《The escape》Loss

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His eyes opened, the light stinging his sensitive retinas. He rolled over onto his side, sand falling off his loose jacket. His tongue felt like a dry sponge, and his entire body felt sucked of moisture. He pushed himself up, and looked for Averi. The sled lay beside him, a jacket over a still figure. Adlai ripped the jacket off frantically, praying he wouldn’t see dull, dead eyes staring back at him. Please, please don’t let her be dead. Her eyes were closed, but she was still breathing, a calm rise and fall. He fell to his knees, overwhelmed with gratitude.

At least he still had her. At least. He felt a sob rise to his throat thinking of Shawna, trying to push his emotions back down. Now wasn’t the time to grieve. He grabbed a hold of the sled and checked the bottom portion for the small bag carrying what the other girl hadn’t taken with her on their desperate run. The half bottle of water was still intact, miraculously holding most of the water it originally carried. He poured half the contents into his mouth, and then gently shook Averi awake.

She woke with a start. “Huh? What? Where– oh.”

“Drink some.”

She eagerly drank the water offered, making a face as her thirst was somewhat satiated. She looked up at him, and he knew she was staring at the tear tracks left on his dusty cheeks. Her mouth opened, then closed. Her shirt began to wriggle, and the mimic popped out, staring at the surface with a bright intelligent eye. It stretched its wings, apparently already recovering from the damage. Its blind eye still stared unseeingly ahead, clouded over white. It stared at the remaining drops of water in the nearly empty bottle. Adlai handed it over to it wordlessly, and it began to lick the droplets off the walls with a small feathery tongue. It held the bottle with its wing-arms and leaned back against Averi’s chest. She wrapped her arms around the warm body and closed her eyes. He stared ahead, trying not to think of the other girl. It wasn’t the time to grieve, not yet. He closed his eyes tight, forcing back prickling tears.

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He pushed the sled back to the ship, now rusted and decaying. There would be shelter, and in the caves below, water. He tried to ignore his grumbling stomach, and pushed forward. There would be food underground too, they just had to make it there. His ripped foot burned against the sand, and his pace slowed as his wounds began to take hold, the adrenaline having burned off. He closed his eyes, leaning heavily against the sled, his mind set on reaching the ship. The sun burned on the back of his neck, and everything hurt. His lungs ached from his wild sprint, and his legs screamed from exhaustion and pain. He had to keep moving, for Averi. For Shawna.

Adlai strained against the sled, tears freely falling from his face. He gave the sled one final push, thunking against the pitted metal of the ship, and he sat heavily next to it, covering his face. A choked sob escaped his lips, his shoulders shaking. Why did he have to lose her? Why? It wasn’t fair. He felt strangely empty, like someone had reached into him and pulled something out, something that he hadn’t known even existed, but something he needed. Not now, don’t think about it. He rose again, pulling himself over the hole in the hull, and dragged the sled over the side.

He stared over the edge of the precipice, where he had dragged Shawna up from her near fall. Adlai held his lantern over the edge, seeing that the darkness disguised a short fall, only three or four feet. Despite the situation, he couldn’t help but laugh. A sick joke from the universe. He hopped down and reached up for the sled, slowly wiggling it off the edge. He caught its fall on his chest, softening the drop. The caves welcomed him with their natural blue-green glow, and he pushed the sled, the downhill movement easing his pain slightly.

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His wonder with the caves had long been fulfilled, and he trudged on forward, looking for their first camp site. His foot hadn’t stopped hurting, and part of him worried about infection, but he didn’t really care. He didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted Averi to be safe of course, but he had lost Shawna. He should’ve kept an eye on her, should’ve changed something, anything to keep her safe. But he couldn’t. He’d lost. Like chess, there were no takebacks, no second chances.

It was quiet, the darkness washing over his face as he walked. His footsteps echoed on the bare rock leading to their first campsite, charcoal marking the campfire. His legs felt leaden, the strain on them overwhelming. His thoughts raced, and he wished they could just stop. So many different possibilities, constant review, he just wanted to lay down and die. He couldn’t do that, he couldn’t leave Averi. He hated himself, but he needed to stay alive. She needed him. He sat down next to the dead remnants of the fire, the oddly geometric chunks of charcoal marking a more optimistic night.

Averi was quiet, her eyes open. Adlai shuffled closer to the sled, leaning against it. She reached out a hand, and he took it, squeezing it reassuringly. For a moment, the darkness seemed to retreat, and the two siblings stared up at the rent in the cave ceiling, the stars whirling against the sky. A dark canvas, painted with swirls of whites, against a midground of rock coated in glowing greens and blues, and a foreground of lights, hovering, floating, glowing. They would survive.

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