《The Archivist's Petty Revenge》Chapter 20: Only the Fanciest of Feasts for our Familiar

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As I unzipped the tent and stepped out into the chilly autumn air, I began to stretch as I took in the new day. Began is the key word here, as my back decided that this was the ideal moment to let its anger known at having slept on the cold, hard ground. I doubled over as a sharp stabbing pain radiated out through the small of my back, bringing me to my knees.

“Ow, fuck!” I cursed.

I guess your age is catching up to you. Already going for the bent-over old crone stereotype? Liah taunted as she spryly hopped out of the tent, tail smugly raised.

“Shut up-” I began to shout, when I noticed several faces at the fire staring at me. Maybe shouting at the cat first thing in the morning isn’t the best way to lay low.

Not a word! I though angrily at the cat. Not a fucking word. If she could smile in her current form, I’d imagine it’d look like something out of Alice in Wonderland, a wide, mocking grin. Personally I think the sudden jolt of pain puts me more in the mood of the Red Queen. Off with her head. No one but me is allowed to mock my back pain.

Mumbling and cursing under my breath, I dragged myself over to the fire. Thankfully, my fellow campers seemed a bit more sympathetic than the black cat who, ignoring the agony from my back, jumped up into my lap and curled up, putting off a self-satisfied aura as she surveyed the crowd sitting about the campfire. Doc, who happened to see the whole thing, came over with a cup of coffee and a bottle of pills.

“Here.” she said, unscrewing the bottle and shaking out two pills. “This should help.”

“800 mg Motrin?” I asked incredulously.

“If that doesn’t work you can always try changing your socks.” She responded laughing. I ignored the shift in mood coming from the creature sitting in my lap, from smug to what, if I didn’t know better, I’d assume was jealousy. “And a good morning to you too, Miss Chesty” she continued, far too cheerful for this early in the morning as she reached down to scratch Liah behind the ears.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you for naming me that. Liah thought at me in a snippy tone. Her eyes narrowed in what the average observer would assume to be pleasure from being petted, rather than the annoyance it was.

I thought you were just a cat at the time…you know that. It’s kind of funny how both our moods took a turn for the worst after getting up. We both are not morning people, as I was learning.

The pills Doc had handed me were, as I said, massive pills that looked more appropriate for horses than for humans. The infamous 800mg Motrin, one of the three pillars of military medicine, along with drinking water and changing socks. I washed them down with a healthy dose of coffee, with another gulp of it as a chaser. My liver may hate me for this big of a dose of NSAIDS in the morning, but that’s a problem for Future-Amy.

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“So, what’re you making for breakfast” I finally asked the diminutive chef at the campfire, Dave the musician.

“Scrambled eggs with venison! I can’t exactly condone taking out the local wildlife like that, but this fresh deer should be absolutely delicious! I used my own special blend of spices on this too, you’re sure to like it!” He continued to expound on the food and his mastery of the craft of cooking. It smelled pretty damn good, but why is everyone here so cheerful? “So, you threw your back out? You’re kinda on the young side for that!”

“Thanks? Training accident though, really kind of hurt my back badly a while back and it hasn’t been the same since.”

Training accident? That doesn’t sound fun. I’ve heard you complain about back problems before, but I thought the cause was...something else… The cat in my lap chimed in, not that anyone heard her. That’s for the best, at least.

“What happened?” Dave inquired.

“I slipped and fell. It wasn’t really anything cool or high-speed or anything like that. I can’t really complain too much, it’s paying the bills and tuition for school. Still sucks though but I can usually ignore it.” I paused, taking another sip of coffee. “I’m sure half the people here have back problems, and for similar reasons, no need to single me out.”

“I know all about that.” Doc chimed in. “Having to carry all that extra weight really takes its toll.”

The cat I was currently petting absent-mindedly looked up. I’m sure it does. She thought with what I could swear was envy. She really seemed hung up on that this morning.

“So what’s the plan for today?” I asked, trying to change the topic.

“Nothing too much. We were just going to shoot a bit more, once it gets a bit warmer. Gabe brought steel to plink away at, and there’s a decent sized clearing not far from here where we can do some longer range shooting.”

“Always fun. Hey, Forest, any chance I can try shooting your Hekate?” I shouted to the hung-over looking black guy.

“Sure, that’s why I brought it. Why else would I lug that heavy thing out here?”

“Thanks! I know ammo for that is pricey, so want a put a mag through my Ps-90 as a trade?”

“Ooh, that sounds fun! I’ve always wanted one of those. Do you have a can for it?”

“Yup, how could I not?”

“Cool shit.”

As I was stewing in anticipation of getting to try such a neat rifle, Dave got up from the fire, bringing the large pan he had been tending over to a fold-up camp table where a stack of paper plates had already been pre-staged.

“Breakfast’s ready for any one who wants it!”

“I’ll take some.”

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“Don’t get up, I’ll bring it over. Don’t want to disturb your furry friend after all.”

Upon getting my plate I lifted a fork full of eggs and venison to my mouth. Delicious, in the way only well-made campfire food can be. The slightly gamey greasiness of the venison, paired well with the spicey pepperiness from the seasoning, which in turn fit in with the heartier flavors from onions and potatoes that were fried with the eggs. It was just the kind of meal you want for a busy day on your feet.

Let me try some too, that smells great. Not even thinking anything of it, I offered another scoop of it to Liah, who took a tentative bite. This really is good! She thought at me.

I know, right? I wonder what spices he used… I trailed off as I noticed everyone else staring at me.

“Did you just… let your cat eat off your fork?”

“Uhh… well...”

“Can you even feed this to cats? I used onions in it...”

“She’s a special breed? She can have a little unions, as a treat...”

“Don’t you have cat food packed for her?”

“Actually, if you forgot to pack cat food, I have some Fancy Feast stashed away.” Doc chimed in. Wait, why the fuck does she have cat food? She walked over and scooped Liah out of my lap. “Here, give her to me. Awww, poor little girl, did your meanie owner not pack food for you? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you...” she continued, dragging the increasingly worried familiar off to her tent.

“Mrooooooowl!” Amy please, stop this! I don’t want to eat cat food ever again!

But all I could do was look on, pity in my eyes. I internally saluted her, honoring her sacrifice. I feel for her, I really do. But, for the sake of the mission, the sake of keeping our cover intact, my hands were tied.

With breakfast over for all of us, including Liah who was luckiest enough to have the fanciest of feasts for breakfast, we set to cleaning up the remnants of last night before we were to start shooting. All of us except Liah, who was recovering from the shame of being force-fed cat food by hiding in the tent. We didn’t exactly make too big of a mess, but it can be hard to keep track of trash such as beer cans in the dark, and it’s always better to keep on top of this kind of thing before the mess builds up to be too much. You know what they say, leave no trace and all that. I was walking around the vicinity of my tent making sure I hadn’t accidentally left any empties nearby, when Smith came up, looking about like he was trying to avoid being too conspicuous.

“Hey.” He said, awkwardly as he approached. I could feel Liah perk up from inside the tent. Going on alert. The slight shift in noise told me she had transformed back into her cat form.

“Hey?” I responded just as awkwardly.

“So...” he trailed off, as if trying to bring up an uncomfortable topic. I tensed up. Don’t tell me…my cover had been blown? “So you seem pretty skilled.”

“Skilled? At what?” He was acting far more weird than usual.

“Well, last night. It was kind of silly that it ended up being a deer, but reacting that quickly to something off in the woods… I know some people who might be interested in that sort of skill.”

This was weird. Don’t tell me… “What kind of people?” I asked cautiously.

“You know...I can’t really say too much on that here. But I know some people...”

Oh god, don’t tell me there actually was a militia recruiting here. I don’t know anything, I don’t know anything. I know nuffink! Please don’t get me involved in this.

“I can’t say I know what you’re talking about...”

“Don’t play dumb like that, we all know you’re brighter than you let on. We did a little digging on you, beforehand. We think you could be a major asset, we just weren’t sure yet. You seemed almost too clean at first, but I think any doubts were cleared up last night.”

Oh god, they’re actually trying to recruit me for a militia. “W-who else is involved here?”

“Just me? Maybe there’s someone else involved among us too? Who knows?”

This is so creepy. Now I’m going to wonder who else is a member of the big “M-word.” And they’re actually trying to recruit me. I thought this would just be a fun camping trip, even after all the talk of spooky things going bump in the night.

“Just think on it. You don’t need to answer right away.” Smith finished, turning to head back to the campfire.

This is more than a bit stressful. I had assumed they were just overreacting when they had said there might be sketchy militia stuff happening, but after that awkward display… and who else? Is Dave one of them? Gabe? Jeff? Doc? Any one of them could be a member. Things are already complicated with the monster hiding in the woods, but now I have to actually do my job as an undercover agent too? This really sucks.

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