I know people ain't her thing but it wasn't this bad before.

By the time they reached the hotel, Satara had nearly bumped into several people and flinched away from their baffled eyes. Bleary eyed and a little delirious from staying awake for so long, Jason found it hard not to giggle and resisted the urge to trip someone up just for fun. Though he only looked back occasionally, Sinastar seemed to be watching them both and Jason was awake enough to know it wasn't the best time to get on the other guy's bad side.

Does he think she's going to turn and start feasting on people who can't even see her? He smothered an alarmed laugh. Holy crap. Is that why she's all twitchy?

It was a mystery. As was Sinastar's decision to walk away from the Ibis hotel seconds after they reached it following a glance at his phone.

“Uh, aren't we going to that one?” asked Jason, pointing at its red and white sign as Satara followed her cousin down the road.

“We are,” said Sinastar once they entered a side road. “Just not through the front.”

“What? Why?” His confusion was put on hold as Satara glanced back and pressed a finger to her lips.

“They can still hear us,” she murmured, even though the nearest person was on the opposite pavement.

Point taken, he continued after them and focused instead on the delicious scent of cheaply fried burgers, authentic spaghetti bolognaise, and prawn crackers that embraced him from all sides. On all of the colours besides the green and brown he had been forced to stare at for the last day. On the shade in between the buildings and the intermittent warmth from doorways. The chatter of people going about their normal lives welcomed him back whereas the silence of the country side had rung in his ears like tinnitus the whole time.

If I go with them, I probably won't get to enjoy all this the way I used to. A group of friends holding skateboards loitered outside a cafe, laughing like a bunch of squabbling crows and punching each other. Sinastar and Satara's backs were like metal walls in comparison. I mean, it's not like I hung out with anyone else much after meeting Tara but still. They're going back to their country. I know I don't belong there.

Sinastar stopped up ahead and glanced back at them. Satara stilled as if they had invented a secret language without telling him and held out a hand before he could bump into her. Sinastar peered around the corner at the end of the street for several seconds, eyes narrowed, as if the Blue Flame outlining his figure hadn't kept them invisible for the last half an hour. He exchanged a look with Satara again and disappeared. She followed him without looking back and Jason paused on the pavement.

What if I get in their way, like Tara said? If something bad happens to her because of me, I – The air in his throat expanded. The presence of everything and everyone pressed his existence into the ground and his muscles twitched beneath the pressure. Is this what she feels like all the time? Is that why she's so –

“Jayce,” she hissed, peeking out from behind the corner with a wary frown. “What're you doing?”

He wanted to tell her not to worry about him but they both knew he lacked the strength to back up such a claim. He wanted to tell her he had only been able to manifest his zai by remembering a single moment in the MMA hall the other day.

“Sorry for not finishing my chores, mum,” he muttered as he sat down next to her.

His foot ached from the strength of Nigel's ankle lock and he shifted uncomfortably on the floor.

“There's always next time.” Satara's muted words slammed into his ears as if she had roared them.

She avoided his eyes and the unmistakable anger illuminating her own still took his breath away. He was sure he would have turned to ashes if she directed it at him and just like that the pain in his ankle faded, replaced by a strange restlessness. When she rose to her knees, ready to stand, he had an irrational urge to do the same.

She hated his defeat, perhaps more than he did, but didn't blame him for it.

Her fury was for him alone and, as her gaze shifted from Nigel to Brian, Jason's heart quivered.

He knew she was ready to hurt someone for him.

And, as terrible as it was to admit it, he was ready to see just how far she would go.

Satara had given him the chance to be more than what he believed he could be. He wanted to hold her close, the way Sinastar had after her transformation, promise to protect her from anything, and mean it.

But I can't. He swallowed his lack of power. I can't but she's waiting for me anyway. Nothing's changed.

“I'm coming.” He hurried to join her.

“Why'd you stop?” Her paranoia should have saddened him. He hated himself for celebrating her concern as much as he had cherished her misplaced rage.

“Shoelace,” he muttered and sped up as she glanced at his lace-less shoes but didn't say anything.

I might not belong with her, in her clan, in her world, but I want to. That's got to mean something, right?

<><><><><>

Sinastar nudged aside a brick placed over a newspaper with his foot and picked up something from the ground. He examined it for a second then pocketed it. Satara fought to keep her expression neutral in case he turned to them again and scanned both the newspaper and the brick. Despite the crinkled pages and mud stains, they looked fairly new and out of place in the alley behind the hotel. Did he leave something there on his way to me? Is that why he needed to go this way?

Sinastar stopped at the base of a black fire escape stairway attached to the opposite building and pointed upwards. “This way.”

She sensed Jason's question before he spoke it aloud. “That's … not the hotel.”

Sinastar merely smiled at him, faintly sympathetic, and started to climb the stairs that zigzagged up the wall. Satara caught her friend's eye to see if he would follow before going after her cousin. Jason muttered something about trespassing under his breath but didn't complain as they trudged up several flights. She half expected someone to notice them from below or the doors they passed to burst open despite the zai-net.

The higher they went, the less she felt like closing her eyes and covering her ears. Sinastar's zai had blocked her from the public's sight but couldn't distance them from the people all around. She had forgotten how much life a small town could contain. Humans of all shapes and sizes produced a continuous buzz as they interacted. Information assailed her senses from all angles and made it harder to focus on relevant details. She hadn't missed it at all.

By the time they reached the top level, Sinastar was already on the roof. He knelt down and extended an arm towards her. She turned to Jason.

“Don't even think about it,” he said, pretending to be more out of breath than he really was and gesturing up at Sinastar. “Ladies first.”

“Don't zone out again.” She took her cousin's cold hand and braced her feet against the railing.

He pulled her up and she quickly grabbed the edge of the roof before he could feel the full extent of her considerable weight. It was like trying to crawl out of a swimming pool, though she couldn't remember ever having jumped into one before. Sinastar helped her up with careful yet knowingly placed hands and she rolled onto all fours as soon as she was up. He cast her a swift glance then reached down for Jason.

How many more things have I done that I don't remember? Will I ever remember everything? Her ribs twinged and she sat back on her heels to appease them. Not that it's important right now.

“Sin,” she said once Jason joined them. She lifted her hand where his zai clung to her like a second skin. “You should take it back now.”

“I will. Once we're there.” He pointed to a balcony that was a couple of floors higher and pushed up his sleeve of his coat, revealing a device strapped to his wrist.

“Is that a proper –?” Jason's awed questioned was answered when Sinastar retrieved a length of rope from his bag and aimed at the balcony railings with his free arm.

His fingers moved and a grappling hook emerged from his gauntlet. Propelled by compressed air, it shot across the gap between the buildings and wound around the top rail as if he had placed it there by hand, swinging in between the white balusters

“If I go first, do you think you'll be able to copy me?” he asked without looking back.

“Hell yeah,” said Jason as she nodded.

“Okay. Let me know if anything happens.” His trust in their abilities seemed to have improved since the gun incident.

Is that because neither of us freaked out like normal people? She stood up next to Jason and watched Sinastar tug on the line before swinging across. He bent his knees as his feet touched the opposite wall and braced them against it before climbing upwards, hand over hand. He reached the balcony and pulled him up and over its railing with the kind of agility she aspired to have one day.

“He's like Assassin's Creed,” breathed Jason, echoing her reverence.

Sinastar unhooked the rope from his elbow and tied it to the top rail before he tossed the coil back to them. He watched Jason pull the rope tight and dipped his head when she motioned for him to go.

“You should wrap it around your waist.” She pointed at the rope in her friend's hands. “If you need to.”

“Won't that hurt if I fall?” he asked as Sinastar lingered on the balcony.

“Maybe. But at least you won't die if you lose your grip.”

“Yeah.” He pushed her with a nervous grin. “Maybe I'll just get paralysed instead.”

Satara shrugged but he let her assist him as he wound the excess rope around his stomach several times.

“Wait, wait,” he said breathlessly, turning to her as she followed him to the edge.

“What?” She stepped back.

“Don't watch me jump.” His eyes flitted towards the ground. “I might laugh.”

“How can I learn from your mistakes if I don't see them?” she asked, hiding a smirk as his gaze snapped up to her face.

“What mistakes?” he rumbled.

“Sin's zai might keep you safe even if you –”

He had leapt off the building by the time she was halfway through the sentence and her heart surprised her with a sudden flip. On the balcony, Sinastar peered over as Jason's trainers scraped against the wall frantically before he found his balance. He started to pull himself up and Sinastar's shoulders heaved. The red flush on Jason's face told her the act was significantly more strenuous than she had hoped it would be. She swallowed her doubts and waited for him to throw the rope back after Sinastar helped him up. He glanced her way then said something to Jason before he vanished.

The coiled rope flew across the gap and she tied it around herself. This really isn't safe. Doing it for the first time without a net. It's crazy. She smiled to herself and she stepped up to the edge. She checked the tension of the rope. I'm the only one who can get me across right now. If that's where I want to go. Her grip loosened a little. But if I didn't want to, Sin's not here to stop me and Jayce can's jump without this rope. If I run now, I might get away.

But leaving now would only lead her back down to people, and noise, and the mess of humanity she hated more than anything. She would be alone but blind too. She didn't know how wide the police's search radius was but after the explosion on the motorway they were bound to investigate things beyond the scope of her home town.

“Look, both of us can stand here admiring the view but I think Sin's waiting for us inside,” called out Jason as if he had forgotten her cousin's warning about noise.

He held out his hands as if basking in the limited sunlight but he was now pale instead red and his expression wavered at her lack of response. As if he knew exactly what it meant.

I can't kill Saytarnia unless I'm free. Her fingers tightened around the rope once again. It's as simple as that.

She jumped.

Pulling up her own body weight, despite the support of the cord, was harder than expected. Her ribs protested and she bit her lip to stifle a moan of pain as Jason helped her climb over the rails.

“You okay?” He peered at her face when she didn't answer and his voice loudened. “Sin, I think Tara hurt her –”

“Quiet.” She pressed her palm to his mouth and breathed in through her nose. “I'm all right.”

“The hell you are,” shot back her friend. “It's your ribs again, ain't it?”

“I walked all the way to another town after turning into a monster,” she said. “I'd like to see how your ribs would feel after that.”

“Monster?” Curiosity lit up his gaze.

She pushed his face aside and wiped the warmth of his breath on her shirt, almost walking straight into Sinastar as he reappeared in the doorway.

“Are you hurt?” he asked and she shook her head. “Come in. I'll check it in a second.”

“You don't have to do that,” she mumbled as they entered the hotel room with Jason in tow.

It was spacious but not overly so, its walls a blend of cream and chocolate brown. The bedsheets and pillow cases were reversible and of the same two colours. The furniture had been made from dark, polished wood. A light scent lingered in the air. Looks like someone here's obsessed with vanilla.

Sinastar's hiking bag sat atop the only chair in the room, next to a brown door that she assumed led to the bathroom. The door opposite the balcony was closed. People murmured and moved in the hotel beyond it but she could hardly hear them. Jason darted past her and fell backwards onto the double bed, moving his arms as if he were making a snow angel.

“Mattresses. Yay!” he crowed weakly.

“You can sleep if you want.” Sinastar gestured at the single bed located several steps away from the first. “We leave in about two hours.”

You're the one who needs to sleep.

“Why two hours?” Satara sank onto the mattress and vaguely understood how people could cry tears of happiness.

“We have an appointment.” Sinastar removed his coat and sat down on the bed opposite her.

Jason seemed too exhausted to object to his proximity.

“With who?” he asked at the same time as Satara.

“... A therapist.” Her cousin leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees as if he expected the arrows of their attention.

“What?” said Satara.

“Who needs a therapist?” demanded Jason as he pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked at her. “Oh wait –”

“I don't need a therapist.” She tried not to growl the words out.

“From what I've seen, most people do,” said Sinastar with a knowing smile. “Therapy helps some people.”

“It won't help me.” She flicked a hand at Jason. “But it might help him.”

“I don't need a flippin' therapist.” He sounded incredulous instead of offended. “So the person you're taking us to is a therapist.” Sinastar nodded. “Your therapist?”

He hesitated before answering and his gaze shifted towards her. “She's helped me in the past, which is why I think she may be able to help you. At least a little.”

She? Satara cringed at the thought of trying to explain the last few days to anyone, especially some apparently well meaning lady, then tried to picture Sinastar doing the same. How much did he tell her? Isn't all of this supposed to be a big secret?

“She won't be able to help me,” she said. Her tone softened. “Why would she believe anything I tell her? And why would I tell a stranger anything?”

“Because she believed me,” he replied. “And sometimes strangers can be there when you need them the most.”

Like you? She kept the question in her head but couldn't contain the acid leak across her tone. “We barely know anything about you. Why should we trust her?”

“You've come this far with me, haven't you?” He looked at Jason and then at her again. “I won't assume it's because you trust me completely. If there's anything that can help me earn your trust, you're welcome to ask about it and I'll answer if I can.”

His lower eyelids were puffy. He looked like an adult who had run out of their daily coffee supply and even his posture wasn't as good as it had been. He's in no condition to be interrogated. She placed her hands on the mattress on either side and leaned forward. I might not get the chance to get answers from him like this ever again.

“How old are you?” asked Jason before she could talk. He sat up, his exhaustion forgotten.

“Twenty,” he answered, shifting until he could look at them both.

“Really? You're not much older than us then.” For some reason, Jason sounded surprised.

“How old's Saytarnia?” Satara ignored the added surprised on his face.

“Twenty one,” replied Sinastar. He interlaced his fingers between his knees.

“What's your favourite colour?” asked Jason, raising his eyebrows to meet her stare. “What? Those are standard get to know you questions.”

I guess I wouldn't know. She nodded with a small smile.

“Blue and silver,” said Sinastar. He glanced at Jason as he made a disbelieving noise. “Is that weird?”

“I thought it'd be black,” replied Jason, jerking his chin at Satara. “Like her.”

“I like to wear black but it's not my favourite colour.”

“Guess it runs in the family,” said Satara drily.

Sinastar laughed under his breath, a soft puff of air, before he looked at then in turn. “Can I ask questions too?”

“Yeah,” said Jason. “It's kind awkward when it's one sided like this, ain't it?”

It is? Satara's fingers tightened around the edge of the mattress. “I thought you knew everything about us already?”

“I know what I saw,” said Sinastar. “I might have seen a lot but I know there's more to you both than that.”

She nodded and looked away. “Then I'll only answer what I can too.”

“That's fair.” He half closed his eyes as if he could sleep and converse with them simultaneously. “So your favourite colour is black. What about you, Jason?”

“Red. And not because of my hair,” he added with a taut grin.

“What's Saytarnia's favourite colour?” She kept her gaze on Sinastar.

“I think hers might have been black too.” He blocked her out with his eyelids. “I never asked her.”

“What's your favourite food?” Jason flopped back onto the bed and folded his arms behind his head. “And drink?”

“Noodles. And ginger tea.” The edge to her cousin's movements seemed have worn down ever so slightly. He almost looked like he welcomed the mindless exchange of information. “And you?”

But there's no way he's not thinking about his answers. He couldn't have got this far without being careful.

“Quarter pounder burgers. And Lucozade.” Jason pressed his arms to his stomach. “I'm staaarving.”

“I'll get you some –” Sinastar started to stand but her friend grabbed the side of his T-shirt before she could speak.

“Chill out, Sin. We need to shower first anyway, right, Tara?” He let go quickly and held the guilty hand up, eyes widened apprehensively as he looked at her.

“Yeah. We can eat in a little while.” What does that face mean, Jayce? “You should rest while you can too.”

“But you haven't eaten since yesterday.” Sinastar patted Jason's palm and left him with a confused expression as he looked for his bag.

Satara retrieved it before he could try and placed it in front of him. “Neither have you.”

He pulled out three plain flapjacks, passing one first to her and then to Jason. “Do you like these?”

“I don't mind.”

“I used to eat these all the time after school,” said Jason straight after her. He being extra talkative today. Did he like the grappler hook that much? “Mum used to buy them before she picked us up.”

He picked at the wrapper with a low chuckle until he freed the flapjack from its confines, sinking his teeth into the oats with an overly appreciative groan. “Plain ones are the best.”

“Do you prefer the plain ones too?” asked Sinastar as she picked up a silver blister pack from the floor by his bag and gave it to him. “Oh. Thank you.”

“I like the chocolate chip ones too.” She sat down again. “But sometimes they're too sweet.”

Caffeine tablets? Two are missing. Is he taking those instead of sleeping? A hot arrow skimmed the base of her thoughts. Why won't he just sleep already? Because he thinks someone's going to attack us when he's not looking? It's not like he can stay awake until we get to our country. Does he want to die?

“I'll try to remember that.” He moved as if he were about to pocket the small pack but then dropped it into the hiking bag as he caught her eye. “Do you have any other questions?”

“I've got loads.” Jason's voice wavered in between bites of his flapjack. “But I think I'm gonna sleep now.”

“I'll wake you up in an hour.” Sinastar stood up so he had room to get comfortable.

Jason finished his flapjack and rolled the duvet over him instead of crawling beneath it. “Thanks, mate. See you on the other side.”

He fell asleep annoying fast and didn't react when Sinastar tossed the other corner of the duvet over him, tucking both around him like a mother.

“I might as well shower first,” said Satara. She stood up and gestured to the single bed. “Here.”

“Thanks.” Sinastar took her place on it but didn't lie down. “I'll go after you.”

She considered telling him to sleep but knew he wouldn't.

“I won't be long,” she said, taking her bag into the bathroom and locking the door behind her.

<><><><><>

She noticed it in the mirror hanging over the sink as soon as she stepped out of the shower. The condensation and the fluffy white towel wrapped around her delayed its revelation only by a minute or so. She rubbed the glass with the edge of her palm and peered at her neck as she washed her hands again.

Why does it look like that? If she hadn't transformed into something inhuman several hours ago, she might have been more shaken by the altered appearance of her scar. Is that why Sin said to cover it?

She grimaced and pushed her hair back, leaning forward to get a better look. The scar was no longer its light, nearly skin-coloured brown but a malignant black. It reminded her of a small doorway, an opening that hadn't been there before, and the small blue streaks across its width were broken down the middle as if something had forced its way in … or forced its way out. They caught the light from the tiny bathroom window and gleamed in a biologically impossible way.

It's got to have something to do with zai. The phantom pressure of Saytarnia's hand against her neck rattled the air in her throat. She pulled the towel tighter around her upper body and leaned back on the wall beside the shower. Sin probably knows.

Like the comfortable solidity of the mattress, having a proper shower after too many days without one could have brought tears to her eyes but she had already cried once that month. Her eyes still stung as did her throat and a section deep in her brain that didn't process emotions properly. The hot water had washed away the grime of the last few days but not the differences in their touch.

Saytarnia, who had supposedly killed the clan that abandoned Satara to fate, tore her open and left her to bleed.

But Sinastar, the one she had no reason to trust, held her together and stayed even though she tried to rip him to shreds.

Though it had been scarce in the last few years, several people had hugged her, tried to comfort her, or at least offered her tissues when she cried. Police women, doctors, and psychologists. It had been a long time since she had last released the tears buried in her chest and allowed someone to handle her with care as if she were filled with unbroken glass. All of the other people had felt like well intentioned handkerchiefs, there only to dry her face, temporarily relieve her of congestion, and clean up the mess she had made of herself. Nothing more and nothing less.

Sinastar was the only one who had trembled as if her pain could blow him apart too. As if he had only been able to withhold his own tears because she had allowed her own to fall onto his shoulder. Standing in the bathroom, in the brief sanctuary he had provided, she suddenly remembered the brief hitches in his voice as he reassured her and the powerful vibration that replaced his rapid heart beat, both amplified by her transformation.

Just because he did all that, it doesn't mean we should trust him. If he'd let me go, it would've caused problems for him too and it looks like he's got more of those than he's letting on. She wiped her face with the towel despite her sudden urge to splash it with water and dried herself off before getting changed into the last of the outfits he bought for her. It was a mistake. My mistake. It won't happen again.

<><><><><>

Jason was still asleep when she came out of the bathroom, snoring softly in the absolute silence. Sinastar was cross legged on the bed where she had left him, one hand on either knee. His middle and ring fingers curled forward to meet his thumbs, his back admirably straight, as he breathed soundlessly but deeply enough to visibly move his stomach. She paused with the towel over her head then moved towards the chair instead.

“Are you okay, Satara?” asked Sinastar without opening his eyes.

“Yeah. I just – I'm out now. If you wanted to go.” Obviously.

“Thanks.” He spoke again after several long seconds. “Did you need anything?”

She stopped halfway to the chair.

“I was wondering if you had another plaster.” His eyes opened and she held out a hand. “You can tell me where they are, if you have any.”

“In my bag. In the middle pocket on the right.” He watched her find them. “I can tell you what I think it is.”

“You should finish meditating first.” She twisted her hair up onto the top of her head with the towel. A small mirror hung over the drawers next to the balcony and she used it to put the plaster on the right place. “How much does the therapist now about everything?”

“She knows about zai and about what Saytarnia did.” He met her gaze through the glass. “But she doesn't know any names besides yours and mine, and I haven't told her about the transformation or the name of our homeland.”

“Chirean?” She expected him to look surprised.

Instead some of the strain faded from his features as if he had deliberately failed to hold back a small smile. “Yes. Chirean.”

“It's an island, right?” She rubbed the edges of the plaster. He nodded and his eyes slid towards the hotel doorway. “We probably shouldn't talk about here, should we?”

“Here should be safe enough but the less we talk about it out loud, the better.”

“Out loud?” She turned to him.

Before he could answer, his attention shifted sharply towards the door right before someone knocked on it. Unmistakably tense, he slid from the bed to stand between her and the source of the noise faster than she could blink. After the second knock, Jason sat up in his duvet cocoon. She thought she heard him gulp but couldn't remember when he had stopped snoring.

“Hello?” A woman's voice reached them through the wood. “Anyone in there?”