《Darkling》Chapter Twenty Five: Are you insane?
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Her last few dreams had been haunted by secretive, luminescent eyes and hair pulled back from a serious face. By the watery smell of aloe vera gel that always made her feel safe and nauseous simultaneously.
Melissa Robinson was done with being asleep and wishing she wouldn't wake up again. She had someone to value in those dreams, even if no one would ever value her in the same way. Outside of them, she had nothing. Her hair resembled a bird's nest whenever she glanced at it in the shop windows. Although she hadn't been able to meet her own eyes since she woke up that morning, she had a feeling they reflected just how hollow she was. Her mum had told her off for sleeping in and missing school, scooping out more of who she was, until she wanted to throw herself in the nearest bin.
If I go to school like this, even the teachers won't want me there. The clinic wasn't far from their house but today the idea of crossing any of the roads in between seemed as easy as tight rope walking across the Grand Canyon on a windy day. I was fine. I got over it ages ago so why is my brain being dumb now?
She shoved a hand into her hair and knew it wouldn't influence the flow of her thoughts. Her forearm half blocked her view of the people walking past. Exactly half of their bodies, on both sides, as if they had endured some kind of medieval torture session. They still looked more whole than she felt.
The pressure of their existence baked her from the inside out like a huge oven. Threatened to squeeze a scream from her insubstantial body. If do that, if I stand here and scream, will that make them all go away? Or would they just stop and stare at me? Her fingers tightened in the pale blonde strands. Would they even hear me or try to help? She doubted it. Even the kindest person she ever met hadn't been able to avoid hurting her. Not everyone was like the disturbing yet gentle person who saved her years ago.
The void of an alleyway entrance beckoned to her from the left and she vaguely remembered it being linked to the same road as the clinic, possibly exiting right opposite it. Her fear of extended isolation didn't stand a chance against her sudden craving for it and she turned into they alley before her common sense could intervene. Besides, even if someone decided to off me today, it's not like anyone would mind right now. Mum'll be happy after about a week, I bet. Especially when she remembers all the stuff I can't do and all the stuff I always stop her from doing.
She wasn't sure what made her shiver more. The apathy of her thoughts, the shade of the two buildings on either side of her … or the sight of the man who seemed to be running for his life from the other end of the alleyway. What the frick? If he's in that much of a hurry, he probably won't have time to bother me.
But the man drew closer and his harsh breathing preceded him. Sounds like he needs an asthma pump or something. Wait, is he having an asthma attack? No, it can't be. What idiot would run when they're having an attack? She wavered between bolting back out into the safety of the annoyingly warm crowd or stepping aside to let him pass. Choosing the latter, she held her breath as he stumbled towards her like a druggie. His visible eye was wide and teary. His other one, obscured by the fingers clamped over it, seemed to have swollen shut.
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Is someone chasing him? The alleyway beyond him was empty. He probably took something too hardcore and now it's messing with his head. I bet he can't even see me right – A whiff of flavoured smoke made her wrinkle her nose along with a fizzy scent that kicked at her heart like boisterous child. Something dark moved in her peripheral vision. As she lifted her eyes to the opposite roof, it launched itself down towards them. Black and white feathers fluttered ominously but she blinked and they vanished right before the second guy crashed into the first like a hunting tiger.
“Oh crap!” she gasped into her hand, flattening herself against the wall.
What the frick? What the frick? What the frick is going on? Are they filming a movie? The three of them were alone in the alley. There were no cameramen, green screens, or tungsten lights. Did I miss a sign somewhere? Am I going to get screwed for ruining the scene? Crap!
The middle aged druggie gurgled on the floor as his attacker knelt on the middle of his back with a hand pressed to the side of his neck, writhing as if he were being strangled but at an odd angle. The guy holding him down wore a white T-shirt with massive bloodstains on its front and back. His black hair, pulled up into a high ponytail, had been tousled by the wind on his way down. If she hadn't just seen him drop out of the sky and start choking someone, she would have mistaken him for any another hot Asian tourist or university student.
As the first man stopped moving, he pulled his hand away from his neck and something blue and red glowed briefly in the space between the two. He rolled the other's limp body up against the opposite wall until he looked like a homeless person hiding from society, then straightened up to his full height as he turned towards her.
Crap. I'm screwed. I'm screwed. I'm so screwed! She considered letting out that scream after all but then they were looking straight at each other. For a moment, the perpetual roar in her heart paused. His eyes should have been dark but were a pale blue behind his dishevelled hair instead. The tension in his features seemed unnatural. Bizarrely she had a feeling he would have looked soft, inviting almost, if the situation had been different. It was more than a mere feeling. She knew.
He – he looks so much like – She remembered a closed off expression along with the squeal of car brakes. She wanted to cover her ears but couldn't move. He stared at her in silence and the sense of deja vu should have brought her to her knees. Instead, it felt like someone had finally taken hold of the hand and shaken it with the sincerity she had been yearning for for years.
Then he stepped forward and all the noise rushed back in to disrupt her day dream. She was deep in a deserted alleyway. The druggie she had been afraid of was now half hidden by a random dustbin and much less alive than he had been a few seconds ago.
And the person who had reduced him to that had just shifted their attention to her.
“Wait –” Her voice quivered like her hands as she warded him off.
He stopped and the colour of his eyes darkened despite the steady lighting around them. He squeezed them shut as if he had a headache but when he opened them again he seemed a little less menacing. He pressed a finger to his lips and she nodded as if her gaze hadn't lingered on his mouth. Not the time, brain. Without a word, he backed away and scaled the wall in seconds, bouncing between it and the one opposite until he reached the roof like a professional free runner.
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As soon as he was out of sight, she ran without a second glance at the body he left behind. She didn't go back home but ran instead towards the one person who could navigate her safely through all of her stirred thoughts and feelings, even though the it seemed impossible right now.
He killed the druggie just now, didn't he? Did he break his back? Is that why he was making those noises? But why? He doesn't look like the kind of person who'd do that. No, maybe he just doesn't look like someone who would do it easily. The shadows of the alley clung to her as she left them and the Lighter Hearts Clinic sign welcomed her like a friend. Judy, even you won't believe the kind of day I've had so far.
She crossed the road between her and the clinic without a second thought. As if it were a tight rope but she had grown wings.
<><><><><>
“Oh no …” Judy massaged her forehead with the tips of her manicured fingers. “What's she doing here?”
“Who is she?” Satara squinted at the girl down below. A patient?
The girl stood in front of the door but try to open it. Instead she knocked several times in the space of a minute.
“Melissa. She's a … family friend,” Judy continued hurriedly. “I know her mum and she comes to have a chat with me sometimes but I can't really say much more than that without. I'm sure you understand.”
Why are you so sure?
“She needs to go before the police turn up.” Sirens sounded in the distance but Satara couldn't tell if she was just imaging them. After her zai overuse, her ear canals weren't in the best shape. “We need to get her away from here, Jayce.”
“Okay,” said Jason too cheerfully.
He picked up a decorative pebble that had fallen from a flower pot, tossing it up into the air and catching it repeatedly.
“Oi … What're you doing?”
“Don't worry.” He took aim. “I'm not gonna hit her –”
“No.” She prised the pebble from his hand and threw it over the shoulder, leaning forward on the low rise wall. “We're trying not to draw attention to ourselves, remember?”
“How else are we gonna scare her off?” he demanded sullenly. “Invite her in to see the mess?”
“Maybe we can kill two birds with one stone.” She looked straight at Judy.
“Please don't make jokes about killing,” said the therapist with a weak, semi-apologetic smile. “Besides if I go down there, I wouldn't know what to say.”
“I'm sure you could come up with something,” said Satara. “Talking to people is your job, isn't it?”
“Actually we tend to do a lot more listening but that's not what I mean.” Judy peered down at the girl, Melissa, who turned her face towards the road to her right but then approached the window beside the door, cupping her hands around her eyes. “If she sees me here, she won't go until she finds out what happened. She's a bit –”
“Blonde?” suggested Jason, grimacing as if he hadn't meant to say that out loud.
“What's that got to do with anything?” Satara scowled at him. “Your hair's red.”
“So maybe you should go down there instead.” He pressed his hands to his scalp and wrinkled his nose at her. A old wound split open beneath his tone.
“Why? Because my hair's black?”
“'Cause all you'd have to do is stand there and give her evils for five seconds.” He chuckled tightly. “Problem solved.”
He's not wrong.
“It'd be better if someone distracted her instead,” she suggested. “If she sees me, she might think the clinic's open as normal.”
“You're the one who said that, okay? Not me.” He paused mid snicker as she stared at him. “What? You think I should go down there? Why?”
“Distract her. You're good at that, aren't you?”
“I'm not sure what you mean by that exactly.” He grinned as if they hadn't just witnessed Sinastar tearing through a roomful of people with inhuman eyes and a wicked smile. “But if you think I'm distracting I'm not gonna complain about it.”
“Not the time, Jayce.” She shook her head and pointed over the wall. Is there ever really a time for that when we live like this?
“Okaaay.” He sighed and walked towards the door. “If anything happens, just drop a pebble and I'll be right back up.”
“Good idea.” She drew back from the edge along with Judy as Melissa looked up in their direction. “You might want to hurry.”
“Try not to kill anyone while I'm gone,” he said before the echo of his footsteps faded in the stairway.
Should I kill him when he gets back?
<><><><><>
That's suspicious.
The overused meme of a certain blue haired celebrity crossed Melissa's mind and she might have laughed if she were stupid enough to ignore the implications of the clinic door being left half open. She could have just walked straight in but she watched a lot of horror and unusually opened doors always led to things the characters weren't meant to see and had a tendency to lock without warning behind them.
So she knocked as if it were a normal Sunday, then pressed the intercom button she always forgot was there, positioning herself at an angle with enough light to ensure Judy would see just how much she needed the impromptu appointment.
But no one picked up the call.
Isn't she working today? They should be open by now. She double checked the clinic opening times on the wall next to the door. Maybe the buzzer's broken so she left the door open. Isn't that dangerous though? Anyone could walk in.
“Hellooooo?” She approached the door and leaned forward, cupping her hands around her mouth but resisting the urge to peer in. “Judy? Hey, Juuuudy!”
She won't hear me if she's with someone but the receptionist should. What was her name again? Fareeda? Farah? Though she knew how jarring the buzzer could be to those in the waiting room, she pressed the button several more times. I'm only doing this because it's urgent. If it's working, someone should've come out by now.
She waited a couple of more minutes but no one appeared to reprimand her for disrupting the peace. I guess I shouldn't have come without making an appointment first. I'm supposed to be in school right now. Is it lunch time? She took half a step back. People continued to walk past the alley, intent on reaching their destinations. Did they go out for lunch and forget to lock the door? I guess even Judy can make mistakes sometimes. I should just go in and wait for them to come back.
She reached for the door handle but something made her pause mid movement. A kind of sixth sense perhaps. Or, more realistically, the faint sound of people talking. She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. Oh frick. What if she's got some VIP guest in there, like a celebrity or something, and she booked the whole place out for them? I've been pressing that buzzer like crazy. What if they never come back for another treatment because of me?
The blinds were drawn but she tried to peer in through the small gaps nonetheless. It's no use. There's a door on this side, right? What's behind it? Another treatment room? I really shouldn't be peeking. The same something that prevented her from entering the clinic now drew her gaze skyward and, for the second time that day, she thought she saw something move on the roof.
No way. Did that guy follow me here? Her heart flipped. What if he jumps down here and gets in because of me? He might've changed his mind about killing me too. I should get back to the main road. What about the door? Should I close it and text her once I'm back home? No, wait. How do I know he won't follow me home? I should call the poli-
“I thought it was going to rain earlier,” said someone from the doorway. “But it looks like the sun's come out now.”
She yelped and leapt back as if they had spoken directly into her ear.
“Holy crap, you scared me –” The words tangled around her tongue.
A boy leaned against the door frame, filling the gap between it and the door with deep red hair, an inviting smile, and way too much confidence for someone with her self esteem issues. Particularly when she knew she looked like a mess. Oh hiiiii.
“Sorry,” he said. “Guess I ruined the mood.”
He didn't sound sorry at all and for some reason she didn't mind. Fudge, he's cuuuuute. Why didn't I brush my hair today? Crap, I hope I brushed my teeth.
She laughed as the past twenty four hours started to dissolve in her brain. “What mood?”
“Well, you're supposed to feel safe when you're here, aren't you?” He encompassed their immediate surroundings in a single fluid gesture. “Not scared.”
“True.” She pawed her hair flat and smiled as if she didn't want to rip every single strand from her scalp. “You here to see Judy too?”
“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his head and stepped forward. “We just finished but she said she had somewhere to be. She asked me to close the door before I go.”
Weak sunlight passed through his irises and they gleamed like the gemstones in that emerald jewellery set she got on her last birthday. The one she silently vowed to unearth as soon as she got back home. Wow. I guess even gorgeous people need therapy sometimes. The latter part of his sentence registered in her mind. So that's why she didn't answer.
“Oh, she's not in?” He shook his head. “Did she say where she was going?”
“Sorry, I'd tell you if I knew.” He held his arms out to either side and shrugged, then took hold of the door handle as if he were about to close it behind him.
“Oh crap. Does that mean you heard me making all that noise out here?” She clapped both hands against her warm cheeks. “Embarrassing or what?”
“No worries.” His laughter sounded like a mild breeze streaming through leaves. “Not gonna lie, it was kinda cute.”
Cute?! Is he hitting on me or just being nice? Her reflection in the window glared doubtfully back at her. He's probably feeling extra good after his session. I get that. Judy's amazing. But on the off chance he's not just being nice …
“If it was so cute, what took you so long to come out here?” She placed a hand on her hip and tilted her chin up with a small smile. Several of her friends had named it her killer move.
“I was just – uh –” He looked away with a very awkward smile and her pulse froze.
Wait a sec … Judy wouldn't just let any patient lock up the clinic for her. It's not professional. She'd only do that if she really trusted him. Did he actually come here for therapy? Clouds passed over the sun in her future which cast deep shadows across her present. Oh my god. Did I just flirt with Judy's boyfriend? No way. He looks like he's my age or just a little bit older. She wouldn't be with someone my age even if they're hot as hell. That's not just unprofessional. It's totally illegal. She'd never do anything like that.
A siren sounded close by and the attractive stranger stepped back into the cover of the doorway. If she hadn't witnessed murder several minutes ago, she might have even missed it.
“– I was just getting a drink from the machine.” His beguiling expression deflated. “But it got stuck.”
She wouldn't but what about his guy? How do I know he's telling the truth? What if Judy's still in there? The abrupt severity of his stare made her shiver for a different reason. A dozen headlines and articles flashed through her thoughts. Patients who turned on their counsellors. Incorrect psychological diagnoses. Misplaced obsession.
“Really? That happens a lot.” Her chest ached from the force of her heart beat but she moved towards him. “I can get it out for you, if you want.”
“Oh, it's okay. I got it out already.” His grip tightened on the door handle and his gaze darted skyward to avoid hers. “Thanks though.”
“No problem. So what did you get?” He tilted his head as if he had water in one ear. “You know, from the machine?”
“Just a Coke.” He said with a playful shrug. “Nothing special.”
“They only top up that machine twice a month, on the weekend, and I was there the last time they did it.” Belatedly, she realised she should have kept the observation to herself. “They put Pepsi in there this time, not Coke. I remember because I wanted to one too.”
A thick humidity that made her sweat replaced his previously breezy aura. He sighed and rubbed his face. “I though you blondies were supposed to be dumb?”
She nearly choked on the air. “Excuse me?”
“Look, I know I seem really sus' right now and you've got no reason to trust me.” He looked at her through his fingers. “But could you just trust me anyway when I tell you Judy's safe?”
“Where is she?” I knew it was too good to be true. Don't cry. I'm not going to cry. Not now.
“She's not here. And you really need to go now too.” He retreated behind the door. “I promise I'll tell her to call you as soon as I can, okay? Just don't tell anyone else you were here. That's all you've gotta do, okay?”
“You think I'm stupid?” she asked, though his real answer was obvious. She slipped her hand into the pocket of her baby-blue jeans. Where the frick is my phone? “Why would I do any of that?”
“You're not stupid.” He groaned into his palm. “That's the problem.”
“Tell me where she is – Actually no. I want to see her.”
“I already told you, she's safe –”
“If you don't take me to her right now, I'm going to call the police.” She made a fist in her pocket and jerked her chin at it aggressively. “I've been through a load of crap. That's why I started coming here in the first place. And why I've got nine-nine-nine on speed dial too.”
I'm definitely going to put them on speed dial after this. The wail of sirens loudened. If he doesn't murder me, that is.
His gaze darted towards the road and then her face. “Did you call them already?”
The honest vulnerability of his question, complete with the shift in his body language, dragged the truth out of her. “No but I will if you don't –”
He shot forward and grabbed her wrist, pulling her into the clinic and closing the door. Before she could scream or fight back, he let go of her and lifted his hands into the air at an odd angle.
“Sorry, sorry. I don't normally do stuff like this but –” He sounded more breathless and horrified than she felt. “– If I take you to Judy, will you promise you won't call them?”
Calm down. Her breath fluttered against the back of her right palm. If he wanted to do something to you, he could've done it just now. She could still feel the force of his grip against her skin and almost forgot to keep her other hand in her pocket.
“That depends on what's happened to her,” she said.
“Nothing's happened to her. That I know of. But something happened here. That why I –” He made a vague circular motion with one hand as if she was supposed to understand what he meant. “Are you sure I can't just get her to call you later? We're kinda in a rush.”
“Why?” she demanded.
“It's hard to explain.” He tilted his head back as she raised her eyebrows at him and exhaled his frustration at the ceiling. “Okay. I'll take you to her but you have to promise to do one thing first.”
“Do what?” She licked her lips and hated herself for forgetting her phone.
“Close your eyes and don't open them until I say you can.” He pushed his fingers through his hair but his elbows still blocked her view of the corridor behind him.
“Are you insane?” God, why does he have to look so –?
“I know. I know, okay? But it's a bit of a mess back there and once you see it,” He looked younger with his hair brushed away from his face and he grimaced as if he had seen someone throw up. “You can't unsee it. Trust me. Please?”
Don't say please with that face!
“I don't know,” she said uneasily.
“I swear I won't do anything weird. If you think you're in trouble for even a second, you can open your eyes, okay?” He patted his shoulders with a worried grin. “You can hold onto me from the back. You know, like when you play that train game in school.”
Is that something a murderer would say? She searched his face for something that could convince her to ignore her common sense. That's exactly what a murderer would say.
“Okay. I get it.” His chest heaved regretfully and he started to back away down the corridor.
Perhaps it was the trepidation on his features. Or the overwhelmed shine of his stare. Or the shape by the door at the other end of the corridor that reminded her of the man in the alleyway. She grabbed his arm as he started to turn.
“I – I never played the train game in school.” She blushed and looked away from his shocked expression. Wow. Can I get any more pathetic?
His arm tensed beneath her fingers but he released a shaky breath that might have been a laugh.
“Me neither.” He blinked as if he hadn't expected the confession any more than she had and turned away. “Apparently it's fun. Wanna find out?”
Despite everything, she rubbed a genuine grin off her face and placed her hands on his shoulders. “Why'd you have to be so tall?”
“I'm not. You're just smol – Ah!” He jumped as she tightened her grip. “Sorry. I'm only telling the truth.”
“Let's just go, okay?” She stopped squeezing him.
“Okay. Eyes closed?”
“Mm-hm.” He glanced back over his shoulder and she shut them straight away. “I'm not lying.”
“I believe you,” he said with an insincere lilt to his tone. “All aboard the mess train. Choo-choo!”
Is he seriously joking around right now? She didn't say anything but walked after him with a reluctant smile, ready to pull away the second she got the least bit suspicious. He led her down the corridor and the tap-tap of his footsteps faltered as they reached the other door.
“You have to walk right behind me, okay?” He gulped. “So you don't … trip on anything.”
“Sure.” She sounded confident for someone with rapidly thinning air in her chest.
Maybe Judy's not as great at her job as I thought. He guided her through the room, leading her around invisible objects. The unmistakable smell of blood overpowered the clinic's usual bleach-clean scent but she didn't open her eyes. She said I wasn't crazy.
A door opened and closed behind them and she swallowed hard but continued to follow him up two flights of stairs. Is she on the roof? This is the way to the roof, isn't it? Why's she up there when the clinic's like that? She must've heard me calling her too. Why didn't she come down instead? She missed a step and the boy hissed in pain. Did he push her off the roof? No wait, I would've seen her body on the floor. Unless he pushed her off the other side. Frick, is he going to do that to me too? But then why'd he make it so easy for me to run away?
Before she could question him about any of it, he opened the last door and fresh air washed over her face.
“Jayce?” said someone in front of them.
Someone who didn't sound like Judy at all. Crap, he's working with someone else. But I could swear it's a girl. He shrugged off her hands and she blinked in the natural light that highlighted the teenager standing opposite her.
Her long black hair.
Pale Asian face.
And eyes that would swallow her whole if she got too close.
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