just started screaming at me and I just took it because I made up my mind that I was not going to marry her she started to break down and cry and I comforted her and telling her it was okay that she would find someone better than me someone who actually loves her and is not going to just use her to fill the void in their heart.

Flashback.

"Trisha please stop crying you know this is for the best" I said to her as I patted her back

"But why, we doing so good" she was puffy and red just crying her eyes out.

" Trisha no we weren't and you and I both know that"

"It's becuase of my bitch sister isn't it. You still love her don't you"

I let out a sigh "she's not a bitch and yes I still love her. I've always loved her and I am a fucking idiot to let her go and ruin what we had. She's also the mother of my child"

"Then we can have our own kids, Please Jessie don't do this I love you so much she can't take you from me"

" Trish she can't take something from you that was never yours in the first place"

It was silent for a few moments and the tears stopped but it was replaced with anger.

" so you think you're just going to leave me and go running back to her and she's just going to accept you with open arms" she said with angry scoff.

" Jessie she's never going to take you back and you and I both know that, so get your head out of La La Land and fucking wake up and realize that I'm what's best for you. I can give you everything she can so why can't you just get her out of your head and just choose me"

" because you're not her"

She let out a huff " so why why did you stay with me after she divorced you huh you could of easily just found someone else"

" you reminded me of her and I know as messed up as that sounds being with you in a way it was like being with her. your little mannerisms the little things you did kind of reminded me of the things she used to do. being with you was like having a small part of her with me and I just couldn't completely give up and I know that it's a really really messed up reason to be with you and I know I'm a fucking monster for everything that I did. Everything I put your family through I'm so sorry and I don't even deserve forgiveness but everyday I regret what I did and she may never forgive me she may hate me to the core but i dont think I'll ever stop loving her. no matter how much I hate myself or how much I hate everything I did. she and I created something beautiful and I can't fuck that up too"

" so Tricia I'm telling you I don't want to marry you because I don't love you I care about you I do but that's just it"

I started to leave go upstairs but then she just started laughing. She stood up and there were no more tears in her eyes. She started to slowly Clapp her hands.

" are you done because I must say that was a brilliant performance. I was almost moved by it"

What the hell.

" Trisha I wasn't kidding"

" oh but Jesse sweetheart you were kidding because you're not leaving me we are getting married and we are going to start a family ok.

I had no time for this so I just back to walk away she wasn't getting it and I wasn't going to spend all day doing this. I heard the kitchen drawer cabinet open and I turned around to Tricia holding up a knife.

" so you think you can leave me"

"Woah woah put the Tricia what are you doing put the knife down. Are you fucking crazy"

" Jessie its either you be with me or there's going to be blood on your hands"

" what are you talking about" I was freaking out because I was thinking she's going to kill me but I was surely mistaken.

Tricia took the knife and slid it across her arm. All I saw was blood dripping on the floor and down her.

" have you lost your god damn mind what are you doing you can hurt yourself"

I was now in full panic mode.

" if you don't marry me I will kill myself and that will be on your conscience for the rest of your life"

She started to push the knife deeper interarms It was as if she didn't even feel pain she was just staring at me as she did it.

"Ok ok stop stop don't do this okay I'll listen to whatever you say I'll do whatever you want just don't kill yourself"

" thats great honey see what happens when we compromise now I've got a wedding to plan mister"

She smiled and skipped away like that shit didn't just happen.

*********

Now since Natalia said I can start seeing Tyler that would mean being able to spend time with her and you would think that, that would be my chance but like I said Trish's watching me and if I do anything she's going to threaten to kill yourself and it doesn't look like it's actually a threat anymore and all this pressure is getting to me. And I'm taking it out on people that I care about.

So now I've got my ex wife who I want to get back with, our child that I never knew that I'm starting to bond with, and her crazy sister who I'm engaged to that is going to kill herself if I break up with her.

Fuck my life.

**********************