《It Sucks Being a Side Character》Chapter 3
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Chapter 3
Another day, another dollar. That’s the reluctant motto of the working class. For most people, that meant wasting away at a boring, sometimes useless, desk job that doesn’t pay enough. For me, that meant accompanying my brother on life-threatening battles, while also not getting paid enough.
We’ve been contracted for another mission by the government. The circumstances seemed interesting, so this time I bothered to learn all the details.
There had been a few murders on the edge of town, that in and of itself wasn’t all that unusual. They wouldn’t call Diran in for just a few murders, he’s the big guns, and they only use the big guns on big targets.
What was unusual about these killings was the matter of death. Whole parts of the bodies were gone, no mark of a cut or something that had blown them off. It was as if they had vanished entirely. Further forensic analysis revealed that it was the work of someone's ability.
When someone is stealing body parts with superhuman powers, that’s when they call in the heroes.
The police had already narrowed it down to one guy, and hatched a plan to catch him. They didn’t need Diran to solve the case. He may be a lot of things, but he isn’t a detective.
I was extremely tired, due to Diran making us get up at the crack of dawn to get the jump on him. Roku was his normal amount of uninterested, Useless was her normal amount of annoying, and Shai was…. well, she was here. Diran on the other hand, was unusually angry and determined. Our target had murdered innocents, and Diran did not like that.
“How much longer until we’re there?” Useless asked with a groan.
“About 10 minutes, I think.” Shai quietly responded.
We’d been dropped off 30 minutes away from the guy’s hideout. They wanted us to take him out quickly and quietly, and due to his hideout being on the edge of town, that was very much a possibility.
“So, what do we know about this asshole?” Roku asked now that the silence had been broken.
“We know we’re walking for 30 minutes, just for a five-minute monologue, a five-minute rebuttal, and a one-minute fight. All to then have to walk the 30 minutes back to the car. We should’ve told them to pick us up when we’re done.” I lazily responded.
“There shouldn’t even be a fight you dolt, we’re going to surround his hideout, then all jump him at the same time. Aparehending him easily, as long as you don’t mess it up.” Useless said with an annoyed attitude.
“You spelled that wrong.”
Knowing how things usually go, I’d say he’s going to reveal that he was expecting us the whole time, and had planned accordingly. But then Diran will reveal that the detectives knew he’d been expecting us, and had planned to counter his plan. A plan that only Diran was informed of for some odd reason. Then he’s going to fight Diran because turns out his motives are based entirely on a personal vendetta against Diran, and then things will go just as I said earlier.
“We’re here,” Diran said.
In front of us stood a dingy old shack, it stood out among the surrounding buildings due to its unkempt exterior. An outsider would think it to be an abandoned house, but we knew that inside lived a dangerous murderer.
“Everyone, get in position.” Diran quietly commanded.
The plan was simple. On Diran’s mark, him, Roku, Useless, and I would jump in through each side of the house, catching him by surprise. We’d then pin him down, and capture him so that he could be arrested, interrogated, and face the consequences of his actions.
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“I-I don’t like this; can’t I please do something else please?” Shai nervously asked.
Her role in the plan was to be the distraction and to confirm he was there. She’d knock on his door, ask for something stupid, then we jump him while he’s not paying attention.
Good thing we had the police backing us on this one, I don’t think we’d ever cook up a plan that ingenious on our own.
“Yes, you have to do it! I don’t care that your nervous, I have a haircut at five and if I miss it your toast!” Useless ridiculed Shai.
“That was a bit excessive, and that was the wrong use of ‘your’ Useless.” I said.
“Don’t call me that you reject, she needs to do her damn job!” She angrily shouted.
“Quiet down! You’ll let him know we’re here!” Diran shouted at Useless before turning to Shai.
“I know that you’re scared, and this may seem like a lot to ask of you. But we need you to do this. We need you to be strong. If things go wrong, I will protect you.” Diran reassured Shai.
His words had the opposite effect. Instead of making her feel better, her face turned an extremely bright shade of red. She was now both nervous and embarrassed.
“Screw this, let’s just go now! We already know he’s in there, we’re just wasting time!” Useless spat.
“Alright, just get into position. I’m counting on you Shai.” With those words from our leader, we all got into our spots.
Useless and I were positioned at opposite windows. We were to jump through to capture him. Roku is supposed to break through the back wall and Diran is to attack him when he opens the door. With us all coming from different areas, he’d have nowhere to escape.
“What are you doing!?” I heard Diran’s panicked whisper.
“I’m just trying to get a look!” Useless loudly whispered back.
From where I was, I could barely see Diran and Roku, but I didn’t have to see Useless to know she was about to mess everything up.
In her infinite wisdom, Useless thought it would be a good idea to peek through the window to see if the guy was home. She seems to have forgotten that windows are double sided.
“You buffoon, he’ll see you!” Roku yelled. And sure enough, he did see her.
Roku’s curses were drowned out by gunshots splitting the air, followed by the sound of breaking glass.
It seems he’d spotted Useless and began his attack. Maybe it’s a good thing, if he is a ‘shoot first ask questions later’ kind of guy, it could've ended poorly for Shai.
“Dammit!” Roku yelled.
Our cover had been blown, and we may be down a member. Not exactly the best way to start a mission, but at least it wasn’t a useful one like Roku.
“She’s fine, the shots missed! Don’t give up, start the plan!” Diran yelled.
Roku and Diran burst through the wall and door, while I jumped through the window. Even if he knew we were coming, if we all went through with the plan it’d make no difference.
Diran got to him first and smacked the gun out of his hands, and restrained his arms. Roku was next. He burst through the walls, and tackled him to the ground. With him unarmed and restrained, I held my sword inches from his face.
He must have some lame set of powers if this was all it took to take him down.
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“Target restrained.” I said into my earpiece, letting the police know.
“Wait a minute, if it missed her, then where is she?” Roku said looking up. The fourth member of the pincer attack never arrived inside.
“Are you kidding me!?” I walked to the window to investigate.
Sure enough, Useless was cowering outside, in the fetus position, unharmed.
“Haha... hahahah... haheouhghouaghga, eoughheough, wahahahaha!” The pinned down villain began to make strange noises.
“Is he supposed to be... laughing?” Diran said in response to what sounded like a beached dolphin begging for its life.
“I don’t know.... Maybe Roku hit him a bit too hard.” I responded as I turned away from the window.
“Heough, heough, heough.....You fools......I expected you to come!” I guess Diran was right about him laughing, and I was right about him expecting us.
“Called it.” I said before getting hushed by Roku.
“You’ve fallen right into my trap! I knew the detectives were on to me, and I knew they’d send you! You see, everything I have done has been for this goal, to finally reach this point, to finally kill you, Diran!” He cackled as his motives were revealed.
Called it.
“You may have a plan, but my plan is even more grand than anything you or the detectives would have thought up!” The villain boasted.
“Everything you’ve said may be true, but what you didn’t account for was that the detectives would predict that! In other words, we knew that you knew! That whole plan that you’ve spent all this time building up, and killed all those innocent lives for, we have it all figured out!” Diran exclaimed.
Yup, exactly as I expected. The villain has some fool proof plan which saw through our ambush, but our plan saw through his plan to expect our ambush. So, we ambushed him even though he expected us to ambush him because he didn’t expect us to expect him to know that we expected him.
These whole outsmarting plots never made much sense to me.
“W-What? Impossible! How could you have seen through it?” He exclaimed in surprise.
Diran’s victory speech was interrupted before it even began as the villain's look of despair turned into a smirk.
“-Is what you expected me to say.” The villain finished his sentence with a smug, self-assured grin.
“W-What?” Diran’s face was full of shock.
“You see, you may have expected that I’d expect you, but what you didn’t expect was that I expected you to expect me to expect you!” The villain triumphantly shouted.
“Impossible!”
Oh God, another level of expecting? How far ahead have these two planned? Truly an unrivaled battle of geniuses. This is giving me a headache. One more twist and I’m leaving before I have an aneurism.
“I bet you didn’t expect this, smart guy.” In one swift motion, Roku snapped the villain's neck, ending his
life.
Oh......I didn’t expect that.
“Roku! We were supposed to take him in alive! Have you no compassion for human life?” Diran scolded him, but Roku showed no remorse for his actions. I guess like me, his brain was also starting to tremble.
“Heough, heough, heough. Uwah, hwah, hwah. Uhawahuhwahwuahwuaaa!” Oh God, please let it stop.
“What? but how? He’s dead!” Diran shouted, shocked to hear the laughs of a dead man.
“What you didn’t expect, was that I expected you to kill me! My death is the catalyst for my ability! Now that you’ve unleashed it, you don’t stand a ghost of a chance!” The villain's voice echoed out from beyond the grave.
“A ghost? But how!?” Roku’s voiced quivered in fear.
“No, not a ghost, there's a recording playing.”
“How do we defeat someone who’s already dead?” Diran asked Roku.
“Did you guys not hear me? It’s not a ghost, it's a recording. I can see the radio it's playing from.”
“I knew all of the moves you made up to this point, and I know all the moves you will make! As far as I’m concerned, you’re already as dead as me! Kackakakakcakkcka!!” The villain cackled his excruciatingly annoying cackle.
“This is bad, have we finally met a villain we can’t defeat?” Useless asked, finally done cowering.
“.........The radio is right there on the table man. Are you guys seriously that stupid?” I unplugged the radio that was playing the recording.
“..............Is the ghost gone?” Roku asked with a sense of relief.
“I expected you to unplug me! That’s why I set up…. Two radios!” The voice split our ears once again.
“God dammit!” I facepalmed at this annoying plot line we found ourselves in.
“The ghost is back!” Useless screamed and went back to her cowering spot.
“Now for my plan to truly begin!” As the recording ended, a rumbling began.
I thought his plan was to annoy us to death. Seems he has something else in mind.
“What is tha-” Diran was cut off as hundreds of arms shot up from under the floorboards and held him down to the ground.
“D-Diran!” Shai shouted in concern from a bush in the front yard that she was watching from.
The rumbling didn’t stop with the arms, as that was not the main event.
A neighboring house collapsed as a huge, towering monster grew from the center of it. Its body was made of numerous, mangled body parts all attached to create a monstrosity. It was created with the mis-matched body parts of the villain’s many victims. Doctor Frankenstein would be jealous.
A swing from its arm destroyed the remains of the house around it. The monster wasn’t just big, it was powerful.
“Diran! Get up! There’s a big monster we need you to take care of!” Useless commanded him, but she was met with no response.
“Blough!” The monster reeled back and
let out its roar. Which was underwhelming. Sounding more like a burp than a roar.
“Damnit, it’s getting close, we’ll have to take care of it without Diran!” Roku realized the predicament we were in.
“I’ll do it!”.
“......Huh?” Roku was confused by my sudden statement.
“......Did he...?” Useless was similarly dumbstruck.
“I’ll fight it.” The words once more left my mouth before I could grasp the situation.
Diran could easily defeat that thing, little to no effort required. But he was out of the equation right now. It would take a few minutes to free him, but that would be too long. One of us would have to face it while the others worked to free him.
“I’ll fight it......and kill it.” I repeated my previous words and hardened my convictions. This was what I was waiting for, right? A chance to finally be in the spotlight, to have an escape from the monotony of the sidelines?
“Why did you become a hero?” Tsubusu’s words from that night echoed through my head. Why did I choose this path?
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a dying animal.
“This is hilarious! You think you can actually kill that thing? I always thought you were at least smart enough to know your place, but I guess not! I can’t wait to see this!” The dying animal noises were Useless’s laughs, and they were even worse than the dead man’s.
“Say what you want. I’m not going to curl up in a ball and wait for others to save me.” Mockery from someone as low as her meant nothing.
“This is great! You're finally showing conviction, initiative, and courage! I always took you for a useless sideliner who thought himself to be better than everyone. Someone who lived off of his brother's success, and who mocked those he was jealous of. But now, things have changed! I am finally seeing your warrior spirit! As much as I would like to demolish that thing myself, I’d love to see the results of your new found courage even more!”
Ouch. I was admittedly hurt by Roku’s words. While I could shake off insults from Useless, Roku’s stung a bit more.
“Screw you guys! I can do stuff; I’ve just never needed to before! You’ll see!” I drew my swords in spite of Useless’s laughing.
“Be careful Lee! that thing looks strong, I don’t think you can easily take it.” What Shai probably meant to be words of caution, came across as yet another insult.
“Dammit! Diran isn’t the only strong one here!” I shouted back.
Screw this, standing around watching everyone else always take the glory was boring. At this moment, I don’t care what happens. Beating it or dying trying made no difference to me, I just needed something to take these emotions out on, to prove their mockery wrong.
I was tired of being a side character, I realized my fate two years ago, and I had endured it for those two long years. No more! I was going to change it. It didn’t matter why I chose to become a hero. I am a hero, and it is time to do my job.
I focused my energy and remembered the training I had done so long ago. The ability I spent so long honing to perfection was about to be unleashed for the first time in a while. I gripped both of my swords and prepared to draw them. Electricity crackled around me as I took my stance. The beast turned, aware of the sudden surge of energy building up around me. I looked up; I was prepared to strike.
“Banished Blades Version Three!” I shouted as I flew off the ground toward the beast. The ground where I was standing was reduced to rubble due to the sheer force that I carried. I was going to end this in one strike before anyone could know what happened.
I don’t care what they think, I don’t care about their words. They were just as much side characters as me. I will prove them wrong.
I spun as I blasted through the air. Both hands held a sword, lightning coursed through the metal of my blades. I was going to slice through its neck, decapitating it in an instant.
All that training I had been through, all those times Diran had one-upped me, none of it mattered. At this moment I will be the one to save the day. I would be the strong one. I will be the hero.
“With the thunderclap, Begone!” A huge bolt of lightning struck as my blades connected with the monster's neck.
With the electricity coursing through my blades, they could penetrate even the hardest defense. In combination with my strongest technique, a lightning blast that would make even Zeus jealous, I could already tell that this beast was no more. No one could survive a direct hit from both.
Except Diran...and Roku. But that's beside the point! A beast made in a lab is nothing! It would be destroyed, gone, reduced to nothing but ashes.
My blades connected and a flash of lightning split the sky. It was over.
........Or at least it should’ve been.
Next thing I knew I was lying on the ground, fading in and out of consciousness with my vision blurry.
“Huh? How did this happen?” I should have killed that thing. I knew my attack connected, so then what happened next?
“-erate!”
Diran? But wasn’t he being held captive by those hand things?
“What a f-” my head started spinning for a second, I hadn’t quite gotten a grip on reality yet.
“Idiot!” Useless’s unpleasant laughter caused my ears pain.
“-Was meant to pump you up!” Roku’s voice split the darkness next before being interrupted by a shrill shriek.
Oh no........it happened again, didn’t it? I got my ass kicked by that monster. Diran is defeating it and saving me right now. Useless is mocking me, Roku feels bad for insulting me, and Shai is probably freaking out thinking I’m dead.
It really sucks being a side character.
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