《Smash Gal & Esvanir》Issue #19: Dogs are Better Judges of Character than That

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=== Kari ===

This training was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. And I can catch cars with ease. I didn't really have a problem learning any of the motions that I was taught. I had always been good at stuff like that. I could mimic any punches that were thrown or kicks and I took to throwing people around like a fish to water. The hard part was all of the sitting around. And there was so much sitting around.

I had just thrown an enemy down on the ground and I flew up in the air and let out a loud whoop of joy when Suiren grabbed my foot with a cane and tried to pull me to the ground. Really she ended up hanging off my foot slightly off the ground.

“Get down!” She shouted up at me. I smiled and lowered her to the ground and then myself.

“Sorry. But I just got excited. I learned it! I learned the throw.”

“Yes, and if this had been a battle, you'd be dead.”

“Yeah, but I'd never do that during a real battle.”

“Wouldn't you?” Suiren asked, eyeing me carefully. “You are easily distracted by things. And it's how you've gotten hurt in the past.”

“I have never been seriously hurt,” I protested. “I always recover super quick.”

“Yeah, but what if someone shows you less mercy. Your friend, Esvani-”

“We're not friends,” I interrupted my teacher.

“Uh-huh, sure. That's why you're so touchy about it,” the eight-year-old countered, poking me in the chest. Well, she poked me in the abs, but that's because that's what she could reach. But I knew what she was going for. “Esvanir could've killed you.”

“He cheated.”

“And you'd still be dead. It doesn't matter if he cheated. And also, he didn't.” The girl took on a scholarly tone. “He took advantage of your weakness.”

“I can bench a building. I'm not weak.”

“Not physically,” the girl agreed.

“Are you calling me dumb?”

“I'm saying that you're short-sighted and act on instinct. We need to break that habit of yours.”

I frowned and considered what she was saying. Curt hadn't really cheated. Even I had to admit that. He had just thought through what he was doing better. I shuddered. I could hear the anger in his voice still. He was terrifying when he wanted to be. I sighed. “What do you think we should do about it?”

“You're going to meditate. You need to learn how to calm down. Once we can get you calm in a controlled situation, we'll work on it in combat.” And that's what was so hard. I had seen people meditate on TV and movies and stuff, but I was terrible at it. Suiren had me sit down and close my eyes and do nothing. I have never had to do nothing in my life. What's worse is that despite the fact that she had her eyes closed too (I know because I checked) she always knew what I was doing.

“Stop fidgeting,” she said, and I made a conscious decision to stop shaking my leg. I opened one eye and looked over at her. She was sitting there, back perfectly straight, hands in her lap, with her eyes closed. “Close your eyes. Concentrate.”

“Concentrate on what?”

“On nothing.”

“But I'm boooored,” I complained. “Boredom is a crime.”

“Have you really never sat down and done nothing before?” Suiren asked, exasperated.

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“Uh, no. Not really. Mom always said that since I could walk, I've been running. And that I could never sit still.”

“So, this should be a great learning experience for you.”

“What am I learning?” I asked, bitterly. “How to waste time?”

“How to be in the moment. Once you can do that, you'll be a better fighter.”

“Wouldn't it just be better to actually fight?” I asked. “Like that seems like a better method. And it's more fun. And interesting. And isn't just sitting here doing nothing.”

“I'm the teacher and I say this is necessary. Concentrate on your breathing.” I sighed and tried to resume the stance I had abandoned. My legs were falling asleep. I shifted and finally got comfortable. I sat there with my eyes closed for a while. I must've fallen asleep. Because I woke up on my back. After Suiren had dumped water on my face. I sputtered and shot up. “No sleeping when you're meditating.”

I growled and spun up into the air, sending the water everywhere, soaking the girl who tried to hide behind her bucket. “What did you expect to happen? You make me do the most boring thing in the world and expect me not to fall asleep? You're impossible.”

“Not as impossible as some,” she muttered under her breath.

“What did you say?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“You said something.”

“Nothing. Our lessons are over for today,” she said, turning her back to me.

“Why, you little,” I said as I charged forward. I picked her up and flew her in the air. She screamed and clung to me tightly.

“P-put me down!”

“Nah. You've been bossing me around all day. Up here, I'm the boss.”

“I'm your teacher! Put me down!” I stopped.

“Are you scared of heights?”

“N-no . . .” She said, whimpering. “Y-yes.”

I flew us down and set her down. “I'm sorry. I didn't know.”

“I don't know how you can do that!”

“Oh, it's simple. Apparently, I can push off of the atmosphere itself by creating small telekinetic panels. It's kind of like jumping but I can keep the momentum going. Dad tried to explain it to me once, but I didn't really get it. So, instead, I just don't think about it. I just do it.”

“No, I mean . . .” She considered for a moment. “You don't know how you do it? And you just trust yourself to do it every time?”

“Well, yeah. I don't know what all of my bones or muscles are called, but I expect them to exist when I need them. Flight, super-strength, super-speed, it's all just who I am.” She stared at me, still sniffling slightly.

“What other things can you do?”

“Oh, I can hear really well. Almost anything within about ten or twelve blocks. More if I focus. I have to kind of tune it all out. Same with sight.”

“What happens if you don't?”

“Oh, I see and hear everything. My brain just processes all of the information and I have to sort through what's useful and not useful.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“Maybe that's why you suck at this.”

“I don't suck at it, it's just stupid.”

“It's really not.”

“It kind of is. Like, why should I sit around and do nothing?”

“Because it's important.”

“Why is it important?”

“Because . . . Well, you can't stand still and you can't concentrate!”

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“I can concentrate! I just can't concentrate on nothing. Or boring things.”

“And you consider most things boring.”

“When it's stuff like breathing, yeah. I've been breathing my entire life. Don't need to concentrate on it.”

“It's not actually about breathing. It's about calming yourself down.”

“I'm calm! I'm always calm.”

“You're like a puppy. If anything is happening you jump at it.”

“And people love puppies.”

“Except for cat people. And bird people,” the little girl countered.

“But I am a cat person. And a dog person. Probably a bird person, too.”

“You're a dork.” She considered me for a moment. “This isn't going to work. You can't sit still. It's impossible.”

“Probably. But we could focus more on the fighting. I never know what to expect. People like Esvanir, Buck Cherry, and the sword lady are so slippery.”

“Sword lady?” Suiren asked.

“Oh, yeah. There's this lady with a magic fire sword who called me a degenerate and tried to murder Chu- Professor Mind and me.”

“And she managed to cut you?”

“Yeah, a little. She was really good at predicting where I would be. Kind of like you.”

“Right,” the young girl said, considering. “I think I have an idea.”

“What's that?”

=== Curt ===

Cindi was laying on me, snoring softly. Her hair covered her face and I was trapped. It was nice. My arm was asleep, but it was nice. I held up the hand with the ring on it. She had one that matched. She said that I had needed an engagement ring since she had to be the one who asked. I wasn't even aware it was something she wanted. I fingered the band, considering. Marriage. I never thought I'd get married. Not since I was like fourteen. I got a call, but couldn't disengage myself from Cindi enough to get to my phone. That was fine. I didn't really feel like talking anyway. But apparently, it annoyed her so much that she shifted, grabbed the phone, slapped against my chest, and returned to her spot. I picked it up and looked at it. It was Des.

“Hello?”

“Your girlfriend is cruel.”

“Fiance,” I corrected. “How so?”

“She cheats to win bets.”

“Wait, you knew!?”

“Of course I knew. She was wondering if I thought you'd say yes.”

“And you bet against me?”

“Yeah. She's good for you. And you run away from anything good for you.”

“No, I don't.”

“You literally only drink water when I force you to.”

“I drink water, sometimes.”

“Not enough.”

“How much do you owe her?”

“A grand?”

“You bet her a grand I would say no?” At this point, Cindi stole the phone.

“I don't accept checks. Cash only.” She handed the phone back and nuzzled into my chest.

“Both of you are monsters.”

“I'm a monster? I'm the only reason she asked.”

“What do you mean?”

“She wanted to ask. She wants to be around you, for some reason that I could never fathom. But she needs to be aloof and have the upper hand. Since she can't get that against you, because she wants you, I let her win against me.” I stared down at Cindi. She was glaring at the phone. I was sure if her powers had included laser vision, the phone would have melted in my hand. Our eyes met and she turned over and pressed into me.

“You're ridiculous,” I said into the phone.

“You're welcome. How are you feeling?”

“Still here.”

“Yeah, but if you keep talking shit about Smash Gal or Bion, I don't know for how much longer. I can't do anything if you're splattered by a missile.”

“Well, then, I better get better at dealing with missiles, huh?” I wrapped my arm more tightly around Cindi. “And Smash Gal shouldn't be a problem. She saw what happens when I take things seriously.”

“The whole world saw, Curt. It was terrifying.”

“It's not something I like doing.”

“But you did it.”

“I thought that she had . . .”

“I know, Curt. I understand why. But I've never seen you like that. I don't want to again.” Des paused for a moment. “You going to lay low for a while?”

“That's the plan. Don't need anything for the immediate future.”

“Good. I may get some non-Esvanir work done.”

“Keep this up and you won't be invited to the wedding.”

“Oh, I'll be there. Who else is going to be your best person?”

“I'm sure I could rent out a dog. It'd be nicer to me than you are.”

“No, dogs are better judges of character than that.”

“Damn. I guess you are coming, then.”

“Damn straight. Talk to you later.” They hung up. I opened Twitter only to be barraged by hundreds of notifications. I missed having a more private Twitter, where the only thing that happened when I opened the app was Nazism, sexism, and cat videos. Which is, as near as I can tell, sixty percent of the content on the site. ChesVy was still trending. People had already drawn a bunch of fan art. Cindi in a wedding dress, me in a wedding dress, us getting married by Smash Gal. Us having a threesome with Smash Gal, still as the priest, a lot of fan-fiction. This is still so weird. My favorite was an animatic, set to the tune of Panic at the Disco's “I Write Sins”. There were also a lot of people threatening to take us both in. Arrest us, murder us, or anything in between. People demanding I get sent out to Guantanamo Bay for being a dirty commie thief. The internet is too much.

=== Chuck ===

“Jenny, how did you know?”

“How did I know what?” Jenny asked as she picked at her salad.

“How did you know that Esvanir and Cherry were dating?”

“You told me they were at the same crime scene.”

“Gods, that was enough?”

“I mean, honestly, I just thought it was kind of cute, right? Two thieves working together, the sexual tension building, since one is hot and naked, and the other is serious. Classic dollar store romance stuff.” I felt satisfaction roll off of her in waves. I could have read her mind, but with her aura, it was unnecessary. People can generally put up guards for their thoughts. Lots of people do around me, if they know. I also try not to snoop. But with emotions, it is almost impossible to not see. It would be like asking me not to smell a room. I have a functional nose. So, I don't really have a choice.

“You're such a weirdo.”

“Maybe. What are your plans for the day?”

“Light patrols,” I responded, finishing my sandwich. “You heard from Kari?”

“She's still in training. Suiren is teaching her patience.”

“Kari is being taught patience by an eight-year-old.”

“Yeah. They're on about the same emotional level.”

“That's a bit uncharitable, don't you think?”

“Eh,” Jenny shrugged. She looked up from her salad and met my eyes. I could feel her curiosity. Her desire to know more. I didn't even want to know what she was pressing for. Whatever it was, it would be silly. “So, why're you asking?”

“Oh, well, I don't know. Just always good to have an extra hand around.”

“Uh-huh,” Jenny said. “Well, I have to get going. Wish I could patrol with you, but unfortunately, I've somehow become a business manager for Kari and Harold.”

“Yeah, but you're really good at it.”

“I'm good at most things. Catch you later.” Jenny sped off. I put down a couple of twenties and stood. I was in my street clothes. Not that that really mattered. There weren't too many people who knew who I really was. And I preferred it that way. I don't think I could have handled what Kari and Jenny had to deal with. But then again, Kari hadn't dealt with it all that well either. She had almost killed Cherry. I shuddered. That night scared me. It was so full of anger. First, Kari was out of control with rage, hate, and hurt. While she hadn't actually killed Buck Cherry, that was a fluke. I don't think Kari really wanted to kill her. She was just aggressive and careless. But when you can do what we can do, that's a death sentence for most people.

Then there was Esvanir. Curtis Reese had gone from mildly annoyed to absolutely murderous in the blink of an eye. And that had been overwhelming. The rage that was washing off of him was the scariest thing I had ever seen. Auras are usually just an extra sense. They don't usually collide with sight or smell or touch unless they're particularly powerful. I could see the rage wafting off of him in blood-red waves. When any emotions are that strong, I cannot concentrate on anything else. I just end up sitting there, entirely useless, unless I've really fortified my mind beforehand. And I didn't know that he had that in him. That Kari had that in her.

I stepped out and ducked into an alley. With a wave of my hand and a pose, my clothes disappeared, being replaced by my costume. I always felt like Sailor Moon when I did this. But that's probably because the first time it happened, I was watching Sailor Moon. My father had been mildly concerned when he walked in and I was wearing a skirt. But when he learned that I had powers, he forgot all about it. Helped me do everything I could to really refine them.

I darted up into the air and started flying around. I took out my cell phone and checked for any trouble reports. I had an app on my phone that guided me to police reports and calls as well as a stream of news that updated live. If anything was happening within 20 miles of me, I could be there pretty quick. There wasn't a lot to do today. It was quiet. Which is why I missed Kari. Patrol was a lot more fun with company. She'd make dumb jokes and insist we get snacks. In addition to her ability to listen to the whole city, basically, it was just more interesting.

There was a report of an alarm tripped at EnGin. It was one of the places that Esvanir hit too often. It was kind of amazing that he never got caught, given that he focused on a handful of places, most times. I flew over there and landed on the roof. The door was locked, but I used a small push to open it on the other side and made my way down the stairs. I got there and the police were already there. They were standing around while the forensic technicians collected evidence. I made my way to them and smiled. “Officer, what's the word?”

“Oh, Professor Mind. Good to see you,” the officer lied. She hated metas. I could sense that much off of her. “Just a break-in. Someone was in and out. We think it might have been Curtis Reese?”

“What was taken?”

“Some medical equipment. Apparently, it was scheduled to be donated to some hospital in need.”

“Esvanir stole donated medical equipment? That doesn't sound like him.” I felt her annoyance spike. She almost rolled her eyes.

“He's a thief. He steals things all the time. He's hit EnGin two or three times. Seems pretty open and shut to me.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I agreed. I didn't feel like arguing with her. She was just doing her job. But something didn't feel right. “Anything on the security cameras?”

“EnGin is refusing to hand over the footage,” she said, turning. “Why didn't you just capture him when you had the chance?”

“I wasn't here when the break-in happened,” I responded. She meant the other night, but I didn't feel like talking about it.

“I meant when you and Smash Gal were fighting him,” she said. I sighed. “We let you metas get away with so much and you can't even be useful. Probably because he's one of your own, right? A costumed freak pretending to be noble.”

“Esvanir doesn't seem to be a meta. Just a really smart guy. And I don't know that could've stopped him even if I wanted to. He almost took down Smash Gal.”

“Whatever. I have work to do.” She walked away. I shook my head. Esvanir has never stolen anything meant to be donated before. Something doesn't feel right about this. I walked around and found something a little weird. There were drag marks on the floor. They were at least a foot long. When Reese and Cherry robbed Marcelli, they just dumped what they stole into a portal and were on their way. Why would he drag anything? I followed the drag marks. Eventually, they got to a set of dollies and stopped. And one of the dollies seemed to be missing. Esvanir would have known these were there and used them to move it. He's too efficient for this.

I rode down with some of the cops, none of which were thrilled to have me there. There was the one from before, but annoyance flowed off of them. Even combined it wasn't the miasma of emotion that came from Reese or Kari. Just a mild annoyance causing pressure to build up behind my eyes. When we got outside, the press crowded around us. One of the detectives stopped by and I listened to his statement. “Right now, we are pursuing every lead we have, but we think it is very likely that Curtis Reese, the Esvanir, committed this crime.”

I frowned at this and one of the reporters walked up to me. “Hi, Beatrice Beakly with Channel 7. You seem to have doubts about the detective's statement. What do you think happened?”

“Uh, well, I'm not really sure. I just don't think it's Esvanir. It doesn't really . . . fit how he normally operates.”

“Why do you think that?” The detective asked. He had closed the distance between us. I looked at him and got the sense of irritation and annoyance and barely masked contempt. I shuddered.

“Well, for one, what was stolen. Doesn't seem like him. Also, how it was stolen.”

“Walk with me.” More reporters asked questions and the detective gripped my arm and guided me behind the police barricade. “What do you mean by that? And why didn't you say this to anyone inside?”

“I said I hadn't thought it was Esvanir inside to one of the uniformed officers. She didn't seem receptive.”

“Why didn't you talk to me?”

“I wasn't aware you were in charge, sir.”

“Ah, well, tell me, Officer Mind . . . Sorry, Professor. Why do you think it's not Esvanir, really?”

“Well, I do think the motive is off. If something is being donated, he wouldn't steal it. He thinks he's Robin Hood.”

“What if he disagrees with where it's being donated to?”

“That's possible, I guess. But there are better targets in the building, too. Also, there were drag marks.”

“Yeah, and?”

“Esvanir can teleport. Why would he drag something for ten feet, find a dolly, steal that to transport whatever it is off-site?”

“Maybe he ran out of juice. Or wanted the exercise,” the detective said, dismissively. But I'm pretty sure he was on my side. “Who else could disappear without a trace?”

“Look, officer. I don't want to step on any toes. I'm sorry. I should have shared that with you first.”

“Yeah, but you metas just do whatever you want.” I felt my brow raise at that statement. The cops had a lot of bad P.R. with the killing of metas, people of color, and firing on Smash Gal. I didn't say anything, though.

“Of course, sir,” I said, turning from him. “Well, I'm going to see if I can help someone else.”

=== Cindi ===

I disentangled myself from Curt. It was nice being able to just lay with him for a while. I stretched up and turned to him. He had finally gotten to sleep. I pulled the sheets down below his chest and checked his stitches. He could be a real idiot sometimes. Always trying to take care of everyone else before himself. Fortunately, we had gotten the bomb out of my back, which means he was a little calmer. He was getting a little scary. I fingered some of the bullet wounds and other scars he had gotten. I grabbed a couple of his Poppers, the small devices he had developed to allow me to teleport without him, and got to work.

I started my 'morning' routine. I was a night owl. So was Curt. So, it was about eleven P.M. I dressed in some basic gym gear and went down to the hotel's gym. It having one is one of the reasons I chose it. I ran for twenty minutes, did my stretches, and finished up with some yoga. Afterwards, I took a long shower, brushed my hair, and applied my make-up. I flopped my hair around until I got the right kind of disheveled look for me. It hid my face just enough. It was hard maintaining my appearance in some ways. Especially with the way Curt ate. I love the man, but dear god, he survives almost exclusively off of red meat and garlic.

When I got back into the room, I stared at him for another moment. He shifted restlessly in his sleep, reaching out for something. Probably for me. And who exactly could blame him. I took the Popper out and navigated on my phone to the app Curt had built. I set the coordinates and clicked the button. The world disappeared and I appeared on the other side of the planet. It was just after dawn here. I stalked into the house I was in front of. I didn't use my powers. Mostly because I couldn't. Not here, anyway. I took out a lockpick set and started on the lock in front of me. It took me a full minute to realize it wasn't locked. I sighed and opened the door, quietly. Curt's right. I really do need to practice normal thieving more often. That could get me killed. Especially here.

I padded through the house barefoot, trying to ignore the soft swish of my pants as I moved my legs. A lot of people think that my nudity was just an exhibitionist thing. And that's not exactly wrong. I love being naked. It gives me so much power over everyone. Men, women, everyone find themselves tongue-tied and confused in front of me. Even if they aren't exactly attracted to me, they just don't know what to do when a naked person is standing before them, unashamed. And I worked hard to make sure I had little to be ashamed of. I don't like my nose and my teeth are a little crooked, but people never notice. They never noticed the little divots on my thighs, or the scar on my chin or my too long toes. Because they were too taken aback. Trying to figure out where to look.

I got into an office and worked my way to the desk. I looked through the papers on it and sighed. It's not here. Damn it! A woman walked in and grinned at me. “Cindi, it's nice to see you.”

“Hey, Hope,” I said, grimacing. “Did you sign it?”

“Sign what?”

“You know what,” I said, annoyed. “Just sign the fucking paper and give me what's mine.”

“Nah,” she said smiling. “Want something to drink? Orange juice? Wine? Vodka and cranberry? That is still your favorite, right?”

“Hope, why are you doing this?”

“Because you're my wife. I don't want to give up, yet.”

“I don't love you anymore. I want to marry Cu-”

“Yes, that man. I understand that. But I don't care,” she said simply.

“Don't make me do this,” I pleaded. “Just give it up. Sign the paper. Give me it.”

“We found it together. It's ours. Not just yours.”

“You don't need the damn artifact! I do!”

“But I need you and you need it, so you need me,” she said, her voice cracking slightly, blinking several times.

“God damn it, Hope. You're going to make me take it from you.”

“Go ahead and try, Cindi,” she said, clenching her fist. Her voice was wavering still, but she straightened up. “You know what will happen if you do. You'll lose the only thing you ever cared about.”

I grit my teeth and took a Popper out of my pocket and pressed the button. It was defaulted next to Curt's equipment. I appeared back in the hotel room and sat down on the bed. Tears leaked down from my eyes. Curt wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. He stroked my arms and pulled me into a cuddle. He didn't ask me what was wrong. He never did. He would just wait until I spoke to him about it. It was annoying sometimes, but right now, it's exactly what I needed.

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