《BadLifeguard》Clip 4.01: I'm trying to do better.

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I woke up with a stiff back. It’s either from me working out for the first time in months, from that skin head crushing me alive. Or maybe it’s because of all the loose springs I’ve never noticed in this bed. It’s probably all of them, but I don’t know if I’ll ever live down what I went through.

I’ve died from having my brain having my skull blown out, I’ve had to live with the guilt of failing to save nearly forty people from death, I’ve had my consciousness whittled away by a vengeful ai, been haunted, shot, stabbed, crushed, eaten, laser-beamed, bounced, and drowned.

But all of that means nothing, when compared to being surrounded by a constant reminder of how horrible the world is.

It’s like finding an area of your house that’s gone undusted for years, except instead of it being a corner under your bed, it’s the sky, the people, this entire house.

I crawled out, cracking open the door to get some breakfast. School has pretty much ended with study leave going on at the minute, so I’ve dedicated my time to trying to workout, to get stronger. I really feel like I should have been able to beat Noah easily, I should have been able to throw him off. If I was able to do that, then I could have gotten out of there in five seconds flat.

I think the odds of me encountering the same group under the same circumstances is slim, but I’d rather prefer this never happen again.

I’ll admit I underestimated that skin head, I became cocky after beating him twice, even if I didn’t realise it at the time. It seems he’s the type that benefits from prep time, I felt him becoming stronger the longer we went on. I’d also like to get to know him as a person, and possibly refer him to a good psychiatrist so he can get over whatever’s made him the person he is.

Pugal I’m not too worried about. Not because he’s silly, but because he’s stationed in India, I doubt they’ll bring him out against me again any time soon. If they don’t forget about me.

He didn’t care, did he? Lech. Like he said, he’s a wanderer. He’s the type to go through life without building any relationships, gaining any grudges. He wanted me to realise that the world is horrible on a fundamental level. People die so that I can live, people living in third-world countries, people who have come before me, they all struggled for the life I’m living now.

But as I walk down this hallway, I look to my right seeing only my whole life. I have no friends, no hobbies, no… no future. What am I actually going to do? I have one more year of school, I don’t know if I’ll go to university, I’ll have to get a real job to support myself and I don’t see that panning out well while I have classes to worry about, along with all this super crap.

One thing I appreciate about being locked in the multiverse? Now I know what I have to change about the world, about myself. There’s the obvious stuff, working out again, worrying about the future, but then there’s Clover.

I decided that after I finish working out, I’m going to track her down and get some real answers out of her. Who she actually is. I want to know which one is the mask. I’ve gotten to know Saoirse, but I’ve really only hung out with Clover when it was necessary, half in an attempt to hide my identity, half because I wanted to believe that Saoirse was real. At this point I don’t even know which is her real name.

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After a couple thousand push ups, squats, pullups, practicing flips and punches, I finally left my spot in the mountains, heading directly to her house.

At least, that’s what I intended. I have a slight suspicion that she has her luck putting up road blocks every time I try to confront her. First was Tayanita’s hit squad, and now somebodies shouting at me from the streets below. Which isn’t a first, but it is the first time they’ve used my name instead of ‘asshole’ or ‘bitch’.

I had to back track, as I’d already jumped past Adonis.

“Hey, long time no see! How are ya A-dog, been crushed by the realisation that God isn’t real?”

He looked down at me, “I’ve been watching for you, you’re still on for the party, right?

Party? I had to rack my brain; it had been ages ago.

“Your girlfriend’s party, right? Yeah, I guess I forgot to give you a call?”

He shook his head, “It’s her brother’s birthday. I get you’re busy, but we really need to hash some stuff out. She wants more than just you. Well, she didn’t say that, but if it’s just you then what’s the point?”

A little out of the conversation, I told him, “Uh, I don’t really have any friends with superpowers, I might be able to borrow a robot, but that’s not very likely at all-”

He argued nonchalantly, “There’s that fish woman. She might be a criminal, but you two seem to have some kind of… understanding, right?”

I shook my head to everything he just said. “She’s a murderer. Why would you want someone like that at a kids party? You can’t convince her with money either, she doesn’t use it. Seriously, I think those kids will be fine with me giving them piggy back rides.”

His expression didn’t change, he remained cool.

“Just talk to her next time you see her, ok? I’ll be waiting for your call. Trust me, it needs to be a show. Just get somebody with powers.”

I nodded, absent minded, and bounced off.

I don’t think Clover’d be a good pick for that, sure she can make plants jiggle about, but kids aren’t gonna find that cool. I could understand wanting Feoli for it, big monsters are cooler than a guy just above 5 feet tall.

Actually, that got me thinking, there’s still tons I don’t know about her, stuff from the first night I met her, like: The marking on her hand, how her secondary power works, and what’s up with those green luck vials.

I don’t think there’s any law against selling ‘Clover’s dew’, but that doesn’t mean that stuff’s safe.

I snapped back to the current situation.

I tried to think about what I wanted to say, I can honestly say that she threw me through a loop the other day when she started crying.

There’s just a part of me that can’t ignore that face, the face of a woman who’s been broken and beaten down, regardless of whether or not it was fake.

Maybe it’s because of how I know her as Saoirse. No, I felt the same when I saw her tearing up in science, when I’d just met her. Then maybe it’s from my mum. She’s… a strong woman, but there have been times where things have gotten really bad for us… and she wasn’t able to keep it back.

There was someone else, another girl… but she’s gone. She left and it was my fault, as far as I remember. Maybe I’ll get into it someday, if I ever go up to Belfast.

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Again, I had to pull myself away from disheartening thoughts. I charged up to the door and rang the bell.

I was going to tell her how horrible everything she’s done has been, I was going to ask her why she was doing what all this.

If I can understand that, then there is a chance I can understand the Mountain, and if I can do that, then I’ll be a step closer to my Goal. I’m on the verge of purpose.

If I want to solve this super power crisis, then there really is only one option.

I’m going to take every villain down.

That’s what I was thinking before she opened the door.

“Hello??” she looked at me with her head tilted slightly, while I stood wordless.

When I had met her, she had been wearing a simple, but clearly expensive dress. Like that one, it was a cocktail dress she was wearing, but this one was shorter on one side, making her legs look longer. It hung from halter straps around her neck, coming down low enough to shoe some cleavage, while leaving her shoulders and sides exposed. She had her hair done up so that it came down on one side in a curl. She covered herself with a heavy amount of make-up.

“Uh…” I tried to think, “Why are you dressed like that?

She lowered an eyebrow, giving a little bit of a twirl, “No reason. Well, I might die soon, so I thought I might as well dress up.”

I replied dumbly, “What?”

“June??”

I tilted my head now, she continued, “I told you it was probably the most important and dangerous time of the year?? Can you only remember what happened a week before now?? You got goldfish brain??”

I defended myself as she let me in, “Oh yeah, that thing you mentioned after I got trapped in an alternate world for a year.” I simplified it down.

She frowned, “I'll make it up to you some time.” I swatted the air, “Ahh whatever, I don’t care.”

Fuck, no, I do care. Of course I care! Come on focus!

“Most people’d die or fold. I’m not just talking about Lechoslaw. Noah’s the Unit living in London, he’s basically been intrusted to keep parliament, the royal family, and some other stuff safe from domestic paranormal threats in England. He’s been in a lot of testosterone fuelled fights, and you managed to beat him while he had back up from some guy the King placed faith in.”

She smiled, her whitened teeth sparkling through her thin lips, “It’s a dumb move to go against the Mountain, but now we know you aren’t just street level trash.” I smiled a little, still fighting against the response she wanted most.”

I shunned the compliment, “Well, I cheated my way out of my fight with Lech, he let me go.”

She shrugged, sitting down on her sofa. I turned my eyes up, afraid of how short her dress was.

“The vast majority of people die. So what if you cheated, he’s tantamount to the king, I think it’s a victory to see another day. Granted, that was one of his abilities. Don’t ask me about the other, nobody knows what it is, not even Bastard. Don’t go thinking you’re the peak, you’re not.”

I swam through the living room trying to find a suitable place to sit down. I finally pulled myself into asking a question I cared about.

“Who is Bastard, and why does everybody think he’s so great? That skin-head and Lech respect him, Axel and Isaac were afraid of him. You… I have no clue what your relationship with him is.” For a second, she seemed surprised, before sealing her lips.

I pushed a little harder, “I’m not asking about his powers, I just want to know what type of person he is.”

Maybe she thought I might be convinced to join him if I better understood what it is he stands for. But that is of course, impossible.

“He’s… nice. Kind, to a fault. He doesn’t like killing, but if it was to save somebody he loves, he wouldn’t hesitate. Believe me, there are worse people in this world than killers, it just so happens that most of them are dead now. In the countries he has an influence over, they’ve seen decreases in murders, homelessness, suicide, people like me aren’t put into territories like this just to oversee the area, make revenue, or to defend it from people like you, we’re here to fill the niche, so that people like the man in Belfast don’t get the time to grow.”

People like me, I thought. One of my theories as to why Clover came to Tralee was in order to nip me in the bud, before I became a threat. If her praise from earlier is to be taken to heart, then she at least partially failed.

I pushed her, “I asked you about Bastard, not your organisation, I’ve got a good idea of how you handle areas. One or more Units presiding over a number of skilled second worlders in a given area, likely over a country, or in your case at least, an island. I want to know about your King.”

She brushed her hair back, not showing much emotion, maybe I just couldn’t tell with her makeover.

“The two are inseparable. The shrinks over at the Internationals say he’s the ‘ego’ of our organisation, he embodies our vision and goals. They say that without him, we’d fall apart. That's alright, because we’ll never be without him.”

I thought about asking what that meant, but refrained, “Well, what’s your relationship with him?”

She starred into the white eyes of my mask, “He raised me. I think I was around six when I found that four leaf clover, he found me soon after, said I was important. I was joined to his hip until a few years back, I think I moved to London-Derry at around fourteen? I started seeing him less and less over the years. I understand, he trusts me to look after myself, but…”

She narrowed her gaze, it half looked like she was trying to make eye contact.

She smiled trailing off.

“You know, three years ago, I woke up in a coffin. I was in complete darkness for a couple days. Obviously, I got out alright in the end, I was dehydrated, starved. I only managed it because some grave robbers that luckily decided to dig me up. When I finally got my hands on a phone, I called him, I couldn’t cry, but my dry voice told him I was in trouble. He hung up in seconds.”

“Within an hour, he came all the way from England to the shit hole I was buried in, some town in Australia. One hour. Just so you know, he’s physically a normal human being, he can’t teleport, turn into a space ship, or whatever. This was before portals were set up for commercial use by Vortech, so yeah, he pulled strings, tracked the call, dropped a meeting with some important people, all so he could hug me. Rocky… you’re a good guy, but he’s the reason I’m still alive after everything I’ve been through, after every June.”

I thought to ask a question about ‘Vortech’ but it would’ve been in poor taste, not to mention, I was trying not to get side tracked. I think I failed however.

“I’m trying not to be too pushy with this Rocky, but June is a big deal. I’ve told you that the more you know about this stuff, the more likely you are to be ‘taken in’ by June, but there’s around 400 Units-”

That’s a figure I’ve been looking for for a long time, now that I’ve got it, it seems a little skimpy.

The Mountain has around a hundred Units, with Russia having a roughly equal number. That means there are two hundred people working on their own, in another group, or for the Internationals. I hope some of them are friendly.

I guess I’ve met a fortieth of the super population then.

She continued, “-around three-percent of us are going to die, that’s like if two hundred million people died. One time that many did.”

That got my attention.

“I told you that I was in a coffin. It’s not just dying you have to worry about, it’s a hangover, you’ll wake up somewhere weird. A coffin or a couch in Brisbane, could be either or. My- My first boyfriend woke up in outer space, which was better than dying during June, because I had around a week to say good bye before an asteroid got him. Most people are not that lucky.”

I was about to ask a question, but she asked me, “You want something to drink?”

Five minutes later she got us some coffee.

“What actually happens during it? Wh-” Maybe she knows the types of questions I ask by now, maybe she’s just explained it so often that she knows the questions that need answered. I understood now that I was letting her lead the conversation, but I was starting to feel a shadow coming over the summer the more she spoke.

“It’s different every time. Every year seems to have a theme. Last year seemed like some Aztec shit, I woke up dressed for carnival in Brazil. Nobody, and I do mean nobody knows why it happens. If you ask the Gods, they won’t tell you, some people say not even they know.”

My eyes lit up.

“I thought they were all powerful- all knowing!” To me, this was way more than the passing note she phrased it as. This was a chance.

“Some people believe it. Nothing concrete. Think about it, if you were a collective of outerversal beings you’d probably tell everybody you’re almighty, right? Who’s going to argue, the monkeys?”

“The idea mainly comes from Christians and other monotheistic religions. They think that there is one power above all others, and that June is some sort of ritual culling, old testament like. So, if God is real? They’re just as much a piece of shit as the other Gods.”

I bit a nail, a little hopeful that beings like J-on and Irminsul aren’t just stationary points in the world, that maybe they can be beaten. Hell, I reflected on what Adonis had once told me, that there must be some sort of limit, restriction, or hesitation from the ‘Gods’ to stop them from doing whatever they like.

“You’re getting pretty loose lipped on all this,” I pointed out, “What happened to ignorance is bliss?”

She looked out the window, “I have a bad feeling we’ve past that point, and it’s better than you going in completely blind. Seriously, when you wake up tomorrow, come here. If Valentines was enough for us to work together as much as we did, then yeah. We’re walking into deep shit.”

I grinned at how out of place the words coming out of this princess’ mouth were, then I thought about what she just said, “Wait, tomorrow?”

She frowned, jerking her head out a little, “Yeah?? The first?? Did you not realise?? Please tell me you said good bye to your family.”

I looked around the room blankly.

“You fucking idiot! Holy shit, you need to go!”

I laughed awkwardly, “Ok, ok, right, wouldn’t it be better to stay with you when the clock strickes midnight? Or however this works?”

She put her hands to her head, her eyes bulging from her skull nearly made me laugh harder, “GO. HOME. You’re probably going to di-”

She cut herself off, frowning.

I stopped laughing as hard.

I walked myself to the door, “If you need me, you have my number- oh, I guess you don’t. Well, as soon as shit goes down, I’ll find you. Promise.”

I grinned wide; it was the most honest smile I’ve pulled since coming back.

I left before she could say anything more.

Honestly, that went better than I’d hoped. Not only did I find out about the Bastard, I also came to a conclusion on the Clover-Saoirse situation.

I got back home and checked my phone, finding 23 messages from Saoirse. Three of which she’d sent recently. I completely ignored them, transferring her number from the 300-euro phone to my 15-euro brick, so I could call her as Shamrock.

I smiled to myself, content with this conclusion. Whoever she is, she doesn’t need Sam, she needs a hero. Like Shamrock.

And that is what I was made for.

I didn’t even check for my mum, I thought about it, and if I do end up dying, then I think I’d prefer to remember her like she was in those fantasies.

I phoned my granny.

“Hello? Burrows residence.”

I smiled to myself, “Hi Granny, just checking in on you.”

“Oh, hello heartache, how are you?”

I shook my head, “Never mind me, I’m grand, are you good? Eating healthy?”

She sighed, “Of course I’m fine! You’re the one who never tells me where you’re going with your friends…”

I licked my lips, “I’ve told you, I’m not getting into trouble, and I’m doing great in school!”

“Right, I- I know, you’ve always been, ack you know…”

I was quiet, waiting for the rest, “Oh, yeah I know what you mean.”

“But now that you’ve started going out with Bailey and your other friends again, I’m just a little worried that you’re stretching yourself thin.” I laughed; it was funny that she thought I’d be in any danger just by hanging out with some people, when I escaped the multiverse nearly a month ago.

“I’m being very serious, heartache! I know that- that when you’re having fun, it might be hard to notice, especially with everything good going on, your straight A’s, your internship back in Tralee… but you’re… you’re… you know… It’s just very difficult when to know when you’re at your limit when you’re having so much fun. You might only have a sneaking suspicion that something’s wrong but-”

I cut her off, “Alright Gran, I understand, really, I’m fine! How’s the dog doing?”

She slowly followed the change in subject, “He’s- Well, actually, I wanted to talk to you about that, his poop is actually seeming strange… His patterns have changed… and now that I mention it there, do you remember the lady across the road from Ms Mac Ovey? Apparently, she’s being treated for stomach worms at the moment, and I’ve read that will affect pooping patterns. I hope the wee things alright; God bless.”

“God bless is right.” I didn’t know if she was talking about the dog or the lady, but either way, I hope they’re all right.

I guess I’ve also found myself hoping that there is a God to bless them.

Really, when you think about it, God is just an older version of-

Did my granny hang up? No, now that I think about it, I’ve never heard my phone make this static before. Oh well, it’s a new phone, I just haven’t gotten used to-

Is that smoke?

I span my head around the room, sniffing. No, it wasn’t, at least, it didn’t smell like smoke. The idea that this might be some kind of poisonous gas came to mind and I suddenly regretted all the smelling I’d done.

I jumped out of the window in my room, good thing about living in a bungalow is that I don’t exactly have to worry about a passer-by seeing me unflinchingly throw myself from a second story.

My mind then flashed to my mum, I hadn’t even checked to see if she was home, if this was an attack from the Mountain, then the smartest option would be to run.

I prepared myself to dash through the mist, but before I did, the sky got my attention.

Looking up, the sun was gone, the expanse before me wasn’t grey exactly; it was, but it was…

Static.

As I looked at it, longer and longer, I imagined it moving like the fuzz of an old tv that hasn’t been tuned. I’d have worried about going into an epileptic shock, what with the sky itself flashing black and white, but the thing is, it wasn’t visual. It was in my mind.

Eventually the white noise joined it. Like a single fast approaching wave that never did come, I felt fear envelop me, and I had to look away, I had to, what I was looking at was beyond my conception.

Ignore.

Ignore! Ignore it!

I don’t remember if those were my own thoughts, or an instinct.

I bent my head down to the ground until I forgot what it looked like.

Then I guessed what was happening. Fuck.

I stopped for what felt like an eternity, thinking.

Should I put on costume or keep my promise and get to her as soon as possible.

Why was this something I was thinking about? Well, I don’t know. A thought that came to mind was that if everybody forgets what happens during this time period, then why would it matter?

Obviously, there is always the chance that this is all a ploy to get me to expose my identity.

As I was getting changed, the truth hit me like a sack of bricks.

Everybody I’ve fought has had the chance to take my mask off. They just didn't care enough to.

They don’t care. It’s inconsequential what I look like, or who I am.

Why do I wear a mask? What’s the point of all this? All these costumes and disguises? The separate identities aren’t necessary when everyone I love is already in danger.

Deep down, I think… there’s a reason. I just can’t remember at the moment.

I got my costume on, round leaf motif on the end of my cape and on the face of my mask. I tried not to grin at my first large scale adventure in the real world, of course, they always start like that I reminded myself, and they always end with me screaming out in vain.

I brought down my brow, but kept my grin.

I leapt farther and faster than usual. If this was a trap, then I should move as fast as possible, I’d like to see them catch up to me after a month of training.

As I was running, I came to a point that forced me to stop. I tried to figure out what was wrong. I’ve ran down this street hundreds of times through my life, so why is it so unsettling now?

The people were acting normally, the weather was normal enough (grey overcast), so what?

I ran on, only realising what was wrong with the world when I arrived at my destination.

I arrived at Clover’s house.

This point, was Clover’s house.

I'll try and explain.

Take a photograph. Cut a circle in the middle of it.

Now imagine that the rest of the picture cascades into that hole when you’ve cut it out.

It's a sort of pinhole affect.

That, on a three-dimensional scale. The ground, the grass, the trees, the neighbouring houses. Me.

Needless to say, simultaneously wadding through ‘thick’ air, while your body is stretched the closer you get to that point, is difficult to comprehend. It was a comlpete distortion of space. Not to mention the internal call to ignore this thing in front of me.

I did, in the end.

Ok, ok, I’m sure she’s alright, I’ll just run to the Quarter, she might be there.

The same phenomena.

Overwhelming panic consumed me now.

Was I too late? Was this an attack from some other worldly entity? From June? If she’s gone, then I’m- I’m alone.

No, there are plenty of people I can go to.

I went to Tayanita, house was gone.

I phoned Bob, static.

What the hell was happening? What sort of phenomena is this? To block everyone off from me? Again!?

Then I realised. It’s the other way around.

I’m blocked off from them. From June.

Clover got what she wanted.

J-on was right.

If there is a higher power than anything I’ve encountered so far, then it has overlooked me. Ignored me.

I am a non-entity.

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