《The Three Lives of Mr. Amazing》The Chosen One

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‘Five minutes, Mr. Amazing’ - said the assistant producer, leaning into the make-up room.

‘Thanks’ - said a short, fat man wearing a blue double-breasted chalk stripe suit, with a big red flower in the buttonhole and greased back black hair and thick framed glasses.

The man pushed the door to the make-up room closed. The man’s name was Murray, Murray Cucci, and he was Mr. Amazing’s manager. Murray walked across the make-up room to where Mr. Amazing was sitting in a chair whilst a woman applied make-up to his face.

‘Not too much!’ - said Murray - ‘He has to look natural’

‘Yes Mr. Cucci’ - said the woman as she dabbed Mr. Amazing’s face.

Mr. Amazing was wearing an expensive looking navy blue suit, a white shirt, and a blue tie. He sat and stared at himself as the woman continued to dab his face with a sponge.

‘Alright, that’s enough - He’s gonna end up looking like fucking Coco the fucking clown!’ - shouted Murray.

‘Yes Mr. Cucci’ - said the woman.

‘Okay - give me a few moments with Mr. Amazing’ - said Murray, smiling at the woman.

‘Yes Mr. Cucci’ - said the woman - ‘And thank you, Mr. Amazing - this has been the highlight of my career!’

Mr. Amazing smiled at the woman in the mirror, and then she left the make-up room.

Murray waited until she was gone, and then stepped over to his client.

‘The boys at the agency want you to tone it down tonight with the whole ‘chosen one’ narrative’

Mr. Amazing stared at himself in the mirror. He was beautiful. Mr. Amazing was seven foot and six inches tall. He had the physique of a body builder - or perhaps a Greek god? His hair was blond and neatly combed, and his rugged, handsome face was pure perfection.

‘I said, the boys at the agency want you to…’ - repeated Murray, but he was cut off by Mr. Amazing.

‘I don’t give a fuck what the boys at the agency want, Murray’ - said Mr. Amazing, still studying his handsome reflection in the mirror.

‘It makes them nervous, kid’ - said Murray - ‘This whole chosen one thing, they just want you to tone it down’

‘Tone it down?’ - said Mr. Amazing, turning to Murray.

‘Yeah - like don’t say anything too controversial’

‘Controversial?’ - said Mr. Amazing, his face cold and staring at Murray’s.

‘Yeah, like they don’t want you to go out there and to say you are the chosen one, or anything like that’

Mr. Amazing stood, his muscled frame towering over the short and fat Murray’s. Mr. Amazing turned back to the mirror, and straightened his jacket, and adjusted his tie knot.

‘Murray, this studio is filled with people who want to hear that. Millions of people, maybe billions of people around the world will be watching tonight, hoping that I will say I am the chosen one. That I was chosen by God to protect America and the people of the world. I give these people hope - and make them feel safe. These people know that they can sleep safely at night knowing that Mr. Amazing is watching over them. I am like a modern day Jesus fucking Christ’

Murray’s eyebrows raised and a strained expression came across his face.

‘But you cannot say that, kid. It makes the boys at the agency very nervous’

‘Murray, I am the fucking good guy’ - said Mr. Amazing, still admiring his reflection in the mirror - ‘The people need hope, and they need me. You can tell the boys at the agency to fucking relax - I am doing them a fucking favor’

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‘A favor?’ - said Murray

‘Yeah, a fucking favor’

There was a knock at the door - ‘One minute Mr. Amazing’ - said a voice on the other side.

‘What kind of favor?’ - said Murray.

‘I don’t have time for this now’ - said Mr. Amazing, pulling the tissues away from around his shirt collar, and moving to the door.

He opened the door, and the assistant producer was standing there. He stepped back, as Mr. Amazing stooped under the door frame and stepped into the hallway. The hallway was full of people, who stood in silence and stared at the giant man.

‘T…this way, Mr. Amazing’ - stammered the assistant producer, and he began walking down the hallway. Mr. Amazing followed him, and as he walked past the people in the hallway some of them were crying. Some stepped forward and handed him bouquets of flowers.

‘Thank you’ - said Mr. Amazing, smiling.

‘We love you, Mr. Amazing!’ - said a voice behind him as he walked.

Mr. Amazing looked back over his shoulder, a broad smile on his face - ‘I love you too!’

More flowers were handed to him. Both men and women tried to kiss him. He laughed and thanked them. Flower garlands were placed around his neck.

When he arrived at the studio, he was quickly miked-up, and he handed the bouquets of flowers and garlands to Murray, who had been following behind him. Murray struggled to hold the mass of flowers, so he found a corner and dumped them on the floor, and then brushed his suit down.

The voice of the TV host could be heard, and the screams of the audience - ‘....now our very special guest this evening….’ - more screams, and cheering - ‘....requires absolutely no introduction…’ - clapping and cheering and screaming - ‘....this guest hasn’t sat for an interview in over ten years, and it is really a true privilege to have them here tonight….’ - cheering, screaming, and clapping - ‘....ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce, the one and only….’ - near hysterical cheering and clapping and screaming - ‘....Mr. Amazing!’

A band began playing music, and Mr. Amazing smiled at Murray, who smiled back - and then Mr. Amazing stepped out onto the stage and into the spotlights.

The audience went absolutely haywire. People were crying and clapping and screaming, Hundreds of bouquets of flowers were being thrown. Mr. Amazing stood and smiled and waved at the cheering audience. Some of the audience tried to rush the stage - fighting against the security guards. One broke through - a young woman who had a flower garland. She ran up to Mr. Amazing and hugged him, tears flowing down her face. Security guards ran onto the stage and grabbed her arms, and tried to pull her away.

‘It’s okay guys’ - said Mr. Amazing, and the security guards stepped back.

Mr. Amazing hugged the woman, and waved at the crowd. He took the woman by the face, and lifted her head so he could look at her. Her eyes were wet and she stared at Mr. Amazing’s handsome face and piercing blue eyes.

‘You head back to your seat now, okay?’ - Mr. Amazing whispered to the woman.

She nodded, and released her grip on him. She lifted the flower garland, and Mr. Amazing dipped his head and the woman placed the garland around his neck. Mr. Amazing touched the young woman’s face, and she smiled at him - fresh tears running down her face. She turned and the security guards helped her off the stage. The crowd continued to cheer and shout and scream - and Mr. Amazing continued to smile and wave. The host came over and tears were running out of his eyes and he shook Mr. Amazing’s hand.

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‘Are you watching this?’ - said a man sitting in an armchair, staring at Mr. Amazing on the TV. He was talking into a phone.

‘Yeah’ - said the voice on the other end.

‘What do you make of this?’ - said the man, lighting a cigarette and staring at Mr. Amazing waving at the audience.

‘What do I think?’ - said the voice in the phone - ‘I think that this was a bad idea from the start’

The man puffed his cigarette, holding the phone to his ear - ‘You think he is going to pull that chosen one bullshit?’

There was silence for a while, and then the voice on the phone spoke - ‘Probably’

‘We told Murray to have him tone it down’ - said the man.

‘And you think he listens to fucking Murray?’ - said the voice on the phone.

Another silent pause.

‘I guess not’

‘Well, all that is to be determined is how much of a bloodbath this turns out to be’ - said the voice on the end of the phone.

‘I guess so’ - said the man.

‘Call me when the circus finishes, and we can discuss where we go from here’ - said the voice on the phone.

‘Okay’ - said the man, and he hung up. He stubbed out his cigarette, and lit another one - staring at Mr. Amazing smiling and waving on the TV.

It took over ten minutes to calm the audience down - and finally Mr. Amazing made his way over to the desk where he sat opposite the host - a man named Chuck.

‘Well that was some welcome, Mr. Amazing!” - said Chuck, sitting down behind the desk.

The audience spontaneously burst into more cheering and clapping and shouting.

Mr. Amazing sat in the armchair, and smiled at the audience and Chuck. The audience settled down - barely.

‘Now Mr. Amazing - this is what happens when we haven’t heard from you in over ten years!’ - said Chuck.

Mr. Amazing smiled - random shouts could be heard from the audience saying how much they loved Mr. Amazing.

‘Well Chuck - I have been kinda busy this last while’ - said Mr. Amazing.

The audience laughed, and Chuck laughed. Murray, watching from the side, smiled. The man watching the TV and smoking stared at the screen, expressionless.

‘So what have you been up to Mr. Amazing - what’s been going on since we last heard from you?’ - said Chuck.

‘Well - I am not going to be able to go into details, Chuck, you understand? But I want to let the people of America, and the people all around the world know that I have been busy fighting the bad guys - and fighting to keep America free and fighting to keep the whole world safe’

The audience applauded - with more cheering and shouting.

‘Well Mr. Amazing - on behalf of the people of America and the people of the world, we thank you for your work’ - said Chuck, looking solemn.

More applause and cheering - Mr. Amazing turned to the audience and smiled and waved and bowed his head.

‘Now outside of work - what can you tell us? How are you doing?’ - said Chuck, this was going to be a very softball interview.

Mr. Amazing smiled his broad smile - ‘Life is good Chuck - I am in a very happy place right now’

Applause and waving and smiling.

‘And what could be the source of this happiness - is there perhaps a Mrs. Amazing in your life?’ - said Chuck, a cheeky grin on his face.

The audience clapped and cheered - but soon quietened, waiting with bated breath for Mr. Amazing’s reply.

‘No Chuck - no Mrs. Amazing, yet!’ - said Mr. Amazing, smiling - ‘But I have found someone else, someone very important and someone who brings me great happiness….’

‘Here we go’ - said the man watching the TV, as he stubbed out his cigarette and lit another one.

‘Oh really - and who is this someone special, Mr. Amazing?’ - said Chuck, a quizzical look on his face.

‘God’ - said Mr. Amazing.

‘Jesus fucking Christ’ - said the man staring at the TV.

Murray, watching off to the side, closed his eyes and winced.

‘God?’ - said Chuck.

The audience were wild again - cheering and screaming and clapping and shouting.

It took a while to calm the audience down - and then Mr. Amazing continued.

‘Yes Chuck - God. At first, when I developed these powers, these amazing powers that I have I thought that I was just lucky. That I was a freak - a genetic freak whose body had mutated and given me these amazing powers…’ - Mr. Amazing paused, and looked to the audience - ‘But then something happened, something happened when I was on a mission and this changed everything. I realized that I wasn’t lucky, or a freak - but that I was chosen. Chosen by God’

More hysteria from the audience. Murray continued to wince. The man watching the TV stood and walked to the cabinet and poured a dark coloured drink. He put the glass to his mouth, and drank it in one. He poured more in the glass, and then returned to the TV and lit another cigarette.

Chuck was crying. The audience went to an eerie calm.

‘On this mission…’ - Mr. Amazing continued - ‘I was hunting some very bad guys, the worst kinda people. Killers! And I tracked them down. They were getting ready to plant a bomb, to kill innocent people - women and children. So I burst through the door of their hideout, and they started shooting. I managed to kill three of the bad guys, and there was one left - and he had a suicide vest strapped to him and his finger on the button and he is praying, ready to blow himself and me up. So I just stared at him - and these words came out of my mouth. I said to him, this evil and bad guy - I said “Be at peace, brother”’

You could have heard a pin drop in the studio.

‘And this bad guy, this evil killer - he just looks at me, and he takes his finger off the button. And he starts crying - and I walk over to him and help him to his feet. I help him remove the suicide vest, and then he drops to his knees, and says - “Mr. Amazing, thank you. Before I was an evil man, but now - because of you - I will be at peace” - and this guy crouches down, and he kisses my feet. I lifted him up, and then told him - “Your evil days are over, now be a peaceful man” - and I walked him to the door of the hideout and set him free…’

More silence.

‘I am not lucky, or a freak of nature - I was chosen by God. And like God above, I can be vengeful or I can be loving. God spoke through me to that evil man, and by the time he walked out of that building - he was a peaceful man. God’s love flowed through me and into this man - and he was cured of his evils’

Mr. Amazing looked from Chuck to the audience - and smiled. The audience went wild.

‘That is a truly amazing story, Mr. Amazing!’ - said Chuck, wiping the tears from his eyes.

Murray was grimacing. The man watching the TV had finished his drink, and had poured another and lit another cigarette, his face expressionless.

‘God chose me, Chuck’ - continued Mr. Amazing - ‘To be both his vengeance, and his love. Those that need to be punished will be punished, but those that need to be loved will be loved’

Some more audience members were trying to storm the stage.

The man watching the TV pointed the remote control at the screen, and clicked it off. He picked up the phone and dialed a number.

‘Yeah, it’s me’ - he said.

‘That couldn’t have gone any worse’ - said the voice on the other end.

‘Well, I guess he could have said he was God, rather than chosen by God. Maybe that would have been marginally worse’

‘Very marginally’ - said the voice on the phone.

‘So, what do we do?’

‘Mr. fucking Amazing has just made a giganitic shit sandwich, and now it is everyone’s turn to line up and to take a bite - that is what we do’ - said the voice on the phone.

‘Well, that’s a given’ - said the man, lighting a cigarette - ‘But practically, what do we do?’

‘Practically? I don’t fucking know. Practically we are way off the fucking map now my old friend’ - said the voice on the phone.

‘The doctor?’

‘We could try - I guess’ - said the voice on the phone.

‘At this stage - I think anything is worth a try’

‘You want me to make the call?’ - said the voice on the phone.

‘Sure’

‘Alright, I will let you know how I get on’ - said the voice on the phone.

‘Sure - and don’t forget to say your prayers to Mr. Amazing’ - said the man, and he hung up.

He stood and walked to the cabinet, and poured another drink.

‘Godamn fucking Mr. Amazing!’

The interview had finished, and Mr. Amazing and Murray were in the back of a limo heading to Mr. Amazing’s apartment.

‘Now that was good TV!’ - said Mr. Amazing.

Murray was looking at his phone - there were hundreds of messages from newspapers and TV stations all wanting an interview with Mr. Amazing, and dozens more arriving every moment. Murray lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

‘I think I should write a book’ - said Mr. Amazing.

‘A book?’ - said Murray

‘Yeah, like a book of my thoughts’

‘A book of your thoughts?’ - said Murray

‘Yeah, a book of my thoughts. To bring wisdom and happiness to the world’ - said Mr. Amazing.

Murray was unsure if Mr. Amazing had any wise thoughts. And Murray was pretty sure that Mr. Amazing’s thoughts were unlikely to bring him any personal happiness. Murray was waiting for the call - from the boys at the agency. The boys from the agency would be sure to think Mr. Amazing’s thoughts were unwise, and his words even more unwise. They would be feeling any happiness either - and their unhappiness would be Murray’s unhappiness. They would be unhappy together - miserable in fact.

Murray looked at his phone as the messages streamed in.

‘What the fuck is wrong with you, Murray? I thought you might be a bit more enthusiastic about your client delivering possibly the greatest single moment of television in the history of mankind!’ - said Mr. Amazing, looking over at his short and fat manager.

Murray stared at his phone, and then turned it off and looked at his client - ‘That story - about the terrorist with the suicide vest. Did that actually happen?’

Mr. Amazing looked out of the limo window, and pushed his chin out - ‘It happened’

‘You let a terrorist go, to lead a peacful life?’ - said Murray.

Mr. Amazing coughed a little, and jutted out his chin again - ‘I added some additional elements, for dramatic effect - for the audience’

‘You killed him, didn’t you’ - said Murray.

‘Of course I fucking killed him - he was a fucking terrorist wearing a fucking suicide vest’

‘But according to you, God spoke love through you - I quote ‘Be at peace, brother!”’

They sat in silence for a moment.

‘You think any of that shit in the bible or the quran is true? Talking fucking snakes and flying fucking horses? The truth is not important - if you believe a lie then the lie becomes the truth, that is what’s important. I give people meaning and hope - you saw them tonight, they fucking adore me’

‘The boys at the agency are not going to be happ…’ - started Murray, but he was cut off by Mr. Amazing.

‘I DO NOT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT WHAT THE BOYS FROM THE AGENCY ARE HAPPY OR UNHAPPY ABOUT! DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME, MURRAY?’

Murray sat in silence.

‘I am tired of being their fucking errand boy, Murray. Tired of these fucking missions - these endless fucking missions. War on terror. War on drugs. War on crime. War on fucking war! Maybe, maybe Murray - we should give love a fucking chance!’

‘Love on terror?’ - said Murray, unable to help himself.

The limo pulled up outside Mr. Amazing’s apartment, and as soon as the car stopped Mr. Amazing was out the door and heading towards the entrance. A crowd had gathered, and were throwing more flowers and saying how much they loved Mr. Amazing. Mr. Amazing dashed past them, with Murray following behind. Mr. Amazing came to the elevator and pushed his card into the slot, and the doors opened. Murray hurried along and joined his client in the express elevator to the 102nd floor, and Mr. Amazing’s penthouse apartment. They rode in silence.

The doors opened on the 102nd floor, and a smartly dressed butler was standing waiting for them. The butler bowed.

‘Good evening Mr. Amazing, and Mr. Cucci’ - said the Butler, still bowing.

‘I am starving’ - said Mr. Amazing, stepping out of the elevator, followed by Murray.

‘Yes sir - would you like to dine now?’ - said the butler, following Mr. Amazing.

‘Yes, do we have any of those 96 ounce steaks left?’ - said Mr. Amazing, who had stopped at the lobby bar and had poured himself a drink.

‘Yes sir’ - said the butler

‘Did you see the interview?’ - said Mr. Amazing, who finished his drink in one, and was pouring another.

‘Yes sir’ - said the butler, smiling.

‘And….?’ - said Mr. Amazing, finishing the second drink in one.

‘Most uplifting, sir’ - said butler.

‘Uplifting?’ - said Mr. Amazing, pouring a third drink.

‘Spiritually uplifting, sir’ - said the butler.

‘The steak - burnt to a fucking cinder on the outside, and blood raw in the middle!’

‘Of course, sir’ - said the butler, bowing his head and retreating.

‘KIKI!!!!’ - shouted Mr. Amazing.

Murray had wandered off to find somewhere quiet to go through the messages and to wait for the call from the boys at the agency.

‘KIKI!!!!!!!’ - shouted Mr. Amazing again.

A stunning, tall, blond woman wearing a tight fitting dress that showed off her ample curves wandered slowly down the stairs to the lobby.

‘Well hello, Daddy’ - said the woman, walking up to Mr. Amazing and placing a hand on his cheek.

‘Daddy is tired Kiki, daddy needs a massage’ - said Mr. Amazing.

‘My poor baby’ - said Kiki - ‘It must be so tiring, being God’s special chosen one’

Mr. Amazing smiled - ‘You watched it?’

Kiki nodded.

‘And…?’

Kiki shrugged.

‘What the fuck does that mean?’ - said Mr. Amazing, his expression went from excitement to shock.

‘Baby, you know I don’t believe in all that stuff’

‘But the audience - they fucking loved it! Chuck was fucking crying. It was fucking magical!’

‘Your right, it was magical! You are a magician, baby’

Mr. Amazing smiled at Kiki - ‘You wait until you get me on the massage table. Then you will see some real fucking magic!’

‘Promises promises’ - said Kiki, turning and walking back to the stairs.

Mr. Amazing watched Kiki walking up the stairs.

‘BURT!” - Mr. Amazing shouted.

The butler reappeared - ‘Yes sir!’

‘I will eat in my bedroom with Miss Kiki - bring champagne as well, the good stuff’

‘Yes sir’ - said Burt the butler, bowing his head.

Mr. Amazing poured another drink, and gulped it back - and then headed up the stairs.

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