It’s silent, here, in the Hell I’m living, but it’s silent only now when I’m sitting on this cold cement floor and I’m looking in the distance, at the anthill of cars that is producing an infernal noise in my head with their impatient horns.

The roof on which I am right now, it’s cold and even if it is illuminated by the lights of the city it seems to me even darker than before, and this darkness was awakened in my soul 7 years ago when I faced death.

***

„Where am I? Where the Hell am I?” continues to yell at me, the voice in my head, but I am not able to stop and answer this question. I have more important things to do as my life is in danger while a maniac is chasing me and I haven’t the slightest idea about why I fell into his claws and I am now his prey.

It all started today at 2 o’clock in the afternoon, after leaving prosecutor Han YuSan’s office. I was mad with him because he made no progress with the investigation and this already is beyond any limits I can allow.”

„It’s my student’s case, for God's Sake,” I yelled at him while still being in his office. „You have no children, prosecutor, don’t you?” I continued to question him. „Of course, you haven’t, because if you had one, if you had a teen girl who was raped by a motherfucker, you wouldn’t have reacted this way right now,” I gave him the answer too, while Han YuSan couldn’t even open his mouth.

And I didn’t wait for his answer. Seeing nothing in front of me and hearing nothing, I slammed the door and I went out of his office. I heard just a fragment of what he said: „Miss Ian, wait! It’s not what you are thinking. Ian SolHi, wait…!”, but I couldn’t because I knew that if I had stayed there, I could have transformed myself into a murderer and the killed one would have been the prosecutor in charge for sure.

Exiting the Prosecution building I was barely breathing, with all the blood I had in my veins heading to my head and not flowing normally and this made me even crazier than I was. Outside is very hot as the summer sun is burning with all his force and this made the passers-by run away from his spears of fire, but it was much more important for me to go out of there, no matter what.

I saw a stopped cab in front of the Gates and without questioning myself if it could be called by someone else, I opened the door in a hurry and being half in I demanded to the driver: „to Kanam, please! the street…”

And it was the last thing I remember until I woke up in that abandoned warehouse, with that maniac above me. I fell silent when I understood that the chased one was me and I also felt a burning pain all over my body.

At first, I didn’t understand what happened, but when I caught, from the corner of my eye, that my butcher was closing the zipper of his trousers and that he was playing with his belt, I understood that I fell victim to rape.

My first thought was to run, but he was too close and even if I made the slightest effort to stand up, he probably would have caught me immediately. But the scariest thing for me was the fact that next to me was lying a hammer, bloodstained, and I couldn’t understand if this was my blood or someone else’s.

I tried to see his face, but for an unknown reason, it had been impossible. I don’t know if he did this deliberately or if it was just my dizzy brain that was playing tricks on me, but no matter how much I’ve tried to see who the bastard was, I couldn’t.

He grabbed the back of the chair that he dragged on the cement floor. The metal legs of the chair, touching the cement, produced an infernal noise in my head and this made me Yell with all my strength. It was like someone took a drill, stuck it into my temple, and then turned it on at full speed. I felt my skull cracking and I touched it with both hands. With my eyes tightly closed, I moved in pain on the ground. I don’t know why, but at that moment I remembered that God exists and I asked him for help. But he probably was mad with me, because I turned my back on him since I was born, and because of this He didn’t help me.

With my back to my attacker, I was lying on the ground while shuddering with all my body as though I had reached Hell and its flames were burning my flesh. I felt terrible at that moment. I felt so insignificant and so powerless. This anybody, with a perverse brain in his head, who has nothing saint in this world, is trying to kill me and nobody is coming to help me.

Then I heard him sitting down on the chair … then everything was swallowed by silence. Slowly, the pain in my head had weakened, so I removed my hands, but I didn’t turn to face my enemy.

I don’t know if I did this because I was scared or because I didn’t want to see his face, but the matter is I preferred to continue to lay down this way. I could hear only his devilish breath echoing behind me.

It definitely was the breath of the Devil. Interrupted, wheezing, and cumbersome, his breath was heard all over as if coming from the deep underground.

We stood like this probably for about 5 minutes. He didn't make any sound or move and neither did I. We probably looked like a cat that was watching the mouse, lurking at the right moment to attack, but the matter is I never figured out who was the cat and who was the mouse at that moment.

Five minutes later he started to whistle a melody. It was something familiar, something that was playing on the radio every day, but I couldn’t remember the name of the song. Then, I heard him standing up and moving around. I don’t know why, but I had the feeling that he was keeping his hands at his back, while he was slowly walking in circles. This gave me a certain confidence and I raised my head.

I was convinced to look my enemy into his eyes and to ask him why he did this to me, but I could see only his back, and damn, he really was keeping his hands at his back. But something more important was caught by my sight: the hammer. It was only 2 meters from me and if I could have grabbed it, I would have been safe. So, I started to crawl to a side, trying to make the minimum possible noise.

Then, his scary voice was heard. It was an unusual voice. Something thick, something that was coming from a deep place and was unfamiliarly echoing. Much later I figured it out that he was using a voice modifier. „You will never escape from here, sweety. No matter what you will do. Maybe, only dead,” he told me and I saw that he was turning slowly toward me.

I started to shudder, but a voice in my head was yelling at me over and over again: „Now! Do it now! Now!” and I did it. With the remaining power, I grabbed the hammer handle and I stood up and, without waiting to see his face, I hit him, with all the strength I had then. The hammer deeply hit the back of his head and he staggered to his feet.

A growl of unpleasant surprise was heard coming out of his mouth. He probably didn’t expect that his victim will have such courage to stand and attack him, especially after he raped me, but I was different. I’ve passed through much worse things in the past, when I hadn't anybody at my side and I had to manage it by myself and I did it now, again.

Seeing him slowly kneeling, I threw the hammer and I ran away. It had been probably the worst decision I ever made, but I understood it too late, while descending the stairs in a hurry, while he was running after me.

The place where everything happened was the second floor of an abandoned warehouse. I didn’t stop to look around when I was outside. I just ran away, through the lavender field that was surrounding the building. I was barefoot and the dried blades of lavender were deeply cutting the flesh of my feet, but I hadn’t time to stop and look for another road. It was stinging like hell, but feeling that devilish breath blowing down my neck was more terrifying.

Soon, I got to the main road. It was something similar to a countryside road, full of dust and small stones that my feet were stepping onto and their sharp age was tweaking my skin. But the most terrifying thing for me was the fact that I started to feel myself out of the air. My chest felt a weird sensation of suffocation and my breath became interrupted.

„He has the same breath as I have now,” I thought and this thought was spinning in my brain as if a swarm of flies was dizzyingly flying around something that stinks. „Asthma. This is because of lavender,” I finally understood, but I hadn’t ever had breathing problems because of scents, but I had it now and I couldn’t understand why.

While running, I looked down and I saw that my white dress was broken, dirty, and bloodstained. I was planning to go to a party that day and because of this, I was wearing a white dress. It had been Mina’s idea, to wear something white, something similar to innocence, but now I understood that it had probably been the fate’s decision: you know, that idea that an unmarried girl should be buried wearing a white dress… but my thought was interrupted by a harsh pain in my head - the hammer hit the back of my head and I fell.

Barely breathing, I was lying on that dusty road and looking at the sky. That night was a starry night, with no moon. I don’t know why I sketched a smile then, but now I can guess that it was because of a thought that I could have had then: dying while watching the stars wasn't that bad idea.

His steps approach me. He didn’t hit me while being behind me, but he threw the hammer and the hammer hit the target. It was impressive - his skills in hitting the target. I probably wasn’t his first victim or he used to be a sportsman once. But it doesn’t matter anymore and I closed my eyes.

I immersed myself into a world of darkness, but my feelings are still awake, just the way I feel that he grabbed my wrist, with his cold hand, and then he dragged me to the ground as if he was dragging a sack with potatoes or carrots.

He considered me nobody then. A victim who he could hurt as his will and he had that freedom because the place was far away from the city. I’ve been at his mercy then while he was dragging me back to that cold warehouse where probably will be my grave and I lost consciousness.

***

Tonight, is somehow similar to that night. The same starry sky and no moon. And it’s also summer. It's the middle of the summer, but I feel cold, even if I’m wearing a thick parka and I have a hood over my head. My sneakers are warming my feet, but it’s still cold in my soul and my fingers are scratching the material of the blue jeans I’m wearing.

I have key support in my left hand. They are the keys I use for my house and my office, but there I’m also wearing something to remind me about that day: a toy hammer, with some red marks on it.

While I’m looking at this toy and I’m touching the red stains, I started to doubt if what happened then is something real, but my soul isn’t lying, as is my right hand that is trembling every time, I touch a gun or anything that can be used as a weapon. My right-hand starts to shake right now and I shudder inside. I don’t know why, but I have the feeling that my past is lurking at me and soon it will reach me, grabbing me from my throat and it will leave me breathless, the same way I left that person breathless 7-years-ago.

Yes. I killed someone 7-years-ago or at least that is what others say that I did. I don’t remember it. Only fragments. Only that I grabbed a hammer and I hit somebody’s head and that person fell on the ground … and later that night, he was found dead, in an abandoned warehouse and my victim’s name was Han YuSan.