《The book of forever》Chapter 2.4: Longing, waiting, healing
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It's been a week and I still miss you so, the pain has dulled as quickly as it came, I still love you just like the very same, the pointer in my heart still has your name. I understand that the love has ended, and yet my mind still lingers on why this... this state of affairs that we are now in, the reason why our talks are so sparse, thin. It's been a while, yet not very long, healing takes longer, but I'm going strong. I'm trying to be patient, yet nothing... fails to remind me of your voice that sings.
It's a longing, yet not a stinging pain, it's a wanting that feels so empty too, it's a passing, our ever moving time, and it's a lasting, searching in my heart. I think I'm moving, but not moving on, a shark circling the waters to not sink, I'm spending my time to go on and think.
This heart of mine ever so fragile, this heart of mine ever so flawed and weak, this heart of mine which heals too fast, it last... I want this time to linger, the pain fades, with it I ponder the feelings I made.
I'm selfish, I'm flawed, I want to be loved, maybe it's because of that... that I can't, can't force myself to move on. selfish love, that's all I'm capable of, selfish love, maybe people should stay on away.
I want to love genuinely but still, my emotions cool, yet longing it stays. A flawed human being, I am that way... I feel like this pain should last longer still, that I shouldn't accept the way it is, that I should scream that I truly did love, but my heart it knows, that that... would hurt you.
To not hurt you with my lingering thorns, to not hurt you with these thoughts that adorn, a shaky heart without a staying muse, an empty longing, a fear I can't lose.
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To not hurt you with the me of today, I must let the pain go, yet longing stays. I should mask the feelings deep in my heart, pretend it was never there from the start. Yet it hurts, I can't just lie to myself, I did love knowing how much it would hurt, yet it hurts, I knew it from the ver' start, and yet it hurts, proof of my beating heart.
... and yet it hurts, proving that I can love. And yet it hurts, proof that I still love you.
... and yet it fades, I've accepted this fate, accepted this choice that you once did make.
To protect myself, and to protect you, I need to let go, of these times so bright. My heart... it'll be alright, out of sight.
This is called healing, is called moving on, is called protecting myself, staying strong. This is called continuing, knowing on, that you'll keep your bright smile all along.
Have faith in me, that I'll smile brightly... Have faith in myself... that I'll forgive myself...
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