Stefania fluttered nervously around her apartment, feeling more like a teenager trying to get ready for the prom than the confident woman she was proud to be. She was still in her underwear, having tried on and thrown away at least half a dozen outfits in the last thirty minutes. Jeff sat in bed, full of cat weight, watching her go down in complete panic. The thought of seeing Danielle again made her mood change insanely from a great anticipation to a terrible fear that their time together would be a waste.

Their weekend was perfect. Undoubtedly perfect. If she could, Stefania would choose never to leave Danielle's apartment in order to stay forever in the fantasy world they created. Only the two existed for a whole weekend. Sex was a revelation, and fellowship even more so. But now they were back in the real world and Stefania had no idea if they could pick up where they had gone. She stopped in front of the mirror in her closet and looked at the fear that was written on her face.

Nothing could hold so wonderfully. After two relationships, one of which was serious enough to make her sad when she failed, Stefania knew one, inalienable fact: life was bigger than a night in an elevator.

With a sigh, she tries on a pair of jeans. -What's wrong with me? - She asks Jeff.

-You think she'll like my in these jeans? - Of course Danielle would like her. That was not really the question. What Stefania really wanted to know was whether Danielle would love her enough to overcome her lonely tendency in the long run. And if the answer was yes, was she ready for another relationship?

Unable to resume the search for the right top before she had a good heart-to-heart, Stefania stepped away from the mirror and plopped onto the mattress next to her beloved feline.

-When we were in that elevator, I was just sure that everything would work out,- she said, giving Jeff a tender stroke. -I could see she was scared, but I thought—well, of course she was scared. She was practically a virgin .-

Stefania closed her eyes, smiling as she played back images from Saturday night, their first in a real bed. Somehow, impossibly, Danielle was the best lover she'd ever had.

-I swear,- she murmured. -If I hadn't known it was almost her first time, her performance never would have clued me in.- Jeff meowed, and Stefania took that as a sign of protest. -I know, I know. More information than you needed.-

She scratched Jeff's head and stood to return to her closet. Gazing at her assortment of tops, Stefania selected another to try on. This one was a favorite, hugging her boobs in a way that made her feel like she could conquer the world. When Danielle saw her, they would probably be lucky to make it to the restaurant. The thought made her knees go weak. Feeling unsteady, she immediately returned to her spot on the bed.

What the hell was she doing? Stefania dropped her face into her hands and exhaled. She was in the middle of her last clinical rotation, only months away from graduation. Her dream of helping animals was finally coming to fruition. And now, after all the years of struggling, dancing to pay her bills, studying whenever she could grab a moment alone, she had managed to launch herself headfirst into something that threatened to sweep her away entirely.

What if it didn't work out? Was she strong enough to deal with another heartbreak, with everything else she had going on? Did she want to invite complications by falling for Danielle?

-I wasn't supposed to be the one who gets scared,- Stefania whispered, as though reminding herself. -I told her I wanted to be more than her memory of a spontaneous sexual encounter, and I meant it. Why am I doing this now?-

It was a silly question. She was scared because she was absolutely positive that she could fall in love with Danielle, given half the chance.

And when she already felt the way she did, after only one weekend, she wasn't sure she wanted to risk the inevitable heartache if this didn't work out. There was a reason she hadn't been out looking for a relationship right now, and it was because she didn't want to be stupid just when her life was really starting. Other people had let her down often enough that she had to be able to rely on herself.

-But I told Danielle to be brave, so I have to do the same, right?-

Stefania searched Jeff's wide golden eyes, looking for the answer. -I'm the one who called her. I can't just run away now.- She tried to imagine what Danielle would think if she backed off now, and cringed. -No, I like her too much to do that.-

Jeff blinked, offering little in the way of advice.

-Right,- Stefania said, and exhaled in a burst of air. -So here's the plan. We're not going to have sex tonight.-

Jeff flopped onto her side and stretched out languidly. Stefania chuckled and rubbed her belly.

-I can resist, I swear.-

If sex was all this thing with Danielle was about, then she needed to know now. A connection that was purely physical was probably not worth the distraction level right now. But if it was more, if there was a possibility that this could turn into something as serious as she thought it might, there was no way she could let herself do anything but close her eyes, take a deep breath, and plunge in.

The truth was, she craved a real relationship with all the trimmings.

She wanted the romance, the urgent desire, as well as the comfort of the unconditional friendship she imagined the right woman had to offer.

If there was any chance that Danielle was the woman of her dreams, she couldn't afford to let her go.

-Tonight's a test,- she said. -We'll go out to dinner, talk, and see what this feels like in the real world, without letting sex confuse the issue. If, after this date, I still feel like I'm drowning every time I think about her, well—- She exhaled. -Then I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and let myself fall in love.-

With that, she stood up and walked back to her closet. It was a good plan. Sticking to it would be the hard part. Images of all the ways they had made each other come kept flashing through her brain, and she worried that the mere sight of Danielle would make her lose control.

At the bottom of her underwear drawer, she found the rattiest pair of panties she owned. Baggy and with an unflattering cut, they were reserved for days when she felt bloated or when she let the laundry go far too long. Stefania slipped out of her jeans, tugged off the silky blue panties she felt sure Danielle would love and replaced them with the granny panties. She checked herself in the mirror, grinning in satisfaction at the hole in the fabric over her left hip.

-Just a little insurance,- Stefania told Jeff. -There's no way I would ever let Danielle see me in these.-

———

By the time they were halfway through dinner, Stefania wasn't nearly as certain that Operation Granny Panties was going to work.

From the moment she'd opened her apartment door to find Danielle holding a bouquet of roses to right now, watching her chase around a lost mushroom in their fondue pot of coq au vin, her willpower had been constantly undermined. With every word, every look, and every funny, sweet moment, she could see why she was so damn attracted to Danielle in the first place.

It wasn't just her thick auburn hair, her porcelain skin, or even the supple curves that made Stefania's mouth water. It was a thousand intangible things, from her wicked sense of humor to the way she rushed ahead to open doors for her. Stefania was a sucker for the freckles sprinkled across her face, the keen intelligence in her eyes, and the way Danielle hung on every word she said. Stefania felt the same desire, wanting nothing more than to keep talking with her forever.

Chewing a bite of ravioli, Danielle lifted her gaze and gave her a shy smile. She was wearing a deep green blouse that showed off the barest hint of, a fashion choice that Stefania knew had taken a great deal of courage. Try as she might, she couldn't keep her eyes off Danielle's chest, imagining what lay beneath the sleek fabric. She flashed on Danielle in a lacy black bra and felt her heart rate increase.

Maybe she could endure the humiliation of letting Danielle see her ugly, oversized panties, after all.

-Stefania?-

Stefania tore her eyes away from Danielle's s, dragging her gaze up to the full lips that repeated her name. -Yes? Sorry.-

-Do you like what you see?-

Stefania grinned. -Busted.- She used her fondue fork to spear a piece of chicken. -I told myself I was going to be good, but...you're looking gorgeous tonight.-

-Thanks,- Danielle whispered, and glanced down at the table shyly.

-It might be a bit late to try and preserve my virtue, though.-

-That's an understatement,- Stefania murmured.

Their eyes met and Stefania knew instinctively that they were both remembering the passion they had shared the last time they were together. She tried to rein in her hormones.

-I want tonight to be about something other than sex,- she said. -So I promised myself I'd be good.-

Danielle looked mildly perplexed. She settled back into her seat, as though preparing for a serious conversation. -Any particular reason? I mean, beyond not wanting to scandalize everyone in the restaurant?-

Stefania hesitated, unsure how to explain her logic out loud. She knew this conversation would have to happen, but now that the moment had come, she wasn't sure she was strong enough to resist temptation.

Did the no-sex decision even make any sense? They'd already, for hours on end, so what would one more night hurt? Immediately she shook the thought off, remembering that she needed to be strong no matter how difficult it might be. She was more experienced than Danielle.

It was up to her to show some common sense or they could both have regrets.

-I want you so badly I can hardly see straight,- she said quietly.

-It's like I can't think about anything else, and that's...not good.-

-It's not?- Danielle asked, with an expression somewhere between flattered and crestfallen. -What's not good about wanting me?-

Stefania opened her mouth to respond but found that she didn't know how to say this without risking Danielle's feelings. She searched for the right words, then finally admitted, -You make me want to throw caution to the wind.-

-I thought that was your motto.- Danielle took a drink. Rather than seeming upset by Stefania's show of honesty, she almost appeared to relax. -Throw caution to the wind, live bravely.-

-Yes. Well.- Stefania paused to gather her thoughts. She had never been so tentative with a woman before. But had she ever felt this strongly? Danielle was her opposite in so many ways, and yet there was something about her reserved, controlled exterior that drove Stefania wild.

-I've been a little nervous, too,- Danielle said casually, biting a piece of pasta off her fork. -I had just about written the weekend off as a one time thing when you called.-

Stefania blinked rapidly. It was one thing to try and put the brakes on her own feelings, but hearing that Danielle had done the same made her a little uneasy. -Would you have called me if I didn't call you?-

-Uh...- Danielle looked down at the table, avoiding her gaze. -I don't know. Maybe. Probably. After a while.-

-I think it's good we're talking about this. It sounds like we've both had a lot on our minds.-

Danielle met her eyes. -I'm really happy to see you again.-

-Me, too.- Stefania reached across the table and took Danielle's hand.

The idea that Danielle might never have called made her chest ache with almost unbearable sadness. It felt a lot like a preview of the heartbreak this relationship could cause if it didn't work out. Struggling with how to explain what she was feeling, she hedged, -I really, really like you, but...-

Something about the tone of Stefania's voice must have sounded ominous, because Danielle's eyes filled, and her face took on a look of pure sorrow. -Wait. Are you...is this...?-

She thought she was being dumped, Stefania realized. And the last thing Stefania wanted was for this to end tonight. Dread seized her throat and she shook her head wildly, giving Danielle's hand a squeeze. -No. I'm just trying to explain what's going on with me.-

-Don't scare me like that,- Danielle said, and slid her hand up to Stefania's wrist. -God, you just scared the hell out of me.-

-Really?- Stefania found Danielle's reaction almost comforting. Was it possible she felt just as strongly as Stefania did?

-Really,- Danielle said. -Last weekend was magical. The thought of never experiencing that again is too much to assimilate.-

-I know,- Stefania said. -I feel the same way.-

-I'll admit, I wasn't sure if we really intended to try and keep this going.- Danielle stroked her finger across Stefania's wrist, sending a shiver of pleasure straight between her legs. -We both talked about needing this experience to be more than just a crazy one-time thing, but it was easy to say that in a bubble.-

-You're right,- Stefania said again. -I meant it, though.-

Danielle gave her wrist a gentle squeeze. -So did I. I just hope you're not disappointed once you get to know me better.-

-That's one reason I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with you tonight,- Stefania said. She wanted Danielle to understand that there was a rationale behind her self-discipline. -I thought it would be good for us to make sure that this is more than just a sexual thing.-

-It's more than just a sexual thing.- Danielle's words were sincere, and her eyes burned with an intensity that Stefania had never seen before. To me. at least.-

-For me, too,- Stefania murmured. She didn't need to finish their date to know that. Everything about Danielle made her feel breathless and alive. Being able to admit her fears, and having Danielle address them directly, was exactly what she needed. -Getting ready tonight, I realized that you're going to have the power to really break my heart. When I commit to something, I put everything I have into it. That includes relationships.-

Danielle swallowed visibly. -I've never been in a relationship before.-

-I know, and I'm so sorry to dump all this on you. But like I said, I really like you. Pretty much for first date right?-

-I think the elevator was our first date, technically. Maybe even our first three.- Danielle's eyes crinkled a bit at the corners when she smiled. The teasing quality it lent to her face was utterly charming.

-And I don't think it's presumptuous to ume that this could turn into a relationship.-

-Yeah?-

-Don't get me wrong, the sex is incredible.- Danielle's gaze was full of desire, and Stefania felt herself drawn in. -But that's not nearly all that I want from you. I have to admit, it makes me feel so much better, seeing this side of you.-

Stefania felt a surge of emotional release, a lifting of the burden of second-guessing where both of them stood.

-I feel like it puts us on equal ground,- Danielle said. -We're both scared to death, and excited as hell. You're feeling just as vulnerable as I am.- She took Stefania's hand again and raised it to her lips to kiss the knuckles. -I'm not the only one risking my feelings on this.-

-No, you're not.-

-Thank you for telling me what you've been thinking. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable.-

-Even if that means not sleeping together tonight?-

-Of course.- Danielle's shrug wasn't entirely convincing. -You're the nymphomaniac, remember?-

Laughing, Stefania recalled the times she'd almost fallen asleep in Danielle's bed during the weekend, only to be woken by a desperate hand on her thigh, or a tongue sliding across her sweat-slicked skin. -As a matter of fact, that's not what I recall.- She raised an eyebrow and stared pointedly at Danielle, trying to communicate what she was thinking about.

Danielle blushed, folding up her napkin and setting it on the table.

-Granted, I hope this won't be a long moratorium on sex.-

-It won't.- Stefania took Danielle's hand again, enjoying the warm softness of her skin. -Trust me, I'll be lucky to make it through tonight.-

———

Later in bed, Stefania was sure she was the stupidest person alive.

Danielle could be next to her right now, on top of her, inside her. But after a heated, groping kiss at her apartment door, Stefania had watched her walk away, against every instinct she possessed. All because she needed to prove to herself that she could.

And what revelation had this plunge into abstinence brought her?

That she wanted Danielle and she would be damned if she didn't see this through. Even if there was a chance of heartache, she would never forgive herself if she didn't even try. Every moment she'd spent with Danielle was so much better than the ones that made up every day. Yes, it was scary to imagine getting involved, but she was already invested.

Walking away now wouldn't prevent heartache, it would just guarantee it.

Stefania shifted onto her back, closing her eyes at the way the sheets caressed her oversensitized flesh. She was, as she always was when she went to bed, but she was starting to debate putting a T-shirt on, if only to give her hormones a break. Staring across the table at Danielle all night, then having just a taste of her during their makeout session at her door, left her wet and ready and entirely unable to sleep.

-Fuck,- Stefania whispered and turned onto her side. She slipped a hand between her thighs and exhaled slowly. Maybe she could ease her own suffering and find some relief. -I'm an idiot sometimes.-

From somewhere in the dark bedroom, Jeff chirped out a quiet meow.

Stefania began to laugh, aware of how pathetic she was at that moment. She rolled onto her stomach, lifting her slightly, and closed her eyes. Imagining Danielle kneeling behind her, she slid a hand under her stomach, then between her legs. She stroked herself gently, exhaling at the wetness that coated her swollen labia.

-Danielle,- she whispered, keeping alive the fantasy that her lover was watching her touch herself. The idea of letting Danielle see her like this unleashed a fresh flood of hot wetness, and she swirled around her opening for a moment before pushing inside.

Ding.

Stefania jumped at the noise from her laptop, which sat on her nightstand. That was her e-mail alert noise, and she had left the volume up specifically because she'd given Danielle her e-mail address at dinner.

She glanced at the glowing red numbers on her alarm clock and rolled onto her side again. It was almost one in the morning. Would Danielle really still be awake?