《I'm Alive (Sanders Sides AU)》I am a Robot

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Monday

I wake up this morning with a slight feeling of unease in my stomach. Of course I was nervous. Just like I had been nervous the previous thirteen schools I had attended. To add to the list of unfortunate factors that will lead into another bad day, I am joining Westerburg High in the middle of the year.

I get up out of my bed, put on my glasses and get up in my still dark room, feeling around for the light switch. Finally I was able to turn my light on. My room's still empty and bare, due to the fact I had given up decorating. For one thing, I had nothing to put up. I don't like listening to music, so I have no band posters. Music somehow gives other people a dopamine rush. I simply just don't get why.

I throw on my khaki pants and black polo. My normal attire that I've kept the same since I was seven. People often made fun of me for such bland attire, which I don't understand. My clothing is practical for everyday activities. Many people express themselves through clothing, but as a self-diagnosed sociopath, I've never felt a need to express myself.

I swing my blue tie around my neck and tie it, then putting my belt on. I grabbed my new leather business bag my mom had gotten me for my birthday and went downstairs.

My mom was in the kitchen making breakfast.

"Logie, it's time for—oh! There you are!"

I forced a slight smile and began to make myself some toast.

"Are you really gonna just eat toast? I was making bacon, eggs, and pancakes!"

I looked at her like she figuratively had two heads.

"A simple piece of toast with jam and a banana is quite the sufficient breakfast. Containing all the nutrients I need for my day. A large breakfast such as that will cause me to be more tired and less alert."

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My mom flashed a bit of a sad look, before covering it up again.

"Alright, honey. Just as long as you eat, that's good enough for me."

I ate a banana as I waited for the bread to toast. Right as the toaster rang, my dad walked through into the kitchen. He kissed my mom on the cheek quickly and half heartedly.

"Morning Amy. Morning, Logan."

He said my name quieter, as if he was ashamed of me. Which I knew he always had been.

He was the golden boy in high school. Quarterback of the football team, dated the star cheerleader on and off, had all B's, was the king of the school. With me, I was at the bottom of the figurative food chain, so to speak. I had perfect A+ grades in every class, but he never cared. I would never live up to him. I gave up caring a long time ago.

"Good morning, father." I said sharply, putting Crofter's jam on my toast.

He sighed at my overly formal response. I threw the banana peel away and put my bag around my shoulder, it hanging at my side. Grabbing my piece of toast, I said a quick goodbye and went out the door to go to the bus stop.

I ate my toast as I walked along the pavement to the end of my new street. I finished eating as soon as I made it to the curb. Adjusting my glasses, I looked at the other kids at my bus stop. Most seemed gloomy as most do when they clearly don't get enough sleep. But out of the corner of my eye I spotted a boy with light blue and black glasses. He wore a light blue polo, contrary to my black one, and also wore khaki pants. Instead of a tie, though, he wore a cardigan tied around his neck, which I thought to be quite odd.

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What was more odd was the bright smile he wore on his face. He made an effort to say hi to everyone at the bus stop. They all smiled a bit and mumbled a quick "hi" back. He finally got to me and a bit of confusion appeared on his optimistic face.

"Oh, I haven't seen you here before. Are you new?"

"Yes, I transferred here from Stroudsburg High a few days ago. This is my first day."

He smiled even brighter. "Well if you need a tour around the school, I'm around to help!"

"Thank you, that would be quite satisfactory. What is your name?"

He didn't seem to notice my overly proper behavior and just kept on smiling.

"I'm Patton, but my friends just call me Pat!"

I nodded and extended my hand to him. My palms were slightly sweaty, I could feel them. How..odd.

"I am Logan. It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance."

He took my hand and shook it with a firm grip.

"Logan, what a cool name!"

He began to say something else, but the bus screeched to a stop in front of us, so we had to stop our conversation and get on.

What seemed like one of the cool kids ushered Patton to sit with him. I, on the other hand, had to sit alone in a seat. I quickly grabbed a sanitary wipe and cleaned off the seat as best I could before sitting down.

A few people looked over at me with a disapproving look as I put the wipe in a bag to throw away later. I quickly adjusted my glasses and looked out the window.

My parents told me I used to be such a happy child. I was smart, athletic, determined. And then came school. Though my academic love stayed with me, I didn't want to play with the other children. I sat alone under a tree and read books that were deemed too old for my age group.

People made fun of me for it. For not being "normal". Because according to society's standards, normal is fitting in. And that was something I could never do, no matter how many times I was kicked in the head.

I grew less loving, and became more closed off. Forced all emotions out of myself. As long as I have no emotions, nobody will ever be able to hurt me ever again.

People always compare me to a robot, and I suppose, figuratively, they are correct.

I am a robot.

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