Seth had been very quiet. Though there and been no threat since we first encountered the group, he too had learned to be cautious knowing that potential danger was always close for us. I propped him on my hip and nuzzled his head in reassurance and praise. He was so brave and smart. The leader’s voice made me freeze. “I know you understand that it would be best for Seth if he were raised among his kind. I can see what family he has that could take him in.”

I could feel my eyes go wide in terror and I cradled Seth protectively close to me, cupping his head. My heart raced and my breath was fast and shallow as I half turned away from the Warrior as much as possible. Anguish stabbed at my heart and my ears went flat, tail flicking agitatedly. “No! I will not leave him in the care of those monsters! I am his kin. I have the right under Icanthie law to care for him. I am his named guardian according to his mother. I won’t let him be taken from me.”

I could see the warriors exchanged puzzled looks, probably wondering what could have caused this odd behaviour when, so far, I had been completely sane and rational. But I didn’t care, even as they readied themselves. I could acknowledge that going from amicable to such hostility was, perhaps in their eyes, extreme. But I had good cause. I had to protect Seth. “Whom do you call monsters?” the leader asked, puzzled. “His kin are your kin also… Sierra, he must be taught the Icanthie way. And he cannot be isolated from his people. You must see this, no?”

I didn’t want to listen to his reasoning. They didn’t understand. “My mother’s family... What they did…” I couldn’t help the little snarling growl that escaped in my distress. “I will NEVER hand him over to such people. I can teach him everything he needs. I know the Icanthie way, my mother taught me and my father was a warrior. I can raise him, give him everything he needs. He will be fully capable of being among them, whether as a warrior to be proud of or a credit to his house in the Court, he will bring honour to all Icanthie, should he choose that path… I swear this.”

The big male considered me, my defensive pose and the care with which I held Seth, my love for him evident. He sighed. “… This will not be easy child. There will be much opposition.”

“I am hardly new to the idea. My life has not been easy. But just because it harder, it doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.”

It was quiet. I knew my life, Seth’s future, were held in the hands of this unusual male. Even I could tell he was a man of power. As he studied me, analysing and considering, I studied him in return. I didn’t know why, but it felt like he believed me. He was trying to help. Finally he spoke on a long sigh.

“Tell me about yourself child. What kind of life have you lived to be so knowledgeable?”

I eyed him warily, still maintaining my protective stance. Was he taunting me or did he mean it? Well he was asking, he might actually care. “Promise me we will not be separated. That I will remain Seth’s guardian… Please.”

The tension in the air broke as, laughing and raising his hands in mock surrender, he answered, “Alright, tell me your story and I promise you both my protection and care…”

I relaxed ever so slightly, unconsciously leaning toward him. This was too good to be true, but I had to try. “… You can guarantee you’re capable of fulfilling this promise. You won’t be forced to recant?”

With considerable amusement and eyes twinkling, he replied, “No little one. No one can override me in this.”

I considered him and saw the utter earnestness and truth in his face. Who was this male, to make such promises and fully believe he could keep them? He must have such power in the Icanthie court. But it made no sense, no Courtier dirtied their hands in the field. No Courtier would be so kind to a Myath, would even deign to tolerate a Myath in his presence. Hmmmmmm. Perhaps that was an unfair generalisation but it was certainly a rare occurrence...

“Who are you?” I asked, almost talking to myself. He didn't make sense to me. From everything I knew and experienced, he should hate me. It wasn’t my first encounter with a Courtier, I knew what to expect. This wasn’t it.

A wry smile flickered over his lips and briefly I thought I saw sadness in his eyes but it was gone. “Why don’t you call me Kine?”

I looked at him sceptically. It wasn’t his real name, or maybe not his full name. He certainly didn't give me his house name. But... I sighed in resignation. I didn’t need his name to know who he was. He’d already shown me. I made my decision. “Okay, Kine. We have a deal. I’ll tell you a little of myself, and you make sure Seth and I are not separated. And I retain my status as guardian.” I sighed. “You might want to get comfy, this could take a while.”

I glanced back down at the valley and saw that the preparations were moving along quickly. I wasn’t surprised. When you moved so often, you learned to work quickly. I forced myself to relax and eased from my protective stance. This wasn’t easy. I didn’t want to look at them while I told my story. It was personal and painful. So I procrastinated, watching. I sighed again and swung around, walking away from the view of the village. “Let’s find somewhere nice to sit.”

Kine nodded and gestured to his men who, now that I thought about it, seemed to be some kind of guard. We walked a little ways as a group and found a safe spot to sit. I let Seth sit on the ground so he could wander a bit but he stayed close. I was glad, I didn't want to risk one of them snatching him. Not that I thought they would. They didn't seem like the devious sort. Hopefully that wasn’t wishful thinking. Seth crawled up to bump his head against my cheek and we both purred with happiness. We were inseparable.

The group around them consisted of about twelve elite warriors. Except for Kine’s imposing warrior form, they had all shifted into their feline forms and settled down comfortably around us, obviously relaxed but prepared to act if needed. They were a mixture of patterns, Pard, Tigris, Leon, Panth. No Chets or Specials. Some licked themselves clean while others continued to watch around them, guarding. Kine was the last to settle, folding his legs and mimicking my seated position opposite me with a clear view of my face. When we were all settled, he nodded encouragingly to me and I took a calming breath.

“I don’t know how my parents met, well not the specific circumstances. Mum’s family, house Kuthar, was controlling, manipulative and sometimes openly cruel. She couldn’t stand it, that lifestyle. The more they forced on her, the more she’d escape them. She’d leave for long stretches of time and during one of these escapes, she met my Dad.” Thinking of them together, a smile blossomed across my face. “Dad was a respected figurehead among the Myath. He travelled everywhere, learning, helping those like him.”

“Was he a spy?” One of the guards asked. I flicked a look around, trying to see who had asked but I focus on Kine. The question scared me.

“No. He wouldn't have survived long if he was a spy. Can you imagine? A Myath spy would be dead and his body strung up as an example. He knew how to take care of himself. He had to. Myath don’t last long if they can’t look after themselves. As far as I know, his father had never been a part of his life and he had been orphaned from his mother since he was just out of cub-hood. He never talked much about it but his early orbits must have been rough.” I stopped, contemplating how tough dad’s life was. I was so lucky. He’d taught me everything and I’d had him since I was born. By the time he was gone, I was already capable, experienced.

“Mum and Dad connected straight away but it was a few more orbits before they admitted to themselves they were in love. Most in their situation would know how very dangerous it was to be together and accept that they have to live separate elites. But my parents decided to elope. They would never have a steady home, probably always hunted because of mum’s family, and they were so young, not yet seventy. But they wanted to be together. Dad was so dedicated to helping the Myath and Mum felt that his cause was worth it. She’d never felt the same way her family did and having been among the Myath with Dad, she wanted to help them just like he did. She didn't feel that she was dishonouring her House but bringing some honour back to it.” I looked keenly as Kine to see his reaction. I sensed that he felt something similar to Mum... Perhaps that explained why a group of Courtiers chose the path of a Warrior.

“After they Bonded, Mum’s family were furious. They had to hide for a long time so it was twelve orbits before I came along… We had ten orbits together, a little family of three. I learnt everything my parents could teach me. Mum taught me every in and out of the Icanthie kingdom, politics, economics, blood lines and talents. Dad taught me how to fight, how to stay silent, every language of every kingdom, tracking, hunting, geography, cartography, how to read people and situations and how to hide, stay undetected and undetectable. And they both taught me to see beyond race, circumstance and rank. They taught me to see individuals, the person beneath a mask. They prepared me for the best and the worst.”

I paused, becoming quiet as I reminisced, a small, sad smile tugging at my lips. Talking about them after all this time, my face must have lit up. I still missed them desperately and though the pain was no longer constant, just brief stabs, I still felt so young and unprepared to cope with everything they left me. I’d had such strong bonds with both of them. I was lucky to have Seth, I’m not sure I would have survived if I was alone. I watched the little cub with all my love for him in my eyes and scrunched my nose at him, just to make him giggle. The warriors watched on as if they could sense the bonds we weaved together. Family was always important but especially so for the Icanthie and Igidoe.

I resumed my narrative. “When I was ten, they finally found us. My mothers family. We had made short stops at the Icanthie capital before, so mum could keep in touch with the few friends and family she could trust, but it had been so long… We never stayed in one place long, just in case. We couldn’t afford to slip up because of Dad’s work and being Myath, but we did have safe homes in many kingdoms, somewhere inconspicuous with supplies, a safe place to rest. I don’t know how, but mum’s siblings tracked us to one of our regular dwellings. They threatened mum and said they’d kill dad and I if she refused to go back with them. They just took her away, no goodbye.” Tears slipped down my face remembering the anguish or my parents as they were ripped part and the fear in my little ten orbit old heart. I sniffed.

“Even after she was gone, they used us to control her. It was worse for her than before she left. They despised her relationship with Dad and my existence but used it for their own gain. They told her they watched Dad and I and would capture and torture us if she didn't comply. I doubt they could have, we were practically invisible after they took Mum. Dad wouldn’t risk me. But it didn’t matter, Mum wouldn’t take the chance that they were telling the truth. She was trapped.” My sadness and anger were palpable in the air. My tail, which I had learned long ago to control so I would never give myself away, lay lethargically on the ground, with only the occasional twitch of the tip. I needed to do better than that. I made an effort and managed to still the intractable thing. I sighed.

“We managed to send her messages through some contacts, we even got a few letters in return, but we both missed her terribly. When I was twelve, Dad and I snuck into the capital to meet her. I was so excited. We had the best few hours, as if we had never been apart. As if nothing had changed. It grew close to the time we had to leave and I knew Mum and Dad needed some time, so I went off to my favourite tree. Do you know it?” I asked Kine, looking at him. “It was a giant that overshadowed the big wall separating the buildings and the forested area.” I didn't wait for an answer, lost in my memories.

“In the few visits to the capital, before mum was taken, we would always meet up at that tree. I loved climbing it and watching the world go by. I’d make friends with the teens who trained in the grounds on the other side. They were always looking for an excuse to escape their studies and what’s more traditional that a cub in a tree? They were still there, slightly more serious than I remembered and I laughed because I was so surprised to see them and they looked so grown up in such a short time. They even remembered me. I wondered about them sometimes. Did they know what I was. Would they hate me now that they are older and understand? Children just don’t judge do they? They don’t care.”

I stared off into space again, feeling exposed. I needed to finish this up. Seth was getting sleepy and I was starkly reminded that our future was decidedly vague right now.

“That was the last day I saw Mum. Until two orbits ago. Dad, Seth and I had stopped at a Myath settlement here on Icanthie land for my birthday and to take a break from travelling. We were due to meet Mum but she was two weeks late. The villagers had already moved on. I was up here with Seth, playing with him since I had done my training and duties. Dad was close, I could tell he was anxious, when we saw movement near the forest boundary. I don’t know how long she had been there. There was so much blood and I was afraid she wouldn’t wake up.”

I could feel myself trembling and tried to hide it but I couldn’t stop them, the memories were too strong. I gave a quick glance to make sure Seth was okay. He had left my lap again and was preoccupied with a butterfly. I wrapped my arms around my waist and rocked gently to try and comfort myself, desperately trying not to keen. Eventually I managed to calm enough to choke out the rest.

“When she finally opened her eyes she was shocked when she saw Dad. Like she wasn’t expecting to find him with us. Those… those paspeck had told her Dad was dead! That they had killed him and were about to capture me because I’d fled. She was distraught and they used that against her! She thought Seth and I were alone and hunted and she’d used every last bit of strength to get to us. She might have healed. If she hadn’t tried to save us, her cubs, she might have been able to heal with enough rest and care. They killed her twice over!!”

My voice had risen and Seth crawled into my lap, whimpering. I swallowed, regretting losing my composure and nuzzled my brother in apology and comfort. “She couldn’t talk so we didn't know what had happened. I don’t think Dad could take it in anyway. He was devastated and quickly becoming unresponsive. He held her and just rocked her trying to give them both some comfort. Seth and I just watched. She managed, with considerable effort, to cup my cheek and shift her hand up until her palm rested on my temple. I thought she was just trying to comfort me and I laid my palm over her her hand. And then I felt it. That click in your head, you know? Everything came pouring in.”

I closed my eyes, remembering the worst pain of my life. “I heard myself scream as I saw, felt, heard every moment of her torture. Every emotion, every hit, every cut, every break, every burn. Everything they had done to try and break her. I felt the wounds open, bleed and heal all over my body in seconds. She had no control, no filters, no strength left. I felt… everything. I carry it too, always. Everything that she was, all her life, her memories are in here, locked away but there.” I touched my temple. “The mind is powerful and Mum was very skilled. It’s why her family tried so hard to retrieve her, rather than just kill her as a traitor. The transfer was too much for me and I passed out. When I came to, Dad had caught me and held us both, Seth wedged in between us all. A last family hug. I could tell Mum and Dad were talking, mind to mind. I felt drained and I burned with remember pain. My healing was spent, and I was panting as if I had run for my life. My coverings were splattered with my own blood. Mum watched with tears in her eyes and I could see in the apology in them so I tried to reassure her and let her know that I understood. That I was okay.”

Lost in my narrative, I couldn’t see anything but my memory of that day.

“We couldn’t do anything. She was dying. All we could do was hold her and cuddle together as a family. Dad sang to us, the song he always sang for his girls. It wasn’t long. She looked at each of us one last time and finally fixed her eyes on Dad, one last peaceful smile on her lips and she just slipped away. Her last memories always echo in my mind. She loved us.”

Silence followed. I didn’t care that I was visibly shaking or that silent tears ran down my face. My pain was palpable, tinging the air. I really didn’t want to but I had to control myself, I’d already been too vulnerable in front of dangerous strangers. As I slowly reigned in my emotions, I realised they weren’t entirely... mine. Sometimes, Mum’s memories and emotions merged with mine, especially her last ones, and I hadn’t looked at these memories, hers or mine, for a long time. It was too hard and I was always so busy with the Network. I guess they finally found an out. It’s always so much easier to talk to strangers.

I took a deep breath and calmed. Still huddled in my lap, Seth’s sadness seeped out of him. He knew what had happened, though I pray he was too young to remember it clearly. He picked up on my sadness no matter how hard I tried to be strong for him. He missed Mum and Dad, we both felt their absence keenly. He really was an amazing little cub, he tried just as hard as me to cope.

“After she died, I was able to sort through the mess of her memories and found out what had happened. I wasn’t any easier without the pain, but I managed to sort out the mess of jumbled pictures and sensations. I found out she had named me as Seth’s guardian. The official documents are guarded in the capital and a copy was delivered to me about eighteen months ago. It took them that long to find me and that was only because we needed to make a stop at one of the larger settlements. Mum must have known it was one of our semi-regular stops. Officially, I am his Legari.” I paused before continuing in a low voice. “I think she knew. My father was never the same. It was only a few months after she died, when he died too. That’s why she gave me her memories and why she named me guardian. She knew he wouldn't survive.”