《Drifter》Chapter 25 | Shattered Soul

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My stomach growls as I trudge my way through the forest, I didn't have a map to follow as maps in this world were apparently very difficult to make, even though paper and ink products back in Zona were available to even the poorest members of society. As a result I had to rely on the word of mouth from the many people I'd encountered on my travels. Thankfully it looks like my notoriety hadn't spread too far, or maybe the people who live around these parts just don't recognize my face.

It's not to the point of a life or death situation but... The people I encountered weren't the most hospitable, as a result, I haven't eaten anything for a week by now. I look to the trees and give an irritable smile. I was very tempted to take flight and speed to my destination. But I couldn't underestimate just how strong these people's eyes were. They would undoubtedly spot me in the air, even if I was at the highest point I dared to fly. After all, unlike before I couldn't hide behind clouds the entire way, and then once they spot me, my element of surprise would be lost. They'd be expecting a Tetsudo to join the battle and make preparations for it, and I still had no answer for that heat resistant armor that everyone was wearing back then, eh what was it called... Rosemetal?

I pause for a second and ponder; I think, back in the castle that I was about to use my own blood as a vessel for channeling my Tetsu. They were doing the exact same thing, but using it to control some swords that popped up from the ground. I take a look at my hand, then slash my thumb with my teeth; letting a drop of blood hit the ground. I then suck on the wound trying to close it up, wincing at the sting. I've never really experienced any brutal injuries until I came here, and the times I did get injured I was too pumped full of adrenaline to really feel it. I curse at myself for letting such a small cut bother me.

Using blood as a channel wasn't entirely undocumented; however, I never really looked into it back in my world. The hands were considered a holy part of the body, many people often wore gloves and never let their hands into open air unless they needed to use tetsu. So injuring them like this would make a lot of people cringe. Which is why the use of blood was never really looked into, at least in the country of Zona.

I step away from where the blood landed, but then frown. The sensation wasn't the same. This won't detonate. I take a look at my hand again and hesitate. I need to figure out what went wrong and what I need to change.

Hours pass, both my hands had been torn to shreds, agonizing and painfully with my teeth, which I was forced to use since I couldn't hurt myself with my own Tetsu. Otherwise this process would have gone a lot easier with a little wind.

Alright, test #34, I take a deep breath, step back, and set the blood off. A bright inferno appears from within the leaves, even catching me in the explosion, the trees around the center burn up and vaporize instantly. Thankfully unaffected, I watch in wonder at the damage the explosion caused. It wasn't a very large area, rather... It was a small and contained but intense detonation. The trees had instantly been turned into charcoal, no time to burn, it was like a chunk of the Earth had simply been warped out of reality. Much, much stronger than I had originally anticipated.

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The process to extract Tetsu into blood was a lot harder than I realized. I had to use the rather unfamiliar sensation of concentrating Tetsu into my hands. Normally I had to circulate it around my body in various different ways to create various elemental effects. There was no, concentrating into a single limb, it was more so dispersed throughout my entire body.

Then once it was in my hands, I had to further concentrate it into the blood that came out. I was still able to feel the Tetsu in the blood even after it was out of the body, so I started circulating the Tetsu in that tiny drop of liquid, which allowed this to happen.

I celebrate at my small breakthrough internally as my hands started to go cold and numb from all the blood loss, and then once again, my stomach growls.

I continue wandering across the wilderness, I had taken my shirt off and wrapped it tightly around my hands like a bandage. However, my food situation hadn't gotten any better since then. I continue walking until I found myself at the edge of a large cliff. I wonder if I went off track? I shouldn't have encountered a cliff like this or else I probably would have been told this, I continue walking across the side unsure of what to do.

I hear rustling from a couple meters away and quickly turn my head. I bring my guard up, is it an animal of some kind?

… I stare to the side.

Another man, he had a face that made his age hard to guess, he could have been in his twenties to his fifties. His legs were dangling off the edge, a sword was plunged straight into the hard stone ground of the cliffside within his arm's reach, and his eyes. They were tired and dull. He exuded an aura of someone who was very hard to approach and didn't want to be talked to

This would be a pretty good opportunity in order to get some directions, normally I wouldn’t disturb someone like him, but I'll just have to do it. Maybe he'll have some food to spare as well, hehe.

"Sorry to bother you, but could you point me to where the battlefront is?

The man slowly turns his head and looks up at me. "What? You want to go on and throw yourself into a battle?"

"Well..." Yes, I do. Although it didn't feel natural saying that outright.

He stands up and looks at me from head to toe. "You don't look all that tough, your build is pretty below average, not frail, have you ever been in a battle before? Not those practices matches with trained instructors or whatever. I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into."

"Well, you aren't wrong, I came from quite a sheltered background." I place my hands on my hips and look to the sky. "I also didn't understand a lot of things, but now I do, and I have to make up for it, that's why I have to go."

"I don't know much about you, but I can assure you that you haven't understood anything. Nothing at all if you're so eager to play with lives like this; take more and more lives, until you eventually get unlucky and fall to a random stroke of the blade."

"No you don’t understand, I have to do this. I made a promise to someone." I said.

He stares at me not saying anything for a full minute.

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“You are not a judge for who lives and who dies. I’m not either, nobody should be. You better break your promise before it’s too late.”

"That's enough, this is a waste of time. I should have just ignored you." I said angrily, before marching off.

"Wait, just hold on for a second. I won't tell you how to get to Kaldros, but there's a river you'll come across shortly in that direction." The man raised his arm and pointed. "If you're dexterous enough, you can probably catch some fish and stock up on some food."

I continue walking wanting to ignore his advice, but then pause just as I was about to exit his line of sight.

"Thanks for that." I said.

I munched on a slightly burnt, slightly undercooked fish. Sharp thin fish bones irritated and scratched the inside of my mouth. Yep, this is disgusting. The only times I’ve ever cooked was in a kitchen with meticulously prepared equipment and ingredients. Plus, the flame there could actually heat up food. Here I only had my Tetsu and nothing else.

Even indirectly, when I heated things with my own flames, I couldn't feel any of heat that came from cooking it. So the fish ended up cold, horribly cooked, tasteless, and bony, to me and only me. At least I can cook it in the first place though.

I spit out the last bit of bone in my mouth, leaving a pile of fish bones on the ground beside me; I then stand up, and dunk my head into the river and gulp down a couple swigs of freshwater. Even though I was able to drink water I created myself, as always the natural stuff was always better. After washing the grime and dirt out of my face and hair, I leave the river and set out into the wilderness once again.

I guess it's time to keep walking and hope to find another stranger more willing to help me.

I continue on trudging through the forest, eventually stumbling across a band of men and women whom also looked to be traveling around. Large swords had been strapped to their hips, they wore similar uniforms and were lightly armored, and they all had grim expressions on their faces.

"Sorry to both you guys, but could you point me the way to the battlefront?" I stopped and asked as we passed each other. One of the women stopped and pointed directly away the direction they were traveling.

"Should be a 3 day walk, keep walking in that direction until you find a series of small waterfalls. If you find them, then follow the river upstream and you'll eventually reach the base camp."

"I appreciate it." I said before walking away.

"One more thing. There's someone very dangerous loose around the area; it's a deserter that fled the army. I would be careful around here if I were you traveler. Have a good day." The women said before rejoining with the group. We then went our separate ways, me not thinking too much about her last words. Only later when my mind began wandering did I put the pieces together. Deserter... Heavily armed group of people with identical uniforms... I pause mid-step. Wait were they hunting down the person I encountered earlier?

A sense of dread accompanied this realization. Do I help him? It's a deserter that abandoned the war after all. Should I have any sympathy for him?

Although I had these thoughts, I soon found myself flying across the forest, the wind strong on my face, and trees zipping across my eyesight, as I backtracked as fast as I could. After all, there's only one reason food is in my stomach right now.

I finally make my way to the cliffside, I burst out to the clearing where I met the deserter.

“Are you alri—“

I widen my eyes at the scene of carnage spread out before me. Corpses littered the cliffside, the entire squadron that passed me by had been annihilated, and sitting there, in the exact same position I found him, was the man who was a supposed deserter, his sword, dripping blood onto the rock, lodged in the same position as before. He turns his head half around and smiles at me.

"Welcome back. These are dead bodies, take a good look at them, because you'll be seeing a lot more of them in the future."

"It's quite ironic, how you were preaching all this about how killing and death is bad and you end up being one of the best at it." I said, slowly walking forward.

"Well... I wouldn't say I'm one of the best." He turns his entire body around and stands up, revealing a missing eye and hand, plus dozens of fresh bloody gashes running across his chest and body.

"Wha- What happened!" I rush forward in an effort to try to help him but am immediately stopped as he whips the blade out of ground and points it at me.

"If you come any closer, I might think you have it out for me." He chuckles. "Leave me be, there's nothing you can do for me."

"Is that right?" I glare at him and sit down where I stood, crossing my arms. "I can wait, with the amount of blood you're dripping it's only a matter of minutes before you lose consciousness."

"Haha, I guess you got me." He then sticks his tongue out at me before he staggers and crumples to the ground unconscious. I then stand up and steadily approach his body, and crouch down right next to him.

As I examine his wounds, a tiny torch ignites on my fingertip. "Sorry if you're able to feel this." I murmured before beginning work.

"H-help..." I hear a weak sickly voice down on the ground from behind me. I turn around and see a man crawling towards me, streaking the ground with blood. At this moment I had a sudden realization. What am I doing? I'm supposed to be aiding the war effort, not helping out someone who ran away from the war. I hesitate and back away from the deserter's unconscious body. There's no way I can focus and save both of these people at the same time, do I really have to choose? The man slowly crawling towards me, a desperate glint in his eyes.

This was my goal right? Even though the higher ups rejected my help, I was going to fight for Lyster anyways, for the sake of Yesenia right? Here was a soldier from the Lyster army, doing his job, and he was on the edge of death because of his job, and here was a deserter, who ran away from the war and killed and entire group of soldiers as a result of his cowardice.

I bite my lip, all of this is true... But why do I feel this way right now? I couldn't even consider the thought of abandoning this man to help the soldier, no way.

"Forgive me!" I held my hand down and let out a blast of air pressure flinging soldier's head onto the hard rock-solid ground. Hearing a sick crack as his head made contact with the ground, my body begins shivering.

At least this way, he won't have to suffer anymore. Or was that just an excuse so that I wouldn't have to hear his cries as I abandoned him? Bile begins rising up into my mouth, I gag and cup my hand over my mouth and heave over. My head began spinning as I became lightheaded, I just killed him, I just killed him, I just killed him. Why did I do that? I don't remember the reason. I shouldn't have done that. That man did nothing to deserve that-

Stop thinking! Focus! If I look back now both of these people will die.

I calm myself down. I look away from the dead body and begin work on cauterizing all the wounds. Yes, just engross yourself into the work, everything else is irrelevant.

I watch over the man's body as he lies down the soft dirt and grass still unconscious. His breathing had become even, and it looks like he's in stable condition now.

"I don't even know your name..." I whispered to myself. My mind began wandering again, I feel the crunch of that soldier's skull shattering running through my bones. What else could I have done? I had to do it. I had to do it. My leg begins jittering up and down, restless. I take a look at my leg and then smack it, trying to calm myself down.

"I'm thirsty." A voice from below comes out of nowhere.

"You're awake!" I turn around surprised.

"I'm thirsty."

"Ah, Is that right?" I walk over annoyed and stick my finger into his mouth. His single eye widens surprised as his cheeks begin filling up with water, however he soon begin sucking down on my finger, eager to lap up more and more. I then pull my finger out of his mouth as soon as he begins sputtering.

“Thank you for that, now where are we, this isn’t the usual cliff I like to sit on.”

“I brought you somewhere close to the forest.”

“Please. Bring me back.”

I pause and look at him incredulously. “Why are you so obsessed with that cliff? Can’t you sit and rest somewhere better?”

“Well, after all. That’s the place I’ve chosen to die.”

I stare at him, mouth hanging open, unexpected turbulent emotions boiling through my body.

“Hey… who said you could-“ I stutter around, at a loss for words for a couple of seconds. However, the emotions roaring around my mind slowly condenses together and becomes anger.

“Do you have any idea what I just did for you?” I said, my voice shaking.

“No, tell me.”

“One of the soldiers in the group was still alive, but I couldn’t save both of you two at the same time, so I…” I hesitate, unwilling to say what I did.

“So you what? Come on, I want you to say it out loud.” He says to me, before cheekily grinning.

“I MURDERED HIM!” I yelled with unexpected vigor, after seeing his face.

“IT WAS POINTLESS, I DID ALL THAT FOR SOMEONE WHO ALREADY WANTED TO DIE! POINTLESS! POINTLESS! POINTLESS!” I cradle my head in my arms, leaning down and trembling.

“Why are you acting so torn up about that? After all, isn’t that exactly what you’re going to Kaldros to do?” He replied flatly, his voice not changing tone at all.

I violently grab him the the collar of his shirt and lift him off the ground, the other hand bursting into a burning inferno as I stare him murderously.

He stares back at me, no fear in his single eye. We stare at each other for a couple more seconds before I drop him and extinguish my flame. I then walk away without saying a word.

“Tetsudo! If there’s a hell, I hope I don’t see you there!” The man from behind calls out as I disappear into the forest.

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