_____

"Where is that kids room?" I ask Dr. Grey for the millionth time.

"Why do you care so much?" He asks, pushing me back up to my room.

"I do not care."

"Then why are you asking?"

"Because I want to know."

"Why do you want to know?"

"Why are you asking so many questions?" I respond. "Where is her room?"

He sighs slowly.

"Second floor, room 226."

"Do you have any children Dr. Grey?"

"No." He says, pushing me onto the elevator.

"Why?"

"Because I'm single."

Interesting.

"Do you want children?"

"Yes."

"You should adopt that child."

He sighs.

"No, I don't want a child, I want a baby."

"Babies aren't that great." I say. "I should know, I had four. They cry and poop and-"

"Coo and laugh and play with toys. I want the whole experience. You're telling me if you were in my situation, you wouldn't want that too?"

The elevator slides open on my floor and he keeps pushing me down the hall.

"Well?" He presses.

"Well, I would, but Lucy-"

"She will find somebody." He says.

"Her Mama left her in a dumpster." I say quietly.

"In a dumpster?" He repeats.

"Yes. She's really smart, too. I bet she will end up in Harvard with the right family."

"Why don't you adopt her?" He asks suddenly. "It's not like you can't afford it, right? And I'm sure your house is large."

"I don't want to live in that house anymore." I say quietly. "And there's glass everywhere."

"Well when you find a new house." He says. "Really though, you love that kid already and she seemed to like you and Nathan."

"I-" I cut off, shaking my head. "Nathan got a vasectomy after Caroline. We were certain we didn't want kids, and-"

"So? I'm sure you were certain you wouldn't get shot at by a teenager, but that happened. Things happen in life. People your age have kids all the time. You could do it." He stops the wheelchair next to my bed and puts on the breaks, helping me in carefully. I sigh and look at him.

"My kids hate me. I don't want to just add onto the list of people I love that hate me."

"Your kids don't hate you. Noemie and Raylen are teenagers and they love you, and Noah loves you and so does Caroline. And Lucy? Well I think she loves you too."

"Meredith, with all due respect, you need a kid more than me."

"I don't have time for kids." He says. "And stop calling me Meredith. I'm a guy."

"Alright, then I'll call you Thatcher." I say.

He sighs slowly. "I'm not saying you have to adopt her." He heads for the door. "I'm saying you will probably regret it if you don't."

He walks out, leaving me alone to deal with my thoughts.

Could I adopt Lucy? But how would the others feel about that? Lucy does look like she could be related to me? Her hair is the exact same shade as Annie and Peyton's hair, and they both have blue eyes, and so does Opal.

Caroline got Annie's hair and she came out of me.

I wouldn't want Lucy to feel like she doesn't belong just because I didn't give birth to her. She needs to go to somebody that doesn't already have a ton of kids. I have a very big family and I'm not sure Lucy would like that.

But she could be good friends with Leah, Julian and Emily's eight year old daughter.

Somebody else has to take. They just have to.

_____

I made the nurse push me straight over to Lucy the next day. She's wearing the same hospital gown. She looks the same too. She's so beautiful, and she's sitting there talking to her Santa Claus tattoo. The nurse sits me down next to Lucy. Lucy looks up from the temporary tattoo on her hand and smiles a toothy smile at me.

"Hi." She says shyly.

"Hi Lucy."

The nurse leaves me there with her.

"No homework today?" I ask, but I notice she has been crying. "What's the matter?"

She looks down.

"I'm leaving today. They're taking me to Arizona."

"Arizona?" I ask. "Why?"

"That's where my new foster family is."

She's going to Arizona? Why?

No. Who's going to help her with her math homework and buy her ice cream?

I make a reckless decision and text Nathan.

"What time are they taking you?" I ask.

She shrugs. "Ten, I think."

I look at the time.

7:32AM.

No. She's going to be alone again! What is the next foster parent is horrible to her? They could hurt her! She's staring intently at her Santa tattoo.

"When I rolled up you were talking to Santa." I say. "What were you asking for?"

She looks at me with the saddest smile I've ever seen.

"I was asking for a family."

Ad it's like something snaps inside of me and I realize something.

When I found out I was pregnant with Raylen and Nathan and I decided to keep the baby, I felt the same way I do now. And it was again with Noemie, and again with Noah, and again with Caroline.

I felt certain, like the new member belonged with us.

Before I have time to process what I'm doing, I'm frantically calling Noemie and Raylen out of school and getting them an Uber, and then I'm calling Nathan and telling him that he can't take the other two to school, that he needs to come to the hospital.

I need to hide Lucy.

I text the nurse to come back, and when she gets there, I have Lucy climb into my lap.

"Where are we going?" She asks.

"We're just going to go upstairs." I say.

"Okay." She settles into my lap, and I notice how careful she is not to put weight on my cast or not to rest back against my right arm.

She can't get taken away from me.

The nurse takes us all the way back to my room and Lucy climbs out of my lap so the nurse can get me into bed.

When I'm situated, I grab my tray. The nurse lifts Lucy onto my lap per my request and leaves us be.

"Do you want to draw?" I ask, holding up the pencil. She nods her head and takes the pencil. I watch as she draws stick figures, a small one in the middle and a big one with short hair on her left and a big one that's shorter than the other big one with long hair. She adds long hair to the little one and connects their hands.

"Who is that?" I ask.

"That's me with my Mama and Daddy." She smiles. "Do you think I will get one someday?"

"I think you will." I nod. She shifts on my lap and starts drawing flowers.

For a child of her age, these are good drawings.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" I ask her.

"I want to be a teacher." She says. "So I can teach kids how to draw flowers." She frowns. "But I don't think I will have enough money for that."

"How old are you?" I ask suddenly.

"I'm six." She says, coloring in her flower.

I wish I had some crayons or something for her.

I hear footsteps and Nathan comes walking in with Noah and Caroline. All three of them pause in the doorway. Nathan and I lock eyes, and his eyes flit to Lucy and then back to mine.

He knows.

Noah and Caroline hesitate with Nathan, watching Lucy color in my lap. Lucy looks up and shies closer to me.

"You remember Nathan, right?" I ask her. She nods her head slowly. "See that girl? That's my daughter Caroline. Remember I told you about her?"

Lucy nods her head again.

"You're ten, right?" She asks Caroline.

"Yes." Caroline fidgets slightly.

"And he's Noah?" Lucy asks.

"Yes." I nod my head.

"And you're twelve?" She looks at him.

"Yeah..." he trails off.

"What happened to your face?" Caroline asks her, dropping her backpack on the floor and walking up to us. Noah follows her, looking down at Lucy.

She shrugs.

"I split milk."

"You spilt milk?" Noah repeats. "So somebody did that to you?"

"Yes."

Caroline frowns.

"I spilt milk this morning too."

"Did they hurt you?" Lucy asks, tilting her head to the side.

"No." Lucy shakes her head.

"People aren't supposed to hurt you. What's your name?" Noah asks.

"I'm Lucy." She smiles, and Caroline and Noah smile. "Do you guys want to color with me?"

"Sure." Noah says. He picks her up off my lap and Caroline grabs her paper and her pencil, and the three of them lay on their stomach on the floor. Caroline gets a pack of colored pencils from her backpack.

Nathan walks over to me, his arms folded across his chest.

"You want to keep her, don't you?" He whispers. I just look at him.

"Remember when I found out I was pregnant with Raylen? And we decided to keep him?"

He nods his head.

"And that feeling? That feeling where you're so sure the decision is right, the feeling is right, like they belong?"

"Yes." He whispers.

"I have that feeling." I look down at Lucy with Caroline and Noah, and then back at Nathan. "They are going to take her away. She's going to Arizona in less than an hour, to go to another foster home."

He opens his mouth to say something, but Raylen and Noemie walk in then.

"Who are they?" Lucy whispers to Caroline.

"That's my brother Raylen and my sister Noemie. They're nice." Caroline explains.

"Want to color with us?" Noah asks.

The two of them exchange glances, look at me, and then walk over and sit down with Lucy.

Raylen looks at her face and then at me, and then back at Lucy.

I look at Nathan, my eyes pleading.

Dr. Grey walks in before he can respond to me, his shoulders slumping in relief when he sees Lucy coloring.

"Odeletta, you realize we thought she left, right?"

I shrug. "You found her."

Dr. Grey shakes his head at me and looks down at Lucy.

"Lucy, it's time for you to leave, okay?"

She sits up on her legs, a frown on her face.

"Okay." She says.

I feel like somebody is playing a horribly sad piano song in my heart as Lucy stands up. She walks over to me, her big blue eyes peering up at me.

"Bye." She waves. "Thank you for getting me ice cream yesterday." She looks at Nathan. "And for juice."

"You are welcome sweetie." I say, but my heart aches. My whole body aches.

Who is going to teach her math homework? Who is going to keep her away from the bad guys? And keep her from getting beaten again?

She turns around to leave, but her hand knocks into a cup of water on the table next to my bed. The cup spills, splattering water all over the floor and the wall.

She stands there frozen, and then her hands start shaking and she looks down.

"I'm sorry!" She gasps, and then she starts sobbing harder than I've ever seen a six year old cry, her whole body shaking.

And it's then that I realize she thinks we're going to beat her. My jaw opens slightly and tears well in my eyes. All four of my kids have their hands over their mouths. Noemie has tears in her eyes. I look at Nathan. His eyebrows are creased, his hands clenching and unclenching his fists. He moves around the bed to kneel in front of Lucy.

"Hey," he says gently. "It was just an accident sweetie, it was just an accident. You didn't mean to do it. Nobody is going to hurt you, okay?" He gently wipes away her tears, giving her a smile. "It's alright kiddo, okay?"

She sniffles, wiping her eyes.

"You're not mad at me?" She asks through sobs.

"No sweetie, I'm not mad." He pulls her into a hug. His eyes lock with mine over his shoulder and I know he's made up his mind. He pulls away. "How about you go color with them and Odeletta and I have a word with Dr. Grey."

"She has to go now." Dr. Grey says patiently.

"If she misses her flight we'll get her a new ticket." I say.

Nathans smile at Lucy.

"Now you go color." He points to her spot on the floor she walks over to her spot and starts to color again. Nathan helps me into my wheelchair and pushes me out of the room.

"We want to adopt her." Nathan says. Dr. Grey looks down at me with raised eyebrows and then back at Nathan.

"Okay." He says. "But I hope you know it's a process. She's going to have to go to Arizona either way."

"What?" I ask harshly. "That's bullshit!"

"They're not going to just hand you a child. You have to be approved. People have to come see your house and make sure it's okay for a child, which..." he trails off.

Our house is covered in dry blood and glass.

I look up at Nathan and he starts rubbing his temples.

"They can't judge us for that." He whispers.

"I agree." He says. "I'll go get the person coming to take her and you guys can talk to her. I recommend, however, that you guys figure out your living situation. And fast." He looks down at me. "And you have an X-Ray today."

"Why?"

In answer, he knocks on the white cast on my leg.

"You might get it taken off, which means you might go home. Another reason to get your house straight."

"So you're telling me we might have to let her go to Arizona? Alone?"

"Yes." He responds. "Let me go get the lady."

He walks off. I look up at Nathan.

"We need to find a new house. Fast."

_____