“Where’s Joe?”

Although that question had been on most of the boys’ minds, it took quite some time for the subject to be brought up. In their circle, curiosity about another male’s whereabouts would always be misconstrued as concern, which in turn would be misconstrued as a desire to get butt stuffed by that male.

Vince had waited ten whole minutes before he inquired about their missing companion’s whereabouts, hoping that would be enough time for his question to come across as casually indifferent.

It wasn’t.

“There was some drama yesterday,” Zhu answered after the other boys accused Vince of being gay in three hundred forty-eight different ways. “I am guessing he’s still blubbering at home. He’ll probably be back in a few days.”

Paul shook his head. “Joe won’t be coming back.”

“Did he finally neck himself?” Mike jeered.

“That’s impossible,” Zhu responded. “The rope would snap under his weight!” All the boys save Paul sniggered at that caustic joke.

“He got convicted for murder.” Paul hissed through his teeth.

That quieted them down.

“Huh, I was sure he would’ve pussied out.” Even now, Zhu had a hard time envisioning Joe having the stomach to kill a spider, much less a human. He glanced at Paul. “Guess you narked on him, huh?”

Paul scowled. “I didn’t tell anyone.”

“How did he get caught so fast then?”

“What did you think would happen when he suddenly came home with a red eye?”

It took a moment for Zhu to decipher the meaning of Paul’s statement. His eyes widened when he pieced it together. “His parents turned him in?” he cackled. “Ooh, that’s cold!”

“Is he gonna be put to death like a pleb or is he just going to jail?” Mike asked.

“His parents are refusing to cover his upkeep costs.”

“Holy shit!” Mike exclaimed. “Hey Vince, you might end up getting your red from Joe!”

Vince greened at the prospect. “You really think he’s going to end up at an euthanization center?”

Zhu picked a dubia roach’s leg out of his teeth. “Of course he will. Guilt-free executions don’t come by that often.”

“Poor guy. He was a bit annoying, but he didn’t deserve to go out like that. Especially not over some worthless street trash,” John grumbled, showing sympathy for their beleaguered acquaintance for the first time.

“At least he earned his red before he bit the dust,” Philip said.

“Do you really th—” Vince absently muttered only to trail off when all eyes went on him.

“Spit it out, you stuttering pussy," Mike demanded.

“Do you think we actually go to hell if we don’t earn a red or silver?”

The other boys exchanged looks.

“The Watcher said we do,” Philip muttered bitterly. “Don’t see how you can debate that.”

Zhu didn’t look entirely convinced. “Honestly, I am not sure. I can’t help but think he is pulling a fast one on us.”

That statement drew many looks. “What do you mean?”

Zhu shrugged. “The Watcher’s a bastard, but I don’t think even he’d enjoy watching somebody burn for all eternity. If he did, we’d all just be born knee deep in acid or something. I bet he just made up that threat to see how we’d react.”

Zhu’s theory was hardly an original one, but it was the first time any of his messmates had ever seriously considered the idea. They exchanged guilty or nervous looks.

“Tell me something then. If you had never earned your silver, would you have gone to an euthanization center?” Paul asked, intently studying Zhu’s face.

“I definitely would have,” Zhu laughed. “I am a total scumfuck. There’s no way I would have taken that gamble.”

“So, you’re a coward!” Paul accused. Some of the boys hooted, but just as many frowned, not comfortable with this rare display of genuine hostility.

“Yeah, you little bitch!” Mike joined in, not all perturbed by the tense atmosphere.

“Do I look little to you?” The others laughed when Zhu lifted his shirt and jiggled his considerable belly.

Paul was not ready to drop the issue. He stood up and got in Zhu’s face.

“Does being a decent person really mean so little to you?”

“Yeah.” Zhu looked like he was going to leave it at that, but elaborated when Paul continued to glare at him.

“Look, man. Somebody is getting screwed over every second of every day. While I’m laughing my ass over a dumb video, some guy in a third world shit hole is getting skinned alive by a cartel bastard. Every time I squeeze out a turd, somebody is suffering a heart attack. At this very moment, some random kid probably just got squashed by a truck. Do you care? Cause I don’t. Fucked up shit is going on all the time. Am I supposed to spend my whole life dabbing at my eyes with a handkerchief like you do? What would that accomplish, besides amusing that Sputnik—”

“Holy shit, Zhu!” Mike yelled, shocked by Zhu’s profanity.

“—damned bastard in the sky?”

“Dude, watch your fucking mouth! Do you want to get vaporized?” Mike demanded as he and the others scooted their chairs away from him.

“Look, who's the bitch now? Watcher ain’t gonna do shit to me. I doubt even he’s that petty.” Zhu tossed another roach into his mouth. “And if he is, going out like a Soviet doesn’t sound too bad.”

Zhu turned his attention back to Paul. “Anyway, the way I see it, there’s no point in bitching about how much life sucks. Better to just sit back and enjoy the shit show.”

Paul opened his mouth to retort when an obnoxious Japanese song started playing. Snickering, Zhu ignored the odd looks he received and fished his phone out of his pocket.

“Yo.”

“Hey, Zhu, it’s me, Jo—”

“Don’t ruin my immersion, bitch. I will block your number.”

“Ugh, alright. Fine. It's me, Sovereign. Happy?”

“That’s better. Why didn’t you just text me?”

“I did, like fifty times.”

Zhu glanced at his phone. He rolled his eyes when he saw all the messages his useless device failed to notify him about.

“Oh, my bad. So, what’s up, buttercup?”

“The Empyreans are setting up a FOB near the Slavic base. Can you come and help push them off?”

“How bad is the sitch? They’ll ride my ass if I cut class again.”

“Pretty bad. We only have fifty guys on right now. At this rate, we’ll lose the base to them.”

“Ok, I’ll head on over.” Zhu stuffed his phone back in his pocket and got out of his chair.

“You seriously going to ditch school over that dumb game again?” David asked.

“Yup.”

“Didn’t you say they were going to fail your ass if you skipped again?”

“Eh, they probably won’t notice.”

“Pretty sure they will, but whatever, it's your future.”

*****

If Zhu and David had taken bets, David would have won.

Evidently, his teacher hated him more than he had thought. Apparently, the nosey tub of blubber immediately notified his mother about his unexcused absence. On the bright side, she had been in another city, which gave Zhu enough time to help his clan. He was calmly waiting for his mother in the living room by the time she stormed inside.

“You skipped school again?”

Zhu saw no point in lying. “Yeah.” He winced when something hard bounced off his forehead. “Now that was a waste of a perfectly good tv remote.”

“Why are you still making idiotic jokes? This is the fifth time you skipped school; you’re going to get held back now!”

“Well, I started kindergarten a few months early. Doesn’t that even things out?”

“Shut up!” she screamed, hurling more objects at him. “You’re an embarrassment! A disgrace! How am I going to look my friends in the eye now?”

“Depends on how tall they are. Try moving your head up or down.”

His mother screamed in wordless frustration. No matter how many objects she threw at him, she couldn’t wipe that smug grin off his face.

“You worthless, lazy, deadbeat! You will never amount to anything if you stay the way you are now!”

“Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, ma. Only reason we live in this fancy house is because a really rich man made the mistake of squirting me into your belly.”

That was the final straw. Shrieking, his mother slammed her fist into Zhu’s jaw. Unaccustomed to abusing him without a makeshift weapon, she ended up inflicting more damage to herself. Zhu guffawed as she cradled a bruised fist.

“That’s it! Pack your things! From now on, you’re on your own!”

Zhu finally stopped laughing. A flicker of regret flashed across his face. He quickly masked his surprise behind his trademark grin. “This was bound to happen.”

He headed to his room to gather his things, but his mother was far too contentious to leave it at that. She continued to scream at him as he packed, alternating between English and Mandarin. When her worst insults continued to roll off him like water, she resorted to a different tactic.

“You’re going to regret this decision for the rest of your life!” she promised. “When you're poor and penniless, you're going to think back on how good you had it now!”

Zhu planned to let his mother vent her frustration without interruption, but something compelled him to truly speak to her for the first time in years.

“I don’t regret things, ma. You’ve always told me to think about the future and I have. The path you wanted me to take would have led to a dull life full of bitter compromises. Instead of slowly flickering away, I want to burn bright and fast. Discarding responsibility was the best decision I ever made. These past five years were the best of my life, and I have enough money to keep it going for a few more months.”

“And what are you going to do when that runs out? Beg on the street for spare change?”

“No, I’ll do what any reasonable gamer does when a game stops being fun; I’ll stop playing.”

His mother stared at him, open-mouthed and dumbfounded. “That’s your plan? You’re just going to use the last of your money playing games and then kill yourself?”

Zhu nodded. He was proud that she had caught on so quickly. “Yeah, pretty much.”

His mother scowled. “You always were a quitter.”

Zhu smirked. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t particularly want to die. I just don’t see the appeal of a bland existence.” He tapped his chin as he tried to think of an analogy that could convey his point. His face brightened when he caught hold of one. “Do you remember that time you took me to that in-door amusement park?”

His mother stared at him silently.

“I remember how I spent almost two goddamn hours waiting in line with a bunch of sweaty and smelly people just so I could ride a roller coaster for forty seconds,” he tittered. “Those rides were fun, but they sure as hell weren’t worth the wait. That’s what life was like when I was an obedient little kid that did everything he was told.”

His mother grimaced, still at a loss for words.

Zhu shrugged. “I don’t get why you’re so unhappy. Your asshole son is finally out of your life.”

“...Who will take care of me when I get old?”

Zhu shook his head and snickered. “I figured this was the case, but really, ma? I was your retirement plan? If you were seriously banking your hopes on me, kicking me out of the house wasn’t a good idea.”

“I was just trying to scare you,” his mother muttered. Her chest puffed with self-righteous anger. “I fed you and kept a roof on your head! It’s only fair you take care of me when I get old!”

Zhu snorted in amusement. “Well, you made a bad investment.” He grabbed his things and headed to the front door.

His mother ran after him. “Wait! Where are you going?”

“Pretty sure you just kicked me out fifteen minutes ago.”

“I was just kidding! Let’s just talk about this.”

Zhu shook his head. “Let’s not stretch this out any further, ma. Cats out of the bag. I am not going to be your next meal ticket.”

“No, don’t go!” she pleaded. “If you don’t want to go to college, you can get a job and we can work together to pay the rent!”

“Naw, I am sticking to my plan. Thanks for all the food.”

His mother grabbed onto his arm before he could open the door.

“You can’t just leave me!”

A huff of annoyance escaped Zhu’s throat. The fact that she got under his skin just irritated him further.

“Trying to guilt trip me isn’t going to work, ma. I am an ungrateful piece of shit, remember? If you really need somebody to take care of you, put on a skirt and spread your legs. It worked out pretty well for you last time.”

He received an ear ringing slap.

“Don’t you dare speak to me that way!” she growled, shuddering with rage. “I am your mother!!”

“C’mon be real, you were a terrible mom. Sure, you kept me well fed and whatever, but that’s what is expected of you. I don’t owe you anything. If anything, you owe me. Thanks to my existence, you got to live a cushy life off of Greg’s tab.”

“Cushy?” his mother laughed without humor. “You know nothing of the hardships I went through raising you!”

“Oh yeah, I am sure yelling at me all day was hell on your throat. I don’t ever remember you doing anything nice for me unless it benefited you in some way. And I am sure getting a rich CEO to impregnate you was really hard. I can’t imagine how many fingernails you must have ruined when you fought off all the other whores trying to get into his pockets.”

“I loved him, you bastard!” she exploded, eyes wet with tears. “I didn’t chase after him for his money! He was handsome and sweet...at the time. He-he never told me already had a wife. I was just a thrill to him… A thrill that he came to regret. But I was young and stupid. I kept you, hoping that he would come back to me, but all he did was send me checks to keep me quiet. Then seven months into my pregnancy, he stopped sending me even that.”

“His wife had found out about our affair and wanted a divorce, so the bastard didn’t see a point in sending me money anymore! He ignored me for weeks! He had only been sending enough money to cover my rent and bills so I couldn’t even afford to go to the hospital when my water broke! I thought I’d bleed to death when I gave birth to you and your brother!”

Until that point, Zhu had listened to her tale impassively.

“What?”

His mother was on the verge of sobbing. “You had a twin brother, but there was something wrong with him. I don’t know if he was sick or just weak, but he didn’t cry and was barely breathing. I was so scared and angry. I-I thought your brother was going to die anyway so I-he didn’t even—” unable to say any more on the matter, she just pointed a trembling finger at her red eye. “Shouldn’t have done it. Shouldn’t have done that to him, but I was so afraid of going to hell.”

The mention of a long-lost brother took Zhu by surprise, but a detail in his mother’s story aroused his suspicion. “Your story doesn’t make sense. Greg has always sent us a ton of money. Hell, he’s been sending me a grand a month ever since I was seven.”

His mother regained her bitter scowl. “Greg would have let us rot if it were up to him. When I realized I wasn’t going to die, I kept calling him to ask for help. His wife eventually picked up. She decided to give him another chance and told Greg to send us money.” She let out a bitter chuckle. “The man I thought I loved ruined me and I had to take charity from the woman I tried to steal him from.”

Zhu waited for her son to make a joke or say something witty, but what came out of his mouth was blunt and flavorless.

“It’s a bit late for heart-to-heart conversations. Yeah, it sounds like you had it rough, but who hasn’t? You’ve had eighteen years to mold me into the son you wanted, but you’ve never learned how to sculpt, and the clay has long since dried. I don’t hate you, mom. I just don't care about you. For the past five years, I’ve considered you a stranger that fed me. Maybe if one of us had reached out to the other earlier, we could have moved past our rough start and become a happy family, but you chose to be a crappy mother, and I chose to be a lazy, shitty, parasitic son.”

Zhu took a breath. His mother had a low tolerance for frustration, so he was used to seeing her tear up, but for some reason, he found it hard to look at her rheumy eyes.

“I usually try not to give advice, because I am a moron and I think life is too chaotic to prepare for, but if I were you, I would stop looking back. You’re always going on about how you wished you never got pregnant and how you wished you never met Greg, but what’s done is done. Life is too short to keep dwelling on paths not taken.”

She glared at him.

“Regret? You think you can lecture me about regret, you spoiled brat? ‘Just move on’, he says. Easy to say when all you’ve done in your entire life is eat, play, and laze about! My whole life has been nothing but misery and disappointment! We’d be here for years if I listed all of my regrets.”

His mother's lips twisted into a snarl.

“But since this is the last time I’ll see you, let me tell you what my greatest regret is, you worthless ingrate! It’s that I chose you over your brother! I wish I had dunked your head in the bathtub instead of him!”

Zhu grinned so widely his cheeks nearly split apart.

“I’d consider him the lucky one since he never had to meet you.”

“Get out!”

Zhu chuckled as he exited the door.

*****

It was an hour past midnight when Paul’s phone rang. He groaned, tempted to turn it off, but since he rarely received calls, he felt obliged to answer it.

“Who is this?”

Zhu’s distinct chuckle was answer enough. “Yo, Paul, how's it going?”

“Why are you calling me at this hour?”

“Hah! Just thought I’d annoy you one last time before I ride off into the sunset.”

Paul sighed. “Well, you accomplished the first part. What’s this about you leaving?”

“My mom got fed up with me, so I am on my own now. I’ll be crashing in a motel for a while.”

“Oh, I am sorry to hear that.”

Zhu’s snicker was raspier than a chain smoker’s death rattle. “Nothing wrong with admitting that you’re getting a kick out of this.”

“I am not,” Paul said evenly. “I think you're sick and twisted, but I don’t get any pleasure from seeing anyone suffer.”

“I always did peg you as more of an M than an S.”

Paul rolled his eyes. “So, what are you going to do now?”

“I’m gonna hole up somewhere and use all of my money on rent and food. Once that dries up, I’ll probably head to an e-center and sign a contract with them.”

“A contract? What kind of contract?”

Zhu tutted at his ignorance. “Figures you wouldn’t know. Not everybody that gets strapped to the chair is a murderous baby punter. If you're ever strapped for cash, you can head to an e-center, and they’ll hand you stacks of Benjamin if you agree to have your brain zap fried later. Most of the people that do that are depressed, super hooked on drugs, or already dying, so I figure I can get a better deal than most.”

“What?” Paul exclaimed.

“Seriously, how have you never heard of this, Paul? People talk about this all the time. Hell, I heard that suicide hotline operators are supposed to give callers the nearest euthanization center’s address if they can’t convince them not to off themselves within an hour, haha!”

“Zhu suicide is nev—”

“Gonna disagree with you there, Paul. I’ve heard and seen plenty of cases that suggest otherwise. Sometimes killing yourself is the best option. Not to say that my situation is anywhere near as bad. I’m just too much of a bitch to get a nine-to-five job, haha!”

Paul bit his lip. He mounted a more assertive attempt to dissuade Zhu from committing to his plan, but was quickly interrupted.

“You know what? Instead of having some random rich guy off me, I could let you pull the trigger instead.”

“What?”

“Fuck Paul, you gotta control the volume; I am gonna go deaf at this rate. Anyway, as I was saying, if you want, I’ll let you kill me when I’m all out of money.”

“I’m hanging up.”

“You sure you wanna pass on this offer?” Zhu drawled. “I am not just bullshitting you. I’ll let you kill me so long as you make it quick.”

Zhu waited for him to respond, but Paul remained silent. “I know you’re committed to this do-gooder stuff, but I’d wager there is a twenty to thirty percent chance The Watcher will boil your balls until the end of time if you don’t earn a red or silver.”

“Life is just a test,” Paul asserted shakily. “Those that live with unstained eyes will ascend to heaven and those that fall for The Watcher’s deception will be barred from its gates.”

“I ain’t gonna turn this into a theological debate, but personally I’d rather be banned from paradise than risk going to hell.”

Paul tried to say something, but all that came out were incompressible mutters.

“If you’re worried about your parents turning on you like Joe’s did, we can make it look like it was self-defense. I can break into your home when they aren’t around, give you a black eye or two, and then you bash in my head with a sledgehammer or something.”

Paul finally found his tongue. “Why are you trying to get me to agree to this crazy idea?” He wanted to hang up, half-convinced that this was all just a sick prank meant to test whether he would betray his ideals and beliefs.

“Why not? Not much difference between five months and five years, so I might as well give a red to the only decent person I’ve met.”

Five seconds passed before Paul responded. “I am not interested.”

“Kay. Like I said, I’ll be bumming it out in a motel for five or so months. If you change your mind, just give me a call.”

“I won’t.” Paul’s finger hovered over the end call button, but after a beat, he withdrew it. “Wherever you end up, I wish you happiness.”

Paul expected to hear Zhu’s usual deranged cackle. What he got was a gentle laugh.

“You bleeding heart. How many tears has The Watcher squeezed out of you? I swear he’ll never get thirsty as long as you're alive.” Zhu’s voice regained its coarse texture. “Offer still stands. Call me if you want to avoid getting sunburnt for all of eternity. Goodbye, Paul.”

It took many hours for Paul to fall asleep. The next morning he deleted Zhu’s number.