At first, I did not understand my companions’ hostility. Andrei, for the first time, looked at me with narrow eyes full of scorn. Lieutenant Morozova, for her part, could scarcely speak. If I asked either of them what the matter was, neither would care to give me an answer.

It went on like this as we gathered provisions in Lemberg, and my companions’ visible discomfort and silence lingered as we left for further travels eastward. We had taken enough provisions that we could afford to bypass three or four towns as we rode. At sunset we made camp in the forest about a verst and a half from the town of Rzeszów, and Lieutenant Morozova finally broke her silence after what seemed like hours sitting around the campfire.

“Did you feel anything when you did it?” she asked me. Her eyes seemed dead, and she preferred to stare into the fire than look at me.

“No,” I said. I had to be honest. Long ago, the Tatars showed no mercy when they enslaved me and killed my brothers and fellow Christians. I had seen children half my age beaten to death, and I had long ago become numb to the sight. When I was given my freedom, many times I had taken my revenge on their families and their children as well. It was only justice. A child thief was the same as a grown thief to me.

“I… see…”

She tried to force a smile but her quivering lips sank back into a frown. Her eyes, misty with the beginnings of tears, shimmered in the light of the campfire.

“I guess that is how a real soldier should feel. I was never fit for this job.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Nonsense,” said Andrei. “You are fiercely loyal and exceedingly brave. What you feel right now,” he turned to me as he spoke to her. “Those are feelings of compassion and humanity. Qualities admired in any good leader, the lack of which would turn one into a base animal.”

The lieutenant curled up her knees to her torso and wrapped her arms around them, hugging herself. This is the first time I had seen her like this, scared and vulnerable. Up to this point, she had been the model of stoicism and forbearance, but I could not understand why she was like this now.

“Gentlemen… comrades, I would like to share something with you.”

Her voice was barely above a whisper. Even though the crackling of the fire and the soft chirping of crickets were the only distractions, I struggled to hear her. I slid in closer to listen, as did Andrei.

“You probably see only what this green uniform shows you. A lieutenant in Her Majesty’s army — a woman, yes, but still a soldier. The truth is, gentlemen, that I am no more a soldier than a dog is a wolf.”

Andrei and I exchanged glances, but we let her continue.

“You barely know anything about me, if I am to be honest with you. You don’t even know my real name.”

“Yes, we do,” I said. “How can it be anything other than Irina Morozova?”

“It is not,” she said, glancing at me before turning her gaze back to the fire. “My real name is Eirene Mouruzi. My father is a Greek noble in exile, and I am no soldier in the czarina’s bodyguard, I never was.”

“Preposterous,” said Andrei. “I was there when the Amazon Company was presented before Her Majesty. I remember as if it were yesterday; a hundred of you in your dazzling uniforms all lined up in formation on your horses with Captain Sarandova at the head of your company. My God, what a sight to see.”

“Do you not wonder why we carried no rucksacks with us as the other soldiers did? Or why we slept in tents while the men were made to build their own shelters?”

Andrei averted his eyes.

“We are ceremonial, Andrei Vasilyevich. Pretty toy soldiers that march for the czarina and Prince Potemkin,” her voice began to crack and tears streamed down her face as she spoke. “My musket only has three bullets! I don’t know how to fix a bayonet!” She turned to me, and she quivered as she spoke. “I always wanted to be a real soldier, but I never could have done what you did!”

“And what have I done? The boy stole from me!”

“And you are the devil!” cried Andrei. “The boy simply made off with a wig! You took away his life, his future!”

“Oh please,” I scoffed. “He would have died like a rat in the gutter.”

“Yet here you are, you who were a slave when you were his age.”

I wanted to throw ash in his face and stomp on his throat with my boot-heel, but Andrei was right. God is kinder to lesser men.

“Yes, here we are,” I said as I got up to fetch myself cooking utensils and some ingredients. “The toy soldier, the devil, and the czarina’s pet monkey. A fine crew we make.”

“I beg your pardon monsieur?” gasped Andrei. “Did you just call me…”

“A monkey? Yes. You are quite short, your livery is bedecked with lace, ruffles, red and gold trim — all the ornaments of the adorable jackanapes led around on leashes at the circus…”

“You will hold your tongue!”

“And when you speak it sounds like the chattering of a monkey.”

I saw his hand curl into a fist, and I was ready to put him into the ground, but the sound of the lieutenant’s faint chuckle stopped us both.

“I admit,” she said. “His voice does not carry the most pleasant melody.”

Andrei, who now resembled a red-faced child, pursed his lips and started walking away from the campsite, grabbing a bucket and a lantern from one of the horses as he departed.

“Where are you going?” I called out.

“To heal my pride and fetch water, monsieur! I hope I do not misstep by asking for an apology from you when I get back!”

The lieutenant’s smile quickly faded, but I intended to change that. I set my cooking tin on the iron trivet by the fire and poured in some water to boil, along with a cup of buckwheat. I had no idea what I was going to make, but my mind was on seeing her smile again.

“How do you like your food, Your Nobility, slightly overcooked or slightly undercooked?”

My attempts at humor yielded nothing but a sigh as she stared back into the campfire.

“Your joke is as dry as whatever this meal will be.”

Oy.

“As long as we are being honest, may I call you Eirene?”

“I did not tell you my name just so you would never speak it.”

“Tell me, what troubles you? The thief I shot was a thief, it mattered little that he was the height of my leg.”

“Rodion Ivanovich, I know I may not look like it, but I have never killed anyone. I was chosen for the Amazon Company because my father served against the Turks, and I have always wanted to be like this… until now. I do not think that I could ever bring myself to do what you did. It seems that to be a warrior was never my lot in life. The poor child, he was likely an orphan.”

That word struck me. I had never considered it before, but perhaps, if circumstances were different, I could have lived the same life as he had, and maybe met the same fate. I averted my eyes from her, and now I was the one looking into the fire.

“But we all have different destinies, Cossack,” she continued. “Why do you truly wish to serve the czarina? I know it is not out of some sense of national pride. You are barely Russian. So what is it, truly?”

“If you must know, Eirene, this is all an elaborate plan of revenge on the Tatars. They killed my old band, you know. Every single one of them, except for me. I used to be a river pirate, so the thought of sacking Tatar towns along the Crimean coast with the czarina’s protection is indeed very tempting. I might even make a life out of it.”

“Surely you understand that they are only defending their homes?”

I rummaged through my small bag of ingredients and pulled out a carrot, which I began to peel with my dagger.

“The Crimea is just as much my land as it is theirs. It shall fall to whomever God favors, and woe be to the conquered.”

“You are a very grim man, Rodion Ivanovich.”

“No, I don’t believe so.” I said, looking up at Eirene from my carrot. “I prefer to think I am a person who sees the world for what it is. Sometimes my views on things frighten people, but my brothers always understood me.”

“I fear I never will. You may be dressed like a gentleman now, but your mind is still that of a half-savage, if I may be direct with you.”

“And I take great pride in accepting the nature that God has given me. If you cannot, then…”

“I don’t know what I am anymore,” she interrupted. “You have shown me that I cannot be a soldier, I am not dainty or proper enough to be a woman of court, I am simply…”

“You. You may not be ‘the devil’ as Andrei Vasilyevich called me, but do not think because you could not bring yourself to shoot a small child in the back that you could never be a soldier. You are also, forgive my boldness, very beautiful, and you carry yourself in such a manner that any man at court would consider you his greatest conquest.”

She squinted at me and cocked her head to the side.

“First of all, I am no one’s conquest. Second of all, mercy, Cossack, is probably something that you have not been accustomed to.”

“Still you go on about the child?”

“Yes! You have left a deep scar in my mind that I will never forget — ever! Do you realize I have never seen a violent death before, never mind that of a small boy?”

I turned away from her for a moment to mind my cooking and to let her simmer down. When her heavy breathing had subsided, I spoke again.

“You know, the faces of the people I killed, they never leave me. Like ghosts, but I got used to them. If you ever want to serve beyond mere ceremonial capacity, that is something that you must be prepared to do. Sacrifice a little of your life to be able to take those of others. It has nothing to do with remorse, it just… is.”

“I feel that I care too much. Nowhere is it written that I must be a warrior, yet this is what I want to be. Unfortunately, what good is it for me to dream when I do not have the heart of the woman I wish to become?”

I smiled at her. “On your feet.”

“What? Why?”

“I did not believe a word of what you just said. If you truly want something, then you will take it by any means. You say you do not have the heart of a warrior? I beg to differ. Take up your sword.”

“I ask again, why?”

“I suggest a friendly spar. If you are as fierce as I believe you to be, then I shall see it in you. But if you are a coward, then—”

In a flash, Eirene’s sword glinted in the darkness, its blade thrusting straight for my face. I leapt out of the way and drew my own shashka to parry it, but she was quick to seize her advantage of my surprise and kicked me to the ground. She stood over me, her eyes filled with the wildness that I saw in her the day that I met her. I had no idea that she was this skilled, and I was intending to let her win, but this was something that I did not expect.

“I am not a coward,” she hissed.

“Clearly,” I said as I looked up at her from the ground. “And look where we are. You, who say you have no heart for soldiering, are standing over me, a warrior Cossack.”

She could only reply with an emotionless “hmph” as she sheathed her sword and crossed her arms.

“You gave me quite the thrashing.”

“You let me win.”

I let out a hearty chuckle as I clasped my hands behind my head, “No, Your Nobility, I assure you, I did not. If we had not been checked by our restraint, your sword would have found its mark and I would have been helpless. I can say with great certainty that you have a warrior’s heart.”

“But I could not bring myself to…”

“The difference between you and me, Your Nobility, is that your actions are governed by chivalry, while I am governed by nothing at all.”

Nearby, I heard the sound of water splashing on the ground.

“My God! You didn’t have to kill him!”

Andrei had returned from wherever he had meandered off to, and was now standing by, mouth agape, with an empty bucket of water.

The lieutenant stifled a giggle, but I let out a hearty guffaw as I righted myself and dusted off my newly-dirtied waistcoat.

“All is settled, Andrei Vasilyevich. Her Nobility and I were simply having a bit of sport.”

“I could have killed him if I had wished,” she said as she walked back to the fire. “But in the social circles I frequent, it is considered unkind to spill the blood of a friend.”

That word warmed my cheeks. I hadn’t had anyone to call a friend since my chaika dragged all of my old ones down into the bottom of the Dnieper.

“Thank you, Your Nobility,” was all I could say.

She looked at me with confusion for a moment, but a small smile graced her lips when she understood my meaning.

“Andrei Vasilyevich,” I said, putting an arm around him. “You and I may still be the coward and the demoniac, but she is quite certainly not anyone’s toy soldier.”

“I see my request for an apology has gone unheeded.”

I slapped him on the back, releasing the air from his lungs. I let out a soft chuckle as he coughed like a dying man. It would be good for the man to relax.

“Rodion Ivanovich,” said the lieutenant, not looking away from the fire. “Now would be an appropriate time to confirm our destination, for we have reached the furthest western extent of lands that hold the czarina’s influence. You have had ample time to make your decision, but you have been curiously mute on the subject.”

“I wish to take all considerations in equal measure, for I am a simple river boatman, who knows little about the great oceangoing nations of our times. What would my options be, then?”

“Take your pick,” said Andrei as he let out a few small coughs, “If you intend to merely sail aboard the first ship that you see, go and sign on with the Prussians, but know that they have even less experience than even we Russians do at sea. Such a mission would do no favors for you upon your return.”

“You could always try the Hamburgers,” said the lieutenant. “The port at Hamburg is one of the most frequented in the kaiser’s empire. Surely there will be a merchant ship or two that you will be willing to accommodate you.”

“A trader?” I scoffed. “Madame, I was of the impression that I was to study the art of naval warfare.”

“You are unfortunately mistaken, Rodion Ivanovich. The czarina ordered you to enlist aboard a ship, but did not specify the type.”

“I believe the implications are clear, as I am eventually to take command of a vessel of Her Highness’s Imperial Navy.”

“Eventually, yes. But before one can run, one must walk, and you, good Cossack, wish to sprint without knowing how far you are meant to go.” I opened my mouth to speak, but the lieutenant raised her finger to silence me. “Signing aboard with a merchant ship shall give you the basic experience you require while affording you the opportunity to leave whenever you please without fear of reprisal. If you sign on board a ship with the kaiser’s navy and attempt to leave after your mission has been completed, you will be hanged as a deserter if you are caught.”

The thought of being hanged like a common criminal did not sit well with me, but neither did the idea of serving on board a mere merchant vessel.

“Surely there are more options.”

“Unfortunately, you will have more or less the same luck anywhere you go, Where there are warships, there will be contracts.”

“And where there are contracts there exists servitude. I don’t like it.”

“But yet you have a choice. Merchant ships are equipped with guns of their own, if that’s what your clamor is about.”

My ears perked at the sound of that.

“Whatever for?”

“Why, pirates of course. Dangerous fellows like yourself, but out in the open sea sailing captured ships instead of sailing little boats on rivers. Merchant ships are always favored targets. Why, I would judge that you would likely see more action aboard a merchant vessel than you would if you were to serve with the navy, for all the warships do is idle about when there are no wars to be fought.”

A sly grin came across my lips as I entertained thoughts of action on the high seas and the promise of profit.

“Your Nobility, you have convinced me. We ride towards Hamburg in the morning, and we shall see if there is not a vessel willing to take me on.”

“And may the Lord God above have mercy on those who do, monsieur,” mumbled Andrei.

“You may save your jabs for when we are bound together at sea, Andrei Vasilyevich. There will be plenty of time for squabbles then, but before that, we have another week or so of riding, and thus another week or so to feel the solidness of the earth beneath our feet.”