Patton's p.o.v.

Monday

After I talked with Roman to make sure he was ok, I went with Logan to the library.

We walked in silence, all the while my heart was racing. The first day back to school and I'd already met the cutest guy I've ever seen.

I really didn't need any help with biology. I just wanted some time alone with Logan. We walked through the halls. All was quiet except for the occasional student walk to the bathroom.

"Hey Logan?"

"Yes, Patton?"

"I um..I kinda lied.."

"It's 'kind of' and what do you mean?"

"I don't...really need help with biology?"

He stopped, turning to face me. His charcoal eyes stared deep into mine. They were so mesmerizing—

"If you didn't need any help, then why did you tell me you did?"

I was the first to break eye contact. I looked sheepishly down at my hands, fiddling with the bracelet Roman made for me.

I didn't know what to tell him.

On the one hand, he's shown some minor signs that he feels the same way, but on the other hand..really? He likes me? There's so many better people for him. So should I tell him the real reason or should I lie to him? I absolutely hate lying, but...

"I needed help making cookies, and I didn't think you'd say yes if I just asked."

I thought he was gonna get angry at me for lying. Even though it was a small fib, it was on the first day I met him. My brain started thinking of all the worst possible scenarios. Him hating me, ignoring me, him—

"Patton."

I was yanked out of my thoughts. I looked up at him.

"Huh? Oh, sorry. Yeah?"

I forced myself to look back up at him. He was smiling ever so slightly.

"If you wanted assistance baking pastries you could've just said so."

My heart almost exploded with relief and happiness.

"Really?"

"Of course."

I smiled so wide I thought my face was gonna fall off. Then, of course, my anxiety got me. What if he's just being nice? I don't want to force him to do anything..

My smile faltered for just a second before I plastered it back in place.

"Alright then, let's go!"

I began walking, but Logan grabbed my arm gently, causing me to halt.

"And Patton?"

"Hm?"

"I enjoy spending time with you."

We just looked at each other. It's like he could read my mind. I smiled and turned quickly so he wouldn't see my teary eyes. Gosh, I was a mess.

I ran ahead, smiling as he called after me.

"Catch me if ya can!"

I giggled as I ran through the halls. Tears clouded my view, but they were happy tears. For once I let myself believe he wasn't lying. And that maybe. Just maybe...

He really did enjoy spending time with me.

I heard him let out a laugh from behind me as he chased me. The kitchen was at the end of the hall, and I wasn't about to lose the race! I ran as fast as my legs could carry me.

I made it, slowing to a stop. I turned around to see him having trouble stopping. He tripped on a whisk that was on the floor. I hadn't even seen it.

He staggered forward, falling into my arms. I laughed so hard I thought I was gonna start crying again. I eventually caught my breath.

"That wasn't funny, I'm so sorry," I tried to collect myself, still giggling. "Are you ok?"

He didn't say anything. For a moment I thought he was hurt badly. I looked down at him only to see him staring at me.

"What, is there something on my face?"

As if in a trance, he shook his head.

"Sorry, it's nothing. I've just..w-well, i-it's nice to see you laugh.."

I was silent, shocked honestly.

"Even at my expense." He added.

That made me smile, which in turn caused him to smile too. We stayed like that for a bit, him in my arms. Us just off in our own little world.

Eventually, Logan got up and dusted off his pants and adjusted his glasses. He seemed so small in my arms, and now he was so much taller than me.

"Now, we are making cookies, correct?"

I nod. "Mhm!"

He looked around the kitchen helplessly. It was obvious he hadn't spent much time in the kitchen.

I began getting out the ingredients, setting them onto the counter. Logan still stood there, unsure of what to do.

"Hey, Logie. Could you grab me a bowl from the cabinet over there?" I pointed to a cabinet as I grabbed sugar and butter from the pantry.

He nodded, happy that I gave him something to do, and quickly went to the cabinet, retrieving one of the large metal bowls. He put it down on the counter as I got the flour, brown sugar, and vanilla extract. I preheated the oven to °375.

"Are we permitted to use the student kitchen without an adult present?"

I nodded. "They gave me a pass and a key to come in here whenever I want. Even after school hours!"

"Don't you have a kitchen at home as well? Why not use it?"

"Well, my mom used to bake with me when I was a kid in the same kitchen. Once she moved out, it's been a bit painful baking there alone.."

"Does your—"

"No, my dad hates baking. He thinks it's only for women."

Logan shook his head. "Well I think baking is a good hobby that's for everyone."

"That's what I try to tell him."

I felt uncomfortable talking about my personal life with Logan. He doesn't deserve to worry about me. He has his own problems. I'm not supposed to add onto any of them.

"Alright, so first you add the sugar, eggs, brown sugar and vanilla into the bowl."

He did as he was instructed and added the correct measurements as precisely as precise could get. I added the flour, baking soda, salt and butter slowly as Logan mixed.

We both added the chocolate chips and mixed the dough some more till it was thick. We began rolling the dough into balls.

Logan stopped for a moment to look at me. I looked back at him. Did I do something wrong?

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing, you just have a nice voice."

"What?" I looked at him, confused.

"You were singing quietly. Did you not realize?"

————

Logan's p.o.v.

Patton and I began rolling the cookie dough into one inch balls, placing them onto the cookie sheet.

Out of nowhere, I hear someone start singing. I looked around to see if anyone else was here in the kitchen.

"Make it work

Make it easy

Make it clever

Craft it into pieces.

Make it sweet

Crimp the edges

We'll make it sour

and serve with lemon wedges."

I finally realized it was Patton who was singing. I slowed as I listened to him.

"Even doubt

Can be delicious

And it washes

Off of all the dirty dishes.

When it's done

I can smile

It's on someone's plate for a while.

I'll place it on display

And then I'll slice and

Serve my worries away."

He stopped abruptly. I must've stopped entirely, because he looked up at me.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing, you just have a nice voice."

He looked at me confused. Did he not realize he had been singing?

"What?"

"You were singing quietly. Did you not realize?"

He blushed, looking down at the unbaked cookies. "N-no, I guess I didn't. Sorry.."

I shook my head. "Don't apologize. You have a wonderful voice."

He shook his head, unconvinced.

"Not really. My mom used to sing while we baked and eventually I sang along with her. But dad—"

"You should continue singing. You seemed happy." I cut him off.

He looked up quickly, surprised.

"What? You really want me to?"

I nodded. "Of course."

He smiled a bit, nodding.

"Alright.."

He started off a bit nervous, but eventually he got back in his element as we continued rolling the dough.

"I can fix this

I can twist it into sugar

butter covered pieces

Nevermind what's underneath it

I have done it before

I'll bake me a door

To help me get through

I learned that from you

Mama, it's amazing

What baking can do."

Patton could really sing. I'd never quite heard anyone sing before, so this was quite the pleasant surprise.

He continued singing the song I'd never heard before, and I stopped working again just to listen. He didn't notice this time. Or maybe he did but just didn't say anything.

(Skipping a bit of the song, lads 👌)

"Even as the walls

Come tumbling down

Even as I can't stop

Remembering how

Every door we ever made

We never once walked out.

Something I never got the chance

To ask her about

So with flour on my hands

I'll show them all how

God damn happy I am

Sugar, butter, flour

Don't let me down

Let's see the next amazing thing

Baking does now!"

He stopped singing, which I could only assume meant that the song was over. He looked at me look at him and smiled sheepishly, blushing.

I don't think he could quite see the talent he had on numerous occasions. Either he doesn't want to or he really can't believe it. I could see his self-consciousness in his smile. If only he could see what I see.

"Sorry, I know it wasn't too great."

I shook my head. "Patton. It was extraordinary. You have quite the gift."

I could tell he didn't want to accept my compliment. As if he didn't feel worthy. Knowing he was getting a bit uneasy, I decided to change the subject a bit.

"Where did you first hear that song?" I asked as he put the cookies in the oven.

"My friend Roman. He listens to a bunch of Disney and musicals. There's this one called Waitress that he kinda got me into. That's what it's from."

"I see."

"Can you sing?"

I looked at him, quite shocked at the outburst.

"I suppose I am capable of singing. Though I have never attempted to do so. Nor do I listen to that much music."

"You've never sang before? How? Singing calms you, gives you the feeling that just for a few minutes, you can escape the loudness of reality and just enter a quiet room."

"Some songs are loud and obnoxious. How would it be equivalent to a quiet room?"

"Well, I just mean that it's like a place to escape for a bit. When life gets you down too much."

"There are also many songs with deep and quite frankly depressing meanings behind them."

He thought for a moment before replying. "Some people enjoy music they can relate to. Like break-ups, or sadness, or anger, or even liking someone who doesn't feel the same."

"Unrequited love?"

"Yes, that. While others like to listen to happy music to get away from all that stuff. I think it really just depends on the kinda person you are."

That..actually made somewhat sense. I nodded, finally understanding just a hint.

I noticed Patton had gotten a bit of flour on his glasses.

"May I?" I motioned to his glasses.

"Oh, yeah sure."

I took off his glasses and began cleaning them. Unlike mine, his glasses were tilted and not well taken care of. I moved the sides around a bit to fix them, and finished cleaning the lenses. I placed them back on his face. Now his glasses weren't tilted on his face. They were straight.

"Thanks!"

"My pleasure. Though you managed to get flour on your forehead as well."

"I did?"

I nodded. Grabbing a paper towel I wet it a bit and gently dabbed his head, wiping off the flour.

"There." I said, throwing the paper towel away.

"You know, for someone who spends quite a lot of time in the kitchen, you do know how to make a mess."

He smiled, embarrassed.

"Yeah, I guess I do.."

I could tell something was on his mind. He was looking at me like he did in biology.

"Patton, are you alright?"

He snapped out of it, nodding.

"Yep, just a bit out of it."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Absolutely."

Before I could question him further, the oven beeped, indicating that the cookies had finished. Patton put on two oven mits as he opened the oven, bending down to take out the two cookie sheets.

The cookies smelled quite delicious. Like nothing my mother or father had ever made. Patton scraped the cookies off the sheets and onto a plate.

He took two cookies and handed one to me. "Here, try one."

I took the cookie and nibbled off a small piece. Oh my god, the cookies were absolutely delicious. I finished the cookie along with two, maybe three more. Patton giggled and stopped me before I could eat another.

"We have to save some for later!"

I huffed, disappointed. "Alright.."

Patton giggled at my pouty attitude. He turned to me, giving me a sudden hug. I was surprised, not reacting at first.

"Thank you, Logan."

"W-whatever for?"

"Everything.."

I smiled a hint and hugged him back.

"As I've said before, it's really no problem."

I could feel him smile. I moved away to look at him. He looked back up at me, his smile changing ever so slightly.

"Logan..?"

I smirked. "What is it now, Patton?"

"I'm sorry.."

He really enjoys his random comments.

"Whatever for—"

Before I knew what was happening, he stood up on his tip toes and pulled my head down to his

and kissed me.

I didn't move. I didn't want to move, afraid I would ruin the moment. A thousand thoughts were racing through my head. Love, confusion, aggravation..fear.

He began to pull away, but wanting more, I began to kiss him back. I put my hands on his hips as he put his on my cheeks. We kissed for barely long enough before Patton pulled away.

"I..."

"P-Patton?"

"I-I can't..i-it's not right...I-I.."

"What do you mean?"

He didn't answer. With tears in his eyes he turned and ran out of the kitchen.

I should've gone after him. Should've hugged him tight and kissed him and told him he was as perfect as perfect could get. But I was conflicted. Patton was amazing, and I loved him no doubt. But I promised myself I'd never let feelings cloud my vision again.

Not after what happened to Lydia..

I composed myself before walking out of the kitchen to my next class. I'd see Patton again later and I'd tell him..what would I tell him? It was a mistake? I don't love him? Lying is not supposed to be present in any relationship. But what was our relationship anymore?

——

Patton didn't show up to Physical Education. He was hear just a few periods ago, I couldn't imagine where he had gone. The teacher began taking role.

"Deceit?"

Someone replied. "Here."

"Logan?"

"Present." I responded.

"Virgil?"

"Here.." Someone muttered, their voice barely audible.

The teacher continued down the list until they got to Patton.

"Patton?"

No response.

"Patton Tyler?"

No response.

"Alright then."

The teacher continued down the list. Finally, she finished taking role and introduced herself briefly.

"Hello, class. I am your physical education teacher Mrs. Dragneel, but if ya want, you can just call me Rose."

Some kids muttered a quick hello to her.

"Now, I know it's only the first day, but we're gonna start off with a group project to get to know each other. It'll be a grade worth 50 points. Now it's easy, really. Just pair up with someone and have a discussion with them. Then write down 15 things about them. If you're with a friend, write 15 things you didn't know before about them. Alright? Good. Let's get to work."

Kids got up and got into groups of two. I would've had the chance to do the project with Patton, but he wasn't here. I just sat at my desk, unsure of who to pair with, as almost everyone else was paired.

Except for a dark figure at the back of the room. His hood was up and he wore makeup that was meant to make him look intimidating. It worked, but knowing I needed a partner, I forced myself to get up and go to him.

"Hello."

The boy looked up at me as if to make sure I was talking to him and not someone else.

"Hi?"

"Would you like to be a group for the project?"

He shrugged. "Whatever."

I pulled up a chair and sat across from him.

"So what is your name?"

"Virgil. What's yours?"

"Logan."

We both scribbled each other's names on each of our papers.

"What is your hobby?"

"Painting. Though I suck. How about you?"

"Reading."

We scribbled down our answers again. Only 12 more to go.

"So you new? Haven't seen a tall nerd 'round here before."

"Yes. I moved here just this year. Have you lived here your whole life?"

"Unfortunately."

11 more.

"This is stupid."

I sighed. I had to agree with him.

"This is something kids do in kindergarten. Last time I checked, I am in eleventh grade."

"Tell me about it. I'm in twelfth. Almost done with this hell hole of a school."

10 more.

"I like your makeup."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't lie."

I tilted my head. Why was everyone I've met so far doubtful of themselves?

"I'm not. It's not quite like the makeup I've seen others wear, but it's unique."

"In a bad way, I'm assuming?"

"Of course not."

He narrowed his eyes at me, studying me.

"When did you get your glasses?"

"First grade. When did you dye your hair?"

"Seventh grade. Still dye it though."

9 more. The conversations became less misery. Virgil was not as bad as I thought he'd be.

"You live 'round the country or closer to town?"

"Country. Much more peaceful than the town."

"Ah. I live more in town. Though running off to the countryside sounds like heaven."

8 more. He was seeming to let his intimidating demeanor down, revealing a quite interesting peer.

"Any pets?"

"Had one. Dad..got rid of it,"

What did that mean?

"What about you?"

"My father has always been allergic to dogs and cats. Or so he says. I believe it's just because he is too lazy to take care of one."

"Damn. Why do you think that?"

"He shows no signs of being allergic to them when my family comes over with their dogs."

"Gotcha. That's a bit of a dick move."

"I suppose it is."

7 more.

"What music do you prefer?"

"Punk/rock/emo."

"Sounds quite dull."

He sighs. "Yeah, I get that. Someone said the same thing to me this morning. I listen to it so I have something to relate to."

Patton was right.

"I don't listen to music."

"Have you ever tried?"

I shook my head. "Not really. It's just loud and annoying."

"How would you know if you haven't listened to anything?"

Hm.

6 more.

"You met anyone interesting yet today? Besides my gorgeous face."

Virgil said, faking a hair flip.

"..."

"I'm kidding. But seriously. Anyone you've met?"

"Oh. There was this boy named Patton. Very bright, I suppose."

"You suppose?"

"Yes. Now, who have you been acquainted with?"

"Just some guy named Roman. He kinda saved my sorry ass this morning."

"Sounds nice if he saved you."