《BadLifeguard》Flog X.01: I got a job!
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I’m not good with death. My dad died when I was young, and one of the reasons I was able to deal with that, is because I didn’t really know him, or have a concept of what it meant to be dead. About a week ago, my town suffered a disaster. Over thirty people were buried alive. And I was there, trying to rescue people. I dug, I pried as much of the rubble out as I could, but I didn’t save a single soul that night. It took me months to forgive myself, for my own powerlessness. That’s a lot for a teenager.
The other day at school however, I found out that the kid I’d sat beside for nearly two years, had died two days ago. I’m completely disconnected from social media, so I found out during class. We never had a good relationship; he pretty much didn’t even know I existed. But when the teacher had us say a prayer in the middle of class I knew something horrible had happened.
“I’m sure you’ve all heard by now,” My biology teacher started, “That one of your class mates has gone missing, presumed- dead. All we can do is pray for them, for their loved ones… Our father, who art in heaven…” I zoned out as he started.
I looked behind me, to his seat, then to his girlfriend’s empty chair. For the whole day I asked myself, which one? Which one of them is gone? I felt too ashamed to ask about it. But then I heard people talking about them. “Did you hear Izzy’s taking weeks off because her boyfriend died?” “I can understand taking maybe a one off, but honestly, even that’s a little much for him.” “Didn’t he sleep around?” “I heard he assaulted a girl once.” “Dirty cock. I’m glad he’s gone. Worlds a better place without him.”
These people were supposed to be his friends. That guy was a virgin. Said he was saving himself for a super model. I won’t try to argue that he wasn’t sleazy, he certainly was. But somebody loved him. Somebody missed him enough to shut down their entire life, because they can’t function under all the grief.
I hate this. I hate that they’ll only say this when he’s gone, I hated the fact that I’d never see that stupid mullet of his again. Most of all I hate that I did nothing to stop it, to save him. I wanted to know why he was gone, but there was no reason ‘why’, he was just dead. So, I asked how he died. The stories contradicted each other, hit and run, bad encounter with a drunk, somebody even said it was carbon monoxide poisoning. But every story had something in common, it was at his job, a gas station a little south of town.
I don’t think I would have reacted this way if I was… a normal person. If I was still normal, I probably would have left it alone, ignored it till I forgot about him, just like my dad. Because I was powerless then.
I love heroes. I love the fight against the odds, against terror and sadness, I love how time and time again, they face strange circumstances and overcome them. Real heroes save people. Super heroes are supposed to save everyone. I didn’t expect to find anything strange at this gas station, I just wanted to know how it happened.
Most of the property’s space was reserved for the fuel pumps and parking space, all of which was over shadowed by a canopy. Despite its proximity to town, there weren’t many other structures near the gas station. I walked up to the sliding door, it dinged as it opened for me.
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I have to give credit to the girl working the till, she wasn’t surprised by my appearance. Most people are. I’ll never understand what it is about a masked man that makes store owners phone the police. It’s not like I’m very intimidating in this get up, I designed it not to be. I scanned the stores five aisles, each row small enough to see over, small enough for natural light from the wall of windows to illuminate the bleached wall on the opposite side of the store.
I took a deep breathe. “Hello! I was wondering if you could help me with something.” Ignoring my bright green costume, she asked, “Diesel or petrol?” I shook my head, “A… friend of mine died here, and I’m wondering how exactly.” I didn’t expect anything to come of this. I didn’t think I needed to do this in my suit, it just… it just feels right. It makes me feel like I can handle whatever gets thrown at me.
She made a ‘chick’ sound through her teeth, “You’re going to have to be a bit more specific.” My friendly smile fell. “Do many of your employees…” I didn’t feel like repeating the word.
“Yeah. During the night shift anyway.”
She couldn’t see my eyebrows coming down, due to my eyes being covered by my mask. “Is there somebody else I can talk to?” She thumbed to the door behind the counter. “The boss is in their now.” Before she’d finished her sentence, she started to eat a packet of peanuts that was lying around. I tried to keep my cool, I reminded myself that she just worked here, it wasn’t really her place to give out information on her co-workers anyway.
I circled around the desk, and jigged the handle open. Inside was a thin store room, it couldn’t be any more than five by ten feet. Sitting rather uncomfortably to my left, on a collection of boxes was a rather sweaty, man. I don’t think he was obese, but I can understand why he’d be so flushed, in such a tight space, with all that unnecessary blubber. His eyes were wide before I’d even walked in, “Oh, uh, ‘ello lad! Please, please take a seat.” he held a flabby arm out, gesturing to a chair.
I sat in it reluctantly. “Hello sir, I asked the girl at the till, but she wasn’t much help, a boy went missing here a while ago, one of your workers.” I’d have said he went pale faced, his expression matched the phrase, but his face was the same tomato red. He forced out a nervous pant, “Yes, hah, but a lot of things ‘appen at a gas station overnight, you’d be surprised how many people… Well, you know, it’s dark. A country road. People goin’ ‘ome late at night. Not uncommon that they…” He was even worse at this.
“This week. Eighteen years old, brown hair, mullet. Presumed dead.” These people’s aloofness was getting to me now. “Oh!” he reminisced, “Yes, yes, he uh, had a shift tonight I think, and Tuesday, if memory serves, hahah,” He jumped to change the subject, “Actually, I’m holding interviews now, for working his shift. Just the night shifts, day is accounted for. I… I don’t suppose…” There was a desperate air about him. He wrinkled his smooth head, thinking of something. “I’ll tell you what. Only person ‘ere who knows exactly what happened to him, is the girl on that shift. I can’t legally give out her information, but you’ll see her tonight. And while you’re at it, how’d ya fancy getting paid?” Was he trying to bribe me? Is that what was happening here?
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“I don’t think that’s necessary. I just want the truth.” He blurted out “Just for the night! I don’t see any problem working one 9-to-5 shift, just one, not much point refusing if you’re staying up that late anyway, aye?”
You might have guessed, but nobody actually pays me to walk around at night, dressed in onesie. Money is very tight at the moment. “I work one shift for you, and you tell me the truth? Clear cut.” With a big grin on his face, he bobbed his head up and down. “Yes, of course. She’ll explain everything.”
I waited there from six to nine. Sitting outside the shadow of the roof, until a short wave of rain came on, lasting little more than half an hour. Ireland, it’s to be expected. I watched the grey sky above me slowly darken, as the sun set behind my back. Pretty soon, unnatural dull lights were cast down around the edges of the canopy. I’d say night is always creepier with light. If you’re in the dark long enough, your eyes’ll adjust eventually, but when you’ve got something shining in your eye, your blind to everything else beyond that, you’re left completely unaware. A nagging of the soul.
Eventually my co-worker showed up. She looked my age, but I later found out she was in her twenties. Her childish smile and freckles, not to mention her long curly hair, made her seem immature. “What’s up with the cosplay?” Her initial comment made me uneasy. Not because it was a strange thing to say, because it was a normal thing to say. The owner and girl in the day shift, didn’t seem to bat an eye at how weird I was.
I didn’t think about it. “It’s not a cosplay, it’s a super suit.” I got up to my feet and extended my hand. “My name is Shamrock. I’m looking forward to working with you.” She stretched her smile wider, before grabbing my hand and shaking it violently. “I hope we can. The names Elise, like Beethoven,” she then sang the notes of the classical piece out loud. Even I was somehow embarrassed by her disregard for the few customers watching us. I walked her to the door, and as we entered, the owner was beginning to leave.
“Good luck tonight, kids!” Elise said something in response, but I wasn’t listening, I was more focused on counting the calories he swept from the shelves as he was leaving. Elise awkwardly squeezed by me, hopping behind the counter. I wanted to ask her questions, but she announced to me, “Alright sweep the floors, while I unpack the mini fridge in storage.” She twitched her eyebrows as if I knew what that meant. She then threw a brush at me, almost hitting one of the shelves before I caught it. I was going to tell her to be more careful, but she’d already disappeared.
I reminded myself that while I was doing this hero bit, I was working a job. So, I got to sweeping. I went down every aisle left to right, scooping up the mound of dust at the end. Looking around for a moment, something negged me to give the place another onceover. This time I was more careful to clean the cracks between the shelves and the floor. When I got to the third aisle, something else skidded out, the way it did, seemed more like it was being passed out rather than brushed.
It was a brown page. It seemed old, but at the same time, not really. Have your ever made those teabag pages? Like when you’re a kid, you made a treasure map by browning the bag with tea? Well, it was like that. I lifted it up, and turned it over.
Rules for working the night shift at Texaco country road.
1.
Check the refrigerated section before midnight. If there are any expired meats, particularly beef, dispose of it with the purple waste bags hanging up in the store room. Leave this bag just outside of the canopy. As long as you stay in the light, and it stays in the dark, you’ll be fine.
2.
Between 11:00 and 11:30 you will begin to hear voices from the store room. Do not open it. Do not leave it open. Make sure whatever you are using to tell the hour is correct to your time zone.
3.
Every night, a dishevelled man will come by. Whatever he says, you do. If you don’t, then you might become marred with him.
4.
There is chance that a traveling circus will pass by after midnight. Don’t worry, they are friendly enough, as long as you appreciate their act. Kindly help them fill their car with gas, and send them on their way.
5.
If you ever notice condensation on the windows, lock yourself in the store room. Do not open the door. If one of your co-workers is outside following one of the previous rules, leave them. Pray that they are over looked, and they just might. Take a glass surface with you, once the condensation clears from that, it should be safe to leave. Note that, should rules 2 and 5 conflict, take your chances by disobeying the latter.
I didn’t know what to make of them at first, these rules, that was until Elise came back with a large purple bag with a cartoonish floral pattern on it. “You read them all yet? Keep it close, if you’re ever stuck, just read it again. By the by, it doesn’t say on the sheet, but rule 5 can happen multiple times in one night. She climbed over the desk and made her way to the tiny refrigerated foods section. I asked her, “Is this some kind of joke?”
She smiled saying, “Whether or not you believe it, it doesn’t matter, we still have to clean out the fridge.” I kept an open mind, but didn’t jump to any conclusions. I have seen some things in my time, crazy things, and I’ve only been wearing this costume for a few months now. I folded the page up, set the broom down, and scanned through the meat.
“Have you heard about strange rules like them? On the internet.” I answered negatively, to which she recommended, “There are some great YouTube videos where they read through other people’s experiences with stuff like this. If you’re planning on working here for a while, it’s best to get a grip on how this stuff works. Mistakes people tend to make.” I was beginning to suspect there was something up with this place, if not this rule thing, then some kind of health violation. Some of this meat was moulding, out of date years ago.
“I’m just here for you,” I told her, “For just this night.” She carelessly grabbed a festering steak and tossed it into the bag. “Is that a pick-up line?” I pinched a particularly juicy packet by the corner of the foam, dragging it off the shelf. “The guy you worked here with, Mullet, I’ve been looking for him. What happened here?” She paused for a moment.
“Uh, I think it was… rule 1? You might have noticed, there aren’t any toilets nearby, so he left, in search of a dark corner to do his business.” I wasn’t satisfied with this ‘rule’ story. “So, he’s been working here for nearly a month, and he broke one of these death rules because he needed to pee?”
She tilted her head back and forth, “Yeah, I think he misinterpreted the rule. He thought it’d be safe enough if he went before midnight. I didn’t see him after that, I swear.” I would have thought this was another sick joke, if it weren’t for the fact that she wasn’t smiling anymore. “Is the owner in on whatever this is? Is that why he was being so weird.” She shook her head, “No, well, he knows about it, keeps the place open. He can’t actually talk about it though, every time I’d tell him about it, he’d get sweaty, and just tell me to be quiet about it, ‘it’s out oh me control’, he’d say, ‘oh I wouldn’t blame you from quitin’, love.’”
She finished, admiring her impression of the boss, “That’s why they don’t have much qualms about hiring people like us.” I hushed my voice. “Poor people?” She was laughing and smiling again, “No! Weirdos! Why would anybody hire someone who crawled out of a cartoon? Why would anybody hire somebody as obnoxious as me? Because when nobody wants the job, you better believe they’ll take whoever comes through the door the next day.”
“I guess that would make sense…” I couldn’t be convinced until I saw something actually supernatural. After tying up the bag, Elise had me toss it into the store room, saying it was better to toss it out after something happened first. We sat at the desk up, serving customers as they came in, the work slowing as the night went by. We really didn’t talk much during that time, she seemed content with watching the aforementioned YouTube videos, I’d be surprised if she wasn’t at the max volume.
I didn’t exactly trust her; how nonchalant she was with the hole co-workers dying thing. I made notes on what was close by. Under the desk there were cigarettes, lighters, scratch cards, and a bottle of pepper spray for self-defence. On display behind us was various fishing equipment, hooks, lines, that sort of thing. Most places had stuff like that, due to our town’s close proximity to the water, salt and fresh. Beside Elise was a fire extinguisher. I thought there might be a chance of her using that as a weapon on me, if she was responsible for the disappearances. Though I doubt it would have been effective on me regardless.
Again, the door dinged open and I shot a look over at it. All I can say is, now I know how the day-shift girl must have felt. To say he was dishevelled, was a disservice, His scraggly beard didn’t even look like hair, more like the whiskers on a cat fish. The heavy coat he was wearing was tarnished green, blotted with mud and grim from head to toe. I never did get a good look at his face, his cap and beard blocked most of it.
Yeah, it was strange on the opposite end of this for once, being the clerk and not the crazy.
Elise skipped over after I gave her a tap, “Alright, watch and learn green horn!” She leaned over the counter and he halted his shambling, “Good afternoon, Sir! Is there anything I can do for you today?”
His breathe was as thick as his musk, “AhHhHh, Love… D’ya mind… letting me see your… br… br-b…eas…” She’s had to do this so many times, that she understood what he was talking about, and acted before he could even finish. Before she did, she gulped, her face squirming a little.
I slammed my hands in front of my eyes, to save her some decency. I was disturbed by how willing she was to do that. The man just giggled to himself, like a damn creature. Something like this has been happening for weeks, months, not even a mile from my door! After nearly a minute, he eventually shambled towards me, leaning over the counter.
I pulled my hands away, and looked at his toothless grin, ready for whatever deplorable words would come crawling out of him. “You… can you give me… a pa-pap-packet of- ccccigarettes? Any wi-ill doo-” I didn’t let him finish.
“Go Fuck yourself, you miserable bastard.” I enunciated; the contempt clear in my voice. I noticed Elise step back in my periphery. His grainy skin contorted, I couldn’t tell whether it was a grin or a frown. Something I could only describe as filth, seeped from his nose, mouth, and pores.
I had originally thought about just punching him, but thinking back on the rules, something told me getting ‘marred’ was a bad thing. I flung my arm back, and grabbed the fire extinguisher, tearing it from the hook it was hanging on, then whipped it back into his temple. He crunched, and splattered, making both inhumane noises, and far more of that mire, as it began to spill out over the once bleached floor below. I watched it run through the cracks between tiles for what felt like an eternity.
Eventually Elise grabbed me by my cape, tugging me. I looked back to see her standing on the shelf behind me. I didn’t listen to what she said. I couldn’t hear. I clumsily climbed to her side, watching that ‘man’ dissolve, occasionally shooting into the air like a geyser. Did I just kill him? Did I just kill him?
After the bubbling and the geysering stopped, I was snapped back to reality. Literally, Elise snapped her fingers in front of my face. I looked at her, and she said-
“You’re cleaning that up.”
I walked along the counter to the store room. Only after I opened it did I remember the 2nd rule, luckily, nothing happened, it was nearly an hour away. I brought back the mop, bucket, and some anti-bacterial wipes.
She badgered me as I, a little out of it, wiped the floors. “So, are you actually a super hero? You lifted that thing like it was nothing, and you caved his skull in like it was paper mâché!” I ignored what just happened, “Yes, I- I have super powers. I’m strong. And I’m tough.” She smiled wide and raised an eye, “That’s all you’re going to say?”
“There’s nothing else to say.” I killed him. She was still giddy over discovering another super natural ‘thing’ I guess. Or maybe she’s always this hyper. “What’s your origin story? Can I get powers? Can I be your sidekick? Your gal-in-the-chair? Have you fought any super villains? What’s with the cape? What’s that tassel coming out of your head for? Do you work with the government? Against them? Have you ever-”
“Shut it!” I exploded, “I just killed someone! A disgusting, perverted old man, and I turned him to sludge! Now I- I’m cleaning him up! Like I spilled something on the carpet. None of your questions matter right now, do you hear me?”
Her smile dulled, but she kept that childish look on her face. She pulled herself onto the counter, letting her legs dangle over the edge. “Listen Shamrock, it… You don’t know this, but narratively? These things aren’t alive. 50% of the time it’s some sort of phenomena spawning them in, or they’re demons, and ghosts. Watch some videos when you’re done, you’ll see.”
“That has to be the most detached thing I’ve ever heard in my life. This isn’t a- a creepypasta!” She faked a frown, “It’s a very specific formula.” I dragged a free hand down my face, before wetting the mop again. “What if it’s the other 50%? Then what?” She shrugged, “Then you got rid of a super freak, avenged your buddy, and did a pretty good job at cleaning this shit hole.”
I scowled. At least one of those things wasn’t true. I hadn’t avenged Mullet. As I finished moping the floors up, I thought about how best to go about getting whatever took him away. I looked back to the store room, and as I did, the way Elise’s legs hung over the desk made me think of something. that and the fishing equipment. I threw the dirty bucket outside, then scooted over the counter, Elise’s eyes following me, as I took a bunch of fishing wire out, and readied a ton of hooks.
“What are you doing?” She seemed more concerned than curious, “I’m going fishing, what’s it look like?” She shook her head, “I know you’ve found out what you wanted to know, but you can’t leave, not until the shift ends. Whatever’s in rule 1 will get you, and trust me, it’s not remotely human.”
I forced myself to smile, “I’m sure I can handle it.” I made sure to check the time before opening the storeroom, grabbing the meat bag, and attaching the hooks to the large hunks of meat inside it. While I did so, I reminded myself, of what was important, telling myself to not do anything to endanger this girl. She was still alive, and though a little strange, as far as I’d known, she was innocent.
I’m going to keep people safe. I’m going to stop this from ever happening to anybody again. I completely shut myself off from any thoughts on the dishevelled man. In that moment, I had so easily cast away any sort of reluctance for violence. The door slid open. I tied the wires around my gloved hand, before casting the bait just out of the lights reach. “Holy shit! That was like 20 meters! You threw that like a baseball!” I looked back at Elise who was standing just behind me. “I told you I was strong. Go back inside.”
I crouched down on the tarmac; Elise followed suit. “Go back inside.” I repeated. I heard a clinking sound, and found a bottle of beer being offered to me. “Told you. Raided the minifridge. It’s corona, from Mehico.” She put on a silly accent. I wasn’t too amused. I took the bottle, drank about half of it, before refusing to drink anymore. It had a strong fruity taste and smell, and something about it, along with the expired meat and sludge, made me queasy. I think it was how similar the scented plastic was to it.
Elese told me about some minor virus they found in China that shared the name of the beer. She told me tons of little facts like that while we sat their waiting. I laughed a little at some of the weirder things she said, she talked about some sci-fi show from the 90’s, saying we were just like two FBI agents from it.
That was before she went wide eyed, and pointed out.
“Inside.” I ordered. She listened, rolling to her feet. We couldn’t see what was poking at the bag, there was just a ruffling noise, and a slight whipping of the line. Once I heard the door close behind me, I slowly tugged the bag closer, closer. The first part of it I saw, was two finger-like mandibles. As it stretched out for the bag, I could see rows of large molars facing inwards. Before they could take the bait, I pulled it hard, a few of the hooks coming undone. The bait was now set directly under the canopy, I ducked behind one of the pumps for cover, unraveling the wires as fast as I could.
Its appendages slunk back into the shadow of night, and for a moment I thought it had lost interest. Then I saw it cautiously enter the light, circling in from the right.
Its flesh was a raw red, only slightly decorated by strands of hair, spiking up in quills on its back. It walked on its hind legs like a dog, and was as big, and well built like a cow. Its head wasn’t like anything I’ve seen. It had four of those mandibles, two coming down, and two coming in from the side. Once it trotted over to its meal, I crept around to the side, hiding behind another pump. I mentally prepared myself, the beast groaning as it prodded its offering.
Then I heard it trot off. I looked around the corner to see it going over to the door. Throwing caution to the wind, I charged in, locked my arms around one of its legs, and scraped it across the ground, it kicked me and clawed, as I put my back into every inch of put between us and Elise. I couldn’t see her inside the store, she was probably hiding.
I loosened my grip, reared an arm back, and pounded relentlessly, every punch bruising his ruby hide a deep shape of purple. Eventually he tossed the weight of his head back at me, giving just a few seconds to grab at his jaws before they clamped down on me. I caught one. The other three began to crush, I won’t lie I screamed for it to stop.
The monster from the dark used its lower limbs to push me deeper into its maw, torso first. I am incredibly durable. I’ve survived drops from hundreds of feet in the air. But this hulking thing very nearly folded me like a lawn chair. I squirmed, I thought about hitting him with the arm holding back his fourth jaw, but reconsidered after taking into account what only three were doing to me. So, I wriggled, pulling my other hand through the flappy gums, and past rows of enamel. I struggled getting it over the upper jaw.
One thing that helped me get it out, was the thought that Mullet, and God knows how many other people, wouldn’t have been given even this much. I have the power to change things for the better, to face adversity and evil, and I’m going to spend every second I can doing just that. I had one arm, the arm that had missed it’s catch, it was free, enough to hammer a hole in this thing’s eyeless skull.
So, I smashed it, and I smashed it, and smashed, smashed, smash, smash, smash-
Until the sound I was making no longer qualified as a smashing noise.
I clutched my ribs, as I walked back inside the store. I’d successfully beat my own hand raw. It quivered as I tried to keep it still. I don’t think I was to seriously injured by this point, if i was, it was drowned by adrenaline and fear.
Fear.
I needed to know that girl was safe.
“Elise…” I called out looking down the aisles, she wasn’t there.
“Elise…” I checked behind the counter, then the time.
“Eli-” The clock read 10:59. And I started to sweat.
Without a sliver of apprehension or any idea of what might happen to me, I opened the store room.
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