“The heavy stone, once pushed from it’s silent slumber, atop

that hill of aggregate sin, gaining the speed of just anger from

gravity of time, rolling through friend and foe in equal apathy of

furious force. Engine of myriad ripples, that. And in so have I then

affected eternity’s progression. I have wrought destruction and

creation alike, of evil and good in tandem. Woe and Glorious

am I, Tyth, the product of my own doing. I’d set

in motion things which I now could not stop.”

Summer of 107

Chapter 1

Wind pushed the tree. Branches swayed. “Ty?” Nela asked, sitting next to me, staring at the same spot above us. “Whatcha looking at?”

I didn't respond. Because it didn’t make sense. Or there was more to it being missed. The leaves moved loudly from a gust, which was distracting. “Oh. Just thinking about the wind…” My reply was as light and empty as the air I could not see.

“What about it?”

“It…I don’t know what causes it. Or what it does.” I looked at her and saw the scrunched up nose.

“You’re crazy, Ty. It’s the wind. It blows.” She shrugged to add to the simple truth of her words.

“But why?” I knew she wouldn’t know.

In place of response, she went to play with an ant found nearby. The warmth of the day would’ve made sleep so sweet, with the grass brushing calmly against me, but the wind - that thing I could not understand - brought cold from somewhere hidden, and a shudder came on as my legs felt warm while my arms felt cold. It made my skin feel alive, as if ready to burst off of me. Weird feeling.

In all other lives, this long lazy Sunday evening would be good. A time of rest in a place of simple nature. But tomorrow was coming, and for that reason my mind was tense. The tree branches kept moving above us.

“Still thinking about the wind?” Nela chirped with some kind of worry in her voice. But I was too lost to give it much notice.

“Yeah…”

I leaned against the tree and moved my eyes to the leaves. But even though I tried, I couldn't think of anything to do. That's all I really had. Thinking. There was so much that I didn't have. But I had my mind. And though it made trouble at times, at least I had control over that. It was my power. No one could get at it but me. And if I thought the right things, then maybe I could be the one in control. So think, Tyth. Think! What can you do to make tomorrow better?

“I wonder what other family he might have.”

“What?”

“This ant. He seems so lonely.”

I frowned at her. My sister was a simple but pure soul. Very concerned about others. Not herself. My feelings bled for her, because in any other family she would have the life she deserved.

Still frustrated, the only thing to do was walk back to the house, climb up the side yard’s slope, and think about being careful to not break the back door. The top hinge gave way slightly if it was opened too hard and dad already gave me a spanking once for almost breaking it. Another time he gave me a spanking for simply using that door. ‘Why can't you use the front door?!’. But I had learned to just roll the dice and take the chance. Couldn't be afraid of him. Let him beat me. The reasons for why he did it were never the same, so I had no control over how I got in trouble anyway.

The wind shuddered. It was just at the back door, fingers out and ready to open. The sun was shining warmly, a beautiful day. Warm fuzzies went like fire through my thin hair. Everything seemed to go still for just a small time. The short walk through the yard had been enjoyable, and if I knew how, I would’ve filled my day with other times of simple joy just like it. A smile came with the feeling, and a yawn followed. My sister looked across the yard and also smiled when noticing the grin on my face. But a few seconds laters, the wind picked back up and everything was cold again.

I turned back to the door. A plan had now started working its way into the light. Walking through the door, into the house, with a hard look on my face, I tried not to show how nervous and delicate the plan was, good as it seemed.

“Mom, can I walk into town? I want to be there early and get to the bookstore right when it opens.”

Mom sat on her stool, peeling carrots. Fire was burning nearby as water was starting to boil in the pot above. Stew was pretty much what we had every day. It was one of the only steady things in life, the fact that mom would be sitting on that stool almost everyday, making a meal. While peeling, her head went down a little as she stuck out a bottom lip and tilted her head. Peeling stopped for a few seconds before there was an answer. “Alright.”

Yes. The first part of the plan was in motion. Into the bedroom where the three of us kids slept. There, the little cabinet that held the shared clothes of all three children. Now to figure out carrying a change of clothes into town. Maybe wear an outer layer of farm clothing and take that off when in town? After finding a quick place to change, for sure. Then those inner clothes would be worn to the bookstore tomorrow. If the clothes were hidden well enough underneath, mom wouldn’t know or ask questions.

“Why a bookstore?” Mom called from the kitchen. It wasn't a far ways to yell.

I had done myself in the excitement of planning. I didn't mean to let on where I was going. But she would wanna know. Mom did care. In her own way.

“Ummm...” Quick. A lie. Fast. “I have a friend who wants to meet me there.” That would be a safe lie. Mom didn't keep too close an eye on my friends. She trusted us kids, since we were well-behaved. Maybe ‘cause dad beat it into us.

“Ok.”

Now on with more planning. “All right...next is what food I need.” Money wasn’t available, so eating in town tomorrow wouldn’t work. The best idea is..., I told myself. Is to eat the stew now, and then get some of it to take with me for tomorrow's breakfast and maybe lunch.

Great idea. But two things. First, how do you carry it? My mind spit the answer back almost immediately.

Good point. You need a bowl or something. I responded while throwing on some nice clothes.

Or maybe you could put bread in it, turn it into a...what do you call that?

I know what you mean but I don't know what it's called.

Well, turn it into that and make it something more solid. Then take that in a box. Or if you have to, figure out how to turn it stale and make it easy to carry in a bag. The bread I mean...and you could just take the bread all by itself.

All right. Well, bowl is better. The stale bread thing is a backup.

Agreed.

Then we just need to figure out how to carry the food.

All right.

After quickly dressing in the double layer of clothing, I still couldn't think of a way to carry a soup with bread in it. It took several minutes to give up on the effort, before walking back to the kitchen. “I'll eat before I leave in the morning. But I want to take some with me for lunch maybe. What do I do?”

Mom thought for a minute. “Umm...you could take the leftovers in a bowl.” Mom pointed to where we kept the food items (bowls / plates / knives / whatnot).

The idea was upsetting. Asking her for the favor was a loss. The fight of thoughts done in the bedroom was a battle in a bigger war. Trying to learn how to think and fend for myself was the purpose. Getting a bowl from her was also relying on her and even though the help would be accepted because it was required, it wasn’t a given that help would always be there. Sure, she was still looking over her children. Mom was required to do so. But I didn’t want that to be an excuse for not owning my own bowl.

“All right. Thanks mom.” I smiled at her and gave her a hug. She had given the thing needed to make the trip a success. And even though it would have been better to do the planning and the trip itself alone, sometimes it just couldn’t happen that way. Or at least, it wasn't my fault that I was fifteen.

“Of course.” Mom went back to peeling the carrots, but before she did: “Ask your brother and sister if they want to go with you.”

The front door was only a pace away. I’d gotten that far before her command. Would it be better to try and talk her out of that idea? No. Not worth it. With a quiet sigh I instead made my way back into the backyard.

“LENA!” Calling for my younger sister was a matter of faith, hoping she wasn't off in the middle of nowhere. The sunny day was still going. Daylight and a lack of close eyes seemed to give her ideas. She got in trouble far more than anyone else, but faced less punishment than was even deserved (useless just a few words to be more careful). In the balance of things, it wasn’t so bad that she suffered from the benefits of being the youngest. She could be suffering far worse…

“What?!” The answer came from the other side of the barn, over the fence. Lena wasn't really supposed to be over where the cows were (steers actually, but she didn't know the difference). Mom and dad weren't super concerned about her being over there, but they did warn us to not be too close to the livestock around certain times of the seasons (and for why they refused to tell). Still, Lena was a bit of a rebel at times.

“Mom says I need to ask you if you wanna come into town with me!” The words were shouted loudly, because joining her in the pasture wasn’t something to be done unless absolutely needed. The big beasts were scary.

Lena came to the left side of the barn and into view. “Where you going?” Dirt had already stained her clothes at the knees and below.

“Town”. I repeated.

“Where in town?” Her hands went to her hips as she tilted her head. Her voice was frustrated, like I was stupid.

“The bookstore.”

“Hmm...” Lena stuck out her bottom lip and thought about it for a couple minutes. “No thanks.” She turned around at this and went back to picking wild flowers out of the pasture and sticking them in her hair. One down. One more to go. It would have been surprising if she had wanted to go read books anyway.

Since he wasn't with Lena, finding my older brother would be easy. He had a habit of sitting on the front porch and watching the clouds. After circling the rest of the house, he was found there, looking up at the sky.

“Bela...” Approaching slowly and speaking soft, I treated him with a bit more respect (or caution) than anyone else in our family.

Bela didn't move or look around. His eyes kept to the sky. That was his way. The world kind of just . . . moved . . . around him. But he wouldn’t react too much or say anything that showed what he was thinking. People thought him a little slow for it. But that was their mistake.

“Bela...” I continued again, quite sure he'd heard. “Would you like to go into town with me?”

It took a matter of long moments, but Bela eventually gave the slightest wrinkle in his eyebrows. He had heard me all right. So I kept waiting. More seconds passed.

“Umm...” Bela still kept staring off into the clouds, even as he spoke. “I don't know.”

This was another of his ways. Making decisions was hard, even simple ones. Yet a kind heart was underneath. Because of that, I always felt bad about prodding him into any certain direction. This time though, maybe time away from home would be good for him. For many reasons...

“Why don't you come with me? It would be good.”

Bela finally looked away from the clouds. “Okay.” He got up slowly and stood there, waiting.

“Good.” I felt a strange urge to hug him, just from happiness for him. But then another thought showed itself. “Oh...it's going to be a long walk. Are you sure you want to come? And I'll be in town overnight.”

Bela thought it over before responding that he still wanted to go. Which was an even happier thing, given how lonely the trip was going to be on foot. “Ok!” Hurrying over a list of things in my mind, there didn’t seem to be anything else that needed doing-

“Why are you wearing two shirts?” Bela asked the question just as I was about to explain.

“Oh yes, about that. I have on nice clothes that I'll be wearing in town tomorrow. You should grab some too.”

“Why?”

“Because we're going to the bookstore.”

“We have to dress up for that?”

That’s right, he had never been there. Bela wasn’t much for books, even though he knew how to read well enough.

“Yeah.”

Bela agreed to join anyway, and I waited for him to gather his own set of clothes and food (and he borrowed a second bowl from mom). Bela asked why a walking stick was needed, and I told him it would be explained tomorrow. Also, setting off into town would take awhile, so it was important to take a big drink of water and use the outhouse before leaving. Bela might not have thought about that, but that’s why he had his family to watch out for him.

The walk into town started off fairly uneventful but after an hour or two, a huge mistake became obvious to Bela: we had nothing to use to buy books.

“Ty, what are you going to use to buy the books from the bookstore?”

I stopped walking for a minute and Bela stopped as well. We were on the edge of a field owned by some random neighbor of ours, a couple miles down the road. In a place like this, I'd only taken the time to really ever meet my nearest neighbors. My parents knew these people, maybe, but not me.

A small vial was pulled from my pocket that had a stone and yarn stopper. "What if we use some of this?"

Bela looked at it for a second. His face scrunched up as he looked at me with confusion. "That isn’t ours."

"So? It’s kind of ours, if you think about it." I shrugged my shoulders.

Bela stared for a bit. Then he also shrugged his shoulders, but in a different way, looking at the ground. "I don't think it'd be right. It’s stealing."

"I mean, sure. But I need something to use to barter for some books." Hopefully, although it had never worked, I could convince Bela to do the wrong thing.

He looked back up. "It's still wrong, Ty."

Ty was his nickname for me. He used it, and that meant Nela used it. And hearing it from him made me feel like the younger brother I was.

Still. Books were needed so I could learn. There was no other way that could be thought of, even after much planning.

"Well," I began, trying to convince him. "if I took this and you don't have to do anything-" I gave a quick nod to indicate I wanted to keep speaking, so Bela wouldn't interrupt me. "Then I can sell it for books and after I'm done with those, I'll trade them back for something worth the cost. Then I’ll make everything right. Deal?"

"I don't think I like the idea...but I guess I can't stop you."

"You could tell on me…"

"Yeah, but...I don't wanna get you in trouble."

I felt guilty quite a bit, since Bela cared more for his family than he did his own conscience. Still, I was using that to get what I wanted...for the good of my own learning...and it was such a small thing. And under that lie...it was known to us both that I would not plan to give back what I had taken.

"It’s a small thing." The words fell on deaf ears, but as I put the vial back in my pocket, he took no steps to stop me.

Spending the night just outside of I'lochin was easy if you knew where to sleep. A couple townsfolk were friends and didn’t mind if we slept out in the hay loft, so long as we didn’t hurt the animals. Mom knew them well and her not asking about where we would sleep meant she thought it would be here.

In the morning, we entered the town in our clean and proper clothes from the West road, one of the only three that went anywhere in or out. The one to the West went to V'alen, “the big city”, as everyone called it. V'alen was a few weeks' walk from what I had heard. And the only other road went South. That went into a very wild country, but a few farmers lived on that road just before where the snow would fall almost constantly. I don’t know why, but the day felt full of opportunities and I was excited to the point of almost dancing. There was so much to do, and now I felt like I had little time to do them all.

Even so, I'lochin was just a place that laid out in the middle of nowhere, and after some people got rich enough to need the finer things, a place was built to serve that purpose. Mostly a bar and a few stores where things were sold, but also a number of houses where people had started to live in the main part of town. By the time I had been born, it was in the hundreds. Not yet a thousand, but halfway there. It was growing, even though it was in the middle of nowhere. I had been told that it was because the rising cliffs to the south were good for protecting from the harsh winter winds. I did not know that for sure, because we never entered town during the winter. The cart was not able to make that trip, and mom and dad were not willing to risk killing our single horse by doing such a hard thing.

Still, I had always wanted to live in town. The countryside seemed frightening somehow. The almost always constant flames around town that were lit at night made the place come alive. In the country, the eerie moon’s glow was all that you had to see by. Many shadows would move in the moon’s blue light. But here even the shadows had a warm and embracing yellowish glow touching their edges. It felt safer here surrounded by strangers, more than it did alone with family…

Bela walked close by, nervous around new people. He did not share the same love of town. Too many people, he had said once or twice. But still, he had probably come with, out of some kind of idea to protect me. He was the big brother after all, and even though he was fairly skinny, he was very strong, having joined uncle Nelg’s masonry business at the time he could start wielding a tool. And now, at the time of sixteen, he was pretty much running the business (under Nelg’s supervision). Bela would one day be the owner, if he ever “got his head on straight”. Uncle Nelg wasn’t one to mince words, and he told Bela more than once that he was being stupid in the way he handled money and customers. So currently Bela wasn’t allowed to handle the actual business itself. He was just making a portion of the products sold.

Uncle Nelg had a fair point, though mistreating Nela with such harsh instruction was almost completely unforgivable. Bela was good as a mason. But he was not built to be a businessman. If someone else were to run the business, Bela could be the shop manager, but not the person behind the register. And to own the business, someone would need to know how to do everything. Well, almost everything. Bela could do all of the tradecraft stuff. He just needed someone on the management side.

The idea had crossed my mind once or twice to become a mason. To learn the craft and then be Bela’s boss. I’d even thought about bringing it up to him. But thought better of it. I did not want to be trapped in I'lochin for my whole life. And it would be a let down to give Bela that kind of hope.

Coming into town usually meant passing by Uncle Nelg’s store, where he shared part of a building with a carpenter. Bela made items that sold there, and it was always the place that Uncle Nelg or some random store clerk could be found. Lately, a girl by the name of Rosy had started tending to the shop, which we were all very surprised by. She was of a much different stock and much fancier than anyone in our family was used to, as she wore much nicer clothes and could read and write much better than even my parents.

Bela had fallen for her almost immediately. So had I.

But when Bela started talking about her, my dreams were put to rest, never talking about my own feelings or revealing them to my older brother. Rosy was more his age, and he needed someone in his life more than I needed someone in mine. I would be traveling the world one day, and as I’d learned from my mother, women were not meant to be so keen on adventure.

Now that I thought about it, Bela could have been joining me just to stop by and say hi to her. And I thought about whether I should ask him if we should stop by and see how business is doing. But he took the opportunity from me.

“Where is the bookstore?”

“What do you mean? There’s barely enough places to call this a town.” I pointed down the street, at the place where all three roads meet. “It’s in the town circle. You can’t miss it.”

“Oh yeah…” He looked down the road, with a dreamy look in his eyes. “Isn’t Uncle Nelg’s store down there?”

I couldn’t hold back a smile.

“It is.” I looked at him and waited for him to return my stare. “Do you wanna say hi to Rosy?”

Bela blushed a little. “No.” He lied so tellingly that he just immediately undid it. “I mean, yeah. I’d like to.”

That blush made its way to my own cheeks. “Let’s go” I was happy for my brother’s affection, for the looks of life in him. I could have skipped alongside him on the way to the center of I'lochin.

At the store, Rosy was standing on top of several wood boxes, putting small trinkets on shelves normally too high for her. The little shop was becoming littered with the figurines of dogs, cats, houses, and other simple shapes. Bela was quite good, and he was also a hard worker. The trinkets were his making, and I was wondering in this moment, how Bela might be thinking about Rosy’s delicate fingers, as she handled the trinkets he would make. Would she think of him when she put them on the shelves…? A little spring of jealousy mixed with foolishness and shame filled me. I felt like I was seeing through someone else’s eyes (or trying to). I didn’t know if I belonged here, trying to see into the romance between them. So I stopped thinking about it, realizing I was being very odd, wondering to myself something they would never know I thought about.

“Oh, hi boys!” Rosy called us boys every time she saw us, even though she was two years older than me, and only one year younger than Bela. I never knew if it was a nice thing or if I should be mad about it. But for the most part, I felt mad. It made me feel like a little kid. Bela never seemed to notice or mind. So I never brought it up to him.

“Hi.” Bela gave the reply in a flat way.

“What can I do for you?” Rosy went back to putting the trinkets on the shelves.

“We just…” Bela looked for words. When he couldn’t find any, he looked to me. I was used to this kind of behavior. Though I didn’t sigh out loud, I did so inside, because I was again saving my older brother.

“We just came in to see how things are selling!” I prepared to explain why we were in town, and I thought it might make us seem less interested in seeing Rosy only. So I did. “And since we were in town anyway, we thought, why not?” I shrugged my shoulders on the last two words, even though Rosy couldn’t see me do it.

“Ah.” There was a very short silence between her sentences, while Rosy fussed with just the right angle for a rock made in the shape of a small dog. “Business is good! We are selling quite a number of these little animals and things that you’ve been making, Bela!” Rosy looked around to smile at him. Her dark hair moved a lot, because she turned her head very quickly.

So she knew that he made them. Bela blushed deeply and shuffled in place slightly. “Thank you...Rosy.”

She let a moment linger before replying. “You’re welcome, Bela.”

They stood there for a moment, staring at each other, and it quickly became awkward. I wanted to break that silence somehow, but was unsure. We could’ve said our goodbyes and left, but I’m sure Bela wanted to continue talking to her. He was just unsure on how to do it.

“Rosy…” I chimed in, taking her attention from Bela. There was an almost audible sound of Bela letting a breath escape. He had gone motionless from the moment they locked eyes. “I never asked. But you’ve been here for a month or so. At the store I mean. What made you start working here?”

“Umm...money?” Rosy tilted her head at me in a curious way, as if the question was a silly one.

“Oh yeah.” It was my turn to blush. It was a silly question.

“And what do you do?” Her question put me off balance, so to speak.

“Me? Well...I don’t really do anything for money. But I do help my dad out with his work every once in a while.”

“Your father is...Eneres?”

I felt a little bit of heat in my cheeks from the way she emphasized his name. “Yes, he is.” I didn’t mean to, but I glared at her. I caught myself quickly afterwards and stopped though.

Rosy must have picked up on my feelings, because she just simply went “Oh…” and stopped speaking.

I no longer felt like talking and just stared at the floor, not sure what to do next. It became awkward very quickly. Silence filled the room, as there were no customers in the store at the moment. A clerk for the carpenter’s side of the room was busy at work, probably trying to ignore us. He could have been the owner of the shop, for all I knew. But for now, I wasn’t focused on him.

“Ty, we should get on to the book store…” Bela seemed to want to go and I felt the same.

“Bookstore?” Rosy chirped in.

“Yeah…” I could feel that maybe she wanted to go with us. At the moment, I didn’t want to be around her. And I knew Bela might give me some lip if he noticed the way I had been so rude to her.

“I wish I could go…” She made an expression on her face that looked something like sadness but also...something else. It wasn’t really all that sad. But it wasn’t a mean face. I could at least tell that she was being honest.

Bela looked at me for a second, and I could tell he wanted her to join us. “Come with us.”

“Oh I can’t. I’m here for the rest of the morning. Or at least, until Nelg re-manifests.” Rosy winked at me.

I didn’t know what the word “supplies” meant, but I thought I caught the meaning all the same.

Bela looked upset at the news. “Well…” He was thinking. Probably trying to see if he could get a way for Rosy to come with us.

The shopkeep for the carpenter’s side of the store spoke up. “I can watch your side if you want, Rosy.”

“Oh you could?! That would be wonderful!” Rosy danced slightly, though her feet never left the floor. More like a slight up and down motion. “It is such a lovely day. I would so like to join you!”

I wanted to think of some excuses, so I said the first thing that popped in my head. “Are you sure Nelg will be ok with that?”

Rosy stopped being so happy and her dancing quieted down. “I hadn’t thought of that.” She stuck out her lips slightly, making a face like she was thinking. A finger went to her lips, as she got lost in thought.

I found this curious. In rare moments I would realize that other people had their own free will. Rosy had hers. And I couldn’t peek into her mind. As much as I would like to. She had a bunch of things going on that I couldn’t see. The same was true with everyone else, besides me. Everyone was a mystery. I thought this to be true, because of just how much thinking I did myself. Others must do the same. I was just like everyone else.

“Atri, do you think Nelg would mind?”

Atri, who actually was the owner of the carpenter business (I knew this just from knowing names) replied. “Oh yes. We are good friends, Rosy. I’ll make sure that you won’t get in trouble.” His smile was too big for my liking. It seemed false. Even more, I was now mad that Rosy was joining us. Bela would be happy though. I would have to tuck my feelings deep down. For his own good at least. But in the back of my mind, I would be looking for ways to get Rosy to not be with us for the rest of the day.

Outside, the sun was bright and the morning had a lazy feel to it. The bookstore was just a few buildings down, but it might as well have been on the other side of the world for me. It was the last place I wanted to go right now. Rosy was intruding, and she had mentioned my father in a way that made me mad.

It seemed that rumors were starting to surround him, and Rosy had learned of them through gossip. Possibly from Uncle Nelg. I felt a very hot anger starting to boil in my chest. I wanted to run away and cry for a bit. But I could not let Rosy see this. It would add to the embarrassment. I would need to be quiet. Not true to myself. So she would not see.

My brain did a trick that I had taught it to do a couple months ago. I killed my emotions.

To do this, I removed what I was feeling from me. In my mind I thought of a room, and in it I took the anger and sat it in a corner. I went to the other corner. I looked at the anger. I told it “you have no control over me”. I said this to the anger, calmly, to show that I was in control. The anger was now trapped in the corner. And when I felt ready, I walked out the room.

I was now in control of myself. So I smiled and pretended that I was happy that Rosy was with us. “Ready to look at books?” As dead as I was to my feelings, it made the desire for books also dead. There would be no joy now, even though the morning was still bright, and I was healthy. So went this little trick of mine.

The bookstore was not a very big place. The number of different books it had was also small. Most of them had to do with farming. The few others were related to Ygh, or so I could gather from the pictures on the front. Still, I desired to know what was in these books. Mother had taught me how to read our own Yghtl, so I knew words, but I was not allowed to read the books at the store unless I paid for them. Those were the rules. Rosy had said she was only there to “browse” (whatever that word meant) and hang out, and Bela was here to follow me. Which made me the only one here with a mission.

Not much caught my eye, and I was just beginning to give up and pick the biggest one I could find (a large book called "ground yields a quarter and rituals to increase growth").

But to my great luck, a tattered little book was found, hidden between two dark and uninteresting books. The book, brown, but with faint yellow writing said “Lands and Songs”.

It was an odd title, and I didn’t know what to make of it. But I desperately wanted to find out.

“Find anything interesting, Ty?” Bela was standing next to me the whole time in the store, but not aware that I had fixed my eyes on the small book buried between some other larger ones.

“I think so…” I was slow in my words, but my eyes moved to elsewhere, while my mind was far away.

“Let’s buy it then.”

It was now time to fill him in on my plan. “I won’t be exactly buying it, Bela.” I whispered this to him, best as I could. The shop owner wouldn’t overhear me, but Rosy absolutely would. That couldn’t be helped.

“What do you mean?” Bela was the one to reply, but they both stared at me with a very worried look.

Rosy had more understanding about the need for being secret. “You’ll steal it?!” She whispered it, but just barely. Bela looked at me with the same look he had out in the countryside, when I had shown him what I carried.

“No.” I shook my head very hard. “Let’s talk outside.”

Once outside I took the conversation where I wanted it to go. “Follow me.”

I led them out of the town circle and down the row of houses on the north road. Near the edge of town, we entered a small alley that led behind one of the apartment complexes. A staircase along the back led up to the flat roof. From here, crossing to the other side gave a view of the street. Before leaning over the edge, I layed down yesterday’s clothes from my knapsack (to keep my nice ones from getting dirty) and I got on my stomach to peer down the street. No one seemed to be out and about, as it was still mid-morning on a Monday. The morning busy work would have died down as people entered their shops or set off for the day. I was not going to be spotted.

“What are you doing?”

Bela’s question didn’t distract me from my goal and I told him to wait. Rosy had been silent since we left the bookstore, but I could tell her own curiousness was growing. As I leaned over the ledge, I made sure not to put more than my arms over the side. I wanted no danger of slipping.

The wooden doors were just within my reach, using the walking stick I had packed with me. After giving them a slight tap, I waited for a response. My heart hadn’t stopped beating hard since we left the bookstore.

A moment later, a young man with sharp features popped his head out. He looked down into the street for only a half second before looking up at me. “Tyth.” He said with a wicked smile.

“Lands and Songs?”

“Sure.”

I took some of the vials from my pocket. After tying it to a string on the walking stick to carefully drop it to the young man, I rolled away from the ledge, so as not to be seen on the street. The whole thing took less than a minute.

On the roof, Bela stood there in silence, but Rosy had already seemed to catch on. “Interesting.” That was the only thing that she said.

“Ty, I don’t understand.”

“The books are expensive, Bela.” I was serious and a little sad while saying this. I would have honestly paid for them if I had any money. “Gahn makes copies of the originals and the book store sells them. I just pay Gahn since he will give me a book for much cheaper.”

Bela was trying to take this in, but Rosy was already a couple steps ahead. “How did you meet Gahn? And you can’t afford the books yourself can you? I was remiss to think that of you. How unkind of me.”

I didn’t know what the word “remiss” meant, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. She knew too much about us already, and I felt that anger and shame wake up again in the other room of my mind. I double checked the lock on the door and went back to being in control over my mind. By doing that, I also lost my sadness. I was without emotion again.

“What does ‘remiss’ mean?” I asked.

“Oh,” She blushed slightly. “it means that I took a misstep.”

I thought that over, and went back over what she said. It made sense now. “Ok.”

“So…” She said this as a way of trying to ask the question again, but without being rude.

“Yes, we don’t have the money to pay for books the right way.” I was lucky to be in control of my emotions now, because I knew what I would be feeling if I wasn’t so strong.

“And…” She was pausing at the beginning of her speech, to probably be as kind as possible. It made me feel like I was being treated with pity. Even though she was probably really just trying to be nice. So I chose to understand why she was doing what she was doing. “How did you meet Gahn?”

I thought over the way I had met him, and decided not to share the whole story. “He was a customer at my dad’s shop.” That answer left a question, and so I followed up. “He said he was a ‘transcriber of books’. I asked what that was. He told me. And so I talked to him about buying them from him instead.”

“I see.” She seemed to understand this and accept it. It had become a normal thing very quickly to her, it seemed, this dishonest practice. “Well, as someone who loves books, I’m not sure I can fault you entirely.” Her face made a smile, but I could tell it was somewhat forced. She didn’t really like my not honest dealings, I guess. But she was probably trying to understand.

Bela had not spoken for a bit, and after looking at him, he seemed to have just passed through the whole thing. He was no longer being affected by what was going on around him. In a way, I now thought that maybe he did on the outside what I did on the inside: become dead to things. That would be interesting to think about later.

“So what happens now?” Rosy had replaced her smile with a real one, but it now had a wicked look to it. She was letting her interest in the idea get the best of her. “How do you get the book?”

I had to think about if I should tell her. It would be best that I don’t. The less people who knew would make it easier for me to keep doing it.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think you should know. I don’t like telling people.” I tried my best attempt at looking sorry, even more sorry than I actually was. She must have bought it.

Even though she looked a little upset, because her smile disappeared slowly, she said she understood. Which I thought was good. Maybe she was now starting to understand that she was peeking in on my life, seeing things that I did not want her to see.

To my great joy, she pretty much said the same thing: “I guess I…” She stopped and scrunched her face. “I mean…” Then she scrunched up her face even more. “Oh…” She sighed. “I don’t know if I should’ve invited myself to go with you both…”

I then got why she was so frustrated. She was trying to be kind again. To not say what she was thinking.

“Oh that’s ok, Rosy.” Bela reached out his hand to her. “I like that you came along.”

Bela was trying to be sweet. But he had never been great with understanding people. Things he understood. But not people so well. I moved over to him quickly, batting his hand down. I did not want my brother to be thought of as a creep. “No. I mean.” I stuttered for a second and looked at Rosy. “I mean I understand. And there is no harm done.” I was trying to give her the thing she wanted: to leave. “I’m glad you came along as well.”

The odd way in which Bela had just acted and the odd way in which I had responded would surely worry her. I knew girls that much. Things were awkward now and she would probably now really want to leave. Which is also what I wanted. Even if Bela didn’t. I could not allow her to tag along with us anymore, even though I cared for Bela.

“I think I should go.” Rosy held her arms up to her chest, playing a sign of being shy and also scared. I had seen the same kind of action in animals who were about to run. We really had scared her a bit.

I wanted to hammer the nail. “Do you want us to walk you back to the shop?” I put my hand out to her, but only a little. Just enough not to be scary, but also just enough for her to see.

“That’s ok.” She shook her head a little too hard.

“All right.” I pretended to be hurt. “Do you want us to stop by in a bit, to make sure you get back ok?”

Rosy thought it over for a half second. The reply came out too fast. “Oh that’s fine. I know my way back.”

I said the same words again. “All right.”

When she started to leave I wished her luck, and she thanked me.

Bela and I were left alone on the rooftop.

I was ready for Bela to be mad at me. But I was also ready for him to be completely fine. I had no idea what he was thinking or what he felt about what had just happened. I also didn’t know how he felt about me pushing his arm down. But I knew from the past that he wouldn’t hurt me or get mad. He would question why I did it. But he wouldn’t be angry. Or at least not on the outside. If Bela ever did have feelings of rage, I had never seen them come out. I had no idea if they were there or not. Maybe he was as quiet on the inside of his mind as he was on the outside with everyone else. Bela stood there, watching Rosy go. When she disappeared down the stairs, he stared off into the sky for a bit. I watched him, waiting for what he would do. My heart had slowly begun to settle down, ever since I had left the ledge. The danger of getting caught was far less now. This was the very first time I had done anything so wrong. It felt great. To be in control of my own life, if only in a small way. And at the end of it all, I felt hope. Getting my hands on a book could be the change I need. If there was knowledge in there, it might be just what I needed to escape…

“Bela?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to go back home now?”

“Sure.”

Climbing back down to the street, we walked back to the town circle. It would be the easy path back home, without taking the shortest path through the woods. Seeing as how we were still in our nice clothes, I wouldn’t want to do that anyway. We would get back home well before nightfall, so there was no danger of getting lost. And if we swapped out of our clothes on the edge of town then strangers would also not bother us. Our day clothes on the farm were far from anything nice. Not to say that our good clothes were much to look at. They just didn’t have strings coming off. Mom kept these mended on the regular, as we wore them mostly for deaths, weddings and Yghtls.

The day became much worse when we entered the town. I spotted someone out of the corner of my eye, as we stepped around a building.

“Bela!” I pushed him back out of sight.

“What?” He was surprised, but I had shoved him easily, since he didn’t react against me.

“Dad is in town!”

Bela’s face lost all of its color instantly. It took him a moment to speak. “What should we do?”

I thought this over for a moment. “We should follow him.”

“Why?!”

“To see where he’s going.” I started off in that direction, careful not to be seen. My explanation seemed to be enough, because Bela followed.

Dad walked through the town circle, heading in the direction of Uncle Nelg’s shop. He went inside for a few minutes. I convinced Bela to quickly walk into another shop, on the other side of the circle. It was a tannery. Good view of the town circle. There was also a small chance dad would come here next. If he did, we would have to try our best to hide. I looked around the shop quickly. Clothes made from hides and other things like blankets were on display. There wasn’t anywhere really to hide. Was there a door in the back? I looked to the counter. The man there was unknown to me. Looked somewhat unfriendly. But he was dealing with another customer at the moment. So we were able to hide here for a bit at least.

Dad came back out of the carpentry and masonry shop, carrying nothing. He must not have bought anything. Probably just checking up on the store. Was Rosy back yet? I had no time to find out. Dad moved down the street, taking the east road that we had just come from. It was good that I had decided to hide here. He would’ve seen us for sure if we had stayed outside.

We followed him down that road, until he turned down a side street. The town wasn’t super big, but there was a small group of buildings on this side, because space was limited. At the beginning of a hill to the south, the cliffs made building houses hard, so things were tighter. And that meant more side streets. I hadn’t been down the one dad had been down yet, so I wasn’t sure how easily we could hide while following.

Bela must’ve thought the same thing. “Let’s go back home, Ty.” He slightly tugged on my arm.

I thought it over.

The reason we didn’t want dad to catch us in town was because he needed to be told when people were going into town. He would always tell us, if I’m buying supplies, you can’t come. I don’t want you getting any funny ideas. Those times when he wouldn’t let us come, he would come back with the more dangerous ingredients for his shop. Only Bela was allowed to go, since he was old enough. And even then he was only allowed to go sometimes. So this must be where he was buying those ingredients. Mom must have not known or forgotten. Otherwise she wouldn’t have let us come into town. She’d probably catch it from dad later, and I shuddered at the thought. I also shuddered at the idea of us catching him. But the ingredients…it could maybe be useful to know where to get them some day.

I told Bela what I was thinking about the dangerous ingredients. Bela made a very odd twisting with his face. I had not seen it before. But there was no time to think that over. I decided to follow dad. It would maybe be good for me to know where he was buying things like Gewd or Starched Sog Root.

Bela grabbed my arm. “Ty…”

I had never seen Bela act so aggressive. He was holding me very tightly. He was concerned, I could see that on his face. He let out a deep sigh. “I know where dad is going…” He looked down at the ground, and it seemed like he was ashamed. He did not continue talking.

“...Well?” I tugged myself away from him, but he still held on. “Bela.” I slapped his hand and he let go of me. But when I started to move away from him he grabbed me again. I thought about slapping his hand again. Words were probably better. “Bela!” He let go of me. He didn’t speak.

“Bela…” I spoke these words more softly. “Tell me where he’s going.” Then I became more forceful. “Or else I’m going to follow him anyway.”

Bela stood there, looking at the ground again. He was moving his head back and forth, and his body was moving with him. There was a fight going on inside of him. I started to fear very bad things. I had really never seen him act like this.

“Dad is…” The words stopped. But I gave him the time to continue. By this time, I had lost dad and only Bela could give me what I wanted now. And that was to know. “Dad is seeing another woman.”