Petra?" The monk's voice interrupted her reverie. She startled and winced. She reflexively tried to make a fireball in her hand but the small flame soon dissipated. She needed to rest.

"Oh, sorry about that. I came to see if you were alright." Tornas said.

"It hurts but I am fine." Petra said flatly.

"I didn't mean to intrude i just wanted to make sure your ok." he said.

"Why?" Petra asked earnestly.

"Because we're friends Petra" Tornas chuckled to cover the awkwardness.

"We are?" She asked again still earnestly confused.

"We live in the same space, you help me on a daily basis, we talk to each other often, and I at least enjoy those talks. We're friends." He finished with a smile.

"I enjoy our talks as well" said with a smile. Then winced again at her back.

"The trick is to just not feel it." Tor offered.

"That is not helpful." Petra replied.

"I mean, it's more to decide to feel something else instead." Tor offered.

"That still does not make sense" she replied again flatly.

"It's like this, focus on some other feeling. Like your feet in your shoes, the floor under you, the feeling of your clothes on your chest as you breath, or the path of your breath as it comes in and goes out." Tor said.

"You know a lot about this." Petra had meant it as a statement not a question but Tor replied

"I had too."

"Have you been flogged a lot on the ship?" She asked.

"No, not on the ship. But, before." He answered avoiding eye contact.

"Oh, the nightmares" Petra realized out loud.

"The nightmare, yeah" he said.

"I am sorry you had to know that." Petra rarely understood what upset people in social situations but even she could see the deep pain carved across the monk's past.

Tornas took a deep breath. And forced a smile "yes well we all find ways to survive, like beating mouthy assholes with clubs apparently."

Petra blushed and looked away embarrassed "I know I should not have hit him." she said.

"Oh no please, when given the choice always hit Jimothy." said with a broad smile. “Just next time wait till we're in port.”

"But I do not like hitting people, and it always just makes things worse for me. The only way that things ever have a chance at being better is of I am good and perfect all the time." Petra held.

"That's bullshit. Perfect is not the tax you have to pay for existing. If people treat you like shit then they are shit, and thats on them not you. You're not,” Tornas paused for a breath “you're not responsible for the hate and harm that people do to you.”

"Dimitri said something similar." Petra replied, although she still did not completely believe either of them.

"Well we can't both be wrong" Tornas said breezily.

"Buts thats all that ever worked for me growing g up. If I let it show too much that I was weird or different, people would just hate me. And I do not like being hated so I tried to be helpful and good and just hide all the rest. But there would always be something I did wrong and they would be mean and I would fight back but that always just made it worse. Especially if I used my magic." Petra streamed out on the verge of tears.

"But did you actually do something wrong or were they just awful?" Tornas asked.

"I do not know" Petra sobbed exasperated.

"Take Jimothy, did you do anything to him before he started assing around." Tornas asked.

"He does not like my magic, or my...quiet" She responded. Taking deep breaths to calm herself.

"Petra, did you actively do anything to make him act that way towards you?" Tornas asked again

"I guess not, but" she began

"Then that's it, you are not responsible for how other people treat you" he cut off her equivocation

"But " she began.

"Petra" he stopped her.

"Ok" she said taking a deep breath “ok.”

"But maybe don't attack anyone on the ship again." Tornas advised.

"Thats reasonable enough." She smiled and winced again.

"Just breath, pick something else to feel" He guided.

"I would rather not, there is a mirror in my bag, could you get it out for me?" She asked.

Tor opened the bag. "Shit, is this a bag of holding?" he asked.

"Yes" Petra said plainly. "It makes everything easier to carry and I can get quite upset if I'm not prepared for what ever may happen. I also have my stays of pressure, and my blanket of weight. I have googles of night and a lantern of brightness as well but to be honest I do not have much need of them. I like magic."

Tornas was floored at how casually she was acting about expensive magical items. And then he pulled the large guided mirror put of the bag.

"How can you possibly have afforded all of this. I thought this ship was your first foray into crimes"

"They were all gifts from my parents and grandparents. My grandfathers especially, both of them, they do not really understand me or my interests so they just give me things. My mama would say 'some people love with words, some with actions, and some with things.' my grandfathers love with things.”

Tor shook his head, flabbergasted. "Where, where do you need the mirror?" he asked.

"Just hold it there please" she instructed.

Petra turned her back to the mirror and eased her shift down to her hips to see the streaks left by the lash upon her back. The skin had only been broken around the back of her shoulders, the stays had stopped it otherwise but there were still the long angry red streaks of the lash upon her back. She took a deep breath and lit her hand with flame. With graceful fingers she sent little lines of healing fire down each lash until all were healed and nothing but thin scares remained. She quickly pulled her shift back up.

“thank you.” she said “I greatly appreciate it.”

“of course” Tornas said and put the mirror back into the bag.

“I am glad you are my friend Tornas.” Petra said.

“I am glad you're my friend Petrianna.” Tor replied matching her.

Petra smiled despite it all there had been good in this day.