《Apathy》Feed
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Chapter 32.
Feed.
Damien Reyes.
Time/Area: July 29th-30th, 2013. NYC.
-
It was currently six in the morning, and Jason was fast asleep. I chuckled, getting up and popping a cookie into my mouth.
Jason’s downfall came when he decided to put on a blanket. If you’re ever trying to beat anyone during a slumber party, rule one is you never slip into a blanket. I grinned from the satisfying feeling of victory, walking next to Jason’s limp body and looking down on him.
Right as I was about to wake him, a thought I never wished to think struck me. How many more times would we get to do this? How many more sleepovers would I get to have? Those thoughts then switched to Selina, and then to Mr.Drake, and even to Mrs.Rodriguez. When would everything that made up my life in New York end up crumbling into dust? I…I couldn’t let that happen. But what if it wasn’t up to me? Yeah…no, it probably wasn’t. What if I…died? I backed up from Jason, unable to stop my brain from bridging off into an infinite number of tangents that all ended up with this ending. I quietly walked over to our bedroom, finding some paper beneath my night stand and a pen before writing all my thoughts down. I took the star wars birthday card I had gotten Jason and cracked it open, my worry-filled mind directing my hands as I jotted down a quick sort of letter to him. If I died, I didn’t want him to remember me as a monster. The note sounded kind of cheesy, but I was too stressed to care. I moved onto one for Selina, using just the scratch piece of paper I had produced from the nightstand as a card. By the time I finished her’s, it sounded more like a ‘goodbye, I’m dead’ letter. I thought about trashing it all, but instead I just put Selina’s under the bed and Jason’s back into the nightstand. I stood up, my worries beginning to calm as I wondered what the heck I was even doing,
“You’re really losing it, Damien.” I thought.
I sighed, getting back into character for the sake of Jason’s birthday before strolling back into the movie room.
“Hey birthday boy,” I called out obnoxiously. He groggily rolled over, his verdant eyes cracking open as he looked around.
“Aw man.” Jason groaned, sitting up, “I swear you cheated. Did you drink coffee?”
I shook my head, “Cheating? To beat you? Please.”
Jason grinned,
“Well, I’m going in the hot tub now?”
He said this more like a question, as if checking if it was okay to enter our room again.
I groaned, “Well, fine,” I said, pulling out my phone to record, “But I’m going to record you in the room.”
He sighed as I tapped the red dot, the blinking light shining from the black casing of my phone signaling that I was live,
“Okay, fine.” He conceded, not being able to hide the excitement from his voice as he sprung towards the movie room door. I laughed, giving the video a brief background monologue before Jason got to the bedroom. I typically didn’t do videos, but Melissa had texted me during our ‘slumber party’ and asked, so I kinda had to say yes.
Once we arrived, Jason opened our door with caution, like it was booby trapped, before stepping inside. He looked at my wall,
“Uh..what exactly am I looking fo-?”
I pointed behind him, “Hermano, are you blind?”
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Jason fell backwards when he saw his wall, “Wha-how..Whoa.”
I laughed at his reaction, taking a couple of pictures of Jason’s face before turning off the video. I messaged the reaction to the birthday group chat before stuffing my phone back into my pocket.
Jason stood up, massaging the glass aquarium before turning to face me,
“You got me an…aquarium?” He quizzed. I raised my hands in surrender,
“This was all Hiru,” I said, “The guy is into fish.”
Jason laughed, turning back to the water filled tanks, “Well uh..I’ll tell him I said thanks.”
I nodded, struggling to hold back even more laughter, “Y-yea you do that. I’m going to sleep.”
I guess when you're rich, presents really only have the same kick to them when it’s totally unexpected. As for me, sleep was my top priority at the moment. I didn’t even know how I was still awake, but I had actually only started to feel tired a couple of hours ago. Which was weird, because that was definitely not how my body worked. Or rather, how it was supposed to work anyways.
I heard Jason laugh some more as I flopped onto my bed, not even bothering to change before I drifted off.
--
“I see this has become a theme now..”
While I was shocked to hear the monster's voice, that was really only because of the semi-long period of time I had gone without being in the…common room. Otherwise, I had grown quite accustomed to his presence, which I didn’t know how to feel about.
I sighed, remembering Jason’s suggestion as I felt the familiar tinglings of this void within our brain take hold, “Uh..hey.”
I looked down, placing my hands into my pockets. It just occurred to me that I was wearing the exact same thing in the common room as I was in the real one, even though I could’ve sworn I didn’t even have an actual body the last time I’d been here. How that was possible, I didn’t know, but all logic had already gone out the window anyway by this point.
“H-hey?” It responded, almost sounding normal. It had become evident that the monster was taking more after me, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t come as a relief. Aside from his constant bickering throughout the days, he had become much more bearable. But from what he had told me, the situation was mutual.
If I started…feeding, like he wanted, would I become more..monster than human?
I shook the thoughts out of my head, which was ironic given my environment, and coughed,
“Um, I think I got a name for you..” I said, feeling more awkward by the second.
The monster tilted its head, intrigued.
I thought he might already know the name, since I thought he saw what I saw, but according to the monster’s current expression, that didn’t seem to be the case.
“You…we...have not fed in a while..so I do not keep up with your current memories as well.” The monster explained, as if reading my thoughts [which it probably was].
I nodded, slowly understanding, “Well, Jason recommended it actually,” I continued, “What do you think of…Terry?”
It sounded dumb as I said it out loud. I was asking a monster if it wanted to be called Terry.
Nothing here made sense.
The monster thought for a minute, contemplating the name.
Suddenly, Its face seemed to smile, torn flesh curling upwards to reveal burnt and rotten teeth.
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“Terry..” It breathed, “Yes..Yes that will do.”
I blinked, “R-really?” I asked, not being able to hide my surprise, “So I’ll call you Terry?”
Terry nodded, “Mhm.”
Before I could speak again, Terry continued,
“I..” he started, clearly having trouble finding the words,
“Hope that we can trust each other in the future...Damien.”
I looked down, feeling beads of sweat form on my brow. If this really was a battle between my thoughts and his, a compromise like that could stop me from becoming…the thing in front of me. The murderer. The Orphan-maker.
“Trust..”
I didn’t get to respond, however, as I was pulled out of the common area by something in the real world. I simply stared at Terry as I felt my consciousness seep back into reality.
-
I woke up on my bed, feeling the awkward presence of another human being sitting next to me,
“Ugh,” I muttered, sitting up, “Who -”
“Hi Dami.”
I whipped my head towards the figure next to me, realizing that it was Selina who was on my bed. I immediately went red, “S-selina?”
Selina smirked. She was wearing blue leggings, a blue T shirt, and her blue bracelet.
“Yo.” a voice said in front of me.
I turned my attention to Jason’s bed, seeing not just him, but Hiru as well.
Hiru was dressed in a black long sleeve, red jogging pants, and gray house slippers.
Jason had on a new set of clothes, sporting all green from his T to his shorts.
I looked through the window behind them, my eyes widening when I saw how high the sun was,
“Uhhh,” I cleared my throat, “what time is it, did Jason shower yet, and why are you two here?” The questions came out like bullets.
Selina placed her head on my lap, making Jason whistle while Hiru looked away.
“It’s Noon or something..” Selina breathed, getting comfortable.
Jason made throw up noises, “Yea, and I showered like..right after you fell out.”
Hiru coughed, looking back, “And the three of us got here an hour ago.”
I blinked, “Is Melissa here too-!?”
Suddenly, the door was thrown open, Melissa marching in and assessing the area.
Her rare amber eyes glared at each one of us, “Have-you-people-seen-the-News?!”
Everyone groaned as she snatched the remote to our TV, directing the device at the screen left of the door and pressing the red power button. Selina sat up when we saw the Headline:
Phone Lines won’t reach outside of the U.S- Loss of contact at each U.S Territory and Beyond.
Hiru blinked, “Uh….that’s..-”
“Really really bad.” Selina finished, standing up, “I have family outside the country.”
Melissa shushed everyone, turning the volume up as President Henry Jackson came on screen. He was on a stage, hundreds of pictures being snapped in his direction as he spoke into a microphone.
“Our best is working very hard to quell the situation..” He assured, light from cameras bouncing off his Caucasian skin.
Just then, a reporter asked, “Mr.President!” He started,
“Multiple people put Energis at blame for this crisis, how do you respond? And what do you say to all these supposed monster sightings?”
Suddenly, the President’s facial expression shifted into one of nervousness,
“There is absolutely no evidence that supports that claim, and I will not take action unless I am certain Energis is involved.”
Me and my friends all looked at each other.
Hiru coughed, “Looks like Mr.President is getting a bit defensive…”
We all nodded, turning back towards the screen.
Whatever happened with the French government asking for help?
The president had switched topics, ignoring the monster question,
“As for our communications Satellites, we will be working very hard to establish them, especially in Greenlan-”
The TV cut off.
We all looked up to see that Jason had taken the remote from Melissa.
I blinked, “Uh, are you o-?”
“Yea..” Jason interrupted, rubbing his arm, “I just..can we not...on my birthday?”
I felt a little guilty,
“Oh, sorry dude.” I scratched my head, “Do you uh..want to open presents now or later?”
Jason laughed, glancing back at the wall, “Are they all as..unique..as Hiru’s?”
Melissa groaned, “Gosh, I hope not…”
We all laughed, everyone beginning to walk into the hallway.
The whole threat of communications being down was really scary to me. That meant, even if Sarah got out of Paris, she still wouldn’t be able to call me since she’d still be out of the country. How far was the communication block going to go?
Just then, I remembered something.
Once everyone but Jason and I had left, I grabbed his shoulder, stopping him before he got out the door.
“D?” He queried, turning to face me with a confused smile, “What’s up?”
I gave a little laugh, “ I just wanted to let you know.. He liked the name.”
Jason’s eyes widened, “N-no way.”
I smirked, “I know right?”
Jason and I talked about the lack of sense this was making as we trotted down the stairs, cracking up every once and a while before we reached the kitchen.
Jason gasped upon seeing the kitchen table stacked with presents.
I stood with the rest of the group, all of us eyeing Jason’s reaction as he looked back and forth between us and the table. Mrs.M was in her room from what I understood, which was strange, seeing as this was her nephew’s birthday. Although I wasn't about to judge her actions. Her husband, Mr.Mabel, was apparently still in Paris, so he was probably dead.
I shook my head absently,
“Shut up, Terry.” I mentally ordered. I felt warmth slither up my spinal cord. I didn’t say anything.
“Wait someone, record!” Melissa exhaled, snatching her phone from her pocket as I was ripped from my thoughts.
Once she had started the video, we all broke into the Happy Birthday song, Jason waving his hands around like a conductor as we sang enthusiastically. Melissa extended the last ‘you’ of the tune out for several seconds before we had finished.
Selina rushed over to the table, grabbing her present first before shoving it into J’s chest,
“Mine first!” She exclaimed, squeezing her hair in anticipation.
Jason gladly took the present, wasting no time in shredding the blue wrapping paper to pieces.
He gasped as he raised the Jacket to the camera,
“Wow Selina,” He breathed, “This is really nice, thanks!”
Selina curtsied, despite having no dress, and stepped aside for the next gift giver, making no attempt to hide her prideful gaze from me in the process.
Jason folded the green trench coat, gently placing it on a chair like it was a newborn child. The relationship between rich people and clothes always disturbed me, and I hoped it would be a trap I’d never fall into.
“MINE.” Melissa barked, handing the camera to Hiru to record.
Jason laughed nervously as Melissa marched towards him, snatching a small pink box on the table and handing it to him.
Jason took the box, once again tearing the outer paper to shreds before lifting the device upwards,
“Whoa it’s a...uhh?” Jason shook the cylindrical object playfully, clearly confused.
“It’s this voice recognizing thingy..” Melissa explained, motioning towards the stairs, “You can plug this in an outlet in your room.”
Jason blinked, “So like..I could ask it the weather?”
Melissa nodded, “If you wanted to?”
Jason’s confused expression was replaced with a happy one, “That’s cool!” He announced, wrapping Melissa into a hug.
Hiru and I groaned, while Selina pretended to faint.
“SILENCE.” Melissa ordered, “Damien, your turn!”
I laughed, walking over to the table and grabbing one of my three presents.
I handed the box with the notebook to him first, watching as he tore it open.
Jason gasped, “Yes!” He yelled, waving the Notebook around like a toy.
Hiru’s jaw dropped,
“You seem more excited for some paper than my fish tank.” He pointed out.
Selina and Melissa both murmured agreements, causing Jason to chuckle,
“Uh…” He groaned, ignoring them and grabbing the next one. This was rectangular and had a thin, red sheet of wrapping paper around it.
Before Jason mercilessly ripped it apart, he paused,
“Wait..” he breathed, glancing at me, “How would you set these up if you were upstairs this whole time?”
Hiru coughed, “Maybe he used super speed.”
Melissa laughed, “Or flew.”
Selina smirked, “He could’ve even teleported.”
I sighed. The real thing I had done was just leave my presents down on the counter and asked Mrs.M to wrap them, but I let my friends believe what they wanted,
“Yea..” I agreed, “Cause I’m so powerful.”
Melissa suddenly groaned, “After this, Damien needs to spill the beans. Cause I have like..so many theories right now.”
Hiru nodded, “Same, and I still think you might be on something.”
Jason’s look shifted into that of concern, “Wait, they all know abo-?”
“Presents..” I nodded towards the gift, “Hurry up already; or next thing you know we’ll be celebrating your 16th birthday.”
Jason squinted at me, but forgot everything when he opened it,
“Fight4Life II?” He gasped, “This just came out! Isn’t it kind of expensive?”
I shrugged, “Perks of living with you I guess..”
Jason nodded, setting the game down next to his growing pile of gifts before grabbing the last, smaller present and opening it up.
Inside was a Foodmart gift card.
Jason’s eyes widened, “No..” He said sarcastically, “You shouldn’t have.”
Everyone laughed as Jason shook the card dramatically, holding it up towards the kitchen lights like a scene from the Lion King.
Suddenly, Melissa’s phone rang. Her ringtone was one of the many songs about New York, but with a bit of energized hip hop to it that almost made one forget that monsters lived here.
We all looked at her as she took out the device, not getting a chance to answer the call before it stopped and a text was sent instead.
Jason stopped his performance, “Everything alright?” He asked, walking over to her.
Melissa slowly shook her head, her eyes darting across the screen, “My sister was kicked out of her dorm..”
I frowned, “Lorica? What happened?”
She coughed, “Monster sightings..they were unconfirmed, but everyone was kicked out anyways.”
Hiru stopped the recording, “Jeez..” He breathed, “She’s gonna be alright?”
Melissa nodded, slipping her phone into her pocket and putting on a smile,
“Y-yea!” She stuttered, “She’ll live in our mansion for now. Must’ve been some sightings.”
I shook my head in disbelief. A lot of schools around ours had shut down because of…well, what they called an “Unconfirmed Monster Attack”, but an entire college campus shutting down without a single dead person? I knew the likelihood of a monster attack was actually pretty high, and the word ‘unconfirmed’ seemed to be losing its value, but where would we draw the line?
If all a kid had to do to shut down a place was yell “monster”, then things would start progressing a lot quicker. What would happen with families who couldn’t afford to have their kids around all the time? What about job layoffs, or stores getting less business? That would cause a heck of a lot of stress, and based on what Terry had told me, stress was what completed the process to becoming a monster in the first place.
After a couple of minutes of silence, Selina spoke,
“Should we do cards now?”
Everyone agreed, shuffling around to get theirs ready.
I frowned at my hand, fiddling mine around between my fingers.
From within my Star Wars card, I remembered my message.
I reassured myself on why I wrote this, and what good it would do for my conscience.
I wrote one like that because I didn’t honestly know If I would see J’s next birthday, or mine for that matter. We all knew where everything was going, even if none of us said it, so I just wanted to make sure I didn’t go out with any more regrets.
Jason went through the cards, laughing hysterically when he got to Hiru’s,
“A fish card for a fish tank, huh?” Jason laughed. Hiru gave a thumbs up, which seemed to be iconic now, “Just going with the flow.”
Selina punched him lightly while I rolled my eyes, “Oh shut up..” She chuckled, “No more fish puns.”
Jason was about to reach for mine but I retracted my arm, “Uh..you can read it later..” I reasoned, causing Jason to tilt his head,
“Uh..why?”
Selina groaned, “Why do you think?” She asked, “He’s one of the Drama Kings, remember?” She paused, “He probably wrote you a song.”
Before I could deny this, Selina continued, “But I have to go now anyways,” She said, checking her phone, “It’s getting dark and dad wants me back at home. Too bad we didn’t get to hear Damien’s explanation.”
Jason nodded, “Well, be careful walking back to...”
We didn’t actually know where Selina lived.
“Tribeca,” Selina coughed, “I uh…probably should’ve told you guys that earlier.”
Hiru sighed, his phone emitting a very simplistic ringtone as he produced the device from his jogging pants’ pocket. It was definitely one of those ringtones that came with phones when you bought them.
We watched as he answered the call.
His volume was much lower than mine,
“Hai.” Hiru breathed, waiting a couple of seconds, “Coming.”
He hung up, walking to Selina, “Looks like I’m with you..”
Selina nodded, “Our parents are probably having a meeting or something.” She echoed his annoyed tone, “Let’s go.”
Jason waved as they reached the door,
Melissa shook her head before giving Jason a hug, “I should probably head out too..” She sighed, “To check on Lorica.”
Jason nodded, “Okay, see you..”
Melissa gave us an apologetic smile before charging out the door.
Once it closed, Jason looked at me, “You gonna leave too?”
“Believe me, I would,” I joked, “But sadly, I live with you.”
Jason laughed, snatching my card up and running to the stairway, “I think Auntie is asleep by the way,” He said, “So shush it when you come up.”
I nodded, cleaning up the wrapping paper before tip-toeing up the stairs.
Halfway up, my head suddenly started to hurt.
Maybe that was an understatement; my head was burning.
“You good?” Jason whispered, looking down on me from the top of the stairs.
“Y-yea..” I struggled to speak, but I figured whatever was going on would soon pass.
It did not.
In fact, as I tried to take another step, I felt my entire body pulsate with…noise? That was the only way I could describe it. It was like millions of distinct vibrations were rushed through every vein, every blood cell, and every nerve of my body- but it didn’t hurt. That luxury, however, only lasted two more seconds. I lost the ability to process the world as the ‘noises’ seemed to carry a physical force to them, inflicting a bone-shaking pain upon the inside of me that caused my vision to blur. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t. It was like the pain you felt the moment after you jammed your toe into a wall. Like that millisecond pause when your brain was still processing how it was going to ruthlessly send hundreds of pain signals through your body. The cold inevitability that you feel when your arm gets a splinter but you can’t quite feel it yet. That’s what was happening to me, except a hundred times worse, and the pause seemed to last several lifetimes.
Jason yelped when he caught my motionless expression, running down the steps to meet me halfway.
“Dude what’s wrong?” He asked, “I-is this because we didn’t have any cake?”
I managed to get out a low grumble, but none of it sounded like my voice. I barely registered time as I was suddenly in the bedroom. Jason must’ve helped me in.
He was standing next to me now.
What was happening? Why did I feel like this? I
“I-I need..to feed.” I spoke, my voice becoming raspy as I felt my throat shift. I didn’t even mean to say that. It was like my mouth moved on its own. It was a scary feeling; one that I imagined a puppet must feel as it danced on strings controlled by an outside force. Or..an inside one.
Jason gulped, “D..you-you’re freaking me out..”
My eyes widened as we both sat down on my bed,
“You’re scared?” Terry… asked, staring into Jason’s eyes.
Jason slowly nodded, “A-a little bit?”
I tilted my head, slowly feeling the blurriness in my eyes take over as darkness clouded my vision..
At first, I thought I was blacking out, but then I realized that I could still see.
It was how I saw that freaked me out.
There was Jason, but instead of seeing him, I saw..an outline?
Instead of his body, my eyes saw thin, blue streaks of energy running up his form…a silhouette of light.
It seemed to glow brighter the more I stared at them,
“Damien..your eyes..they’re glowing?!” Jason’s blue form hissed, “Like...red!”
When he said this, his body glowed even brighter.
It seemed to hold more power..more...food.
I directed my attention to my closet wall.
There was Mrs.M?
Was she in our room?
No..she was behind it...sleeping.
I could see her through the wall, the same blue lines running up her form. I couldn’t see any objects in this…vision, but I could see her outline very clearly. It wasn’t bright whatsoever, and it didn’t even look like she was glowing.
She didn’t seem appealing at all.
Why was I thinking these things?
Why was this happening?!
I turned back to Jason, seeing that his form was even brighter than before.
“D-Damien?” Jason whispered, the blue light wavering and shaking as he spoke. It was like watching a human pulse.
I took a deep, shaky breath, once again feeling those invisible strings dance above my helpless body.
“Jason, I’m going to try something,” Terry breathed, raising my hand to Jason’s chest, “Don’t..move.”
Speaking made our pain increase, like we were just a stack of cards in the middle of a hurricane.
Jason sat still as Terry pressed my hand against his shirt, nothing happening when he did.
“Maybe we have to touch his skin..” we thought, making sure Jason was completely still before seizing his arm. I knew Terry wanted to do this, but I did not. What would this do to him? Would it kill him? Why would I even care?
What?
O-of course I would care.
“Stop speaking in my head, Terry!” I tried to mentally order, the vibrating within me now feeling like a jackhammer against my heart. But I ignored the pain, there was no way Terry was about to tell me who I couldn't care about.
“IDIOT! DAMIEN, I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN YOUR HEAD.” Terry shouted…out loud. I saw Jason’s blue form suddenly burst into a blinding cyan, not having time to pull away from our grip before we were feeding.
I gasped as a deep, fulfilling, overwhelming sensation filled me, watching as the blue strands that seemed to make up Jason were sucked into my body, leaving a simplistic, dimly glowing outline of Jason left. All at once I felt joy, satisfaction, and lust, all piling up inside me, swirling into what felt like a growing tsunami of delight until it was stopped abruptly.
Jason shook a little as my vision returned to normal, the glow from my eyes fading as I felt my head ache.
He looked like he was in pain for a moment, but when his face returned to normal, I guessed it wasn't anything. I was breathing heavily, trying to comprehend what I just did, what I was feeling and, most importantly, what I still felt. It felt like a piece of me was gone, no, replaced with something else. It felt both great and terrifying at the same time. I could feel air molecules brushing against the hairs of my head, I could hear Mrs.M’s light snoring from the other room, and I could still taste Jason’s fear. I felt so alive. But I was also scared. Scared because of how I found myself staring at Jason. I knew I would never do anything to hurt people I cared about, so why..
Why did I…ha…why did I just want to rip his head off.
No. Stop.
Terry was right- it wasn’t him thinking these things: It was me. But didn’t he cause that? Did feeding make me more like him?
Hahahahaha-
Pop!
Suddenly, a noise rang through my brain, each horrifying and satisfying thought fading away into some crevice in my mind like nothing had happened. I could still feel them though, scratching at the subconscious barrier wrapped around it…
We sat there for a moment.
-
“What-the-actual-flip Damien?!” Jason exclaimed, his voice still shaking as he broke the silence.
I struggled to find words to explain what just happened, feeling the color return to my face along with my human thoughts. It disturbed me, how normal I felt now. I was almost ready to dismiss all my previous actions, a-and I knew that was so wrong. I didn’t want this to be normal. I didn’t want to feed. Yet, at the same time, I couldn't help but crave it.
“I think I just..ate your fear?” I suggested, making a desperate effort to enter some kind of casual tone of voice. I could only imagine what Jason was feeling right now. I thought I had gained some kind of peace with having a monster inside me, but now it was hard to stop the all too familiar fears from growing. The same thoughts I had when I was infected. The same thoughts I had when my life was destroyed.
“Though I have no idea what that blue stuff was.” I pushed myself to continue speaking, “…and why I could see through walls is still a mystery.”
Jason coughed, “Wait, what blue stuff? And you ate what? W-was that Terry screaming earlier?!”
I gave him a blank shrug, not able to put into words how badly I didn’t want to talk about this, “I-I’ll have to ask Terry when I sleep tonight.”
“Um, Yea.” Jason agreed, “Please do that..”
Just then, a rush of exhaustion plagued me. I didn’t know if it was monster related, or if it was just the day’s events, but I was tired.
Jason caught my dreary eyes, “Um, Imma read your card now.”
I was pulled out of our head space, now remembering that it was Jason’s birthday.
“O-Oh yea, sorry. Go ahead.”
I wasn’t expecting Jason to switch topics so easily, but I didn’t dare question it. In fact, I was relieved that he didn’t seem to want to talk about it.
Jason slid off his bed, closing our door and reaching for the light switch, “Let’s just use our bed lamps.” He said, flicking the switch and shrouding the room in darkness.
Except…It wasn’t dark.
I froze, my jaw dropping as I looked around.
I could still see.
I could see...in the dark.
It was like a transparent, light blue coating had been spread over my eyes, blanketing my vision in a view comparable to looking through an aquarium window. It was so seamless that it had taken me a second to notice I was doing it. No burst of light, no burning backs or ears, nothing. One minute I could see with light, and the next I could see without it.
I couldn’t see through the wall or anything, but I could clearly view everything in the room.
Including Jason leaning against the door. He was clutching his side tightly, his teeth gritted as he appeared to be quietly venting a hidden burst of pain. I opened my mouth to speak, but he went first.
“Uhh, can you turn on the lamp so we can see now?” He asked in a completely, unshaken, voice. He obviously didn’t know I could see him.
I closed my mouth, quickly turning on my bed lamp while trying to ignore what I just saw. He…he said it didn’t hurt, so it didn’t hurt. I wasn’t the bad guy here…I wasn’t.
My vision returned back to normal upon the presence of real illumination, Jason returning to his bed and sitting down as I focused on the excitement of a new ability
Normally, I would immediately tell Jason about it, but seeing as it was his birthday, I didn’t want him to feel any...less special because of me.
Not that he would, but I didn’t want to take any chances. Instead, I just stayed quiet, glancing as he opened the card.
Before he started reading, he looked at me, “This is like… an essay.” He pointed out.
I coughed, a sudden electric pop crackling through the air when I did, “I was er…kind of freaking out when I wrote it,” I whispered, looking away.
Jason laughed, “Fine. Should I read it outloud?”
“No.” I stated quickly, another pop resounding in the bedroom, “That’s weird.”
Jason raised his eyebrow, “Did you rub your hair against the carpet or something?”
I shrugged, feeling my arm tingle with something that felt like static electricity, “Maybe I uh..ate too much..”
Jason laughed, looking back at the card, “I’m thinking more like superpowers, but yeah, I’ll read it in my head.”
Ten minutes passed before he finished.
While he was reading, his expression switched from a smirk, to a completely straight face.
He sighed, placing the card on his nightstand, “You know you’re really taking the fun out of this whole apocalypse thing.”
I glared at him, “What fun?”
Jason shrugged, “Well, I don’t think we should just give up-”
“I’m not giving up.” I shot, “I’m just not gonna be stuck in some imaginary world where-”
“Where what?” Jason gritted his teeth, “Where you’re alive? That’s imaginary now?!”
I looked down, a couple of minutes passed before I said, “Well, at least I'm not forgetting what made us orphans.”
Why did I say that?
“Shut up.” Jason said, clearly trying to control himself, “I-I know that wasn’t fully you talking, so just shut up before you say something you regret.”
I didn’t say anything.
Jason continued, “I…I get it, okay?” He admitted, laughing absently, “I’m over here having a birthday party while monsters are roaming the streets.”
He took a deep breath, “B-but all I wanted was my best friend to try and make my first parentless birthday a good day. I get it’s a stupid imaginary world but it’s still mine.”
I cleared my throat, “I’m sorry.” I said, “I…didn’t mean to say that.”
Jason nodded, “Well, everything is gonna be fine, okay? Jeez- I should hire a therapist for you..”
I tried to laugh, but to no avail.
“Plus, you’re like... Superboy. I find it highly unlikely that you’ll just die out of nowhere.”
I just nodded, “Yea..” I said, “Yea you’re probably right.”
“Now…sleep..” Jason ordered, muttering more things about therapy before lying into his bed. He rolled over to face his new aquarium, “And quit with the dramatic death letter writing.”
I smiled, getting under my own covers before reaching for the lamp.
I turned it off, the…’night vision’ kicking in once again as I laid my head back on the pillow,
“This might actually be a problem..” I realized.
I couldn’t fall asleep with the 'lights' on.
I sighed, causing Jason to shuffle,
“You good?” He asked.
I looked over at him, he was facing the roof, quietly drumming his fingers on his chest as he awaited my response.
“He’s okay.” I told myself again, "I didn't do anything serious."
I coughed, “H-how do you think Superman turns off his uh..super sight?”
Jason looked incredibly confused, and I would’ve laughed if I hadn’t actually needed help.
“Umm,” He thought for a moment, delving into his superhero knowledge,
“I remember reading this fan page about something like that..”
I rolled my eyes- his nerdiness never failed to reach new heights.
“And I think they said that... he had to like…imagine what he wanted to see first. Like he had to believe it was happening before it did.”
“Hm,” I thought, closing my eyes, “Here goes nothing..”
What should I picture?
Was I supposed to think about just not being able to see? That seemed kind of stupid.
I opened my eyes after a couple minutes, nearly having a heart attack when I did.
“..I didn’t mean this one.”
Jason’s creepy silhouette was back, and instead of blue, lying on a bed I could no longer see was a red outline of his body.
Joy; new colors.
“Uh dude..uh...did you fall asleep?” Jason asked, “Y-your eyes are glowing again.”
I closed my eyes for the second time, trying to think of something else.
I opened.
Everything was back to normal,
“Oh hey, it worked!” I exclaimed, not meaning to say it out loud.
Jason coughed, “Wait..” he said, “Explain what just happened.”
I laughed nervously, figuring I couldn’t hide it now, “I have like..two sets of vision besides my normal one.. I think.”
I heard Jason sit up, “What?!” he hissed, “What are they?”
I grinned slightly, happy that we could talk about something exciting, “Apparently, one is night vision.”
Jason gasped, “Was that the one where your eyes glowed?”
I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me, “No, that was the second one..”
“Which is..?” Jason queried.
“That fear seeing thing..” I answered, “Erm...I think, at least. It was the thing that I had on when I…when I-”
“Oh, right,” Jason remembered, “Th-that one.”
He continued, “Wow..where were all these before?” He asked.
I shrugged, “I guess I wasn’t...fully charged.”
Jason laughed, “Like Fight4Life?”
I sighed, not sure if we should be going off of video games in this kind of situation, “I..don’t think so, but maybe Terry will talk to me tonight.”
Jason went back down into his bed, the audible flap of his sheets whistling into my ears, “Whatever, but isn’t this kind of cool?”
I was able to smile, “Yeah…yeah it kind of is.”
We both laughed, getting comfortable again before drifting off to sleep.
-
“You finally did it...Damien.” Terry greeted me.
He was a lot scarier since the last time I’d seen him.
For one, he was eight feet tall, back to his original height and not just my size.
Secondly, he was a lot more bulky than before, and thirdly, It looked like his skin had expanded.
Now, Terry’s skin was able to contain its huge muscles without having his body ripped open.
For a monster, he was actually looking pretty…normal,
“You’re looking..good.” I stated, sitting on the void like ground.
He copied me, “So you’ve figured out how to feed, and use my vision.”
I blinked, “Oh yea,” I remembered, “Can you explain how the..uh, Fear sight thing works? Like...what is it?”
Terry leaned back, “Fear Sight?” He questioned, “Interesting, but accurate name.”
Thanks?
“The..Fear Sight… lets you see the level of fear one has. In my short time as an individual, I used it to locate meals.”
I glared, “But instead of...Aura Feeding…you ate them?”
He nodded, “But lately, because of you, I have been led to believe that eating humans is..wrong?”
I tilted my head, “Yes,” I agreed, “That is very wrong actually..”
Terry shrugged,
“Anyways,” He continued, “You cannot see anything that doesn’t have any levels of fear, and you cannot feed on the same thing twice until eight hours have passed.”
Another blink, “Wait why?”
“Feeding on something twice might kill it..and you seem against killing.”
I nodded, “Yea, I’m not a murderer.”
“Good thing I only did it once to Jason,” I thought, glad that Jason hadn’t felt any pain.
“Exactly,” Terry went on, “Now, this next bit might be..confusing to say the least...since I myself do not fully understand it.”
I looked around, “Well it doesn’t look like I have any headache yet, so have at it.”
Terry cleared his throat, which was quite scary, before continuing onward,
“The blue strands when you feed symbolize what we can eat, and the red symbolize what we..contain? The blue are a subject’s fear patterns that are available for consumption. They can be regulated through their body until a certain point, which is where the red comes in. The red is-”
I sighed, realizing that I might get a headache sooner than I thought,
“Wait, so why did I see Jason completely blue one moment, then completely red the next?”
Terry..glared?
“Maybe I should rephrase this in a language you..teenage geeks... would understand.”
“teenage geeks”.
Terry rubbed his head, “You only see blue, when your...Fear Meter..isn’t full.”
I slowly nodded, appreciating this video game description. He must’ve gotten it from Fight4Life, as there were all sorts of meters and bars in that game.
“Your Fear Meter is basically how in control you are of your mind and abilities in general.”
Oh, that actually made a bit of sense.
“So..eating the strands fills the Fear Meter, and once it’s full..the blue strands turn red? Does red mean we can’t eat it?”
“The blue does turn red when the Fear Meter grows full, but not because we can’t eat it..” Terry explained, “Think of the red as..excess energy that we can use for..more complex actions.”
I smiled, almost getting excited,
“Okay,” I said, “So if our Fear Meter thingy was full, and we ate some red strands, we could use the extra red for like..Ultra Choke Slam or something?”
Ultra Choke Slam was a special move in Fight4Life. Possibly one of the coolest in my opinion.
Terry blinked,
“Yes..” He muttered, “I suppose that is a sufficient example.”
Now I was excited, “Does the red we’ve eaten go away after a while?”
“Once the Fear Meter drops a little, you can mentally feed yourself the excess energy, or red strands, you’ve stored in your body to fill it up again, but otherwise no, you can keep excess energy for other things.”
I nodded, kind of relieved I was finally getting it.
“But beware,” Terry warned, “Feeding on too much red is dangerous, and if you ever do, make sure to release the energy as soon as it gets too high.”
“How do I release Energy?” I asked,
“And how do I check how much Excess Energy I have left?”
Before Terry could respond, I continued my questions,
“What kind of things can I do with Excess Energy?”
“How will I know when my Fear Meter isn’t completely full?”
“And when it isn’t full, how do I mentally use my excess Energy to fill it?”
“And I know this doesn’t really make any sense- but I was watching superman earlier and I wanted to know- can I fly?!”
“SILENCE!!!” Terry yelled, shutting me up, “Humans talk too much.”
I chuckled nervously, staying quiet so Terry could respond,
“Figuring out how to release energy is like figuring out how to..sneeze. Just keep trying things until it works.”
I wasn’t entirely sure that was how sneezing worked, but I got the gist.
“Use your..Fear Sight.. And look at yourself to see how many red strands are in you. The same goes for the blue strands.”
So I could use Fear Sight to look at myself too; that would be useful.
“I don’t know what you can do with the Excess Energy...I’ll have to figure something out.”
Well that was disappointing.
“The moment you are even able to feed on the blue, your Fear Meter isn’t full.”
“And I imagine using Excess Energy is a lot like how you turned off Night Vision; Just think about it.”
I blinked as he finished answering all but one of my questions, “I need to write this down probably..”
Terry shrugged, the otherwise simple action causing huge shoulder muscles to bulge outward from under his skin. “Probably.” He agreed, “ I’m going to let you go now before you give me a headache.”
I laughed a little, but then stopped as I remembered something, “W-wait, I had some questions about the feeding thing.”
Terry’s large form towered over me, “It was exhilarating, wasn’t it?”
I nodded, “Yeah, but…I don’t know, it was a little scary.”
Terry shook his monsterish head slightly, “ ‘scary’?” He taunted, “Damien, I am trying to establish… a connection with you, but complaining to me about something being scary is pathetic.”
I frowned, “No,” I said, “It’s just that-”
“You felt like you were ‘losing yourself’?”
I nodded again, glad he was understanding, “Yeah-!”
“That’s just how this works.” He stopped me, “You can’t expect to be the same oblivious kid you’ve been anymore Damien. Like it or not, we are monsters-”
“No!” I denied him. This was not what I wanted to hear, “Y-you’re the monster…I’m the human. Th-that’s how this works! You killed my parents and-!”
“And you wanted to rip Jason’s head off. It’s a give and take.”
“Well, I don’t want to feed if it’s just gonna make me feel like that again.”
Terry grew angry, “Do you have any idea how much energy it’s taking to run our brain right now? If you do not feed, we-will-die. As long as I’m with you, I’m forced to become like you. As long as you keep us alive by feeding, you will be forced to be like me. Deal with it.”
I refused again, “I may have to feed, but won’t do it as much as you clearly want. I…I’m still a lot human, and I don’t want to lose that.” I gulped, still finding it difficult to disagree so strongly with Terry without fearing for my life, “A-and I don’t care if you don’t understand that, but that's what you’ll have to deal with. Whatever crap is in my back is here for a reason. There are lines that…that I won’t let us cross.”
Terry’s anger seemed to dissipate, clearly receiving backlash from my emotions, “Ugh,” He grunted, the red glow of his eyes dimming slightly, “We shall see how long those lines hold. Regardless, you need sleep. Feeding for the first time can be a lot. But since it is the first time, I recommend not letting your…Fear meter drop to where you start seeing blue strands again. Keep it filled for now. We don’t want any accidents occurring because of your frail human body.”
I calmed myself down, bringing my eyes away from Terry’s, “Yeah…” I agreed, “Erm…Goodnight, Terry.”
Terry tilted his head a little, “Goodnight...Damien.”
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I Became a [Biologist] in a Fantasy World!
I loved Biology - always have, and always will. Unfortunately for me, years of fruitless research whittled away what little joy I had left in what I did. Escapism came in the form of reading isekai works, where the stresses of real life seemed so far away.Luckily, I was summoned to a fantasy world of magic, dragons, and other mythical beasts. I didn't even need to deal with the Demon Lord threat, since it seemed that my summoning was a mistake, and all they needed was the Hero who was coincidentally summoned together with me! There was no revenge subplot, no hidden trap directed against me, and they even paid me compensation for their mistake. At long last, I could finally do what I ever wanted to do - experiment for the fun of it!With my new class as a [Biologist], none of this fantasy world's mysteries will be left untouched. Even if the Demon Lord himself comes knocking, nothing will stop me from researching every nook and cranny there is to discover of the magical biology of this world! ----I write extremely casually, and purely for leisure. Updates will likely be irregular, depending on when inspiration strikes and whether I can spare the time to work on this. Don't expect too much out of this, and certainly not anything close to professional quality! Inspired by an overconsumption of Japanese light novels, manga, and anime... expect their influence to slowly but surely take hold.
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