《Dear Stranger: Letters to Her》Insomnia and Insecurities

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Dear Stranger,

Insomnia is a bitch. While I struggle to loosen up and just have some rest in my day off, I still smile despite myself remembering that I've beaten Monday!

Monday day offs are the best there are. Made superior by beginning my morning with seeing your sleepy face. You looked cute. Well you you always look cute. Correction; you always look stunning. But seeing the sleepy you bereft of any makeup had my heart skip a beat or two. That might just be arrhythmia though.

I've been missing you like crazy. It's not just because I love being around you. Although that is a pretty big part of that. Yet, recently my self confidence has suffered some blows. At times I end up thinking if I'm even good enough for you. Or even good for you. Many prettier guys are around the town that'd go all K drama crazy for you. Yet you still settled with me. I wonder if you'd one day just wake up and realize, "I can land a better guy" and just stop talking to me.

Insecurities. I'm plagued with them. I always think too much. And as they say, "a person who always thinks much, has nothing to think about than his thoughts." Mayhap I'm overthinking. But is it really ok for you to choose me?

I wake up everyday, unwilling to get up out of the bed. With a hundred notions of how I can be better for you. And yet I fail to be the one I want to. Ever since you kissed me that time.. nay, even before that. When you listened to my ramblings on our first date and just smiled from time to time, laughed at my silly jokes and gave me your full attention.. I chose you. I wake up everyday with a hundred different things on my mind and I choose you. I know it will hurt when we finally separate. I know I'll be devastated when you go on your way. Yet, I wake up everyday and I keep choosing you.

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I may be masochistic.

I go to sleep every night wishing you were there to ward away my nightmares. I go to sleep every night wondering when will I be able to hold you again. I go to sleep every night missing you. I miss you so damn much that I want to cry. But I won't. It will be unsightly. I can't. Deep breaths! Hold it in.

I wish you were here to hurt me more. At least that is a feeling I feel home in.

Just,

Yours

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