Shawna swam through consciousness, struggling to keep her head above the sea of darkness. Her eyes flickered open, her head lolled to one side. Her temple throbbed, and she squeezed her eyes shut. She tried to raise a hand to her head but found it tied behind her back. She opened unfocused eyes to see double of her own legs tied up. She groaned and let her head fall back to the side. She had been so close to getting revenge, so close to killing him. He deserved it too, he had left her to die. He had left her with it. The images flooded back into her head, things she didn’t want to think about. She didn’t want to remember.

But she did…

She remembered her breath burned her lungs, lungs that ached under the simple pressure of her heavy breathing. To survive she had to keep running. Her arm hung loose at her side, teethmarks lining her shoulder like a bloody tattoo. It had stopped bleeding, thankfully, but the damage was severe. She could move the arm, but the pain was terrible. She’d screamed the first time she tried. If her legs had been similarly damaged, she’d be dead. She tried not to think about the creature’s lair, how she hadn’t been strong enough, or fast enough, how she’d gotten caught by that thing.

She climbed out onto the desert, collapsing on top of the shifting grains. Sand entered her wound, clotting the blood. The stars whirled above her, streaks of white against a dark purple background. She was alive. It was hard to get up, her muscles like lead. Whorling grains of sand were tossed around by the wind, a maelstrom of particles puppeteered by writhing currents. Some of those particles landed in her open gasping mouth, only adding to its dryness.

“Why’d you try and kill him? What did he do to you?”

Standing in front of her was Averi, holding her spear. Her spear!

“Give that back.” She growled, baring her teeth at the other girl like a feral animal.

“No! Are you serious? What made you think I’d say yes? Anyways, I’m asking the questions. Why’d you try to kill Adlai?”

“Because he fucking left me to die. He left me with that-that thing. You know what I had to see? What I had to do? He deserves it.”

“Do you seriously think he did it on purpose? Are you that stupid? What was he supposed to do, die for you?”

The spear clattered to the floor as Averi sat down. Her eyes seemed tired, resigned. Shawna could see herself in those eyes, and it was uncomfortable.

“Are you gonna try to kill him again if I untie you?” Averi said.

“Probably not.”

A frown fell over Averi’s face. “Are you gonna try to kill me if I untie you?”

“Probably.”

“Okay, yeah no, you stay there. I’ll be back, Adlai said I have to give you food.”

Shawna’s eyes burned a hole into the other girl’s back, as Averi used her spear to push herself up. Her stomach grumbled, complaining about a lack of food. Good food, not the stuff she had had to grub up while she was gone. While she was abandoned. A stinging jolt ripped her out of contemplation. Her arm rippled with pain–jaw clenching pain. She turned her head slowly, each rotation pulling more and more on her ruined muscles. It hurt bad. Really bad. Dried pus glistened on the edge of the wounds, pinkish red flesh glimmering back up at her. Her stomach heaved at the smell of rotting meat.

She wriggled in place, the ropes stopping her from doing anything to stop the pain; the infection. Eventually, the agony receded bringing sweet relief. Averi had apparently forgotten about her captive who was now swimming in a pool of sweat. Water was all she could think about now. Her body desperately wanted–needed–water. Eyes closed, Shawna watched stars swim behind her eyelids. It was beautiful really. The lights traced their way around in various patterns, kaleidoscoping against the darkness. Her eyelids protested against being raised, fluttering in defiance. She was getting tired. She needed to rest; she needed water.

Water. It soaked her shirt; silenced the noise of the predator. The puddle vibrated, telling her it was there. Where were they? Did they leave her here? The rumbling grew closer. Its breath pushed against her back, the coolness of her shirt battling the heat that leaked from its open jaws. She screamed when it grabbed her, dagger-like teeth slipping into the flesh of her shoulder.

Her eyes flickered open, she was getting shaken. Someone was shouting her name, it sounded like it was miles away. A boy, standing over her, hands on her shoulders, yelling. She knew that boy. Her lips curled into a smile. Everything felt disconnected, like her nerves were trapped in tar. Every action took concentration, from a small smile to even breathing. At the very least, her arm had stopped hurting. Now, all it did was push out heat. The boy pushed a cup of water into her lips. It was cold, but she was okay with drinking it. Her brain slowed down, the tar was starting to harden. Her eyes closed again.

She woke up deep in a cavern, her arm burning. It smelled horrible, the stench forcing its way up her nose. She gagged, the reflex moving her arm, reigniting the fading pain. Her teeth grinded together as she held back tears. Slowly, painfully, she pushed herself up, her shoulder screaming all the same. Her feet slipped on the ground, some sort of liquid pooling on the flat stone floor of the cave. Step by step, she walked up the slight incline towards light.

The boy was back again, pushing another cup to her mouth. It was bitter, but she drank it anyways. She felt cold, very cold.

The boy moved his lips. “Shawna! Shawna, can you hear me?”

That was her name, wasn’t it. Shawna. It was a strange name, she wondered who picked it. Oh yes, of course! Her parents. Her parents. What was with her parents? She couldn’t remember. She was still tired; still cold. She didn’t want to think about her parents, there was something there she didn’t want to touch. The boy made her feel angry too, she wasn’t sure why. Just that when she saw his face, her chest felt like it would explode.

She hated him. Adlai’s smirking face taunted her, laughing at her. Why did she trust him? Chunks of loose soil flew as Shawna searched for something, anything to eat. Her wound had scabbed over; the pain was there, but buried the pain had dulled. All she could think about however was wrapping her hands around Adlai’s throat, watching his eyes bulge as he slowly choked. It was his fault she was here, and she was going to make him realize that. He’d probably already forgotten about her. Tears forced their way out of her eyes, and she rubbed them out, the pressure almost painful. A squeal interrupted her thoughts. She reached a hand into the hole she had dug, pulling out a writhing creature. Food was food.

She was awake now, despite her eyes being closed. It was too hard to lever them open, to get to that first stage of getting up. She was soaked in sweat, her body practically floating in it. Her eyelids pried themselves open, and she found herself staring at Adlai, changing something cool and wet on her forehead. Adlai stared at her with worried eyes. She wondered how she looked, a wounded girl with tangled hair staring death into his eyes. She felt tired now, empty. What was he supposed to do, die for you? The other girl was right of course. It was a feeling she hated, being wrong, but she knew she was wrong. She sank back down to the soaked bedroll, her dry tongue rolling over flaky lips.

A bruise swelled on the side of his head, she knew it hurt. Her chest felt light, but not in a good way; like everything that had ever mattered to her was suddenly emptied out. She felt weightless, like any sort of stray breeze could take her away. She closed her eyes again, holding back a wall of thoughts.

“Shawna?”

It was Adlai again. She didn’t respond.

“Shawna, is your arm okay?”

The sweat rolled down her face as she nodded.

“Okay.”

He walked off, leaving Shawna to her increasingly nonsensical thoughts.

It was quiet now, almost quiet enough for her to hear her own heartbeat. That pounding beat of rage that had flared up was now a smoldering ember. Her head flopped to the side, she was tired of staring at the ceiling. Waves of blue rippled in the slowly darkening caves. How long had she been out for? Averi was sitting on a rock, holding something feathery in her hand. Something glistened on the girl’s cheeks. Where was Alex? The mimic should’ve been at Averi’s side, begging for something. Another wave of exhaustion hit her. She rolled over onto her side, fully committing to watching the other two. She found herself staring at Adlai, who was now cleaning up the camp site. That slight ember began to sizzle, her lips curling with disgust at the sight of him.

He left her to die. Some little voice in her head argued otherwise; told her she was being unfair. Averi’s words echoed in her head, bouncing around a slowly forming headache. Besides, she couldn’t ignore the fact that he was the one caring for her. She pushed herself up on one arm.

“Adlai?”

Her voice was surprising even to her, raspy and rough.

The boy whipped his head around, looking for who called his name.

“Adlai, why did you leave me?”

Averi looked over at the other girl, her eyes flicking between her and Adlai.

His eyes searched the ground for something, his hands shaking slightly. She wanted him to say something, anything that would give her an excuse to hate him. His mouth opened, he drew breath in, and he didn’t say anything. The air came out, a breath wasted on a thought better left unspoken.

Another breath taken in by the boy. “I’m sorry.”

His voice wavered. “I didn’t want to leave you, I swear, I had to take care of her. She was still hurt.”

The wavering finally broke into tears. “I-i hope you can forgive me, please.”

Shawna’s head spun. She didn’t know how to feel now. Rage was always so simple, there were people she would never forgive. Now here was one of them begging for forgiveness.

She sat in front of a corpse, tears falling from her cheeks. Why did it have to happen like this? It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. A dried grimace spread the dessicated lips, the carcass giving a macabre grin to the crying girl.

She closed her eyes, the memories flooding back. She opened them again to see Adlai on his knees in front of her. The right thing to do was to forgive. But it wasn’t right to her. A part of her wanted him to beg for her forgiveness, for her to laugh in his face. It was so hard not to give in. She wouldn’t have wanted him to die for her. She wouldn’t have wanted him to die. She wouldn’t have wanted him gone. She raised her eyes to where Averi was sitting, the younger girl feigning ignorance.

She felt a slight twinge; she looked at her slightly raw, but now healthy arm. Who had helped her? Had he? Why would he? She could feel tears prickling the back of her eyes. He’d always been like this, always sacrificing himself for those he cared about. She hated it about him; it was a weakness to her. Her bones ached with tiredness. If only she could just forget. She nodded slightly, lying back down into her bedroll. She was exhausted.

Shawna lay on the damp cave floor, watching a procession of aliens walk past. Lights glimmered in the dark, every alien heading towards the desert surface. It was beautiful.