There was an overturned cart in the middle of the road.

Yuzuru knew what that meant. It was a call to adventure. Someone needed his help somewhere, probably to take down a bandit or look for missing loot. He walked up to the cart and looked around. The forests on either side of the road were quiet. Fingers of golden light shone through the leaves and a gentle breeze spiced the air with a fruity scent. It reminded Yuzuru of Taiga.

The cart was wrecked. It had lost all of its wheels and Yuzuru couldn’t find any signs of survivors. After loitering around for a little while longer to see if anyone would show up, he finally had to admit this was perhaps another letdown. He continued around the cart in disappointment. The whole thing had toppled in a strange way, he realized, its wheels and braces arranged to force a single path through. He only started to wonder if maybe this was all a trap, before he felt something shift from under his feet.

He jumped back, thinking it was a snake, but before he could lift his leg a rope lashed around his foot and whipped him into the air.

The world turned into a blur. Yuzuru flailed, his head smacking the ground on his way up. Stars burst in front of his eyes as consciousness fluttered away with the summer breeze.

When he came to, the world was upside down.

No, wait. He was upside down. And he wasn’t alone. A group of people was standing above - below? - him, laughing as they pointed.

“This is the greenest man-boy I'd ever seen,” said a gruff-looking man dressed in ripped brown pants and nothing else. “Where you from, boy?”

Yuzuru’s mouth tasted of blood. He had bitten his tongue and now when he spoke, it felt like trying to talk through a mouthful of cardboard. “You’ve probably never heard of it.”

“Thinks he hit his head too hard,” another one of the bandits said. There were seven altogether, but it seemed the shirtless man in the trousers was, well, wearing the pants in this group. Yuzuru deduced this because the only time the rest of them shut up was when Trousers spoke.

“Take ‘em to the Boss.”

With that command, Yuzuru was retrieved from the snare, patted down for weapons, and lead into the forest with his hands tied behind his back.

Yuzuru decided to bide his time. There was no way in hell he could take on seven grown men by himself. He needed a distraction. So, he asked the man walking beside him, “I take it you guys are cannibals?”

The man shot him a look. “That supposed to be funny?”

“Well, no,” said Yuzuru. “I just assumed.”

“We’re vegetarians.”

“Oh. That’s pretty cool.”

“Yea,” said Trousers at the front of the group. “We’re not going to eat you, just grind your bones to use as fertilizer for our tomatoes.”

“Oh.”

Their hideout wasn’t far. It took only a few minutes until Yuzuru was standing outside the yawning mouth of a cave. He didn’t have time to think of a plan.

“Inside,” ordered Trousers. “The Boss will want to see you first.”

“So he can tell me his grand plan for world domination?” Yuzuru asked, stumbling into the dimly lit tunnel. The change in light was sudden and his eyes took a while to adjust. Further in, the cave widened into a spacious cavern. Torches blazed in steel baskets hung on the walls, illuminating the stony throne and the bull-headed man sat in it.

“You must be the Boss,” Yuzuru surmised.

The minotaur huffed. Twin jets of smoke shot from his thick nostrils. He held a golden goblet in one meaty hand and raised it for one of the scantily-dressed girls standing beside him to refill.

“Gweyn.”

His voice was a clap of thunder, making the stones by Yuzuru’s feet skitter. Hands shoved him to kneel. He didn’t fight. The minotaur’s throne was at the top of a flight of wide steps, so as he looked up, Yuzuru got a good view of the ceiling. Hundreds of stalactites hung like ice picks, and tiny black shapes were hanging between them. Bats, probably.

“Gweyn!”

The walls shook as the minotaur’s booming shout grew louder. One of the bats unfurled itself from the ceiling and fluttered down. Reaching the ground, the tiny creature disappeared in a puff of smoke.

A girl stood in its place. Dressed in a velvet cape and a black corset, she stepped up to the throne, tossing her braided hair over one shoulder.

The minotaur stood, and then bowed. “I kept your seat warm, Gweyn.”

The girl pinched the goblet out of the minotaur’s hands and downed its contents in one go. Sighing, she tossed the empty cup aside and slumped onto the throne.

“Alright. Let’s see what you disturbed me from my nap for.”

Her eyes were apple-red and sparkled as they glanced over Yuzuru. “Who are you supposed to be?”

Trousers answered, “A new catch, Boss. Found him in one of our traps.”

Gweyn yawned. “So an idiot, then.” She clicked her fingers and the minotaur immediately dropped to its knees and crawled over, letting her prop her feet onto his back.

“In my defense, it was a good trap,” Yuzuru said.

Peering down at him, Gweyn’s expression turned from curiosity to boredom. “Grind him down and turn his bones to dust. He’s nothing special.”

Hands grabbed Yuzuru’s arms. “Wait, wait, wait. That’s it?" he asked. "Aren’t you supposed to monologue?”

Gweyn frowned. “What am I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know. How about your vegetarian philosophy?”

“How about no.”

The savages hauled Yuzuru to his feet. “That’s like villainy 101,” he exclaimed. “It’s the basics of being a bad guy. You can’t be treated seriously if you don’t follow some narrative conventions!”

Gweyn held up a hand. “Wait.”

The men dragging Yuzuru paused.

Leaning forward, Gweyn’s brows furrowed deeply. She held out her goblet to be refilled, then took a tentative sip, eyeing Yuzuru over the rim.

“What is your name?” she asked.

Yuzuru tried his best to grin. “Just call me Flame Lord,” he announced and raised both arms, letting the burned rope fall from his wrists. Then before anyone else can react, he whirled and punched the nearest bad guy, summoning fire at the same time. The man staggered back, slapping the flames dancing across his chest. Yuzuru leaped after him, snatching the man’s dagger from his belt and whipping around to face the other savages.

“Oh, how the turntables,” he laughed. “Didn’t see that coming, did ya, you bunch of grazing psychopaths?” He laughed again but his joy was cut short by a club smashing into the back of his head.