Chapter 20: Cah’lia, Rina, Sehn, and Nero: a Declaration of War.

Cah’lia took a deep breath; the last bit of Koringrath faded from view in the distance. For Nero, Koringrath was the farthest from home he’d ever been, but for Cah’lia, the city of Hahl would be. She recalled from the maps pinned to the foyer-wall of the inn that the Harrow plains would continue for only half a day’s ride, and from there they would enter the Jinkar forests.

Nero was delighted at the prospect of seeing even more new sights, but Cah’lia was not as thrilled. For a horse, riding over the plains was a smooth and easy ride, but riding through a forest could be a pain. Luckily, the forest would only run for a few days before letting out into a valley with softer terrain. She’d need to keep a close eye on Nero, because if the little brat tried to run off in the forest, he could be lost for good. This was way too dangerous for a seventh seasoned—years-old as the Humans called it—Elf.

Cah’lia looked over at the Princess Saerina, riding just behind Sehn, Patrick, and Prince Saerith. Saerina was her princess and deserved Cah’lia’s undying loyalty and respect. Yet, despite this, Cah’lia wanted nothing more than to maim the woman. Why had she insisted on bringing along Nero and Rina? Cah’lia wondered if regardless of the consequences, she should have disobeyed the princess and sent them home anyway. If anything happened to either of the two, she would blame herself for allowing it.

Sehn was behaving even more ridiculous than usual. For years Sehn had gone to great lengths, sometimes even at the cost of personal injury, to prove himself the best at everything. He had done things that were dangerous and stupid, insane and foolish, and now he was displaying that side of himself in full-force. Cah’lia had never seen him as competitive as he was being since Prince Saerith tagged along.

For the first hour or two after their departure things had remained relatively peaceful, almost civil, and Cah’lia believed that their journey would finally become less frustrating. That dream was torn to pieces, when the prince approached her and once again kissed her hand. It was a casual thing, although it came about with no warning or reason. The prince had simply fallen back, rode alongside her, and called her beautiful. He’d kissed her raised hand as if she were royalty. Since then, Sehn had been an absolute nightmare to deal with.

In a way it gave Cah’lia a warm feeling at seeing Sehn jealous, although never in a million years would Sehn admit his jealousy. It made her blush just thinking about it. The problem though, was that it was slowing down their journey. Cah’lia knew that speed was vital, for reasons she forced out of her mind, unwilling to bring up until necessary.

It had only been a quarter of a day since they’d departed Koringrath, and already Sehn had done several ridiculous things. As the horses pushed onward toward Hahl, Cah’lia had the feeling it was only going to get worse.

Sehn would not allow the prince for even a brief moment to pull his horse ahead of his own. Sehn demanded that he be the front-most rider at all times. Every time the prince seemed to come close, even if just by a single horse-hoof’s worth of distance, Sehn would kick his horse and dash forward. He grunted at Saerith every time he looked in his direction, and several times during the first quarter-day he’d even thrown rocks at the prince when he wasn’t looking, blaming it on his horse kicking them up from the ground.

Cah’lia pulled on her horse’s reins, and sped up to ride next to Sehn and the prince at the head of the group. Rina held tighter onto her waist as the horse went from a trot into a gallop.

“Sehn, I know it’s been you throwing these painful rocks at me, and I ask you to please cease this behavior. Do not think for a moment that I’ll not tie you to my horse and have you dragged along the floor until we reach the treasure.”

Sehn pulled back his lower lip, and gave the prince a dirty look. “Is that so, prince? I should like to see you try.”

Cah’lia intervened. No good would come of the bickering. “Sehn, my prince, why are you two fighting again?”

Saerith turned to her, his beautiful red eyes sending a shiver down Cah’lia’s spine. “I’m afraid I don’t know, my lovely Cah’lia. Sehn has been throwing rocks at me, and insulting me since shortly after we departed. I do not wish to quarrel with him, yet he will not stop mistreating me.”

Cah’lia folded her arms and gave Sehn a look of disappointment. She knew of one way to divert Sehn from his rage against Saerith. It was going to be troublesome, but it would at the very least ensure a more painless and quicker journey.

“Sehn, will you please quit acting like a child? We all get it—you don’t like our prince. But acting like a foolish dolt will not make anything better.”

“Yeah!” Rina shouted. “Rina thinks Sehn is being stupid.”

Sehn’s eyes widened at the girl’s remark. Cah’lia and Rina had gotten very close in a short period of time, to the point where she now favored Cah’lia over Sehn. Sehn opened his mouth to reply, but was stopped short by Nero.

“Rina!” he shouted, riding up to join them. “You dare say such things to the Great Sehn! I shall turn you into horse-feed for this.”

Sehn beamed with approval. “Well said, Nero. These two foolish women have turned against us, a mistake they will pay for with their lives.”

“Rina does not think so. Rina thinks that Sehn and Nero are stupid boys, and that Mistress Cah’lia will beat them up if they don’t mind their manners when speaking to ladies.”

Cah’lia beamed her own pride at the tiny Rina as they watched Nero and Sehn look at each other in shared outrage.

“Did they just call us stupid, Sehn?” Nero asked.

“It means little coming from them, Nero,” Sehn replied with a grin. “After all, everyone knows that Cah’lia and Rina are the dumbest in the land!” The two shared a laugh.

So, they wanted to play, did they? Cah’lia was going to set a good example for Rina. Rina was going to learn that girls don’t lose to idiots. “Oh, we’re stupid, are we? Is that why Rina and I got our entire heads stuck inside of a beehive and had to spend a week in the Elven infirmary? Oh no, wait, that was you and Nero, after you two idiots thought you could threaten bees into making honey faster by shoving your heads into their hives and shouting demands at them.”

Cah’lia had to put an arm behind her back and grab Rina, she was laughing so hard she almost fell off of the horse. Sehn and Nero looked livid.

“Nero!” Sehn shouted. “It seems these two women have challenged the Great Sehn and Nero to a word-war. Quickly, Nero! Fetch the scroll of insulting!”

Nero spun his horse around and galloped back to where Daniel was leading their wagon. He returned a moment later, with a large scroll, tied delicately with an expensive red ribbon. Taped across it was the Sehn-seal.

“Sehn,” Nero asked. “We have spent hours writing down our words of power. Are you sure that we’re not unleashing it too soon?”

“No. Today is the day we use our ultimate weapon.” Nero’s ears twitched and his puffy-cheeks wobbled upon hearing this. “Now is the time to act. We must forgo the opening ritual, and break the seal. The power is needed at once!”

Cah’lia watched in amusement and tried not to laugh as her little brother broke the seal of the large scroll, and began to unravel it. It seemed to be yet another one of Sehn and Nero’s massive time-wasters. Sehn held his head high, in a position of command, and spoke with confidence to Nero.

“Nero!” he commanded. “Turn to article Seven dash F, entitled ‘Cah’lia is a bitch’. Recite lines four and five, please, word for word.”

Cah’lia felt her amusement fade a little at the title, and had a feeling that it was soon going to turn into outright anger.

“Ehem,” Nero began. “It actually says that, the Ehem, I mean. I’m not adding that in. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Ehem. Cah’lia has a very fat and large ass. It is so large, that the horse she is sitting on is probably begging for a knife to the brain, just to be put out of its misery for having such a massive and heavy butt crushing its spine. Rina’s ass is growing too, an inch for every day that she spends with Cah’lia. Already it looks like a giant boulder begins where her waist ends. Also, Rina and Cah’lia are stupid, because they have inferior woman-brains, that are in no way as Godly or cunning as Sehn’s. Nero too, but mostly Sehn’s.”

Cah’lia felt the first stirrings of anger, but pushed them down, replacing anger with confidence. She had prepared for this. “Rina, do you remember what we practiced? In case of an emergency?”

Rina’s eyes sparkled, the little girl smiled and nodded. “Rina does!”

“Now is the time,” Cah’lia said with a wry grin. Cah’lia lifted up her left arm, so that the small girl could lean over the horse and look at the two foolish Elves as she spoke. Cah’lia knew before Rina had even begun speaking, they were going to win the war.

“Sehn’s face looks like a rotten pineapple, and Nero’s looks like the droppings of a horse. Cah’lia and Rina are so much smarter than Sehn and Nero, because they don’t spend all of their money on fake magical fruits. Cah’lia and Rina are better than Sehn and Nero at everything in the world, including horse-riding, fighting, and looking beautiful. Sehn and Nero smell like the butt of a zebra, only way worse. Nero has a fat face, and Sehn is less powerful than an insect.”

As Rina spoke the last word of her rehearsed insult, a silence fell upon the four of them. Sehn and Nero looked like they were literally frozen, their faces as still as a statue. They were gripping each other’s sleeves, and their lips were peeled back, revealing each one of their teeth. Their eyes were open wide, and their tongues were sticking out of their mouths in shock. Cah’lia worried for a moment that they might have actually killed them with their insults.

After a moment, their faces became unfrozen, like ice thawing after a blizzard. Sehn turned over to look at Nero, and the two seemed to share a ridiculous look of outrage and disbelief. “Nero…” Sehn whispered. “Prepare yourself for open-warfare.”

Nero did not respond. He looked far too shocked to form words. He simply nodded, and the two of them rode away, trembling.

“Rina and Cah’lia win!” the girl shouted. Cah’lia smiled, and delighted in the success of her plan. She knew Sehn and her brother enough to know that they’d be very careful for the coming days. They would devote hours upon hours to plans of revenge that they would never be able to see through, for how ridiculous they’d be. If Cah’lia knew Sehn—and she did—Nero and he were probably off trying to summon a Demon-God or bring about the end of the world. There would be some peace on the journey after all.