It was a night like any other, rainy, cold, a sea of mud, lice, bed bugs, and all other sorts of uncomfortable things. The meal of weeds and dirt making a mess of what’s left of his stomach… him and thousands of others, all huddled in little groups spread across the vast fields. No tents, barely a blanket amongst dozens, shivering as the gales laugh in mockery of their misfortune.

Just another night, on their way from a battle just fought, to another battle to be fought. Where and when it matters little, and time and place became mere blurs. All places seas of mud and all times moments of misery.

Is it hell, or purgatory? Josh wondered to himself as he scrunched up a little more, futilely trying to preserve a bit more warmth for a little longer, before the inevitable fitful sleep and the rude untimely awakening from the biting cold, or the beatings from an officer for the night watch tax. Is he living? Or this an extended death scene like those flash of scenes as someone dies?

After all, that truck was real enough when it slammed into him on the highway… but it was also rather out of place for an Isuzu truck on some meandering country road in the middle of rural Kentucky.

What retreaded uselessness. He chided himself. Those thoughts have bubbled up to the forefront of his mind many times in the months since his life abruptly began in this world. This cruel world of endless suffering.

And for what? For a country that none of them have actually truly lived in? For a cause that they have no stake in or even understood for that matter? For people who clearly see them as nothing more than trash? Why haven’t they rebelled yet?

The last question he could answer in a shallow manner: because he doesn’t have what it takes. None of them who are still alive does. All those who dared have already tried, and failed, and paid for it with their worthless lives. But still, why?

There’s always just dying. Not even as the romantic act of suicide. Just giving up would be enough, as countless others have already done, their corpses now feeding the ravens and land, in so much as such rocky lands could even accept such gifts of carrion.

Then, the rain stopped. Not with any fanfare, or even notice. He wasn’t even sure when exactly had that occurred. It wasn’t just the days and months blurring together, but also the minutes and moments. All fleeting in the ramblings of a mind slowly unraveling for a while.

But not completely gone, as he looked up at the now clear night sky, and the countless stars that, without the unnatural lights of civilization, are able to show themselves in all of their glory. A sight that was all but impossible back in his previous life, not that he ever tilted his head up even in the rare moments when he had to venture out of his room at his parents’ house.

It was a weird feeling, to appreciate something that insignificant and, moreover, irrelevant. The beauties of this world is so far away, no possible ways to interact…

But is it so? Old thoughts intruded upon his mind again. He’s noting these little things. There’s nothing else to do, even something as cherished as sleep being something to be only forced upon by a weary body pushed beyond the red lines. These things that he never cared for, and still couldn’t believe he’s even entertaining the thoughts of even now, where things have become an order of magnitude more dire. Even more, from those thoughts came a feeling… of clarity, as if the life he lived before was shrouded in a haze.

As he continued gazing upon the stars his mind wandered back into his previous life…

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“If not now, when?” Josh’s mother asked, no longer in the nagging voice that she had used a thousand times prior, but the resigned voice of someone who has given up, and only going through the motions expected of society. Never mind that they were in a private setting, the comfort of her own house. For the elder woman, the chains of socially expected behavior are as ironclad as any physical chains, if not more so.

“Next week. I promise.” Josh replied lacklusterly without even looking up from his game. Trotting out the same lies as he had for years. Years spent on gaming, web surfing, and other such trivial activities.

To say that it was a waste of time would imply that said time would have gone to more useful things otherwise, which certainly would not be true. Nobody wants a college dropout loser like him, and those places that do are beneath his dignity.

“You have been saying that for-” His mother began to chide him, the same song and dance as the bygone weeks and months, before a much deeper voice interrupted her.

“-For over two years, 128 weeks to be exact.” Tim, Josh’s stepfather finished the sentence. “You have been nothing but a waste of time and resources for your mother.” Josh’s mother flinched at the words more than her son did, not being used to that level of honesty being openly voiced. Tim had always been rather considerate in most matters, if a little distant at times, so to hear something like that was a bit out of character.

“Whatever, cuck.” Josh casually threw out the based insult, still glued to his screen. It was true, old Tim over there never had biological kids of his own. Heck, the way he acted at times seems to imply that he’s somehow still a virgin, despite being married and all.

All in all, a conventional loser.

“So it be true.” Tim said as he simply yanked the plug of the power cord. “But you’re certainly proving that he hasn’t gotten that farther either.”

“Fuck you!” Josh shouted as he threw the wireless controller at his stepfather, who casually swatted away the device before yanking the young man by the collar of his shirt.

“I always said that misery doesn’t build character, and it’s about time I make good of my word.” He said as he dragged Josh out of his room and towards the front of the house. All the while Josh’s mother looked on in shock. “It’s about time that the source of misery of this place be dealt with.” He said as he opened the door, before throwing him out. “Come back when you stop being a source of misery.” He said with a finality as he slammed the door shut.

Josh stared back at the closed door with slack jaw shock as the minutes passed, the noises of chaos behind those doors simply bypassing him as his mind wondered if it was all just a bad dream, that the door would open, and he would go back to his games and tendies.

It was only the hours passed, as the sun set and the lights lit up a rapidly cooling night when he realized that things might have been changed a bit. That he wasn’t going to be let back, that he might have caused the final destruction of his family, though that was not exactly in the forefront of his mind.

With a finality that he didn’t realize at the time, looked at the door for the last time as he picked himself up, turned around, and began walking. To where he did not know, for the first time in a long time there was no direction, no goal, no purpose, no quest markers.

As he was walking aimlessly first briefly thought about swallowing his self respect and applying for a job at that Asian market. He quickly shook his to banish those thoughts. He will not debase himself like that, and he will not cave in to the unreasonable demands of that asstwat. Who does he think he is even? Trying to be what he’ll never be good enough to be.

No, he will not flinch first. He will show that old bastard that he is not someone to be pushed around.

A sudden gust of wind broke Josh out of his reverie, and right after the growling of his stomach dragged him back to the material plane. He might have just discovered the mental fortitude to outlast stepfather, but he needs to survive long enough in the physical world first…

At least a new quest has been found: survive. It’s a relatively easy one, he’ll just crash at a buddy’s place… except that he has no idea of any of their physical addresses either, and for old acquaintances from back in high school, he had lost contact with them even before graduation.

As he was still mulling over his latest dilemma a random Suzuki truck skidded off the road and slammed into him, mercifully ending his life on earth quickly, and in highsight, relatively painlessly… at least compared to the world of pain that came after.

------

It was at that moment, though he could not tell how much time had actually passed during his reminiscing, that he had in fact lived in a cloud of haze. A mostly comfortable haze certainly, but a haze nevertheless. The rude awakening in his last hours was the beginning of the dispelling of that haze, but it’s the trials and tribulations that came after that death finished the job.

But in the clarity vacated by the haze, the questions still remain, why? What meaning does he have in living this world? He tilted his head, switching his gaze to another corner of the starry night skies, searching for answers in a place where it will not be found. Of course, the stars themselves continued to burn coldly in the chilly night, a night colder than any he experienced in his past life, but had since become used to. Not used to in the sense of no longer feeling the pain, but rather the muted acceptance of pain and hardship.

Still, the questions remain. The meaning of all this. There has to be a meaning, this second life, all this suffering. It can’t be just a series of random events, strung together like some child’s abstract art project. A meaning somewhere, even if he has to create it himself…

… and that’s it. The realization hit him then, harder than any of the beatings he had received up to that point. There is something within him, something that led him to this moment, and all the moments to come. There is a purpose, even if within, even if irrational, even if delusional.

Through the clarity he has seen that the truth is hiding out there, but also a path, the beginning of a long path, a path of pain, suffering, and hardships. A path unlikely to ever be finished. Yet the more hopeless the situation, the more the new voice in his mind tells him to follow it.

On that ordinary dark night, a quest marker has been set, and a soul has finally found a purpose.

Yet he was far from alone in his revelation, across the days and months, of blistering days and freezing nights, through hunger, hatred, and hardships those who survived all found their own questlines, their own purposes, their own goals. Stripped of everything external, they reached deeply into the internal. Without anyone else to fight for, they found themselves worthy of the cause.

Sometimes, misery does build character, even characters of acceptable character.