A couple weeks had passed again. Sadly, there is not much to show for my progress. Outside of meditation I am doing very well, but I have not been able to find any semblance of tranquility and nothingness that I have been described to look for. Positive note, the steward stopped hitting me with a stick. Negative, I tend to get sidetracked and not stop focusing on things I learned that day or, well anything. I can't turn my brain off; it just keeps going. Today, today won't be different either. I know it, they know it and I can't help but feeling like I am failing where it matters most. If I can't do this, then I can't transmute.

Taking a seat on the floor I leaned against the wall. It did not matter what position we were in to meditate, only that we are consistent. Consistency is key I was told, as long as I could do it anywhere then it would suffice. I found lying in the bed to not work well otherwise I would fall asleep. The steward actually meditated standing up, which was actually pretty impressive. I tried that but my legs got tired, and I got dizzy from locking my knees. So, I decided that everywhere we go, there would be something I could lean against. This would be a daily ritual that I will have to do, well forever apparently. Aging changes one’s body and I need to know what has been changed.

Breathing in I closed my eyes. Trying to quench any thoughts that ran through my head. How would it feel? The magic they keep talking about. They said it was different for each person, how would… Forcing it from my head I sat there breathing slowly. Is this too slow? No, it does not matter as long as I just breath. No, stop thinking. Thinking of black to try to wash out anything else of thought I sat there. Wait, if I think of the color black, is that actually thinking? I am just imagining something that isn't there right? Stop! Off turn off your stupid brain. This went on for a while until finally I felt it.

It seemed, familiar. I felt this before but could not remember where. It didn’t have a shape to it or any kind of feeling. It was, just there. It was all around me, and even inside of me. There was what I could determine to be, a sever in a line between me and my surroundings. Touching at it felt hot, raging, and yet kind. It was hungry, and latched on to me greedily pulling me, yanking on me. I screamed; nothing came out though. I pulled harder, pulling with all my might until I did it, I reconnected with something that had been lost. I never felt so good in my life, I always felt like I was missing a part of me, and I finally had found it. This, this connection to the world around me was that something. Reaching for it again I could feel it recoil slightly as if it was also scared, and yet it was expecting.

Sitting for long moments I admired what I saw, but not with my eyes. It was almost like, all my other senses were gone, only the magic remained. Finally resolute I pulled on the magic, and it flooded within me in waves. Each wave began in my core and resounded throughout the rest of my body. What I could see was, everything. Every twitch, every taste, pain, itch, everything. It was too hard to look at each place as a whole, I had to focus on an area to get an actual read on. I focused on my fingertips. They were simple to understand and not much to them compared to the rest of my body. I focused on the underlying tissue. Looking into it I can see hundreds, no millions of smaller blots moving quickly this way and that. Looking closer they were carrying masses, offloading and loading. Then they were gone, traveled beyond my view. I could see the blood vessels expand and contract with the pumping of my heart. I could see everything. I sat there focused on the smallest of things, and yet I saw a whole new world. It was magnificent.

I came out of my trance when I started to get distracted and thinking of the applicable uses of this and lost my way. Annoyed, but elated I opened my eyes to see the steward there, watching me, “Good, I had begun to worry you would not be able to reach this state.”

“Uhh, thanks?” I was not sure I could either, but it was kind of hurtful to hear it from another.

“Do not worry, actually being able to do it takes a lot of work. Many outsides of the boundaries are unable to do it still.” This made me feel better, but then confused.

“Then how do they change back?”

“General knowledge and a good visualization of oneself is important.” He was straight to the point, not over explaining things like the old man. Don't know if I liked this more or not, just leaves more room for misinterpretation I suppose.

Then it hit me again, “I did it, I saw my fingers they, they, I don't know how to describe it.”

Nodding the steward spoke “That is the way of things. Words are structured in a way to describe easy things. When things become more complex, then it fails to impress. I shall let Wayward Jorgonzilrye know you have accomplished your task.” Without waiting for me to say anything, he strode out of my room.

I tried to get back into my newfound world, that is my body, but I was unable to do it. I was too excited, to enthralled with what I had seen that it was an impossibility. Even when I was told to go to bed, I got out to try again. Only by the second time of being caught by the steward did I finally relent and went to bed. Mostly because he stood over me waiting to fall asleep.

Days would pass before I could do it again, but after that it became easier. I focused on my hand, after speaking to the old man did, he advise me to focus on one part before moving on. He said the hand is actually a good area to learn from first since if I do mess up, at least I can always use it and not take a large negative for not getting it in the original state. Since it would most likely be the object of transmutation more often than naught, it was the safe choice. I agreed and continued.

After another couple weeks had I finally grasped what was all that made up my hand, it was tiring work but rewarding. I had never noticed so many details in my one hand before, how an indent here allowed for easier grabbing. How a bone was thicker in some areas to protect it from inward forces. It all was fascinating. Telling the old man that I had completed my assessment, he quizzed me on my findings. Afterward he said that we would go out after meditation beyond the boundary. He wanted me to attempt to transmute a finger or eve the hand if I could. He did not want anything flashy, just a showing of progress. I am excited, also scared, however.

What if I get this wrong, what if I can't revert back? What can I change to show that I have the potential to follow my brilliant brother’s footsteps? How do I prove myself? I had no idea, thinking about the many things I could do, I thought of Cal. Cal was able to make tentacles from half his arm and hand. Possibly from other parts of his body, I was not sure. What I could do can be similar to that, I could form three tentacles from my fingers, take the mass of bones, ligaments and everything in the hand and make it thinner and longer to elongate the tentacles. Not sure how to control the size until I do the attempt, I would not sweat the small stuff.

Traveling to the border took no time at all, considering that our place is only a couple hundred meters from it. Walking a few minutes into it we found an opening in the trees where vegetation was light. Looking around the trees spoke, they pulled on the magic as well and I could feel it. They were alive and unafraid of their surroundings.

“Yes, trees use the power as well. Luckily not many animals eat trees so they don't need to defend themselves so many keep their original form. Do not be careless however, they can be more dangerous than anything you can face.” He grimaced looking at one. “Nearly lost my life a couple times to these. Now, enough of that begin. Start by meditating and finding your trance. It makes it easier but not entirely necessary. It is just best for the first attempts at this to control the flow of magic.”

Nodding, I took a seat and rested against the tree closest to me. Realizing what I was doing, I inched away from it. I am guessing a tree wouldn't reach out for me for no reason, but I did not want to give it a cause. Finding the darkness, I felt it all. There was magic thick, and everywhere. It was loud, and bright, and tasted sour. Latching on it I pulled, except it was harder than it was within the boundary. So, I pulled harder, heaving and pulling with the rhythm of the wavelike pulses. Pulling in more, and more I felt it would suffice for my task. Then I got to work, I was told that everything living had an innate ability to use this magic and did not require many instructions other than how to shape and mold. I had not dared to believe, but I was never so happy to be wrong. It was easy, and I knew exactly where I needed to deposit the magic for it to take effect. All I had to do was shape it and force it to do what I wanted.

Pushing, pulling, stretching I felt my hand begin to change. It became longer, elongated and thinner. The creases in my palm gone, my notches in my fingers, gone. I am doing it; I can't believe it. Forcing it into shape took minutes, but it felt short to me. Running out of material, it being my mass I couldn’t do much more than to add the finishing touches. However, I knew this was wrong. Pulling in more magic I started dumping it in my hand forcing it to be larger, forcing it to shape to my desire. More and more, and it was working. Pulling, dumping, molding, I was doing this quickly and efficiently. Faster, more, bigger! I kept going until I was shaken.

“I said stop!”