Jungkook had locked himself in his room after the events from the evening before unable to face his members; especially Yoongi. Jimin was kind enough to have sat with him in his room for a few hours after everyone had long retired for the night, and he was grateful for the ear of his hyung who sat and listened when he spoke and stayed silent by his side when Jungkook was too upset to speak.

Dawn was just breaking outside his window and the quiet chirping of birds outside were slowly making their presence known as the sun crept like an invisible glove over the shadows of the city buildings, leaving a blanket of subtle dawn light.

He saw a young boy riding past their building on his faded yellow bike with the rusty wire basket hanging off the handle bars tossing rolls of newspaper over the gates of his neighbours not bothering to stop as he sped past each home until he disappeared around the corner.

None of what he saw outside could stir him to move until he heard the flushing of the toilet; somebody was awake and he knew it wouldn't be long before one of the boys would knock on his door alerting him to breakfast. Usually if he didn't reply they would leave him leftovers in the oven, but he wasn't sure that would happen given what had happened.

He wasn't hungry, nor was he in the mood to sit around the table in an awkward silence waiting for someone to break the ice with questions about him and Iu or worse, ask about Lisa's condition, because he didn't know.

He didn't know she was sick with pneumonia, and he certainly wasn't aware that she was hospitalised because of it. The few times Lisa had been sick, Jungkook was able to look after her and do things to make her feel a little more comfortable, like rubbing her back as she laid against his chest, her flushed cheeks giving away that despite her protests, she was sick and not just merely resting with a cold.

He couldn't do any of that now, and there was no way she was ever going to let him near her again. If not Lisa herself, then Jisoo would not think twice about rolling out with a fully armoured tank if he so much as turned up at their door.

He had screwed up, he knew that.

Just like he knew that Lisa's text was forever etched into his broken heart,

"I hope the kiss you shared with her was worth it."

It was short and straight to the point, no mincing words with niceties or drawn out paragraphs dissecting the whys of the situation. That was his Lisa, only she wasn't his anymore.

Turning his back to the window he padded across the small room and sat on his mattress drawing the heavy blanket aside before crawling inside, yanking the blanket over his head. He felt a lump of softness digging into his side and sighing with frustration he pulled out the offending item.

It was a large honey coloured Bear with equally large dark round eyes and an unassuming smile permanently sewn onto his face, and it smelt like her.

It was one of Lisa's Bears that she had left behind after a movie night sleepover a few weeks before. She couldn't sleep without holding onto something and before everything happened, she had replaced her Bear with him saying he was far more warmer, cuter and a great cuddler.

Shoving the blanket aside to sit up Jungkook placed the Bear in his lap, the inanimate fluffy object seemingly appeared to give him a look of unapologetic disdain for the obvious absence of it's owner. Lightly yanking on a honey coloured ear he smiled sadly as he remembered feeling superior to the stuffed toy when Lisa had replaced it with himself.

Lifting the Bear to his nose his heart tugs heavily when his nostrils are invaded with the unmistakable fragrance of Vanilla and Lavender; the remnants of her favourite shampoo and moisturiser. He used to tease her for having made his bedsheets smell far too feminine for his liking, only to revel in the lingering fragrances on his bedsheets when she would return to her own dorm.

He sat quietly thinking about Lisa and how after making breakfast for him and his sleeping members, Lisa would take a shower and quietly slip back into his room, close the door with a soft click before taking a seat on the end of the bed taking care to not make too much noise. He would pretend to be asleep as she proceeded to brush her hair before having a quiet conversation with the Bear informing it to look after her precious cargo and leave the room again to warm breakfast and wake the dorm leaving Jungkook to last.

Lisa would sneak back into his room, slowly peel the blanket away from his face and brush the hair away from his brow before leaving small sweet trails of kisses on each brow, to the bridge of his nose to the corners of his mouth. He would feel her finger sweep across his lower lip with a featherlike touch as she leant down to firmly place her soft plumps lips on his, her thumb rubbing circles on his jawline, whispering against his lips that breakfast was ready.

She rarely stayed to eat with them, much to the protest of the boys, despite all of Yoongi's attempts to make her stay, often scolding her for being the guest in their house looking after their needs rather than staying to enjoy the meal together as a family.

It was by far the only way he preferred to wake up, to see his members treating Lisa like a family member and to see her sharing her love for him by looking after his hyungs.

Their kitchen has been lonely and dark since Lisa broke up with him, and the normal usual noise of fun, laughter and banter was a very clear loud and unwanted absence.

It wasn't long before Jungkook was overwhelmed with sadness and regret. He didn't realise he was crying until he felt a weight beside him as the bed dipped and Jimin wrapped his arms around his shoulders allowing him to lean against Jimin for support as his tears continued to fall quietly, his heart breaking for the pain he knew Lisa would be suffering right now because of him.

He wanted to run to her, to her dorm and demand that he be allowed to see her and beg Lisa to forgive him, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He had caused far too much damage for Lisa, let alone anyone to ever trust him again. She had once told him that trust was something she didn't give lightly and she wouldn't be willing to forgive anyone who broke the trust she had placed in, and everyone who knew Lisa knew that her word was binding.

He was mad and disgusted with himself that he allowed a moment of weakness to destroy the one thing he treasured the most in the world. The only good thing that supported him when he felt the lowest. Someone whose arms he sought comfort from when he felt he didn't give his best effort, someone who whispered words of love and encouragement when he lacked confidence in himself.

His tears fell harder as his vision began to blur, the tears unending remembering how Lisa was hiding herself away from him at their favourite cafe; the day she left him in a carpark alone and unwanted, with another man, someone who was there to take her away from the pain he himself had caused her.

The look in her eyes as she asked if he had thought about her that night he was with IU at Han River, the sheer devastation, loss and shattered beyond any pain and hurt she had ever experienced; he saw it all in her eyes and he wished he could take it all back.

It was the very day he saw the light in her eyes disappear as the pain took over, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he alone was responsible for a part of her dying that day.

Holding the Bear tightly closer to him, he buried his head within the stuffed animal, inhaling as much of her fading scent as he possibly could before it too was gone, just like her and all he would be left with would be the cruel memories of what he had but lost all for the sake of his obsession for a woman whom he now knew to be just an admiration for a fellow idol.

In that moment of weakness when he kissed IU, he had no thoughts of Lisa, not until after it had happened. If he was honest with himself, he was glad he kissed her because that was all it took for him to realise the dream of wanting a woman like IU was all it was; a dream.

His heart, his life, that was Lisa and it took a kiss for him to realise that and it settled his mind thinking that he would be able to see Lisa the next day and tell her exactly that.

He never expected things to turn against him so fast, within the space of a few hours Lisa had texted him about his kiss with IU. It had sent his heart racing to think that someone had taken a picture of them without his knowing, worse still that he didn't take the possibility of an invasion of privacy into consideration before the kiss.

He had acted on his weakness, and now because of that, Lisas heart would be closed off to him and he didn't know if she would ever forgive him.

Returning to his room after talking with his members, he dad tried to call her numerous times but the robotic voice message kept informing him that the number was not in use. She had either blocked his number or tossed her phone altogether, just as she had blocked him at all SNS. The only way to see her was at her dorm, if he was able to get past Jisoo, which he knew was damn near impossible. The resounding slap she had gifted him was evident of what she thought of him.

Jungkook couldn't help but feel that he had, by his very own doing, lost Lisa in every sense of the word, because of his own selfish desire to kiss another woman.

It took the loss of a great love for Jungkook to realise that what he had with Lisa, was the one great love of a lifetime that many people crave but may never find. She was the light to his day, the light to his darkness and the light to his love and he really didn't know how he was going to live without her light in his life.

It wasn't until Jimin felt Jungkooks weight shift that he realised the younger man had fallen asleep with a stuffed Bear clutched tightly in his arms, and his ears strained to hear as he heard a broken whisper from the sleeping young man.

"Lisa.....please......"