I returned to my own body, to stand in the charred remains of my apartment floor. Once again, I just stood there. Dumbstruck, like so many other times in the past week. I didn’t know what to do, and didn’t know what to say.

“You see?” Selena said. “You should hate her for what she did to you – what she did to us!”

I turned to look at Al’s unconscious body, it looked like she was sleeping. She was wearing a different set of gear than she’d worn during our last big fight, but it was in rough shape. It was covered in dust and char with cuts that I hadn’t noticed until then. There was a hole in her forearm where blood still trickled out and a slice revealing the arm and shoulder where she’d used an explosion to destroy poison and cauterize the wound. The poison I’d inflicted on her and the wound that I couldn’t heal.

For some reason, that same old nagging question ran through my head. Was I a hero, a villain, a sidekick, or something else? I couldn’t really answer that question. I just felt defeated – tired of it all.

“Well? Aren’t you going to kill her?” Selena pressed. Still dumbstruck, I turned back to her. The rest of my group charged up the stairs but stopped when they noticed the mood. Leah, Dale, and Shawn were no longer controlled, and the brigade of men weren’t with them. Selena must have released the spell.

I looked over to them, then at Al, then at Selena. They were all staring at me, like everything rested on my shoulders, and I guess it did. How had it come to this? It was all too much. I never wanted this responsibility, and I just didn’t care anymore. I wasn’t upset, I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t anything. I was just – done. I lowered my eyes; my shoulders drooped; and started to walk toward the stairs.

“Jesse?” Shawn asked in confusion. He was always unsure of what was going on. I didn’t clarify things, I just kept walking.

“Jesse.” Dale repeated, with concern in his tone. He was ever the worrier. I didn’t assuage his fears, I just kept walking.

“Jesse!” Selena shouted after me. “Where are you going?! She needs to die, trust me!” There was no power infused in her words, maybe she ran out of energy. She always wanted me to do what she said, but I just – kept – walking.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Dale grabbed me by the shoulders as I tried to pass the group. My face rose to look at him.

I didn’t need to see my reflection in his eyes. I knew that there was no expression on my face. Tears streamed from my vacant gaze and down my cheeks. I’d reached my limit of what I could handle. In the last week, I’d been pulled in every direction, none of which were where I wanted to go. All I’d been doing this whole time was reacting. Circumstances had emboldened me to go beyond the role of a simple healer and into a powerful hero. It turned me into the monster that I thought I’d become and the villain everyone else thought I was.

Dale caught a glimpse of that. He saw all the thoughts and feelings below the surface. He let go of me in alarm. As I’d always thought, when he saw the real me, he’d want to get away. My head fell once more, and I continued walking.

“Jesus! Stop!” Selena demanded. I paused and turned to look at her. Her mouth fell open and she recoiled with a pained expression. She’d caught a glimpse into my soul; she saw the me behind the mask. Judged again; even my sister couldn’t bear it.

I looked away and entered the stairway. Each step went by, seemingly in a blur. I left the building in a stupor. No one followed me.

I continued walking. My path led me out of the upscale downtown area, through an up-and-coming neighborhood, and back to the lower income streets where I grew up. In front of the empty lot, once, our house, I considered the place where my family joked and laughed – then died at my hand. Afterward, a fire consumed my home, my stuff, and my loved ones’ bodies. Now, I knew that fire was probably started by Al when she left after killing me. I went back to walking.

Obviously, something had been amiss, and I’d always known it. I just never wanted to confront that day, those memories. It was in the past now, it couldn’t be changed – well, as far as I knew. Maybe there was some ivitor power capable of it. Even if there was, it would mess up the timeline like it always did in shows and movies. I shook my head. How had my life even come to this?

I ended up in a park. There was a playground in a small section of it. I approached the swings but paused. How cliché, I thought. A weak chuckle came out of my mouth, but there was no mirth in it. I just didn’t have the energy. I strolled through the park until I came across a bench and laid down. I was so tired, and it was still night, so before I knew it, I’d fallen asleep.

The now comforting darkness that allowed me to avoid dealing with everything ended, and I was blinded for a moment by the bright sun, high overhead. A gruff man stood over me. I sat up on one side of the bench, rubbing my eyes.

“We got a report of a homeless man sleeping in the park. When a uni showed up, he noticed who it was and called me,” Detective Glau said. “I was all ready to arrest you and add to the tally, but when I got here, I saw your ragged clothes, covered in soot. That’s when I remembered your apartment had been destroyed; I remembered the story you told me and that you claimed to have not been in control when you killed your family; and I remembered your sister showing up out of the blue and, for some reason, I trusted her and let you go. Your whole fucking family is weird.”

“Language,” I said weakly. He let out one chuckle of disbelief.

“Damnit Jesus, what am I supposed to do with all that?” I looked up at him.

“I wish people would stop calling me that. I’m not that kid anymore,” I said, still slouching then returning my gaze to the ground. He plopped down next to me and sighed.

“Really. What am I supposed to do?” He asked, but there was pain in his voice. I didn’t answer him. “I can tell when people are lying, and you’re either the greatest liar in the world or you were telling the truth.” It was my turn to emit one chuckle.

“Why can’t it be both?” There was a long pause, then he started laughing. Slowly at first, but it continued to rise. I looked over at him in confusion.

“What’s so funny?”

“I don’t know, it’s just – this whole situation is so stupid.” I shook my head. He continued laughing, a little harder now. He was right, it was stupid. Without even realizing, my own laughs joined his.

“This is so cliché,” I said between gasps.

“I know,” he said trying to hold it in, but our laughs grew. “And that’s why it’s so stupid!” We laughed so hard; we were in tears. Then we both sighed, signaling the end of our insanity, and my somber mood crept back in. We were both silent for a while.

“I’m going to move away,” I said.

“Why?”

“It’s time for me to get away from everyone; get away from all of this. It seems like all I do is screw things up and hurt people.” There was a long pause before he replied.

“You can’t move away,” he said.

“Why not?”

“Because, then I’ll have to arrest murders and crime lords instead.”

“Oh no. You’ll actually have to do your job.”

“I already do. It’s the hero’s job to catch the villain.” I looked over to him in astonishment. It only took a moment before a grin appeared on my face. I lifted the stump at the end of my arm.

“If I’m to be the villain, I guess I’m going to have to put a hook on the end of this.”

“Yeah, I meant to ask you how that happened.”

“Sorry, you’ll have to wait for my monologue for that to be revealed.” He chuckled.

“So, what? Now, I’m Peter Pan?” He shook his head and stood up with a grunt. “Fine, I’ll let you get away this time, but I will stop you, Captain Hook.” I smiled at him before he turned and walked away. I took a deep breath and clapped my face then rose to my feet.

“Well now what?” I asked myself. I cradled my chin between my index finger and thumb. Deep in thought, I continued my never-ending walk. I voiced my thoughts aloud. “Living things first: I’m going to need a new place to live. Next, the fatal strike: I need a new business idea, utilizing my powers, to strike me out of the blue. Dead last, I have to come up with a brilliant marketing tactic that’ll make my competition drop dead.” I nodded in agreement with myself.

As I left the park, I entered a neighborhood where the houses looked worse than my old stomping ground. Trash littering the ground, boarded up windows, rusty vehicles parked on the street, served as a background to my thoughts. What could I do that used spikes and poisons? I kept walking until I passed a rundown apartment building. There was a woman sitting on the steps looking sad. I stopped in front of her.

She had blonde hair tied back in a tight ponytail. It was clear from her tended eyebrows that her natural hair color was a light brown. Her face was round, but subtle makeup, emphasizing her cheeks, made it look more sculpted. Her lips were thin, her nose rose at the end, and she had big blue eyes. Overall, she was quite attractive.

“Why so glum?” I asked. She looked up at me.

“Oh, sorry.” She sniffed. “My roommate just moved out and now I won’t be able to afford my rent,” she said in a thick Russian accent. “My landlords are very strict. They’ll kick me out and I’ll be homeless.” She put her hands in her face. A damsel in distress, the perfect opportunity to kill two zombies with one shotgun.

“Well, I could be your roommate. I just lost my home,” I said. She looked up with trepidation and concern. A rat ran out of the alley next to the apartment building. We both watched it scurry into a sewer drain. There was a pause, then we turned to look at each other as if that moment hadn’t just happened.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a burden,” she asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “I’m used to saving the day.”

She jumped to her feet, and I was forced to subdue a defense reflex. She wrapped herself around me in a big hug. I smiled, it was kind of nice. Suddenly, I had an epiphany.

“Pamphlets!” I exclaimed. She separated herself and gave me an odd look.

“What?”

“Pamphlets!” I repeated.

“I don’t understand,” she said. A maniacal grin spread across my face.

“I know where I’m going to live, I know what my new business is going to be, and I know how I’m going to advertise.” She eyed me curiously.

“I-I don’t think pamphlets are a very good way to advertise.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” I said, my grin widening even further. “They’re going to be amazing.”