I wake up not dead or dying early in the evening, to my relief. The sun is still intense though it is beginning to tire. I feel much better than I did in the morning. Only hunger can be felt right now. Bones is still close by. He is sort of patrolling my shelter in a circular pattern. Proof of his diligence can be seen in the worn ground where he trotted.

Feeling refreshed, I armor up and equip myself with a weapon. Bones still has his spear and shield I gave him last night. Together we make our way back to Base Camp, occasionally stopping on the way to eat some forest shrubbery. It doesn't matter how many dandelions I eat, though. My stomach isn't satisfied and demands more. Nonetheless, I feel the tiniest bit of strength being recovered, assuring me that eating flowering weeds isn't empty calories.

Before we travel the last quarter mile to camp, I send Bones out to scout. While he is away, I try my luck at spearing some of the fish in the stream. Though there aren't many of them, the stream is shallow and clear enough that I can get a good view of them.

Fish spear in hand, I stab into the waters. It takes a few tries. The fish are quick and are skeptical of my presence, fleeing at the slightest movement they sense. With time, patience, and not moving an inch, I lure them into a carnal sense of security.

My spear is inches from the water, waiting for the right moment. A brave fish swims underneath. I don't strike. It swims by again; still, I wait. On the third pass, I stab the spear forcefully into the water. Feeling safe and confident, the fish was a tinch slower to react. The delay in response was enough for me.

Bless the waning sun! Fish is back on the menu. I feel like I am a creator of miracles, having successfully skewered a fish. At no point was I confident fish spearing was going to work. First try too. I gladly clean the fish and prepare it for dinner using a summoned knife.

Bones returns not too long after. He motions me to follow, giving me the clear to return to camp. We make our way home. Even though Bones scouted out the area, we still travel cautiously.

Stepping out of the thicker forest, I can finally see the pond, waterfall, and cave. It is good to be back home. We step out into the clearing, and I hear the snap of what might be the largest twig in the forest. It wasn't me or Bones that broke the twig. My body freezes up. I remain dead silent.

Slowly I turn my head toward the sound. Instantly, I regret my choice to look, wishing to unsee what had just been seen. Perhaps if I look away, it will just disappear...Foolishly, my eyes linger longer, taking in the horror in its entirety.

Thirty yards south of where I am standing is a corruption of a bear. Twice the size of the bear that killed me before, it has massive claws that look like they can sever trees. Along its body are thick patches of dense wood, creating a tough armor in what might have been weak spots. Most notably is the two heads.

What in the bloody hell does a bear need two heads for? To say I'm frazzled is a vast understatement. I drop the fish and clench the sword and shield I summoned tightly. I'm once again caught off guard despite being cautious. Once again unprepared for a fight despite being well-armed and equipped. This is not going to be pleasant. I'm bringing bones to a monster bear fight.

Since running hasn't worked the last couple of times, I commit to the fight. Standing between the bear and the stream, I don't have much room to maneuver. Hoping it will have better results, I summon a long spear, replacing my sword and shield. What good is a shield going to do against claws like that—And two heads…Why in the natural perversion of bears is this?—Any hit we take from this beast will be fatal regardless of what protective gear I summon.

Flight tendencies kick in. Together Bones and I are running away in the entirely wrong direction. Side by side, we charge the two-headed monster. As if we've practiced the maneuver before, simultaneously, we ram our spears as hard as we can at the bear.

Without flinching, the bear swipes a massive claw intercepting my attack, breaking the spear. I catch a glimpse as I see one of its heads snatch Bones' spear and, with a twist, yanks it out of Bones' hands. Well, actually, to be more precise, the bear manages to rip the arms right off of Bones. There's a joke in there about dead hands, I'm sure of it.

The unnatural bear lets out a terrific growl.

"Stupid two-headed abomination of a bear. Go find a hole and hibernate 'til you rot," I yell back, almost silencing the bear with my cutting remarks. That's all I can do at the moment. And then I'm met with a gruesome end.

None of this experience is pleasant. I really hate dying. Three separate occasions, and all of them individually horrible. The worst time ever. There is no good part of this process. The actual dying part has been an inescapable nightmare. Then there is the destruction of my body, mind, and soul.

Somehow I'm aware of it all happening, and even though I don't exist, I can still feel it all happening. Excruciating pain. After I'm torn apart, the tiny pieces of me are reassembled. Bit by little bit, the excruciating pain is revisited from a different perspective.

***

Three actual deaths, and yet he still lives. Genevieve thought the man was going to live much longer this time. She was planning to use the fading mana she had to visit him. The corrupted forest druid caught her off guard. Somehow the monster even escaped her perception. To think the drifter charged head first into death.

She hoped he had a chance; however, the hope was in vain. What can a man do against a monster? And now, the corrupted bear grows in power. If he was wise, the man would never return to the forest. To Genevieve's surprise, he does. Only a couple days later, the foolish man and his minion return.

Staying hidden in the forest, the drifter nearly escapes Genevieve's perception as he works in the forest's shadows. Spears are summoned and hidden, and large rocks are placed in trees. Holes are dug and lined with spears. Another massive hole is in the works when the bear discovers the intruder's whereabouts.

Carelessly running towards its prey, the bear sets off many traps and takes on multiple injuries. It looks like the drifter and the minion will pull it off when the bear shakes the earth and pounces on the man.

Later the drifter reappears in the desert. He curses everything and the sand, summons his minion, and returns to the forest. Even though the corrupted becomes more powerful after each victory, the encounters between the man and the beast grow longer and longer.

Drifter is light on his feet and has incredible agility. With a sword in his hand, he is elegant and deadly. If it weren't for the thick armor plating of the druid, the man would have a fighting chance. Though the fights last longer, the results are the same. The bear lands a blow taking the man out of the fight.

Again the man returns a fifth time. Then a sixth. By the time he returns for his seventh encounter, the bear is hardly a bear anymore. If Genevieve's perception is correct, the beast is close to reaching the awakened stage. That could be a problem or prove to be a new opportunity for her.

However, she much prefers this human to the monster. Something about his ability to take a beating and keep going is…well, it is something.

Watching the man experience defeat after defeat only to rise again has inexplicably made her feel a connection to him. And with that thought, Genevieve began to feel awkwardly creepy. Maybe I will tone down my watching. She knows that thought is as empty as the drifter's attempts to kill the bear. With Fury busy on patrol, there isn't much else to do.

As sad as it was to see the man die, the seventh fight was quite the spectacle. The man rushed into the forest with no armor. Quicker on his feet, the swordsman landed several blows on the bear, chipping away its armor. With zero margins for error, she saw the man expertly dodge tooth and claw. When the bear was completely focused on the drifter, he would summon his modified minion without moving his hands almost instantly.

Unnoticed, the minion unleashed its fury, stabbing its razor arms into the bear. All the while, the drifter would counter, dodge, and send attacks of his own.

Furious, the bear let out a roar and went on a rampage. Even in its aggressive state, the drifter stood toe to toe with the beast, at least for a while. Eventually, the bear landed a hit, and that was all it took.

Genevieve wasn't sure, and it made no sense, but it seemed like the man was using this monster for training. That, however, is a ridiculous thought. It loses all standing when she sees the frustration building in the man when he reappears in the desert to curse the lands once more.

It was his tenth death she felt the worst about. Watching him abandon the fight in the forest to head east only to get lost in the fog, her fog, was enough to break her heart. Genevieve didn't know how long he struggled in the shadow fog. Judging by the time it took him to reappear, it was no less than a week. Having taken a passive part in his death made her feel terrible.

Now, as he struggles with his existence in the desert, the least she can do is provide some shade. Even if that means she has to use up her mana, she is saving to eventually pay the man a visit. Pulling a bit from the barrier, a shadow cloud is created for the time being in the desert.

She watches as the drifter lays in the desert for hours. Perhaps now he is truly defeated. She feels sorrow for his despair. How could he not be broken by now?

Finally, the motionless body moves. A fist tightens. Despair turns to rage. Not the usual rage—the common uncontrollable rage that leads to more harm, destruction, and ultimately more despair—No, this rage was different. Genevieve could almost feel the cold billowing off of him. Controlled, directed rage continues to build.

She watches as the defeated man picks himself up once again, full of resolve. Like he had done time and time again.

"Uh oh..." her thoughts force their way to her lips.

***

As I said, none of this dying experience is pleasant—from dying to death and then the resurgence—All of it is awful. I would know. Ten deaths. I've managed to die ten times now. Not a single one of them fatal, if that makes sense. To me, it doesn't. I've died once to a vengeful scorpion, eight times to a power-hungry bear monster, and one time to the desert. There has been no rest for me.

Each death I'm hoping is my end, only to be brought back. Each time I leave the desert, I'm greeted by an uglier angrier bear or the abyss. Sure I gained much from fighting the bear, probably not as much as I lost. Still, the tradeoff hasn't been one-sided. Granted, experience and practice can only go so far compared to life and death.

Tired of dying or, more so, not dying, I tried taking the path to the east. I found nothing. I was confident I would at least reach the ocean. Instead, I actually got lost in a shady fog. I walked until I could no longer walk, barely seeing the immediate path before me.

Losing the strength to walk, I crawled until my arms gave out. I passed out when crawling became too much, then woke and crawled some more over and over. Hoping desperately for some water or at least a way out of the abyss until finally, I slept for good.

Slept for good, that is, until I cycled through the death process once again.

Now, I lay here where the desert seems to like to deliver me, and I just stay laid out, completely exposed. If there are Gods, they have taken pity on me. Usually, I wake up, and the relentless sun is handling its job far too seriously. This time, however, there is respite in the form of thick clouds. Finally, overcast weather. I take full advantage of the weather by doing nothing. I just lay here. Not thinking, not caring, just laying about.

This was, of course, one of my original plans. It is good to get back to the basics.

What was the point in trying at the moment anyway? There is a demon of a bear or what was a bear actively hunting me to the west, and actual nothingness and death to the east. Who knows what is to the north or south. Most likely more desert abyss, death, and freakish animal beasts. To be fair to the desert abyss, it is nice when it is shady.

Hours pass. Still, I remain. I have no idea how long I've been lying here. Long enough to have fallen asleep a few times. Even though it took a while, the frustration and defeat finally wear off. I am ready to at least consider a plan.

Reflecting on the bear fights paints a clear picture that I was and am outmatched. This revelation is super frustrating. Being a high-leveled cultivator, I should have no problems with any of these creatures, certainly not a basic bear. My only guess is that my essence has never truly recovered from my shattering. Shattering being what I now call my dying cycle.

The fights have all played out differently but yielded the same results. A few times, I could score some hits on the bear, yet the bear would win in the end. I would die. Then I return, willingly or not, I'm not sure what my stance is on life.

Every fight I lost to the bear, it would grow more powerful with no signs of injury from the previous encounters. Each growth resulted in the bear looking uglier and meaner. The beast was sporting three heads and bone armor in the last encounter. It also seemed to have developed more abilities: a paralyzing roar, ground-shaking stomps, and some sort of ghost claw.

A couple of my closest fights were my last one and the third one. In the third fight, I set up a series of traps. Had I enough time, I would have finished a pit that would have possibly led to the end of the bear. As it turns out, the bear discovered my whereabouts before my final trap was completed.

The charging bear triggered a series of traps, each doing a bit of damage. When the two-headed beast got near me, it growled a savage roar. Knowing the paralyzing effects of this roar, I jumped to the side and out of direct danger. Not letting the bear get another gaudy fear-inducing gurgle out, Bones and I pushed our advantage, attacking immediately.

We both wielded a spear, with a second spear and a sword in reserve. I threw my spear at one of the heads. Bones rushed in to engage, keeping a safe distance striking savagely with his spear. The bear backed away, and I saw several areas on its fur that had been torn from my traps and spear attacks. Most notably was the crack in the bone armor where a successful deadfall trap hit the bear's spine, reducing the monster's maneuverability. Pressing our advantage, I joined Bones at his side. Together we forced the beast back.

Seeing the bear pull back its head caused me to jump back to avoid another boisterous assault. The roar never came. Instead, the bear began thumping the ground with its paws sending shockwaves. Unprepared for the new attack, I lost my balance. That's all the bear needed. Ignoring my minion, the bear charged straight for me. I could not move fast enough. The fight was over instantly.

The last encounter was a much faster death. At the forest's edge, the monster stood upright and rested on a tree. It kind of felt like the bear was actively waiting for my arrival. Which, in a way, is sorta sweet if all things are not considered. The now smaller bear was sporting three heads and was as menacing as ever.

The transformation the bear had undergone from its last victory was tremendous. No longer was it a bulking two-headed bear. It was still very sizable but now more the size of a typical, more giant bear. It looked quicker, stronger, and smarter.

What was most astonishing was that it now had more humanistic features. It was as if the bear and a person merged into a freakish creature. Notably, the bear mainly kept bear features with a few human characteristics that could help carry out more complex tasks that it couldn't do as a bear. The bone armor covered the beast from head to toe. The nightmare had gotten out of control.

So far, I have lost all close engagements. This time I am more conservative. I summoned Bones and sent him to attack. Waiting back, I conjured throwing spears and began circling and maintaining distance as I threw spear after spear. Bones never lasted long in close encounters. So I was ready to resummon him every time he was destroyed, each time draining a little bit more of my mana and overtaxing my core.

The strategy was working. The bear had to keep focusing on Bones while I could sling spears. Even though I'm not the best spear thrower, I was succeeding as the bear had three spears sticking out of it. One in the leg, one in the arm, and the other by the neck.

The spears slowed the bear down a little. Bones had an easier time dodging the attacks. Then unexpectedly, the bear swiped its claws in the air, not in the direction of Bones. It was aimed at me. Surely, the bear would have known it was a useless attack from this distance. Maybe it was getting desperate? Then I felt the strike. Unseen claws ripped into my chest.

The stupid bear, with its stupid tricks, won again.

After that fight, I tried to find the ocean. Having successfully found another path to death, I now find myself relaxing in the comfort of the shade at my shattering point with no clue what to do. Currently, I'm no match for this demon bear. It is faster, stronger, uglier, teethier, and always has a trick up its furry sleeves.

If I'm going to reclaim my forest home and continue my journey, I need to be much more powerful. In all of my lives, I still feel a pull toward the mountains. Even when trying to ignore that path, I still wonder what is on the other side. However, I have yet to make it to the mountains.

Calm anger builds as I think about my failures and deaths. Right now, the bear is at the gate, keeping me out. I want to move forward to progress, yet it won't let me. The bear is the dam. I'm the water surging to break free.

"Well, damn the bear! I took down the devil of the desert and will take down the devil in my forest." My fist is clenched. I can feel it wanting to rise in defiance. I cool my anger and focus on the mana within. It's time to be powerful.

With little resources, I won't last long in the sands. Still, I'm determined to get stronger in the desert, even if it kills me. I will not lose another fight to that damnable bear.