《Let the Fates Decide...?》Chapter 15: Love Drunk
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“So you saw the rogue again?” Raydir asked the next day at lunch. We had opted to go riding to a spot that Caesaria and I thought could be romantic for me and Raydir. That had been before our break up, but I had never shown him the spot until now. It was perfect for us, just the right amount of seclusion. And it didn’t quite feel like the type of spot to give to Darius, especially since he was the farthest thing from my mind right now.
“I did. Darius and I were training and it sort of just jumped out of nowhere,” I explained, leaning back on my elbows.
“I’m glad you’re safe, Ar. We’ve seen what the rogue can do, and I can only imagine—”
“See that’s the thing, Ray. The rogue didn’t seem to want to hurt me. It seemed…playful. I almost felt bad for jumping to the conclusion that it’s a threat.”
Raydir frowned. “Arwyn, this rogue killed your sister and hurt your father. Don’t tell me you actually trust it?”
“How do we know it was this rogue who did those things? He seemed calm. Playful.”
“So you’ve said.”
“My point is I think we need to know more about rogues before we can understand their true purpose and if we need to be worried. The next alignment happens in a week. There has to be a way to track these patterns so we can figure out when it is more likely to attack.”
Raydir furrowed his brow, clearly concerned about my nonchalant attitude, but didn’t say anything further on the matter.
“How is your training going with Darius?” he asked, changing the subject.
“It’s going well. He’s been teaching me a lot. And I’m feeling better—which you know since you saw my bruises healing yesterday—so I should be able to start training with Fletcher again soon.”
He reached out to brush my hair behind my ears but paused halfway. “Sorry. Old habit. Um, yeah, I think you should be healed enough to do modified exercises with Fletcher.”
“Good. I do miss it. Training with Darius is different because it’s just my powers. But putting the two together…” I trailed off. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” He licked his lips before reaching into the picnic basket and pulling out a strawberry. “C’mere, I want you to taste this.”
I raised my eyebrows at this seemingly newfound confidence in Raydir given our breakup. “Taste what?”
“The strawberry. Come on, Ar. Don’t tell me you don’t remember our strawberry kiss?”
How could I forget? The strawberry kiss had been a staple of our relationship, and it surprised me how much I missed it.
“I-I do, but Ray, we—we’re broken up. Yesterday you didn’t even want us to make casual small talk and today you want to kiss me?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I miss you, okay? I…you brought up the Alignment and I realized even though this is our third Alignment here in Darqua, it’s our first one apart. That’s a huge deal. Maybe…I don’t know, maybe I was hoping we could try something again. It’s only been a few days but I’m thinking I was too abrupt to tell you we needed to move on. I still love you, Arwyn.”
Sighing, I replied, “I still love you too, Raydir.” But I’m too afraid of letting you back in.
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine, softly and gently at first. Surprised, I kissed back pushing a hand against his chest.
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I can’t, I thought to myself. But it’s Raydir. And he’d always been my safe space.
I grabbed a fistful of his shirt as his tongue poked at my lips, asking for access to my mouth. I obeyed, melting into the familiarity.
No guys, my brain yelled at me, alarm bells ringing in my head, but I didn’t pay a scrap of attention. Raydir was kissing me. I was kissing him back. As if nothing had changed over the last few days.
“Ar,” Raydir murmured against my lips. “Do you wanna go back—”
I shook my head, not moving from his mouth. “We can stay out here.” I flicked my wrist and a wall of water shielded us from the outside world. “That should take care of things for a while.”
Raydir grinned. “Well, the student really has become the master.” He grabbed my waist and rolled us into the grass, his fingers caressing my body.
Familiarity flowed through me as I ran my hands up his sides, lingering against his chest. But it was different. He was different. His kisses lingered just moments too long.
I still love him, I thought to myself as we kissed. But this can’t go any further.
Then his hands moved to the front of my top, gliding over the clasps, and my emotions went into full overload. I did not want this. Not now. But I needed him. Man, oh man, did I need him. My heart seemingly yearned for Darius but Raydir…Raydir was familiar. Raydir was home. I missed his touch, the way he held me. As he leaned down and his tongue danced over my chest, I surrendered to his body. Oh what the hell, what’s a few more minutes?
I pushed my tongue against his lips for access before moving my hands up into his hair.
You have to make a decision, that pesky voice in my head taunted. You can’t have it both ways.
As the first two clasps of my top came undone, Raydir’s hands moved down my exposed body. I let out a small gasp of pleasure at his touch. He brushed his thumbs over my breasts when the wall of water came tumbling down around us.
I pushed back lightly against his chest, both of us sputtering. I quickly re-clasped my top, closing off my body to him now that the moment was over. “Ray, we should…talk.”
He coughed. “Yeah, we probably should. You…you were thinking about Darius just now, weren’t you?” Hurt seeped into his voice.
“Not…not exactly. Well, kind of, but not how you’re thinking,” I said. I took a deep breath before continuing. “I…well…um…wow, this is harder than I thought. Look, I have two more days to make this decision. I don’t…I need time to think over things.” I winced as the words left my mouth.
“Oh. So, you…”
“I just need some time. Everything's so confusing lately. I love you, Ray.”
“But you want to make sure you didn’t make a mistake.” He conveniently left out which part of this he thought was the mistake. “Ar, I want you to be happy. And if he makes you happy…” He cleared his throat to hide how it broke on the last words.
“That’s the problem. You both make me happy. That’s why I need time. It shouldn’t…it shouldn’t have to be this way, but it is.”
I never wanted it to be this way, I linked to him.
Me either.
Tears brimmed my eyes and I wiped at them with the back of my hand. “I have to go.”
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Luckily for me, when I arrived back at Caesaria’s cabin, there was already a cot set up for me in her room.
“Hey, how did things go?” she asked, running over to hug me when she saw the look on my face.
“I have two more days to choose. How do you think it went?” I slumped onto the couch. “I don’t even know what to do.”
“I do. C’mon.” She grabbed my hand and dragged me up from the couch and out the door. “We’re going riding.”
“Cae, I don’t think riding is going to help.” Even as I said it, I knew it was a lie. Riding helped clear my head almost as much as swimming.
“When was the last time you went riding?”
“At lunch today,” I replied with a frown.
Caesaria shook her head. “No, I mean like actually riding down a trail with no end goal in mind? A while ago, yeah? I know you visit the barn every day to see Majesty. But just immersing yourself in nature is something different altogether.
At the barn, we mounted our horses and took off at a gallop together. I followed behind Caesaria because I had no idea where we were going.
“Keep up!” Caesaria called over her shoulder.
I laughed. “I’m trying!”
She pulled her horse to a stop in the middle of the woods and hopped down, waiting for me to catch up..
“Why’d you bring me here?” I asked once I had caught up.
“It’s a good place to clear your head.”
I sighed. “Oh. So it all comes back to my decision.”
“Arwyn, please. I’m just trying to help.” She rested a hand on my shoulder. “Close your eyes and listen to the sound of the birds. Tell me that’s not the most relaxing sound you’ve ever heard.”
I did as she instructed, focusing on the way my hair fluttered around my face and the chirping of the birds in the rustling tree branches. “That is…very relaxing.”
“See?” She bumped me with her hip as I reopened my eyes. “Sometimes you just need a little bit of nature to help you find peace.”
She was right. I hadn’t really had any time to even breathe since arriving in Darqua, and the valley was more expansive and beautiful than I could’ve ever imagined. This was the kind of peace I longed to have.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The moonlight sparkled over the lake in the valley, the waterfall rushing in the background. Everything about it felt peaceful, safe. I dipped my hand into the water, letting it lap over my fingers.
“The valley certainly is beautiful,” a silky voice spoke from beside me. I looked up. A girl only a few years older than me stood beside me shrouded in a veil of silver, her dark hair tumbling perfectly over her shoulders and down her back. Her pale gold dress shimmered and for a second I believed she was truly there next to me.
“Is this even real?” I asked. “How are you…here?”
“I have my ways.” Bella sat down next to me on the grassy bank. She unfastened the cloak around her neck and wrapped it around my shoulders. “Your mind is troubled, my dear sister. The valley isn’t what you expected it to be?”
“It’s exactly what I expected and more. It’s a place where I could see myself growing old with Raydir. But my heart seemingly has other plans for me.”
“So I’ve seen. Arwyn, what I told you years ago about following your heart, I meant every word. Be with the one you truly love, not who you think you should love.”
“But how do I figure it out when my heart is telling me two different stories?” I asked.
Arabella rested her hand on my shoulder. “Healing from the hurt takes time. You have to give yourself permission to grieve over ending your engagement before you can let yourself love another.”
“Why was it so easy for you, Bella? You knew Bennett was for you, always. Why can’t it be that easy for me?”
Bella smiled. “Because your fate has not been decided yet, Arwyn. In time you will learn. Let him into your heart when you are ready.”
Her presence began to fade.
“Wait! Bella, don’t leave me!” I called out. “Which ‘him’ are we talking about?”
“I am here when you call for me,” she replied, her voice a mere echo. Her body disappeared completely, and I was once again alone on the grass.
“Bella!” I shot straight up, my eyes taking a minute to adjust to the brightness of day and take in my surroundings. I was laying on the cot in Casaria’s room with a cloak around my shoulders.
“What happened?” Caesaria asked sleepily, sitting up from her bed.
“Do you know where this cloak came from?”
“You didn’t have it last night?” Caesaria furrowed her brows as she looked around the room.
I shook my head. “No.” Breathing in deeply, I caught a whiff of lavender from the cloak. Memories from my youth flooded back to my head. “How much do you know about astral projection?”
Caesaria scratched her head. “Only a few wolves have that ability. Why do you ask?”
“My dream. I…I don’t know. My sister was there, but that’s sort of impossible because she’s dead.” I pulled the cloak tighter around my shoulders. “This is her cloak. She gave it to me in my dream last night, which I know seems impossible, but I saw her, Cae.”
“We should talk to Bennett about this. He knows a lot more about astral projection than I do, and this seems like veriturum. Reality manipulation.”
My eyes snapped to hers at the mention of Bennett. “No, we can’t talk to Bennett about this. He was Bella’s fiance, and I don’t want to bring back the past.”
“Arwyn, Bennett needs to know,” she argued. “He knows the most about the veriturum power. And if Arabella is communicating with you through your dreams and giving you concrete objects…he should know.” She stood up and put out her hand. “C’mon, I’ll go with you.”
I sighed and rolled off the cot. “No. This…this is something I need to do on my own.”
Once I was dressed with the cloak clasped firmly around my throat, I left the cabin. The valley was quiet this early in the morning, the silence only broken by the occasional chirp of a bird. The crisp air was quickly becoming more humid with every passing minute.
I stood outside of the Grand Cabin completely frozen in place. I couldn’t do this, I didn’t know how to do this. How was telling Bennett that my sister had spoken to me in a dream—which was different from all my other dreams—going to help anything? Why had she given me the cloak? Why—
“Are you just going to keep standing there?” Caesaria asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. She handed me a mug. “I thought you could use some ibisco tea. Helps with the nerves.”
“What part of ‘alone’ do you not understand?” I asked, glaring at her. What has gotten into me? “Sorry. This Alignment…it’s putting me more on edge than the last one.”
Caesaria nodded. “It’s understandable. This particular Alignment is more complex for a number of reasons.”
“Yeah, I have to make my decision.”
“It’s more than that, though.”
“How so?” I asked.
“It’s…probably easier if I show you. Follow me.” She headed inside the Grand Cabin, waiting for me to catch up. I hurried after her. The cabin was fairly quiet for this early in the day. Caesaria led me down the halls to the library. The scent of aged leather hit my nose the minute the door to the library opened, revealing the expansive two-story room covered wall-to-ceiling with books. A spiral staircase sat in the middle of the room leading up to the second level.
“So what exactly are we looking for?” I asked.
“Information about the Alignment.” Caesaria traced her fingers along the shelves until she got to what she was looking for. “Here we go. The different Alignments and their meanings.”
I raised my eyebrows as she passed me the book. “You have an entire book on the types of Alignments?”
“We have multiple. Jasper—the cousin of the First Wolf—studied the ways of the valley. We have the general books of information then the personal accounts that Jasper recorded.”
“I thought he became wolfed by Randel?” I flipped through the book, letting my fingers linger over the yellowed pages and fading ink.
“He did. The trio lived out their days here in Darqua.” She crouched down to a floorboard and pried it up with her fingers.
“What are you doing?!” I shrieked.
“Relax, Arwyn. And keep your voice down.” She glanced at the door to make sure no one had heard my outburst. Freeing the floorboard, Caesaria took out three weathered leather notebooks. “These are the journals from Jasper’s observations. He…wanted the history of the valley, of the curse, to be passed on so that others could learn from him and his mistakes.
I watched the way she fiddled with the edges, clutching the journals closely to her chest. “May I?”
She hesitated before handing me one. I unwrapped the tough band that held it in place, and the book fell open to the first page:
A curse that befalls the one who rejects their Chosen. A curse that captures the hearts of a secret betrothal. The valley is the only safe escape. Beware the Blood Moon on the third alignment of the Summer season.
Jasper Quinlevan
Delia Elderwen
“Jasper Quinlevan,” I whispered. Glancing back up at Caesaria, I saw her fiddling with a locket around her neck, the initials CQ etched into the gold. My eyes widened as realization hit. “CQ. Caesaria…Quinlevan? Are you related to Jasper?”
Her voice, in an answer that gave me more questions, came out barely above a whisper. “Yes. Caesaria Quinlan—the last name was passed down and changed over the years.”
“So what happened to Randel?” I asked, remembering what Rosie had told me on my arrival.
“He turned rogue. It’s very rare for it to happen, but it still does. That’s why we wanted to be so cautious when you and Raydir ran into that rogue. And because it’s shown up two other times here, the Council is more on edge about it.”
“He’s still…” Saliva turned to stone in my mouth. “Is he still alive?”
“As far as we know? Yes. We think he’s the rogue you and Darius ran into.”
My body tensed.
“Arwyn, say something.” Caesaria waved an arm in front of my face. What did she want me to say? I felt sick. The rogue I had played with less than 48 hours earlier was supposed to be the First Wolf? Did that mean he was the one who killed my sister? Is he the one who attacked my father? Could he have been the one that attacked us?
I inhaled sharply. “The rogue—the one who attacked us—that was Randel too?” How could that be? How could we be sure?
Caesaria nodded. “After discussing it with the Council, we believe so. But there is still a lot I don’t understand. If Arabella somehow gave you that cloak, Bennett needs to know. He, afterall, knew Arabella the best.” She crouched back down, replacing the floorboards and securing the secret spot for the notebooks. “You’re not to tell anyone about my ancestry, understood? Not Raydir. Not Darius.”
“Fine, no telling. But you still didn’t tell me what this Alignment means.”
“This Alignment is the Blood Moon,” she explained, her expression dark. “It means that any wolf—specifically those with the harsher wolf spirit—have a higher chance of turning rogue.”
“But why?”
“Something to do with the schematics of our world. We become more connected with our wolf spirits during this time.”
“And that’s why last night…” I drew my hand to the pin that latched Bella’s cloak around my neck. “How exactly does this all work? She’s…dead.” The words felt like lead as they left my tongue.
“But her wolf spirit is very much alive.” She handed me two of the books from the shelves. “Read up on these. It should at least give you some answers.”
“But she didn’t appear to me as a wolf,” I protested, “so how is that even possible?”
“Because your sister had one of the most complex gifts,” a new voice replied. Caesaria and I turned to see Bennett standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. “Shall we go to the Council room? There is much to discuss.”
We followed him in silence before taking seats on opposite sides of the table in the Council room.
“Okay, Bennett,” I said. “Explain.”
“Once a year on the Blood Moon, we all become more connected to our wolf spirits,” Bennett said. “Everyone acts differently on the Blood Moon. But it’s also why this is when you have to make your decision. Because your ceremony fell so close to the Blood Moon and your wolf spirit was concealed, your decision must happen by that Alignment.”
“So what does this mean?” I asked.
“There are more rogues on the Blood Moon. And because of the recent attack on your father and the rogue who attacked you, we need to be prepared for the worst.”
I glanced at Caesaria. She was looking down at her hands. “Prepared for what exactly?” I thought back to when my training started and my heart twisted into knots.
“Things between Gwyniar and Alvenora have been even more tense since your father was attacked,” she explained. “Our sources say that he hasn’t returned to his duties as leader of Gwyniar since the attack. Raydir’s father, Duke Alexander, doesn’t want to wage war on Darqua, but the interim leader of Gwyniar does. I have a feeling your father would agree with Duke Alexander because he knows a war would mean bringing harm to both you and Raydir. And we know that’s the last thing he wants.”
I frowned. “But if the interim leader wants to wage war, someone had to give the order.”
“I think it’s safe to say your father wants nothing to do with a potential war.Maybe not. But someone does, and we need to prepare ourselves for the worst.”
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