High heels clacked and scraped on the wet pavement in a brusque staccato. Thalia’s night had been an utter disaster; first, her dating app companion of the week had shown up to the not-inexpensive restaurant in sneakers and cargo shorts, then he'd interrupted her repeatedly, made a fool of himself over appetizers, and eyed every woman that walked by. Which all would have been only a minor disappointment had she just been able to finish! A single! Sentence! At least we split the check and I made it clear tonight was the last time we'd be seeing each other. I've never been so happy to have driven myself somewhere... Thalia rounded the street corner that would put her in sight of where she parked, only to be interrupted again, this time by the abrupt sensation of falling. Blinking, she found herself in a sterile white room. Four walls and nothing else. Thalia blinked again. Still there... not a hallucination? A strong chemical scent wafted by without warning, causing Thalia to clap her hand over her mouth and nose. Some kind of gas? What? Is it sleeping gas? Who’s doing this?! She fruitlessly tried to hold her breath for as long as possible, eyes watering and chest burning, until she gave up. Gasping, Thalia waited for something to happen... only to wait, and wait, and wait. Her shaken sense of time told her it’d been at least fifteen minutes, but the only things she felt were mild lightheadedness from holding her breath and the racing of her nervous heart. ... I’m not being drugged, I guess? She looked around the room again, hoping to find some hint as to where she was or how she could leave. Not even a discrete light source was to be found, which Thalia now had the sense to note as strange, not that that helped her at the moment. “Hey, why haven’t you fallen asleep yet?” A voice with an indistinguishable accent echoed into the room. Thalia frantically looked around again for the source, only to be further confused. “What? Who are you? Where am I?” “That doesn’t matter. Why are you not asleep?” Impatience bled into the voice. “I don’t know! Where the hell am I?” This idiot has the gall to act like the situation is my fault somehow? Garbled noises drifted into the room before the voice continued. “Ugh, whatever. It seems there’s been a problem with the gas. We’ll have to figure something out to settle this, give us a minute.” “Wait! Can you tell me what’s going on?” No response. Thalia grasped at straws. “Maybe I can help!” “... How would you help? You’re the one that’s supposed to be unconscious by now.” Asshole! “Well, I won’t know if I can help unless you tell me what’s going on.” “I don’t think so.” The voice didn’t hold back on its doubt. “Wait wait wait! That gas from before was supposed to knock me out, right?” “... Right.” “But it didn’t. Since that type of stuff doesn’t expire—“ I think “— that must mean that whoever gave you the gas purposefully gave you the wrong kind.” Silence greeted her. Thalia mentally crossed her fingers, hoping that whoever this was would at least take enough interest in her to keep talking. "... ... Give us a minute." Good enough! Now, who is 'us'? Thalia waited several minutes, each of which plucked at her nerves like harp strings, before the voice returned again. "I believe it's time we talk face to face." With solemn drama, the blank wall directly to her left parted, startling her. Mist that obscured everything beyond the doorway drifted into the room as two figures came into view. Thalia's heart hammered in her chest. They were— "Aliens? Like, stereotypical aliens?" Two somewhat short gray-green men with ovular skulls and canted black eyes stared back at her. Backed by ambient mist and white light, they made for a picturesque snapshot of a cheesy sci-fi horror flick, naked and all. When they moved, however, it was with frighteningly convincing dexterity. "Indeed, we are not from this world." The one on the right piped up in a familiar voice. "We are... extraterrestrial, as you may understand it." Thalia stifled a frown. The fanfare, the cinematic lines... was this a prank taken way beyond too far? "What's your name?" "You may call me Kevin." Uh huh. She glanced at the other 'alien'. "And you?" "... Kevin." Thalia's eyebrows inched their way up her forehead. Kevin #1 tried to explain. "We are both named Kevin, yes. Or rather, Kevin is the name we chose for you to call us by... since you wouldn't understand our actual names." She silently dubbed Kevin #1 'Kevin' and Kevin #2 'Devin'. "Let me guess, your kind communicate in a way incomprehensible to humans." "Precisely." If Kevin knew she was being facetious, he didn't show it. "How are we talking, then? Did you have to learn English from the ground up?" "Language is a lower concept," Kevin said loftily. "Oh, we had to study this place beforehand, sure, but it's not like learning a language is that hard." Devin was almost helpful. I'd be impressed if this weren’t all a sick excuse of a joke. And if they weren’t such assholes. "What Kevin means is that spoken language is below our kind," Kevin insisted, "and that we know far more about your culture than even you do. Our knowledge is broad and thorough." "Uh huh." Oops, that one slipped out. Devin couldn't quite hold back. "And your culture is interesting, which helped when we were looking into it. Like the way you focus on audio-visual entertainment—" "Kevin, we are here to do business." Devin settled down. "Right. Continue." "What business would that be?" Thalia already had an inkling. "Yes. Ahem. As you have seen, our original plan did not work, which is why we were hoping to convince you to let us do experiments—" Thalia's high heel was already stomping towards Kevin's smooth, unprotected stomach. "— ughk!" "Please wait!" Devin called as Thalia barreled over a stunned Kevin. The mist had mostly dispersed, for whatever reason, revealing more smooth white walls in a corridor shape. Thalia chose to go right at random and sprinted like her dignity depended on it. To her increasing concern, the hallway curved in what was probably a circle, with no other doorways in sight. There's no way this is real... right? Kevin's voice reverberated around her. "Despite your uncouth actions, we are willing to hear you out before we continue where we left off before—" "I don't care what you think or want, I'm leaving!" "Is that so? Well, then. I'll let you do that." A shiver shot up Thalia's spine. Running another minute only confirmed her worst fear: there was no way out. Based on the curvature of the hallway, she'd probably run by where she was initially kept, not that the door was still there. Or the ‘aliens’, for that matter. Thalia stopped to catch her breath. More running would only tire her out further. "Alright, let me guess: you can make doors appear and disappear?" "Oh, you figured it out? Then I guess I don't need to convince you to STOP AND LISTEN TO ME?" "Hey, YOU'RE the one that kidnapped me in the first place." Kevin loosed an exasperated sigh over the invisible intercom. "Kidnapping is just... the wrong word." "What, you want me to say abduction?" "Yes! THANK you." Thalia snarled. "So help me God, if you show your face to me one more time, I'll beat you to within an inch of your life! This stupid prank has gone well past what I'm willing to tolerate." "Prank?! You think this is a— well, okay. It's kind of a prank. Actually doing anything to you is illegal, after all." "You think?!" Kevin replied with a less exasperated sigh. "Yes, I suppose you'll only listen if I explain it to you. Lower sentient species interaction was outlawed centuries ago. Thankfully, the council had to leave themselves a loophole so that they could still study lower species and their development, so abducting individuals temporarily and generally keeping a low profile while observing them is perfectly legal. No permanent harm done, no foul." Thalia's hands clenched tighter and tighter into fists. "A clause which, by the way, outlaws exposing enough evidence for lower species to study us, so I'll thank you to not ask any more questions that—" "WOULD YOU QUIT IT WITH THE ALIEN ROLEPLAY?!" "... What?" "I don't care about your stupid joke! I just want to go home, so let me out of whatever creepy, over-designed setup you have here already and I promise not to press charges!" Frustration crawled up her throat. She wouldn’t let some weirdo get the better of her, not tonight. Devin's voice came on for the first time. "You think we're not actually aliens?" "OF COURSE NOT!" Thalia panted from exertion. It was high time they gave up the act and— The walls and floor disappeared around her, revealing thousands of lights twinkling in the dark a mile below her feet. Thalia nearly jumped out of her skin. That's... the city? "I'll politely request that you don’t insult us. Our kind may not have any experience with studying your kind, but we are far above some common lower thugs pulling an outlandish joke on you," Kevin drawled. "Then what was that talk about this just being a prank?" Thalia fired back automatically. "..." Tapping her toe on the floor proved it was still there, just... completely, impossibly invisible. She sighed, the cityscape reflecting in her eyes. Nothing was adding up in a way that made sense, least of all how she got there in the first place, but Thalia was willing to make concessions if it meant getting out of this mess. "If you aren't aliens, then I admire your dedication. As for the other option... let me go; things have obviously gone off the rails for both of us. And I still don't believe the little green men bit." "Oh, that wasn't actually us, by the way," Devin began excitedly. "It was part of the setup. We had the white room, the mist, some flashing lights and shiny metal tools ready, and of course we had to pick out an appropriate appearance for the occasion." "So... what? You were ‘only’ planning to scare the living daylights out of me?" "Pretty much! Kevin and I agreed that flying around with a blurry shape projected outside would be boring, so this was the solution. It didn't turn out how we originally planned, but we still got to play around a bit, which is what really mattered anyways." Thalia frowned. Assholes indeed. "I thought interacting with humans was illegal for... you guys." "Yes and no," Kevin replied. "What we're doing now would be far more illegal, if it weren't for the fact that you don't believe us in the first place." He paused. "We can get your assurance that you won't say or do anything too crazy, correct?" Thalia barked a laugh. "I have no evidence, no witnesses to anything, and as you said so yourself, I don't believe any of this in the first place. So let me out of your creepy basement, nerds, before I call the cops." Kevin chuckled. "All right." They dropped her off at the street corner she was abducted from, and every bit as abruptly. Thalia blinked and looked up. Absolutely nothing. She sighed. That kind of technology is so wasted on those two. Her high heels clacked across the pavement slowly as she made her way to her car, mulling over recent events and possibly worldview-shattering revelations. Could've at least bought me a drink for the hassle.