Season 1, Episode 4 - The Microwave X - "Reed's Lullaby"

After that long practice/training montage, and a nice dinner at the ramen shop, bedtime at Domino Dojo finally arrived. With the last train having already left for the night, Domino insisted that Isaac and Reed stay over. He even offered them a room – just the one room though.

“I don’t have any other rooms to spare,” he explained, blocking their view of the hallway with its myriad number of rooms as he escorted them to one in particular. “I do have some extra clothes and a pullout couch in there, though."

When Isaac and Reed stepped inside, he stood in the doorway. “Just the one, though! Now, good night, kids!”

He slid the shoji shut and probably snickered nefariously to himself.

Tatami mats lined the floor of the room, with a lone, beige couch parked against a wall, along with a small, circular table in the corner of the room. Moonlight shone through an open shoji door that revealed the outside world to them; the two could see Domino's Chinese-style garden and could hear the rhythmic doinking noise of the bamboo-shoot sozu.

Isaac and Reed set up the bed part of the pull-out couch. While they could at least tolerate sleeping in the same room, sleeping in the same bed was a line they weren’t about to cross. Isaac let Reed have the bed (well, Reed immediately laid down in it to claim it; Isaac liked to imagine he let her have it); he instead gathered some spare sheets and blankets and arranged them on some tatami mats to sleep on.

Reed had Isaac stand outside in the garden with the shoji closed as she changed. He took a good look at the garden.

Very peaceful, he supposed. Is this what Zen means?

Isaac wondered if the environment around you could play a part in your thinking. Thinking seemed much easier in the quiet, moonlight garden than in the industrial park known as the rest of the city.

I wonder what would happen if we had the whole nation think in a place like this. Maybe people would be more at ease, maybe they would...well, if we put the whole nation in a Zen garden, they would probably just turn into an industrial park.

But don't we need industry? Otherwise others would come in and take the garden from us by force.

Content with the logic that the destruction of nature was sometimes necessary to save nature, Isaac felt relaxed as he observed the water running through a little stream, over and around small rocks that were probably carefully placed into position, yet seemed natural all the same.

What a garden. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. Talk about special. I'm glad I got to see it.

Isaac got into one of his romantic moods.

Haiku. Looking at this, I can see why haiku is a thing. What's that syllable count again? Five-seven-five. Hmm. Moonlight garden...no, that's just four-

Reed opened the door. Isaac looked at her and blinked; the moonlight illuminated her new look. She traded her heavy sweatshirt and layers for just a baggy t-shirt that went down to her legs, covering a pair of borrowed shorts. Come to think of it, even when she slept over Audrey's, Reed always kept a number of layers on.

Isaac rubbed his chin in thought.

“What?” Reed asked, growing a little red.

“You just gave me a fantastic idea,” Isaac exclaimed. "A billion dollar idea, even. A shirt that goes to your knees! Like a trenchcoat or parka, but in t-shirt form! I bet there's a market for it."

Reed frowned. “That’s it? That’s all you got to say about a beautiful girl standing in front of you?”

“Was there supposed to be more?” Isaac asked, stepping past her. “What, you think life is like a Japanimation? You think I’m gonna get a nosebleed or something? Or blush real hard and talk about being worried about expansion down there or some nonsense?"

Reed crossed her arms. “Alright, jeez.”

Isaac supposed she had a point. “Okay, I’m sorry, maybe that was a little harsh. But if you’ll excuse me.”

Reed took her turn in waiting in the garden. She took a good look at it.

Wow, a garden, real fantastic, she thought, her words dripping with sarcasm. Oh wow, a stream! That’s so amazing! It’s not like there’s a million other streams out there. The moon, too, wow, big rocks in the sky are so cool! So special, so unique, so...

She sighed.

I would say life is sour, but life doesn’t have a flavor. Or I guess it just tastes like sand.

Isaac let her back inside. Reed took a moment to look at him. He found an equally baggy shirt and grinned proudly.

“I could be rich some day," Isaac proclaimed.

Reed rolled her eyes and closed the shoji behind her, plunging the room into darkness.

“Want me to put a candle on?” Isaac asked.

“Nah, I can manage,” Reed explained. “You know, I’m like an owl. I got a bad sense of smell, but that just makes my vision that much better to compensate.”

Isaac grinned. “Let me guess, you tricked Audrey with that one, right?”

Reed cursed as she bumped into the couch. “You know me so well,” she answered, smiling from the corners of her mouth. After some groping around, she found where the back of the couch ended and the bed began. She climbed into it and sprawled herself out, tired after a long day.

Isaac found his pile of sheets and maneuvered himself into them. His spot was right next to the bed; due to the height difference between the floor and the bed, Isaac couldn't see its occupant.

“Good night, Reed,” Isaac said into the darkness.

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Isaac frowned. "You’re not gonna say good night back?”

“What am I, your mother?”

Isaac's two pressure points were the ignorance of (what he believed to be) common social protocols and Reed getting the better of him. It seemed like both were happening right now.

And all things considered, aren't we friends?

“Friends say good night to each other," Isaac told her.

“Friends don’t say good night to each other," came the simple response.

“Of course they do! When I’m sleeping over Dan’s or something, we say good night to each other. Well, it might be more like a 'night, man' than a 'good night' but we still say it.”

Reed thought about it.

“Who cares?”

“...I guess you got a point. But still, you don’t gotta act so distant. You can say good night to me.”

“That’ll be the day.”

Isaac chuckled, then got serious. “By the way, don’t think I forget about what you said in the sewers."

With an easy smile, laying on her back, Reed placed her hands behind her head. “Well, I did. What did I say?”

“Remember when you fought Panama and you had that conversation in the middle of it? You were talking about how you would protect me and Audrey. That was pretty cool, I gotta admit. But then you mentioned how Panama could kill you all he wants. How you deserve it.”

Her smile dropped. After a moment, she gently folded her hands together on her lap and stared at the ceiling. “What about it?”

“Why would you ever say something like that?” Isaac questioned, so incensed that he sat upright. “You don’t deserve to die.”

Reed had difficulty answering that. “Well, I mean, I don’t know. Why do I deserve to live?”

Isaac kept quiet for a moment. That sort of question was so opposed to his own personal philosophy that he struggled to find a way to answer it.

“Of course you deserve to live! Everyone deserves to! Well, I guess not everyone...there are some real bad people out there...but you’re Hibiscus Reed! You’re my friend.”

“Don’t get the wrong idea, Isaac,” Reed quickly added. “It’s just...isn’t it kind of weird? That we were born here, and people were born there, and we go about living our lives, and they go about theirs? You got us, watching old movies and eating pizza, while you got kids out there scavenging in industrial junkyards to feed themselves. How’s that make any sense?”

Something like that never occurred to Isaac. “That’s just life, I guess.”

Reed motioned with her hands, recalling the old facts. “Get this, Isaac. You ever read about death tolls? 21 million in World War I. 25 million in the Taiping Rebellion. 70 million in World War II. 1 billion in the Unleashing. 30 million in the Second American Civil War. 13 million in the First American War. 80 million in the European Exchange. 400 million in the Great Asian War. There are real people behind those statistics. All those people died. And yet here I am. Just laying here, alive. Doesn’t that make you think about stuff? Think about how many inventors, thinkers, philosophers, people with great potential, all dead because they were born in the wrong place at the wrong time. And yet...here I am. I don’t got a whole lot going for me, yet they were there, and I’m here instead. And...”

Reed kept quiet for a moment. “Something I’m starting to realize is that the world is a big place. A lot, lot bigger than myself. And...I don’t know. I complain all the time about being born in the wrong time, but I’m not starving to death or dying from disease. I don’t know. It’s a crazy world, isn’t it?”

Isaac mulled it over.

This is Reed? Reed’s saying stuff like this? She’s always so confident and sure of herself. I didn’t know she had this side to her.

“Alright, well, first off…” Isaac answered. “I really think that’s just one of those things. In a way, it’s all random. It’s not your fault you were born under different circumstances. It’s no one’s fault! You had no control over it. So there’s no point in beating yourself up over it. But if that’s how you feel, then make the most of the life you’re fortunate to have.”

Reed shrugged. “Well, that’s sort of the tough part, isn’t it? Domino was right earlier. The years are short. But so are the days. I feel like time's slipping away from me."

“You’re only sixteen, Reed, there’s plenty of time.”

Reed closed her eyes. “It’s tough to imagine the future. Don’t you ever get the feeling you won’t live past twenty?”

Isaac scratched his head. “Uh...not particularly.” Isaac had little experience with people not wanting to live. Everyone he knew wanted to live, his brother most of all. Isaac’s mind suddenly conjured the image of Harriet slashing her own throat back in the Hayman office supplies store, and he got a very uncomfortable feeling, seeing Reed’s outline in the darkness.

“I’ll try to speak from the heart,” Isaac said slowly, wanting to make every word count. “I feel like...you’re looking at your life as a whole right now. That’s not a bad thing, but you can’t forget each individual day as well. Rather than looking at your whole life, why don’t you focus on what you’re doing now? Every day you do something is an accomplishment, and we did a lot today.”

“How’s it an accomplishment?”

Isaac recalled his brother’s words as they trained back home. “Because today was a day you went out and did something. As long as you do one constructive thing per day, then it’s a good day. And the best days are the ones you enjoy.”

Reed scratched her arm. “Yeah…I guess I did enjoy it. And we did have a whole training thing. But those days are rare. It’s hard to have fun.”

“How’s it hard?”

Reed pulled her blanket close to her and sighed. “I don’t know. Everything feels so…heavy, you know? There’s always a weight pressing down on me. It’s just so hard sometimes. Sometimes I can barely even get out of bed.”

“But you always do, right? It seems small, but maybe that’s your one constructive thing of the day.”

Reed crossed her arms. “Yeah, right.”

“There’s your famous pessimism,” Isaac supposed. But at least she was listening. “I think it’s good to take accomplishments day by day. Accomplishments should work on a personal scale. And what’s that thing Audrey always says? Baby steps. Little things. Like getting out of bed, for starters. Or hobbies. Do you have any hobbies?”

“…no.”

“Well, we can work in that. What do you like to do for fun?”

“Does watching television count?”

“Uh, well...I mean, that’s not that bad on its own, but is there anything else?”

“I don’t really know. I think watching television is all I do.”

“C’mon, I bet you can name one other thing you like.”

Realization slowly dawned on Reed.

“Besides watching television, one thing...one thing I like. Um, okay...does getting high count?”

“Uh...I don't think so.”

Reed scratched her arm. “One thing I like, then...”

The dojo room was quiet for a while.

“What about meadows?” Isaac asked, breaking the silence. “You know, all that nature stuff you talk about.”

“I just say that shit just to say it, Isaac.” Reed sighed. “It helps makes things seem alright. Oh, I’m feeling down? It just must be because I’m not in nature. But that’s my issue, Isaac. I never try to get out into nature. Because I’m sure I won’t actually enjoy it when I get there. Everything seems gray most of the time. What’s the point in actually trying? And here I am, all the same.”

Isaac's eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and he could make out her small outline, facing away from him.

I remember first meeting her, Isaac reflected. I absolutely hated her. Then I pitied her. But it was a detached, arrogant sort of pity. But after knowing her for the better part of a year now...she brings so much of her own misfortune on herself. Why? I just don't get it. Maybe all she needs right now is a friend.

"Then let’s start off small and do something together.” He snapped his fingers. “Let's do that Japanimation story we were talking about.”

Reed didn't believe what she was hearing. "Seriously?"

“It’ll be fun. Let’s get together sometime and just write things down. Writing always helps me. I got this big notebook that I write down stuff in every day. Just to get the thoughts out. Seeing them like that gives you a new perspective on them. And there you go. Even if it’s only a paragraph or two, or just a sentence, that’s an accomplishment right there.”

Reed scratched her arm again. “How can you do something every day? I can barely get through a morning, let alone the entire day.”

“There’s this whole thing, motivation versus discipline.” Isaac motioned with his hands. “My brother taught me all about it back home. I still don’t entirely get it, but...there are things in life where, even if you don’t want to do them, you still got to do them. And having discipline will help you find motivation, and having motivation will keep you disciplined. It’s like...what did Domino say about romanticism and the industrial revolution or something? Their interplay. Like how Leekman told me about the heart and the mind, too. Put emotional motivation and logical discipline together...you get something new when it all comes together, something real nice.”

He rubbed his head. “Did that actually make any sense?”

Reed wiped her face with her hands. “I think so. But where does the start come from? I’ll be honest, Isaac, I don’t care about a whole lot. But I do care about not caring.”

Isaac thought about it. “Well, your friends will help you get started. Then eventually, you can run on your own. Like when a mechanic spins the propeller on a plane at the start, but then the plane takes off under its own power.”

Reed slowly nodded at that, then collected all her thoughts. “So…to not feel shitty all the time…I just have to go out and try?”

“I think it’s a good start,” Isaac said. “And you can start small. Getting out of bed. Getting a good night’s sleep. Eating good. Being active. Personal hygiene. All small, basic things that you can feel proud of. And then you can branch out. Work on your hobby. Be with friends. Set bigger goals. Academics. Sports. The Rddhi. And every time you try for those goals, no matter how little or big it is, as long you do something that day, then it’s a good day.”

Reed spoke quietly. “But trying's the hardest part.”

Isaac raised a thumbs up. “Then I’ll keep pulling you along until you start trying yourself.”

"Wouldn’t that be nice.” Reed smiled. “I'm glad Audrey taught me how to open up to others. And I'm glad you're here, too."

Her hand slowly drifted off of her lap, trailing down to the floor, finding Isaac. For a brief moment, she sifted her hand through his hair, a small, gentle touch.

“Thanks, Isaac. You’re a good friend, you know that?”

Isaac felt the hand slowly leave him and return back to the bed.

“Well…moments like these are what friends are for,” Isaac said.

“Good night, Isaac.”

“Good night, Reed.”